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Table Manners
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Stain-Free PartyingIs it OK for hosts to ban red wine from pale furnishings? |
Dear Helena,
I got an Evite recently that suggested guests bring a bottle and then said, “No red wine, please. White shag rug, people!” If you have a nice couch or carpet, it’s natural to want to keep them that way. But is it OK to ask your guests to stick to white drinks? —Pro Drink Diversity
Dear Pro Drink Diversity,
Funny you should ask. A few months ago, my husband and I replaced our beat-up futon sofa with a pale gray couch and a white armchair. Shortly after, two friends came over with a good bottle of Zinfandel. In general, a host isn’t obliged to open the wine that guests bring. But in this case, my guests were excited to try it, so I could hardly whisk it away and offer vodka instead. One friend draped herself on the couch and toyed with her wineglass stem as if it were a cigarette. The bowl tipped gently forward. After a while, I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked her to put the glass on the table. She was fine about it, but I felt like the uptight host.
So how can you avoid sullying your décor without seeming like an OCD buzz-kill? By emphasizing the positive: Instead of telling guests what’s forbidden, tell them about all the pale and interesting libations they can have. If you’re having a drinks party, it’s good hosting to have beer and wine (including red) available—but announce you’ve made a pitcher of white sangría or a special Lemonhead Cocktail, and you’ll tempt most guests away from darker drinks. For wine drinkers, lay in a stock of classy whites and say, “You must try this Sancerre.”
But without explicitly prohibiting red or brown beverages, you won’t be able to banish them altogether. That’s why you need to have a stain-removal strategy.
Everyone has a different theory on how to get rid of red wine, whether it’s by applying club soda, salt, or even white wine. Mary Findley, coauthor of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Green Cleaning and owner of Mary Moppins, a cleaning company, says in fact “red wine is fairly easy to get out.”
Here’s what she recommends: In a small spray bottle, mix hydrogen peroxide (3 percent solution) and water. Use a 1-to-1 ratio for most spills, or 1 part peroxide to 3 parts water for more delicate materials such as a pale couch. (Also, as peroxide is more likely to bleach things like couches, test an out-of-the-way spot first.) In another bottle, make a 1-to-1 solution of food-grade distilled white vinegar and water.
Spray the stain with the peroxide solution. Let it sit for five minutes (any longer and the peroxide could bleach the surface). Then use a dishtowel soaked in the vinegar solution to neutralize the peroxide. Press on the towel with your knuckles, twisting in one direction. That should remove the stain.
If you have a plan in place, you won’t freak out when a splash of Merlot defiles your flokati rug. And instead of debating whether to rub or blot, all your butterfingered guest need do is get a refill.
I owned white couches; so not fun to live with....too much vigilance required. Light-colored ulphostery and carpets are not for people who like to entertain! If you do have them, I recommend slip-covers; if you don't like them before the stain, think how little you will like having to slip-cover or re-ulphoster after the stain.
White wine is actually the bigger problem, because you don't see it when somebody spills. At least until much later when the stain oxidizes - and then it's too late to do anything about it.
At least you notice the dark red splotches and can treat them immediately, or the next morning.
I've got white upholstery and rugs. I keep a close eye on the white wine drinkers who never report their sloshes. They never realize the stains they cause.
I didn't know that about white wine! Interesting, MakingSense!
This kind of anxiety is why I bought a dark leather couch (that and the tumble weeds of dog hair that so easily wipe off).
Host's house, host's rules. I don't see a problem with the request at all.
I agree with thomas64, but would add the caveat that it's the delivery that really matters. A big piece of new, upholstered furniture would be a big enough purchase for me that I could squeal about how glad I was to have it, and then add that I'm ready to catch a bullet--or a falling drop of red wine--with my own body.
This is a near-complete aside, but peroxide will remove blood stains from almost anything without bleaching the fabric- but if it's really fine fabric you might want to test it ahead of time in the usual inconspicuous area. Also, once the stain's gone you should dilute it as much as you can with water and blot it dry.
Just in case you have to kill somebody for spilling red wine on your new white couch or carpet.
A story my MIL loves to recall...
at a friend's place for an annual dinner, someone spilled some red wine. The host replied that the rug may "look" like an oriental rug, but it started as a pure white rug! And the beautiful patterns are merely memories from so many dinner parties...
A great host, but seriously, if you're aghast at red wine, I'm glad to not be your friend (and we have 2 white armchairs)
EWSflash, I agree on peroxide's great efficacy on blood stains, but be wary of using it on darker cotton fabrics, as it can indeed bleach them.
