stories:
Table Manners
Vegetarians at a Barbecue
The dos and don’ts of meatless grill interaction
Dear Helena,
I’m a vegetarian. When I get invited to barbecues, there’s nothing to eat but chips and coleslaw. If I bring my own grillable item, should I bring enough to share? And am I being too high-maintenance if I email the host in advance and ask him to keep a meat-free zone on the grill?
—Grill with Kindness
Dear Grill with Kindness,
Before you go to a barbecue, you should let the host know you’re vegetarian and offer to bring a veggie item to grill. Your host isn’t obliged to furnish the Gardenburgers. If he were inviting you to dinner, it would be rude if he said, “Well, I’m making spaghetti Bolognese, so you’ll have to fend for yourself.” But a barbecue is traditionally a meat-fest, and most people know this. If you accept the invite, the ball’s in your court.
Don’t demand that your host cordon off a special meat-free zone on the grill. This is inconvenient, especially if the grill is small. Share the grill if that’s what it takes to make people think vegetarians or vegans can be low-maintenance. Kristie Phelps, an assistant director at PETA, says: “As an ethical vegan, I don’t feel it’s about being a purist. My goal is to help animals. ... I want to show that as a vegan you can throw a [veggie] burger or kielbasa on the grill and eat tasty food and have a good time without making a big stink about it.”
But some people would rather eat a gallon of Vegenaise than a Gardenburger contaminated with traces of dead animal flesh. Nava Atlas, a vegetarian cookbook author, says she couldn’t share a grill with carnivores even if her tempeh was wrapped in foil: “I’m too sensitive. I would freak out. ... And I do worry about E. coli nowadays.”
You could bring a little hibachi, or ask the host if you can use his stove or oven. But be sensitive to the fact that you may then be underfoot. Better to do as Atlas does and present your own dish, one that doesn’t need any additional preparation, like a grain or pasta salad. And bring enough to share. You’d look a little strange eating from a personal-sized Tupperware of chickpeas.
But be aware that you may have skewed judgment in terms of what constitutes a crowd-pleaser. Kim Sturla, cofounder and executive director of Animal Place, a sanctuary for farm animals in Northern California, says she’d bring her cashew-cheese “lasagne” to a barbecue. I don’t recommend that. No self-respecting carnivore is going to take a dollop of vegan mystery glop when he could have a second burger.
If I were having a BQ knowing even one friend was coming who is a vegetarian, I would make sure to include at least one vegetarian option. If the grill is small, I would even grill a veggie burger for my friend first prior to cooking any meat. I think that small gestures go very far in friendships. Of course, if this person is not a great friend and just happens to show up, that is a different story. If they ask nicely I would try to accomodate them... but demanding separate grill space once the girll has been in use is just tacky. Personally, I try to avoid situations like this by only inviting people I actually like and who I know would not create tacky scenarios to my get togethers. I think this is less about accomodating vegetarians and more about common courtesy and common sense.
I have a couple vegan friends and for them I always make tabouleh salad without the goat cheese that I add to another bowlful of the stuff for the rest of the party. I also make sure I have lots of vegetables to grill for everyone, and try to do some of them first, but don't necessarily keep a special meat free zone once the first batch of veggies have come off the grill. I even make a coleslaw that usually calls for heavy cream and red wine vinegar but when they come I make half with soy milk instead of cream. The rest of us can eat our burgers, steaks, leg of lamb, fish, or whatever happens to be on the grill that day. The vegans have enough to keep themselves happy and if they want something more then they can bring it themselves, just don't expect me to grill it.
I can think of no better way to reinforce the vegans-as-judgmental-weridos stereotype than TOTING ALONG YOUR OWN HIBACHI to a friendly barbecue! That is nothing shy of ridiculous.
I say eat at home, call ahead, or BYO veggie burger and shut your trap about meat cooties for one night. If you're really that sensitive then eat before you go. That's what other fundamentalists with dietary rules do. That's what I used to do before I stopped taking myself so seriously.
I have to agree with jlgarret. Many people are just looking for confirmation that vegans are completely over the top nutjobs, and bringing along your own barbecue and refusing to share a grill with some meat is pretty much going to hand that to them on a silver platter.
Unless you actually have a medical condition that prohibits you from eating any meat whatsoever, just rub the grill down with a metal brush and plop your harvest burgers down on it. You'll be doing vegans across the world a service.
We do quite a lot of grilling for friends in the summer, and I would have absolutely no problem providing veg/vegan options, provided I had enough notice. I tend to make at least 3 side dishes anyway, and it would be no problem to substitute a vegan one for one that uses cheese/mayo.
