TABLE MANNERS
Table Manners is an etiquette column exploring modern dilemmas related to food and drink. From eating at restaurants to entertaining at home, including quandaries such as how to best return cell phone calls at the table, columnist Helena Echlin offers expert advice. See all of Helena's columns in chronological order.
- How to Dine Out
- How to Tip
- How to Entertain at Home
- How to Use Technology While Dining
- How to Dine with Family
- How to Date and Dine
- Miscellaneous Modern Dilemmas
On choosing a restaurant, ordering, behaving properly in public, handling the bill, and more.
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Can vegetarians demand meat-free environments?
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Is it rude for two diners to halve one dish at a restaurant?
» Bring Your Own Plastic Container
The greenest takeout packaging.
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Are you supposed to drink at a business meal?
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Should you pick up the tab for jobless friends?
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Is it acceptable to eat off other people’s plates?
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Is it impolite to blow your nose at the table?
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Modern bread-plate etiquette.
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Do you have to split the bill?
» Pointing the Finger at Finger Foods
Caesar salads, sushi … where do you draw the line?
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When should a server take your plate?
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Is it OK for a restaurant to abuse its customers?
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Is it OK to ogle other people’s orders?
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Can a restaurant kick you out when it’s busy?
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The dos and don’ts of dining solo.
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When solo diners aren’t looking for company.
» Comfy Clothes and White Tablecloths
Must you dress up for nice restaurants?
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Should regulars get special treatment?
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Can grown-ups get little burgers?
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Is it OK to send vino back if you hate it?
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How to cancel dinner reservations.
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Is saving leftovers ever a bad idea?
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What to do when the table next to you is noisy.
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When to stop thanking your server.
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Is it rude not to want to share your fork?
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Is it OK to apply lipstick at the table?
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Restaurant food poisoning etiquette.
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How bad is it to pilfer pints?
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Does your server really want to know how your meal was?
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The etiquette of approaching celebrities in restaurants.
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How should a restaurant handle bugs in your dish?
» Stop Refilling My Wineglass!
How to tell waiters to let you drink at your own pace.
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Sending food back that you simply don’t like.
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Do restaurants ever waive corkage fees?
» Is It Wrong to Yell "Hey, Amigo"?
Is calling out "Amigo!" a rude way to get a Hispanic restaurant employee's attention?
» Too Frumpy for the Good Seats?
What's your recourse if you think you're getting the "looksist" treatment at a restaurant?
» Is It OK to Complain About Tiny Portions?
Should stingy restaurants be put on notice?
» Gluten-Free But Not Annoying
Is there a polite and graceful way to ensure my order is gluten-free?
» The Curse of the Touchy-Feely Server
Is physical contact between waiter and customer OK?
» Hello, I'm Your Annoying Server
Are waiters being too personal when they introduce themselves?
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Before visiting a winery, what do I need to know in terms of "proper" behavior?
» How to Avoid the Lure of the Buffet
Anti-binging tips.
» Why Is the Sommelier Drinking My Wine?
I'll be the judge of whether I like the wine or not.
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What should you do if your waiter is high?
» How to Handle Blood Sugar Crashes
Taking the stress out of hypoglycemia.
» When Restaurants Refuse Substitutions
What is up with the no-substitutions policies?
» Should I Take My Hat Off at a Restaurant?
I was brought up to remove my hat whenever I was indoors. Have manners changed?
» The Etiquette of Communal Tables
What is the best way to approach a community-style shared table?
» The Hazards of Sharing Small Plates
How to divvy up contemporary composed small plates.
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Should diners feel guilty for not ordering alcohol?
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Is it rude to request that a restaurant turn down the volume?
» How to Charm Your Sushi Chef
What is the correct way to behave at a sushi bar?
When to tip more, or less, or perhaps not at all.
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How much should you tip on drinks?
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When should you leave more than 20 percent?
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Is it ever OK to stiff the waitstaff?
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Should you tip baristas, and if so, how much?
