stories:
Table Manners
Girls Who Hate Girly Drinks
Bad bartenders assume you’re wimpy
Dear Helena,
I recently went to a bar that is famous for its cocktails. I asked the bartender to make me something whiskey-based, hoping he would whip up something really great for me on the fly. My male friend did too. He made my friend a badass, strong drink and made me something froofy over ice, with a bunch of simple syrup and muddled fruit. I felt like he was being sexist. Was I asking for it by just letting him wing it? Or should he have not assumed I’d want a girly drink?
—No Pink Drinks
Dear No Pink Drinks,
The bartender was wrong to assume you’d prefer a froufrou cocktail just because you’re a woman. Mike Ryan, bartender at the Violet Hour in Chicago, says: “I’ve made so-called manly cocktails for ladies who look like they should be drinking something pink and fruity with an umbrella in it, and fruity, girly-looking drinks for guys in muscle shirts.”
But gender sometimes makes a difference in what people order if they don’t know what the drink will taste like. They order based on preconceptions of what they should like, which mostly come from advertising, says Neyah White, bartender at Nopa in San Francisco. Among such drinkers, “women want more citrusy, lighter, more easygoing drinks, and men are confident ordering something more spirit-heavy.” Chowhounds debating the ideal “manly drink” agree, recommending Scotch and soda or bourbon on the rocks. Men are often wary of drinks in pretty colors, like the Spring Green, a sherry-based cocktail White placed on the Nopa menu. It was tinted “a pale pastel green like Easter grass.” Apparently guys didn’t want to be seen with the drink in their hand, any more than they wanted to be seen carrying a sequined clutch.
And to macho drinkers, the glass matters as much as the drink. “There’s definitely a masculine prejudice against glasses on stems,” says White. This makes sense: A champagne flute looks a lot daintier than, say, a beer mug. Recently, one of Ryan’s male customers ordered a Manhattan. “He obviously wanted to be as manly as he could—it’s got the word man in it. Then he said, ‘It better not come in one of those girly glasses.’”
In fact, the stemmed cocktail glass—designed to prevent the heat of the hand from warming the drink—was invented for the male drinker, since at the dawn of cocktail history, in the 19th century, most cocktail drinkers were men. (For the most part, cocktails weren’t made at home where women could enjoy them too.) “The fancy pre-Prohibition drinks evolved for the sporty male drinker,” says David Wondrich, cocktail historian and author of Imbibe! History offers clear proof that men don’t innately prefer “manly” drinks. “Back then, men had no complexes about egg whites, raspberry syrup, pink drinks, blue drinks,” says Wondrich. The Ramos Gin Fizz, scented with girly orange flower water, filled men with “sheer joy and delight,” he says.
The number of people interested in well-made cocktails, however, is growing. And among them, gender plays little role in preferences. A good bartender knows that a woman who asks for a whiskey-based drink is probably serious about her cocktails. And those customers who offer the bartender free rein are sending the signal that they are adventurous drinkers. “I like to bring in a bottle that hasn’t come into play, an element they haven’t seen yet … reward them for playing outside the comfort zone,” says White.
Bottom line: No bartender should make you a girly drink just because you’re a girl.
Eh. "Something whiskey-based" isn't specific enough.
Tell him you like sweet, sour, bitter, or whatever. You can come up with all the exceptions you like -- but it's still a fact of life that women are more likely than men to want something sweet in a cocktail. One
of my best friends in the world is a kick-ass feminist female career bartender, and she'll tell you the same. I'm one of the least sexist people on the planet. Almost all my friends are dyed-in-the-wool hipsters.
The male closest to me likes fruity, sweet drinks, but he's one of a tiny minority. I have exactly two female friends who drink what I consider hooch.
Statistics aren't a reason to complain. You weren't specific enough.
you people make me want to puke, order your goddamm drink and get on with it.
get a life for god's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Something whiskey based" that is sweet and has muddled fruit could very well be an Old Fashioned. You can debate the masculinity of it but it is certainly a classic (and I don't think of it as "girly" but that's entirely subjective). Really if you order something that vague you should be ready to roll with it, whatever it is. You're talking to a bartender not a mind reader.