The notice is key, though. If I know about dietary limitations in advance, it's no problem at all. If I've already set the menu and (more importantly) purchased the ingredients, then the accomodation suddenly becomes a pain in the ass. Even then, most grilling situations are pretty flexible, so I'd probably be able to do something, just not as good as what I'd be able to make if I had a few days' notice. I'm also casual enough to be able to reserve grill space or allow someone to use an oven, if need be.
If someone is so limited in their cooking ability or facilities that they can't handle a last minute vegetarian request, then bringing something to share is likely doing all the guests a favor. Seriously, if all someone can handle is grilled bubba burgers, I'd welcome some cashew lasagna for the side.
The eColi concern seems like unnecessary scare-mongering. eColi is killed at normal cooking temperatures -- the charred bits on the grill that might transfer to someone's precious veggie burger? Those bits have been cooked well past that temperature -- that's why they're charred.
Besides, haven't most of the recent e coli recalls been of spinach? Maybe the vegetarians would be safer eating something that actually does get properly cooked.
I agree with vorpal and jlgarret on bringing your own hibachi being over the top. The only time I can see that being an acceptable option is when there are lots of people coming to something BIG like a 4th of July BBQ and others have been asked to bring extra grills. I lived in a beachfront house for about 30 years and our 4th of July bashes were legendary. For that and a few other occasions we would ask a couple other friends to bring along their Webers - one could be slow cooking (real BBQing) some pork shoulder and ribs while another was grilling meats like steaks, burgers, and hot dogs and another was doing seafood. If the vegans had been invited to that one (they always attended another 4th of July party at their parents' house), they could have brought along their own grill and not looked like totally selfish nutjobs.
I try to keep a package of veggie burgers in the freezer for my vegetarian pals, and grill them off to the side. Usually have a pasta salad of some sort and maybe I'll do grilled portabellas. Here's an enigma, though. I always accommodate my vegetarian friends whenever they come over for grub, but whenever they invite me over, they never accommodate me with a real burger.
I have Indian friends who are strict vegetarians (e.g. one friend would make her boyfriend brush his teeth before kissing her if he had eaten meat for his most recent meal). I make tandoori tofu kababs for them, and they usually bring their on veggie burgers. Usually they are okay with grilling their food first and then the meat goes on the grill. Other times, after the meat is done, I'll turn the burners up and burn off the meat molecules for 10-15mins. Lastly, every vegetarian I've known has been content if I lay down a piece of foil and cook their veggie burger. I try not to make vegetarian friends but a few have slipped in over the years :)
I am not a veg, but if I were I think I would bring a hearty side dish that did not need to be cooked and that I could share. When I do have bbq's at my house I usually do have vegetarian side dishes. Not on purpose but I like the contrast to all the meat.
I'm a lifelong veg, and I'm fine with using the same grill, as long as my item is wrapped in foil. I try to be flexible, but there's no way I'd plop my tempeh down where a burger was just cooked.
Eating animal-free is important to me; I'm not going to foresake that just because some people (vorpal, jlgarret) think that scraping the grill off is good enough. It's not.
invinotheresverde: I don't mean to sound like an ass, but when consuming a few molecule from meat sources - which you would never notice - on a well-scraped grill becomes a threat to your morals, I can't help but think that this adherence is perhaps too fanatical.
I have to avoid certain foods quite strictly for health reasons, and if I don't, I might require hospitalization, i.e. this is more essential than purely ethical reasons. That being said, tiny trace amounts of them (which could arise from barbecue sauce, for instance) aren't going to hurt me or be something I even notice.
I'm with caliking, though: I have a few vegetarian friends that have slipped in over the years, but for the most part, I endeavour to keep my friendship circle meat-friendly. I always try to accommodate my veg friends, but it can be a bit tedious.
Jacquilynne: there is risk in ground beef of certain strains of E. coli that are resistant to cooking, and there was a story recently (posted on Chow, but I can't find it now) of a young woman who ate a properly cooked hamburger at a birthday party and was so severely ill that doctors had to put her into a medication-induced coma for nine weeks while they treated her. She nearly died and since has suffered severe brain damage and paralysis. That being said, the likelihood of such a thing happening is so incredibly low, especially in the case of trace amounts of meat introduced from the grill, that claiming this as a possible danger is fear mongering.
Vorpal: the story about the woman in the midwest who got virulent E. coli was in the New York Times this weekend.