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Should you augment a bad tip, and how?
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It’s already marked up so much.
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A to-go faux pas.
» Reform School for Tightwad Tippers
Should you tip on alcohol and tax?
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How does one remedy the situation after tipping too little?
On being a gracious guest or a consummate host at everything from fancy dinner parties to casual potlucks.
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How to escape bores at parties.
» Please Bring an Elaborate Dessert
What’s the right answer to “Can I bring anything?”
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Don’t bring food to a dinner party.
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How to get your friends to tell you if they’re coming.
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Or are my friends thieves?
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What to bring to a funeral.
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Is it wrong to ask your hostess to pass the salt?
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Is eating really slowly rude to your fellow diners?
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Are you obliged to reciprocate dinner party invitations?
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The dos and don’ts of last-minute canceling.
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What’s with the “shoes off” rule?
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You lose cred when you use paper.
» The Awkward Lip-Kiss Greeting
Way beyond hugs and air smooches.
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How to let a lingering guest know that it’s time to leave.
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What do atheists say when asked to say grace?
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Tips on how to host a successful potluck.
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When can you leave a boring dinner party?
» What If You Ruin the Turkey?
Lie, confess, or order pizza?
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Is it OK to ask friends to help with your reception?
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The absentee cocktail party host.
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Are ambush visits rude?
» I’m Vegetarian but I Eat Bacon
How much can I tell a dinner-party host about my eating habits?
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Are hosts required to share their gifts?
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Is it OK to leave a dinner party early?
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When dinner guests don’t say thank you enough.
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Keep your secret ingredients secret.
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How to exclude certain coworkers from a party invitation.
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How to get a wedding speech right.
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Staying home is the new going out.
» Tea Parties Must Make a Comeback
Economical, festive, and good for Sundays.
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Is it OK to hit two dinners in one night?
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She came last year, must she again?
» I Made that Spam Pudding You Love!
Can you undo a false food compliment?
» Come Over for Crusty Casserole
Can you serve leftovers to guests?
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Are you entitled to Thanksgiving leftovers? And other holiday conundrums.
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How to deal with prissy nondrinkers.
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Why people should always RSVP.
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How to deal with the chronically late.
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There’s negligible contamination, but it’s still unacceptable.
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When it’s not OK to bring your dog to a party.
» Polite Society in the Hamptons
How to be a good weekend guest.
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Keeping pace with the host.
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How many event reminders must a person send out?
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Can you ask guests to bring their own cups?
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Help! I’m not cut out for cake-cutting.
» Dinner with Mr. and Mrs. McPerfect
How to deal with tense dinner party hosts.
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Is it selfish to guard a recipe?
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None of the planning, all of the fun.
» Can You Take Leftovers Home from a Party?
Advice on dinner-party doggy bags, "roadie" beers, and digestif dibs.
» Am I a Better Hostess If I Don’t Serve Dessert?
Do most people secretly wish you would not offer dessert?
» Please Pass the Scavenged-Bone Soup
Is it OK to scavenge bones from guests' plates to make chicken stock?
» My Friends Are All Give and No Take
Why won't they come to our house for dinner?
» How Much Should Houseguests Treat?
The generally accepted rule for repaying your host.
» No Special Treatment for Vegetarians at Barbecues
How much am I supposed to do to accommodate vegetarians at a barbecue?
» How to Deal with Backseat Grillers
Providing "help" at the grill without being asked is a major faux pas.
» Experimental Seating at Dinner Parties
Can you have a dinner party where the guests don't sit around a dining room table?
» Is It Rude to Specify End Times for Parties?
I'm concerned that some of my guests won't leave until after midnight.
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Is it micromanaging to specify a dress code on the invite for a holiday party?
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Is it ever appropriate to give party guests a tour of your house?
From iPhones to digital cameras, new technology presents new etiquette dilemmas.
» Stop Broadcasting Your Social Life
Twittering on your digital device.
