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Table Manners
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Leaving a Massive TipWhen should you leave more than 20 percent? |
Dear Helena,
When, if ever, should you tip more than 20 percent in a restaurant? I’m lazy and always just tip 20 because it’s easy to calculate. —Bad with Numbers
Dear Bad with Numbers,
Most of the time, you need not tip more than 20 percent, but here are some occasions when you should be more generous:
1. Exceptional service where you wouldn’t expect it. If the waiter arranges a special gluten-free pasta dish for you, replenishes the napkin supply as your toddler shreds it into confetti, and then sings happy birthday to your wife, you should reward him. But only if the service goes way beyond what you’d expect for the type of place. If you’re dining at Per Se, you expect VIP treatment, and in any case 20 percent of the check is usually a pretty good chunk of change.
2. Freebies. If the server brings out cheesecake all around or complimentary snifters of homemade limoncello, you should tip on the estimated cost of the comped items. These might include waived corkage. Matt Fitch, who has worked in the restaurant business for 11 years and is the sommelier at Coi, says that if he allows a party to crack open a few bottles of their own wine at no extra charge, it usually earns a lavish tip.
3. Getting treated like a regular. I tip big at a breakfast place where the waitress always remembers my order and on top of that smothers me with so much love I call her my coffee-shop surrogate mother. When someone calls you “my darling,” it’s impossible to leave her $1.75 in change—it’s a karma thing. Steve Dublanica, author of Waiter Rant, says when he worked in New York City–area restaurants, some regulars tipped him 30 percent. As a result, “if their friends or colleagues needed a reservation on Saturday night at 7 and they called at 6:30, I would make it happen.”
4. A low check. Sometimes the check is so low that 20 percent seems stingy (and may involve the annoyance of fiddling with coins). Then just leave a couple of dollars or so. For instance, Zach Brooks, creator of the blog Midtown Lunch, says when breakfast is seven bucks, he’ll tip three so he can leave a tenner.
5. A “camping” tip. If you linger (known as “camping” in restaurant lingo), you should definitely compensate the server for the lost business. Brooks says, “If I’m loitering over coffee, I will tip a little more than 20 percent because I know they could have turned the table over.” Even if the place is empty, you should augment your tip a bit, because the waiter may have offered you more service while you hung out—checking your water glass or asking if you want anything else. And of course throw in a little more if you camp so long that the servers are upending chairs on tables and sweeping the floor.
6. A pity tip. If the server looks like a malnourished student living on purloined ketchup packets, you’re not obliged to tip more, but it’s nice if you do. Dublanica says he’ll tip big if the staff is “under stress and running around like chickens with their heads cut off; then I know that’s the management’s fault.” I always tip big at an upscale tea lounge near my house because the place is often empty and I’m convinced it won’t survive the recession.
Interestingly, the biggest tip Dublanica ever got—$500—wasn’t for any of the reasons above. It was what you might call a “guilt tip”: “The guy was one of these jerk ‘master of the universe’ types with a black American Express card. He came in with a paid escort, and was quite drunk. He left a 25 percent tip, then asked, ‘How was the tip?’ I said, ‘It wasn’t enough.’” Shamed, the guy doubled the amount. The lesson: However much you leave, you’re asking for trouble if you say, “How was the tip?”
I couldn't disagree at all.
How about some restaurants (fortunately not the majority) where the waiters just should not be called waiters? These so called waiters who seem bothered to wait on paying customers?
Well, thre should be no tip at all and the management must be told about the reason for not leaving a tip! and perhaps not go back to that restaurant again.
There are so many good restaurants around, so no service, no tips!
By the way I live in Montreal and I eat out a lot.
the taipan
But, taipan, that wasn't the question. The question was what are the circumstances in which tipping more than the standard is a good idea, and on that point I agree with Helena completely—although I should think most of the above would be intuitive to anyone who dines out a lot. (One could argue that tipping on freebies that are brought as an apology is iffier, that it depends on the snafu and whose fault it is—but why bother, really?)