I'm a fan of the vegetarian cold dish being the answer to the bar-b-cue conundrum.
I also wonder, like the poster above, why, when I'm invited to the home of a vegetarian, I'm never offered meat. I mean, I get the idea, but still don't think it's fair.
vorpal, if I can simply prevent ingesting meat, why shouldn't I? As I said, I'm fine with the foi on a grill. I don't think that'd be too much of a bother for anyone.
I would never tell a devout Catholic it's no big deal to cook their food amongst meat or where meat was cooked if it was Friday, for example. We all have beliefs. No one's are more or less important than other's. Just because I'm not allergic to meat doesn't mean I shouldn't take an animal-free lifestyle seriously.
A lot of my friends don't understand the big deal, since it's not their belief to remain meat-free. They see seafood ("it's not meat!"), chicken stock and 1/2 pepperoni, 1/2 cheese pizzas as perfectly acceptable for vegetarians. Until you share the belief, I don't think you can understand it or judge it.
So then I guess it's cool if I bring my own Whataburger to a vegan cookout? Really? Asking the host to keep the bacon out of part of the potato salad and beans is one thing, but since when is it ok for a guest to bring his own food and assume he can use the host's grill. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would object to some funky meat substitute contaminating the well seasoned cooking slats of my backyard grill.
I have a hard time imagining that if I were disgusted by the idea of meat touching my food that I'd want to be in a place where the smell of that cooking meat can be noticed from blocks away. Just me, I guess.
as ridiculous as it is imo to care about "meat molecules" on your soy burger, I guess it does at least clarify that a "good host" would cook the veggie/whatever burgers first to make any vegan or whatever guest more comfortable...it's really got nothing to do with your agreeing to somebody's morals, but really it's just polite and making guests comfortable. of course it's easy to see some people who would never eat off a grill that's been used to cook meat...I guess those people should just eat before they come.
As for cooking the veggies first - unless this is a brand new grill, heating and wire-brushing are likely to be the only things that have been used to clean it since the last time it was used to grill meat, so how is that any different from heating and wire-brushing it the same day? I don't often pull off my grill grates and wash them in detergent and I doubt most others do either.
Heating and wire brushing was all I ever did, and I did it the same day every time I BBQ'd. I did have some veggie basket/tray things that went on over the regular grates and I used them for grilling most of the vegetables. They kept them from falling through the grates and made pretty grill marks. I guess that was good enough for the vegans.
I have to confess that I'd easily get annoyed at someone who pulled a vegetarian/vegan surprise on me at my own house. Whatever your beliefs are, it's rude. If I went to a vegetarian's house for dinner, I wouldn't even dream of dragging along a steak for them to pop on the stove/grill. I know it's not the same, but it's just disrespectful to show up and suggest that your host is being deficient...and it's just intrusive. The party is for the guests, but it belongs to the host.
At the end of the day it's not nearly as much about meat v. veggie as it is about being a good host (@luniz). Granted, BBQ means meat, but as a host I'm always trying to offer stuff that my guests will like. If one of those guests is a vegan, so be it. They're my guest. And any self-respecting host would try to accommodate their guests.
That said, I think a good guest would understand that a man doesn't take lightly to intrusions on his grill. Therefore, sufficient notice would definitely be appreciated. And an offer to bring something would certainly demonstrate to me you're treating me with the same respect you'd like for yourself. I might lie and say it's no big deal, I'll make something vegan, but the gesture alone is most appreciated.
It is a little unclear to me whether these bbq events are large (eg the company picnic) or small (10 people at a friend's house). These seem like very different situations. In the event of going to a friend's house, I think both the host and guest can do their best to be gracious...the host by providing some vegetarian options...the guest by notifying the host IN ADVANCE of their restrictions and not acting like a complete nut case showing up with their own grill or freaking out at the idea of using a meat contaminated grill. As for the statement made above that "until you share the belief, I don't think you can understand it or judge it," sounds fanatical.
I'm a vegetarian and usually my rule of thumb is let the host know ahead of time and bring my own burger or vegetables. Personally I've never asked for a "meat free" section of the grill. However, I can't see how someone take issue with such a request.
On the flip side I've hosted some mostly vegetarian BBQ's and usually I ask my meat eating friends to bring their own burgers which get their own section on the grill. I would never think of trying to change their eating habits and I would they would extend the same courtesy to me.
So frailb your steak is welcome at my BBQ, and I hope I can bring my portobellos to yours.