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The dreaded iPhone faux pas.
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Is it OK to answer your cell phone during dinner?
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How to politely photograph restaurant food.
» Phone Etiquette at the Table: The Rules Have Changed
Nowadays there are endless ways you might use your phone to enhance your dining experience.
The ins and outs of dining with your kids, parents, and in-laws.
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The etiquette of nursing in restaurants.
» I Don’t Care If She’s Family
How to deal with your mother-in-law’s bad manners.
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How to politely tell guests not to bring their kids.
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How to get your way on Mother’s Day.
» Don’t Scream “I Hate Broccoli!”
Which table manners your kids should mind.
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Can you tell a friend not to bring his parent to your party?
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Should you go on the wagon in solidarity with your pregnant spouse?
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How should restaurants handle misbehaving children?
» Baby on Board, Drink in Hand
Can you tell a pregnant boozer to stop?
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Is it wrong to ask minors to mix martinis?
» Did She Really Just Say That?
When relatives drink and embarrass you.
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Should you make them eat their broccoli?
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Table Manners weighs in.
» I Spit on Your Meat-Raising Livelihood
How do I break my vegetarianism to my boyfriend's meat-loving family?
» What Food to Bring New Parents
Is a casserole still the go-to dish?
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How can I make her stay out of the kitchen and stop trying to control the menu?
» Can I Take My Baby to a Restaurant?
Tips for those with toddlers.
» When Loved Ones Don’t Eat Organic
What are polite ways to steer family members toward better food choices?
» Thanksgiving Turkey Snob Dilemma
How can I steer my mother-in-law away from a grocery-store turkey injected with weird saline and chemicals?
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Is it rude to clean out old food from your parents' kitchen?
On romancing, proposing, breaking up, and dealing with friends’ dates.
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It’s bad manners for couples to form social units.
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A Valentine’s Day dinner date that doesn’t imply everlasting commitment.
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Is it OK to break up in restaurants?
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No fondling over dinner.
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How to stop a friend from salting your game.
» Single White Vegan Seeks Same
Is it shallow to consider diet when dating?
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What should you do if a stranger buys you a drink?
» Don’t Hide the Ring in the Flan
How to propose in a restaurant.
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Which foods might not get you to third base.
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The dos and don’ts of inviting the unattached.
» Don't Get Suckered on Valentine's Day
Better ideas for dining with your sweetie.
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How to teach your mate good table manners.
» The Lady Will Have the Prawns
On guys ordering for gals.
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Can you really trust someone who doesn't care about food?
» Can I Use a Coupon on a Date?
If I take a girl out to dinner, will I look cheap if I ask the server to apply my Groupon?
» On the First Match.com Date, Who Pays?
Must the guy always be the one who pays for the first date?
» The Real Aphrodisiacs for Valentine’s Day
What you should serve to create the right romantic atmosphere.
Whether to drink before yoga class, what food to give to the homeless, which fork to use, and more.
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How much can you try before you purchase?
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When are you supposed to stand at a meal?
» The Right Way to Eat Noodles
Noodle-eating etiquette according to ethnic tradition.
» Is There Something in My Teeth?
Oral hygiene among friends and associates.
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What not to eat on planes.
» Is It Wrong to Play with Your Food?
It’s a matter of respect, for your food and your company.
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Even when food is the subject, they still annoy.
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How to stop office kitchen thieves.
» Should You Really Be Eating That?
Influencing an overweight friend’s eating habits.
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Is it rude to admire a woman’s appetite?
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How do you change people’s recycling habits?
» Hiding Your Face on Facebook
How to handle embarrassing party photos.
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Does using the right utensil even matter anymore?
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How to help yourself from your neighbors’ trees.
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When offering gum doesn’t cut it.
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Is it bad form to go to happy hour first?
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Is it rude to put your elbows on the table?
» Who’s Been Eating My Porridge?
My roommate is stealing my food.
» Leftovers: The Career Killer
Does bringing your lunch hurt your chances for success?