This whole argument seems to be based on the idea that everyone agrees explicitly on what is a girly drink and what isn't. That just isn't true. You could debate the specifics ad nauseam. And, since this is the internet, someone probably has/will.
Hemingway drank daiquiris, which have a pretty girly reputation nowadays because of the spread of frozen-slushy-drinks in the 70s, but I wouldn't call what he was drinking girly. Certainly not if I'd been a contemporary since he'd probably punch me.
As a former bartender/server and current sommelier, women get typecast for a reason: most of them want Pinot Grigio and Cosmos. In general, they seem to not like the taste of alcohol and want it masked with as much juice/cordials as possible.
I'm a chick who drinks gin martinis, bourbon, scotch, Fernet Branca and big daddy wines. I realize it's a disservice to my gender to think we all want sugary, crappy drinks, but I'm guilty of assuming it myself.
It sounds to me like No Pink Drinks is looking for a fight. You didn't specify what you want, the bartender makes your male friend a good drink and you a bad drink, so he MUST be sexist.
Furthermore, even if he did it on purpose, he's giving his customers what they generally want. Look around the next time you go out drinking. In general, women drink white wine and colored drinks. Men not so much. Since you didn't specify what you wanted, he gave you what he thought you would like. That's what bartenders do when you ask for recommendations.
I specifically don't give my bartender carte blanche. I am a girl into gin mostly, but I do love an adventure (unaged corn whiskey is my current new fav). Unfortunately, even when I've been very specific about what I like when asking a bartender to give me something new, I end up with sugary girly drinks. I get it. And I know that my friends would love them. But it would be nice to be able to go into a bar focused on specialty drinks and say "I'd like to try something new; the drinks I've been enjoying lately are 209 gimlets, Hendricks martinis, and Aviations." And not end up with something full of sugar syrup, peach schnapps, and grenadine.
So I just order a martini and play around with new drinks at home.
"Bottom line: No bartender should make you a girly drink just because you’re a girl. "
Terrible advice. The bartender is in a no-win situation here. He' not supposed to make you a girly drink just because you're girl. So, is he supposed to make you a "manly" drink to avoid stereotyping you? The real bottom line is for the customer to be more specific.
The bartender was hedging his bets. If he had made her a strong, "kick-ass" whiskey drink, if she were like 95% of the female population, she would have sent it back. If I ever give a bartender free rein, I always specify that I don't like sweet drinks. Totally her fault.
This reminds me of something that always happens when I'm with a guy at a restaurant. Sometimes the guy will orders a wine and I order a beer. The waiter comes back and ALWAYS puts the beer in front of him and the wine in front of me.
Sure, the woman in question wasn't specific enough, but I do think there is a lot of assuming going on by waiters and bartenders.
I'm a woman who's also not into "girlie" drinks, unless wine counts. I enjoy a good scotch or a martini. I just don't like the sweet drinks much.
I was actually picking up some wine this evening and noticed a liqueur specifically marketed towards men , can't recall the name but it said "for men" on the bottle, which was cylindrical and black. It actually sounded kind of good. Next to it was a stubbier pink bottle that was it's female counterpart....which was full of some fruity concoction. Bad idea.
This is pure social conditioning. Maybe the bartender could have asked for some guidelines.
seems to me the customer needs to assess the situation a bit better. If the place is packed, you should know what you want. If you want the barkeep to figure out what you like and surprize you with a great match, then there better be time to chat--and a big tip.
I like whiskey sours, tequilla shots, real margaritas, and rum collins. Does that make me a frilly girl?
whats this about women not drinking much in the past? cocktails were not made at home? based on stories my grandmother told about cocktail parties before prohibition and going to speakeasies during prohibition I would suggest ms. helena check her sources, those flappers in the 20's were not much for abstinence.
Do you look like a girl? That might be the problem.
She didn't know what she wanted, she has no right to complain, and wasn't that thirsty anyway. You want a stereotype? She sounds like the kind of little Ms. Princess Pain-in-ass that gives all women a bad name. Glad I wasn't the guy who had to "enjoy" my drink with her.