Thanks for that, Caitlin, I've had freakish good luck with peroxide, with cotton, silk, and rayon, so it's good to know the weak spots. One person's assessment doesn't make it fact.
Isn't this subject pulled from a Sex and the City episode?
This reminds me of hosts who require their guests to remove their shoes upon entry. True, as someone here commented, their house, their rules, so one must comply, but honestly, I sometimes feel tempted to turn on my apparently filthy heel and walk out upon receiving this mandate. As a woman, some of my outfits are planned around the fact of wearing shoes (e.g. pants now dragging on the floor upon removal of high heels, or perhaps the exposure of a stocking seam that wasn't meant to be seen). Other times, one may not be prepared to expose their feet (maybe one hasn't worn socks that day, and there is concern over a smell? or corns? or other embarrassing situations that your shoes were meant to conceal). Essentially, asking guests to remove their shoes shows that you are thinking more about yourself and your stuff than about them. That's poor hosting. As your guest, helping you keep your floor and carpets clean is not my job.
EverSinceThen: The "shoes off" thing was already covered here in Table Manners:
http://www.chow.com/stories/10584
Keep in mind that it's the custom in many cultures to take your shoes off at the door. Coming from Canada, when I lived in DC for a few months, I was aghast that people did not take their shoes off when they entered a house. I never got used to that, personally, and it still makes my skin crawl a little.
Wonder how the hosts would react to an RSVP declining because the invitee specifically didn't want to deal with the carpet. Karma cuts two ways.
We sometimes are invited to places where shoes are left at the door. That's understood beforehand, and easy-off shoes and non-holey socks are SOP for these situations.
But...shag carpet? That's so 80s.
I can't imagine owning white furniture.
White furniture? I have to think twice before buying a white shirt! But I suppose not everyone is the klutz I am. :)
Personally I learned to match the tone of the furniture to the cat. Black cat = dark couch.
Red wine stains are a badge of honor and a symbol of fun. Anyone with white shag carpeting is already 'stained."
I host parties like this all the time... where i have a set of rules and people don't seem to mind.
I have beige carpets, beige couch...not ideal!
In winter, i ask people to bring their shoes, but in summer, I ask people to wipe their shoes, even hand them a cloth.. being a woman who loves shoes.. I understand the importance of shoes going with an outfit.. but I also don't want shoe stains on my carpet! There is compromise!
As for the alcohol, instead of saying no red wine.. I say White Alcohol only, be inventive! from white wine, to port, to hard liquor, to beer..my friends are quite creative and understand that they aren't always careful and so several measures need to be taken...
I don't get white furniture. At all. To each their own, I guess. About the shoes off rule, another reason for it can be that shoes on an apartment floor can sound like a herd of elephants to the people who live below. You may get a lot of grief from your downstairs neighbors if you have a lot of people clumping around your apartment, especially late at night.
Here is a key tip. Ammonia will get red wine out of anything if you apply it right away. In a pinch, even Windex will work.
Just soak the red wine stain in ammonia then rinse with water. It's actually pretty amazing.
The person that invites you to a party then lists the things you can't do is not the kind of host I want to party with - plain and simple.
I have Merlot-colored slipcovers, so anyone who isn't interested in White Shag's party can come on over to my house that night. My wine rack runs cheap tho, so if you like the good stuff, BYOB.
Seriously tho, I suppose I can empathize with the host in a way. I have a kid, so I don't have nice stuff. But someday I might and I'd want to keep them clean. I went to a Superbowl party at my boss's house this year. I watched as this one woman in big boots kept going outside to smoke - in the wet, muddy yard - and then would come in and resume her place on the couch and *tuck her feet up under her* on the couch. I almost passed out watching her streak goo all over their nice, pale gray couch. It that was my couch, I might've needed to use EWSflash's advice about the peroxide for the blood stains.
I can't see why this is even a question. A host can host a completely non-alcohol party if it is their perogative. I don't think anyone would question that. If they want to limit the type of items brought into their home... so be it. Either come or don't come.
Great replies. I like the wiping shoes off idea. And the lady with the boots who kept tracking dirt in and tucking her feet under her on the couch sounds like a 17 year old who was outside smoking pot. She should be stricken from the guest list until she grows up. How about just not having too many people over at once and inviting folks that have manners themselves. That would solve the dilemna too.
Of course a host can ban red wine. They simply do not serve it!
I myself do not attend parties that require admission (red wine or other.)