A while back my husband and ate out at a Marie Calendars (we were on the road, starving, and it had a full bar). At the table next to us was the customer from hell. I'll keep the long story short, but she complained long and loud about all kinds of things, got up and changed tables in mid-meal, was rude to my husband on the way to her new table, and dragged an additional waiter into her beef with the waitress. When we left, we tipped the waitress we shared with this woman 30% because she was wonderful to us and we were pretty sure that hell-woman stiffed her. We weren't obligated to do that of course, but we sure felt good about it, and the waitress told us we made her day. When you can make a nice person's day for a couple of dollars, why not!
I would also add on a holiday. New Years Day went for late night sushi with some friends. Most other places were closed and we were the only ones there. Friend of friend got drunk and belligerent because while he was in the bathroom puking his friend canceled his (puking guy's) order for another couple rolls. Puking guy was refused to pay his bill and walked out. Up until then I had been enjoying myself and service good. It was the New Year so I paid his tab and gave the waitress a big tip to try to improve the start of her year. The kicker was the drunk friend of friend later bragged about how he learned how to do that from his very wealthy father.
I'd like to add that if you get something comped and it wasn't the servers fault, it's always appropriate to tip on the original amount, even if that makes your tip over 20%. Far too often I see people who behave as though because it's not listed on the check, it never happened. Getting a comp takes up several minutes of the servers time and usually involves chasing down a manager and having them interact with the table.
I've taken $50 entrees off of people's check just because the wait time was a few minutes longer than usual and still got 15% of the discounted amount. No good!
I couldn't agree more. For me, it was all about timing. From the first drink to the dessert, the waiter brought out our food in a timely fashion. One goes to a restaurant hungry. Your first drink helps quell your hunger for so long. Just as my hunger started to increase, the appetizers came out. Once our drinks came below the half, he came over to see if we wanted more. And just when the glass was near empty, here came a full one. This is how it was throughout the dining experience. I was so impressed, I gave a 30% tip.
I've bitched in the past about some of the advice here - but now seeing a column with clear, reasonable advice i can see that nobody is commenting. You win, Helena. I understand why you do the columns about how to steal glassware from bars and fruit from neighbor's trees.
I agree with most of the posts already. Especially the one by Azizeh. If you get something comped or even if you have a discount for some reason, like a gift cert. or a gift card to a chain restaurant, its good practice to tip 15-20 (dependant on service of course) for what the meal should've cost. Example: My non-chowhound husband LOVES TGI Fridays, so we are part of thier stripes card membership. We get coupons sent to us all the time. So some fridays we go fo happy hour (1/2 price apps, so there is a $4 savings) and dinner with a buy 1 get the second entree free coupon. Over all we are saving a good $10-15 dollars off our bill. It would be really poor of us to tip 15% of $16 when our meal is worth $30. The server still had to bring out all of the food!
I had an odd experience with tipping at my first job in high school, working the register at a super-busy coffeeshop (another branch referred to our location as "the Meatgrinder" for what it did to employees). A man perfunctorily handed me a ten for $4.75 worth of goods and then walked away. I figured he was just absent-minded and left the line to run over to him with his five dollars, and he scowled at me with great annoyance for making him turn around and walked on without it, while the older baristas frantically shushed me away and told me he always tipped that much. I've worked at many coffeeshops since, but never managed to get that out of my head. It was a busy, stressful job and I would rather have had a friendly look and moment of peace than an arrogant hundred-percent five dollar tip.
Somewhat related to 4:
I dine solo a lot, and I always tip more than the norm as result. It's just about the same amount of work to wait on one person as it is on two, yet the cheques are half the size. I don't tip twice as much, but maybe half again as much.
I'm just doing my part to make servers not hate one tops, so maybe we won't always get seated at the worst table in the house.
We have two small kids who can sometimes leave a mess (and don't end up ordering a lot of food, so the total bill is lower than a typical table of 4!!) so we often tip more than 20% to compensate.
Yowza Springs. I think the point is that the server could've turned the table and had a fresh group of paying (and tipping) customers. No one is telling you you must. But it sure would be nice.