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What—and how—to feed the homeless.
» How to Talk Politics Over Dinner
The dos and don’ts of election conversations.
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Looking back on my bad advice.
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Can I give my seriously rude friend a talking to, or is that just rude?
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Is it rude to eat on the subway?
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How to turn down social plans for alone time.
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How to avoid forest faux pas.
» Your Order Is Politically Incorrect
How to address ethically challenged eaters.
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Don't encourage the wine bores in your life.
» Enough with the Workplace Candy!
Is it OK to tell people to stop bringing in sweets?
» Bailing Before the Host Notices
The infamous "French leave."
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Is it wrong to bring your own popcorn?
» Cash-Strapped Birthday Dinners
How to party with your friends on the cheap.
» Yeah, Sure, "Let's Have Coffee"
How do you get out of empty gestures?
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How healthy and homemade should you be?
» Who Should Pay for the Office Holiday Party?
Is it bad etiquette for employers to ask employees to pitch in?
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Is "Are you a foodie" a rude question, and what is a good answer?
» How to Circulate at Holiday Parties
Does a guest have some sort of obligation to mingle?
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Tips on bringing your own containers.
» About That Rabbit Slaughter Last Night …
The etiquette of urban homesteading.
» The Top Grocery-Store Etiquette Gaffes
Bad things happen with low blood sugar.
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They open the door; you feel guilty.
» Avoid Farmers' Market Faux Pas
Basic behavioral guidelines for market day.
» Culturally Insensitive Takeout
Is it wrong to refer to Chinese food as "Oriental food"?
» Inviting Vegetarians to Eat Corpse
Should I include my non-meat-eating friends in my whole-animal birthday dinner?
» Should I Cut My Steak Like a Brit?
Is European cutlery usage more cultured and cosmopolitan than the American style?
» Drinking Wine While Pregnant in France
What are the customs around drinking wine in French restaurants?
» Is the Thank-You Card Obsolete?
Have email and texting replaced a handwritten note?
» Please Cease Mold Production
What is a polite way for me to stop my roommate from wasting food?
» Chefs Are Masochists, Culinary School Is a Scam
How can I tell my brother, tactfully, that culinary school is a bad idea?
» What’s a Little Water Waste Between Friends
How do I delicately broach the topic of not wasting water with my roommate?
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How to handle an over-the-top pet-sitting request.
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When peer judgment threatens to supersede nutrition.
» The Etiquette of Dumpster Diving
Is it rude to rummage through a business's trash?
» Rules for Effective Food-Swapping
From food safety to food rejection.
» The, Um, Breast Milk in the Fridge
I pump milk at work for my baby. Is it OK to store it in the office fridge?
» Eating the Placenta: It Tastes Like Squab!
Has placenta-eating become mainstream enough that it's politically incorrect to have a problem with it?
» What to Do When a Friend's Home-Brew Sucks
Should I tell him the truth?
» Who Should Pay for the Bachelorette Party?
Am I being a cheapskate for being annoyed that I am expected to chip in?
» Is Registering for a $2,400 Espresso Maker Rude?
Is it tacky to list such an expensive gift?
» The Etiquette of Mushroom Foraging
Why are foragers so secretive about their mushroom patches?
» Trick-or-Treating in the Rich Neighborhood
Is it bad form to cherry-pick which houses to hit on Halloween?
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Is it so wrong to talk about my diet with my coworkers?
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Please explain to restaurant diners that it is perfectly OK for servers to drink in moderation while they are working.
» Servers: Eat in Secrecy, Please
Why did a customer make such a fuss about me eating behind the counter on my break?
» Faux Pas: The Chef Was Texting
What's the etiquette for staff behavior in an open kitchen?
» When Should Bartenders Cut You Off?
How does a bartender decide when someone has had too much?
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Is modern etiquette in decline?
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What to expect—and what not to bring—when attending a Seder.
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Helena Echlin says good-bye.