@districtSW, I like your style. I'll leave my steak at home cus a vegetarian BBQ sounds more interesting anyways. And really, I totally understand that for a carnivore to miss a meal with meat isn't the same as a vegetarian forced to eat meat. But feel free to bring over those portobellos, and some extra to share, if you don't mind.
BBQ = meat. Period. If you don't like it, eat before or don't come.
I know what I'm in for when I accept a potluck invite with veggie friends. Just as I wouldn't offend them by insisting on putting meat on their table, don't bring your crap to a BBQ.
I don't care how you try to justify it, if you act like a prima donna or holy roller, you're not gonna be welcome at too many parties.
I usually cook the vegan items BEFORE the grill is "contaminated" with the delicous meat juices. Not a big deal really.
Monkeyrotica: But as someone mentioned earlier, isn't your grill "contaminated" with meat juices from the last time you cooked on it?
We make a half dozen roasted pepper & egg subs with or without cheese for our vegetarian guests and often our meat-loving guests what in! A party should be chill. Don't sweat the menu.
I find that almost anywhere that grilling out is done, chili is also very welcome. So I make a batch and take it along. I use kidney beans, roasted corn and onions, tomato juice, a couple packs of chili mix, and a pound of fake burger from the same company that makes Smart Bacon.
I never even have to mention the fact that I have a special diet, and I usually don't bother to mention that my chili is vegan.
Bring a bean dish and/or salad. Do not complain.
Good things mentioned that don't bother anyone:
1. Grill the veggie stuff before the meat
2. Bring a veggie side dish to share
As a vegetarian in the past I know it can be hard bringing a veggie option that everyone loves so much they eat all of it without leaving much for the non-meat eaters. So make something large and not expensive. And serve yourself first!!
bonnieshull, you can come to my bbq any time.
Regarding the meat-free grill, well, I would probably have had a hard time with that, except that somebody who is a lifelong Hindu was telling me about the problems eating in our hospital cafeteria- she told me that vegetarians don't even want to eat out of pots and pans that have had meat cooked in them. And as far as that goes, I completely respect it, the same as I wouldn't try to sneak meat to a Catholic on Friday (old school I know but some people still practice it) or pork to an observant Jew or Muslim.
But bringing your own hibachi to a bbq and going through the absurd attention-seeking ritual of cooking elsewhere, OFF the meat-laden grill is just tacky, and rude to your hosts. Can't you bring a dish that doesn't require making a statement? Of course you can, but the thing is, you don't WANT to. Please, for the sake of your hosts, be nice and bring a nice dish to share and fill up on (for you). Don't use somebody else's party to make a statement, you'll only make yourself look like an ass and be a buzzkill. You;ll also just about guarantee that you won't be invited back, in case you're looking to shrink your social circle.
Grilling the vegetarian food first is rude and insulting to the other guests. Why should their burgers be contaminated with vegetable molecules?
I can sympathize with the OP's problem with a limited number of things to eat at a BBQ party, but for most people vegetarianism/veganism is a choice they made and it isn't for the rest of the world to accommodate them.
As to food being contaminated by some meat particles on the grill, I have to point out that nearly one's whole body is made up of meat. Since the veg thing is nearly a religion (with political overtones) isn't this is tantamount to Original Sin?
I do feel that expecting hosts to jump through all sorts of hoops to make their guests feel that they haven't been "contaminated" by meat particles is selfish. Whether it's the meat-free crowd, the low-carbers, or other diets, people have gotten more than a little excessive with their demands. Of course those with medical issues are different.
When did we decide that getting together with friends had to be fraught with political and ethical craziness? Why can't we entertain without everyone coming to the table on one soapbox or another?
Vorpal: I'd be interested in how you've had to adapt your cooking to avoid foods that cause you health problems. I wonder if you ever started a thread or blog about how you've had to adapt recipes (and what ingredients you've used) to keep from having a reaction.
Best not to make any issue of it, use the foil and enjoy the company.
Otherwise, be prepared to argue the "if we are not supposed to eat animals, why are they filled with all of that good meat?" point. Be a vegetarian but kick as much ass as possible.
Another veg here. Every time I'm invited to a BBQ, I tell the hosts I don't eat meat -- most have already planned for that possibility and offer veggie burgers. Otherwise, bring a pack and by all means, share.
Don't bring your own hibachi. That's weird and frankly, totally against the communal nature of the BBQ. If you don't want your food in contact with meat juices, just bring a non-grillable dish, like a bean salad or mac 'n cheese (assuming you're not vegan). I've done this before, when the grill was too crowded for my taste.