Yowza Springs. Restaurant tables are there for paying customers, who by way of ordering food and drink support both the restaurant and the server. Once you have finished your meal and then order nothing else, you are not a paying customer anymore. Servers are typically paid $2.13/hour. Many restaurants require that servers give up part of the their tips (known as "tipping out") to hosts, busboys, bartender and others. This frequently wipes out a server's hourly wage. All a server has left are the tips for that shift. Customers that "campout" at tables without compensating for USE of the table can seriously cut into a server's wages for the shift. Your server may not have done anything for you, however, you have used up your server's income generating space, not to mention the restaurant's income generating space. Yowsa Springs, if this is what you do on a regular basis in restaurants you frequent, as a server, I can guarantee the restaurant management and staff HATE YOU. Even if they smile at you and greet you with a warm welcome, they HATE YOU. They wish you would never, ever return again. Here's a piece of advice, NEVER piss off the people who handle your food. I have seen many a server take great satisfaction in watching a crappy customer eat food that has been tampered with. Perhaps your food was thrown on the floor, picked up and served. Perhaps your food now contains various and assorted body fluids, in or on it. I'm not saying that this is an acceptable practice, however Yowza Spring, I'm sure you would agree, you get what you pay for.
Springs, I agree with you to a certain extent. Just as the server isn't owed something for nothing, I don't feel that patrons should feel justified in denying a server their income just because you're too lazy to move your conversation somewhere else. That is exactly what you are doing in camping all night, you're ensuring that the server can't meet their standard of income for the evening. Most campers think they're the only ones doing it, but imagine if every table in their section does the same thing (which does happen.) It makes for a bad evening all around. Restaurants that are known for good service have small sections, so this is especially important.
After I pay taxes and tip share on my hourly wage, my take home is below minimum wage. Without tips, there's no way I could keep my job.
Maybe you don't care, but I certainly don't feel comfortable taking money out of a hard working person's pocket.
Wow, Springs, couldn't disagree more. If their serving part is over with, it must be because your dining part is over with. You didn't rent the table for the evening any more than the server rented it to you for the evening. Your argument cuts both ways.
I agree with most people here, (Springs you may have a bit of a point, but tone it down a bit.) As a single parent on a very limited budget, it was rare for us to go out. If there was a soccer tournament dinner out or even an ice cream trip for a celebration, it was a stretch for me. I tried to to tip the 15%, but needless to say we did not go out often. I would make sure that my kids would have money to go and I would stay home. I would be embarrassed not to give a decent tip. I am still single, but my financial status has improved somewhat, I do feel compelled to give a minimum of a 20% tip for good service and more under difficult service. Both of my kids have worked in the food service industry as waitstaff and bar tending. Amazingly intense and demanding, they were both highly regarded by their employers for their efforts and courtesy to the customers. Sadly, the pay is very low $4-$6 per hour, the tips are the pay. If I can't afford to give a decent tip then I do not go out. I am fortunate in that my financial situation has improved and I have the opportunity to go out and I do tip 20-25% depending on the service and how long I occupy the table. I am not a big drinker and may be ordering club soda and lime all night, but I am still taking up space, I should pay for that time.
I tend to tip more when I'm eating on my own. The server has to work pretty much the same for me as for two, so I add a bit extra to the tip.
margie4546
"I am not a big drinker and may be ordering club soda and lime all night, but I am still taking up space, I should pay for that time."
WHY do you feel like you have to "RENT THE SPACE?" Whatever happened to tipping on actually ****SERVICE****** that is provided by your service and actually *****EARNING**** THEIR TIP BY WORKING HARD(NOT FOR JUST SITTING)?
Springs: I'm sorry that you've had such negative experiences with wait staff. I've had many utterly fantastic experiences with them (and very few bad ones), having them go out of my way to make my visit enjoyable. I've had things comped when there were errors, I've been given freebies, and I've had bills corrected promptly. Why servers should pay for this according to you, I don't know... I didn't quite make it through your post; to be honest, I found it somewhat repetitive and rambling, and my brain shuts off when a post's content reaches 15% CAPS or higher - no offense intended.
Anyways, I consider not lingering too long a simple matter of respect. Sure, you can if you like without tipping extra, but I'm also entitled to not give up my seat to accommodate a handicapped person on public transportation if I so feel like it. Doesn't mean that that's the course of action that I'm going to take, however.
And this is when I wish the caps lock key had never been invented.