Maybe I live in a more liberal area or have a more liberal social circle, but it seems totally normal for me to have vegetarian dishes at *any* BBQ. Throw some portobellos or eggplant on the grill, that should be yummy even for meat eaters. And side dishes don't need to have bacon or stock in them, either, there are lots of delicious and hearty dishes and salads that can be made without any meat. I eat meat but I love to have a variety of foods and flavors around, not just throw burgers on the grill.
Larry, I think a lot of us do throw veggies on the grill. The problem for some vegetarians seems to be that most grills have been used to cook meat and are therefor contaminated. For the sensitive vegetarians, using foil on the grill to prevent contact with any meat juices that are cooked on seems to be the easiest remedy. That or, as suggested, some have vegetarian/vegan-friendly sides.
I was vegetarian for 17 years, vegan for 2. Many of my fellow-travelers are, indeed, drama queens who like to make big displays of their dietary restrictions, with pronouncements about how "afraid" they are of things such as E. coli.
Because, you know, E. coli never shows up in things like spinach or sprouts. Oh wait -- except that it does. And you never cook sprouts, so you're outta luck if you eat some that are infected.
Those folks are far and away the most judgmental people I have ever met -- and a good part of the reason I left the cult, er, lifestyle behind several years ago.
Eat side dishes quietly, like a normal person, and quit making yourself the star of the show.
I was a vegetarian for 8 years. I'd probably bring a pot of bean chilli with me to share if the host was okay with it. My close friends usually tossed a veggie dog on the grill. I think the main thing is to be mutually respectful with minimal drama.
"To be mutually respectful with minimal drama"--I like that a lot, trixel.
Seriously, with over a billion people starving each and every day, this is a debate that only the more prosperous countries can have the privilege to spend time dickering over.
I have to say I really appreciated this thread. Being a serious meat-lover with a formerly vegetarian and still currently vegetable-loving boyfriend has gone smoothly enough, but the biggest battles are around grill time! After 5 years, he happily eats my pork bbq but we still have a number of more serious veggie friends, vegans, and fish-only friends who frequent our epic BBQs. To all you veggies out there, I take serious pride in throwing my big epic BBQs and it is a LOT of work- prep, marinading, clean-up, drinks, etc.
The best thing you can do for your host is be easy-going. I am more than happy to bend over backwards to accommodate you (I am also filipina after all!) But grill season is something I seriously look forward to so please don't ruin my enjoyment by being high-maintenance.
My gf's parents always let me grill the veg stuff first (and they usually clean the grill really well too, which is incredibly considerate). I don't always expect this sort of treatment, but it's nice. I think this is an area where vegetarian guests should try to be not-too-crazy (just think about the stuff you end up eating when you go to non-veg restaurants) and where hosts should try to be accommodating anyway - just psychologically, I think it helps a lot of us if you at least give us a dedicated, and more or less clean, area on the grill.
If you bring a grill wok, maybe that would provide some isolation from the other stuff on the grill? Or if you're really worried, just microwave a veggie burger or bring a non-grilled side dish like someone else suggested. I agree that the idea to bring a hibachi is a little over the top.
Couple other interesting things to bring that might also be pleasing to the non-vegetarians:
* Marinated asparagus (or other veggies to grills)
* Rubbed or marinated tempeh triangles (steam it first!) on wood skewers, maybe with some peanut sauce
Marinated asparagus and marinated mushrooms are a couple of my favorite things in the world! You cold also pre-roast some asparagus and serve it cold with mayo on the side. And I know this sounds weird coming from Hawai'i, but okra pickles are also terrific with all things BBQ. Whenever I find them in the store I stock up since they make only sporadic appearances. I always recognize them immediately because the label has an outline of Texas on it :-)
Kailuagirl, I've never heard of goat cheese in taboulé, something that is usually vegan by nature, even when served alongside lamb. As for soya milk in that coleslaw, you can also find soya-based "cream" for the lactose-intolerant as well as vegans. It works fine in salads; the brand I get is Belsoy.
We often have parties involving grilling and the guests include vegetarians (not vegans) and meat-centred Argentines and Chileans, but our parties always involve some element of potluck. We do grilled vegetables as well as dead beast. You can do the veg first if that is an issue.
Even where I work there is usually a pretty diverse crowd in terms of religious and ethical beliefs, and we always have non-meat foods available for vegetarians and for people who would only eat halal or kosher meats.
I don't like people being preachy at suppertime, but frankly I see a lot of hostility to vegetarians here, which I don't understand. Probably because I know many, and although I'm not vegetarian (I have a horrible time digesting many legumes) I certainly agree that it would be better for health and the environment if people ate more plant foods and less meat.
I couldn't imagine throwing a party, even grilling meats or fish, and not having a good array of salads and cooked vegetable dishes. They are essential to health, and very pretty to look at.
Oops, sorry about that. I meant feta cheese and it's more like a Greek take on tabouleh salad. I must have had goat cheese on the brain since I'd just bought some really good goat cheese Brie. Anyhow, I always make one bowl of tabouleh without cheese for the vegans.
I made the cole slaw with soy milk back in the days when soy dairy substitutes were just coming on the market so I don't think cream was available at the time. It worked out just fine but I'll keep your suggestion in mind the next time I have both vegans and cole slaw at the same gathering. Thanks!
"But be aware that you may have skewed judgment in terms of what constitutes a crowd-pleaser. Kim Sturla, cofounder and executive director of Animal Place, a sanctuary for farm animals in Northern California, says she’d bring her cashew-cheese “lasagne” to a barbecue. I don’t recommend that. No self-respecting carnivore is going to take a dollop of vegan mystery glop when he could have a second burger."
wow, that's a bit off the mark, and a somewhat antiquated view of vegan/vegetarian dishes. As someone who takes a lot of pride in what I cook, something i'm sure I share with many CH'ers, I have had people over for dinner who have raved over the meat-free dishes that i've cooked, which coincidentally, are not of the twigs and berries / tofu and alfalfa varieties that many seem to expect
( and as suggested above), from a vegetarian / vegan. I've been told on a couple of occasions (without prompting btw, lol), that some of these meals exceded expectations and "gourmet". From meat and potato types.
That said, most BBQ's i've frequented have been of the BYO-meat varieties, or one type of meat offered, and byo-dogs and burgers sort of thing, if that's what turns your crank. Casual type affairs. I don't get too hung up on where my burger goes, but thing is, a veggie burger takes a cooking time that is in stark contrast to it's meat counterparts. Therefore someone using the same utensils to flip or poke a burger or steak and then using the same thing to pick up my burger that's been on the grill for maybe two minutes, stands a chance of transferring something from a barely cooked piece of meat to the veggie burger.
Also, for those who have mentioned, many of us are not "drama queens" or high maintenance nightmares. Some of us are more than happy to toss your chicken or steak onto the grill. In my years of not eating meat, I have hosted a thanksgiving dinner with turkey and an easter dinner with ham with zero intention of ever eating any of it. Not an everyday occurance by no means, but something I have extended to guests in the past because I appreciated their preferences.
One thing that does boggle me...., who brings any kind of lasagna to a BBQ ? Even if I was a meat-eater, that'd seem pretty odd to me. It's a BBQ ! Salads, rolls, dips/appetizers, vegetables, dessert usually standard fare are they not ? That to me would be the equivalent of showing up to thanksgiving dinner with the makings of a corn boil.
It's amazing how many vegetarians go on about how disgusting meat is but yet happily stuff their faces with gross soy-based fake meat and dairy. If you're a vegetarian/vegan and come to my house, you get vegetables. You know, real food. No soy will ever touch my grill even through foil, that stuff is vile. But I will happily make you awesome coleslaw, marinated portobellos and kick-ass potato salad.
I but a box of gardenburgers every summer. It is cheap, and I always have something on hand if a veggie friend shows up for a party. :)
lifelong vegetarian here (well, pescatarian technically)... what's wrong with the chip burger? i quite enjoy it. all the fixins + potato chips. if my hosts go out of their way to make me a veggie burger (i'd certainly never ask) i find it sweet of them, and i certainly don't mind what area of the grill it goes on. BYOG(rill)? eh... it's best not to forget you're a guest in someone else's home. depends on how well you know the hosts i suppose. if it were family i wouldn't mind, but then again, my entire family is vegetarian. :)
as far as meat-eaters coming to my house... i am certainly not opposed to serving meat in my home, it's just that when i entertain i tend to make recipes i KNOW i do well, so well i could make them blindfolded. and i just don't have any experience cooking meat; i wouldn't be comfortable hoping i got the temperatures right and whatnot. i hosted a pumpkin carving party last weekend with all sorts of autumn-themed vegetarian goodies; no complaints from the carnivorous guests. i made sure to compensate by having all their favorite drinks on hand. :)
Grill some lightly marinated vegetables: eggplant, sweet peppers, small onions, maybe corn. Even we carnivores enjoy that.