Overall my experiences with servers have been very good, and I've eaten everywhere from holes in the wall in Kentucky to the French Laundry. My worst experience was at a barbecue place in Tennessee, where the server literally rolled his eyes when we asked for extra napkins (um, hello, it's barbecue. With sauce on it), slammed down our plates, made a crack under his breath about "stupid Yankees" when my husband asked a question about something on the menu, and was just generally so unpleasant that we tipped him nothing and made sure we let the manager know. From her reaction we weren't the first to complain.
I also tend to tip obviously new servers more as well if I sense they're honestly trying to do a good job and as Kathleen M posted above if our server is being given a hard time for no reason by someone else we compensate as well. Maybe it doesn't appear that a server does much but since they take the majority of the crap from customers it's definitely not an easy job.
Springs, it seems like you expect a comp for every little issue that occurs when you are in a restaurant. Servers are human and mistakes happen. In many cases, it's not up to them to comp something for you because something was put incorrectly on the ticket and was subsequently fixed as requested.
Servers also have to look at things in the long run. A comp is usually limited to egregious errors, not because a bill had a $2 extra charge. While it might make sense in a situation where the appetizer had order had not been put in and you were waiting for 20+ minutes, it doesn't necessarily make sense to give a free drink because a $2 extra charge was put on your bill and subsequently removed. For a server, one lower tip means a whole lot less than keeping the job, and I can bet that a server who gives free drinks or comps stuff as the result of every little mistake/complaint will not have his job for long.
Twice a month, I have a casual lunch with a group of 8 people, where each person pays for what he/she ordered. Needless to say, its a bit tetious when the bill comes.
So we usually ask the waitstaff (at the time we order), if he could split it into 2 seperate bills. In which case, we always toss in an extra dollar each. Btw - at $20 per person, the $1 extra works out to 5% extra.
But after our last luncheon, the waiter delivers individual bills for each of us! We were speechless, and so appreciative. So we each tipped him $2 or $3 extra.
It feels good to get back to the original subject, ie when to tip 20%+.
happy happy thoughts :)
What a pity that the posters who micro-manage their tips will never enjoy the pleasure of the warm greeting that we get at the couple of places we frequent - and usually over-tip at. The value of the quick, helpful service and great attitude is priceless.
Here's one more to Helena's list, as to when to leave a generous tip:
# 7 ) If by chance you notice Spring131 is seated at the table next to you, please leave an extra tip for her waiter. God knows, the waiter definetely earned it !!
Heck, if you see Spring131 ANYWHERE in the restaurant, please increase your tip. Come on CHers, if we all chip in just a LITTLE in said situations, we can make a BIG difference.
I really have to be WOWed to leave anything larger thatn 20%. Usually I leave more than 20% if I'm with a large party (even above the 18% that is usually added). Also, if my child leaves a huge mess, I'd leave more than 20%. (I usually clean up most of it myself).
I never leave less than 15%. One time I left less than 15% because the server was rude, slammed our food down, had to have the manager wait on us.
I tip above 20% for freebies, exceptional service, and lingering. The amount above 20% varies on a few of the aforementioned variables. Some people need to settle down a bit here, AND TALKING WITH THE BILLY MAYS BUTTON ON DOES NOT GET YOUR POINT ACROSS MORE EFFECTIVELY! cheers
Granted I haven't read all of the posts, but why, Springs, did you only tip 8% after the server apologized, provided a potential explanation for the 30c overcharge and had your check fixed? I'm not saying that it was okay to be overcharged, but your check was fixed. What's the big deal?
Anyway. Back on topic-ish. One time we went to a nice little Japanese place for lunch. Our lunch came with a little salad that had a delicious house made dressing on it. When we asked about it, the waitress gave us a take home container of it at no extra charge. When it came time for the bill, the waitress misread the handwritten ticket (which even I did at first ) and shorted us $10 in change. We brought it to her attention, she apologized and brought us the correct amount. We still tipped her more than 20%.
On the topic of the original posting.
This happens very rarely, but if a member of my party is rude or hard on a server, I will be very generous with a tip. If I am not paying, I will tuck something under my napkin or find the server with a quiet "sorry". Rare, but it has happened.
Once we noticed another table being really hard on our waitress, who was very nice and doing her job well (she looked ready to cry). We made sure to be extra nice, tell her she was doing a good job, and of course leave her a generous tip. Hopefully she left that night thinking that not all people are awful.
Folks, we've removed a very large number of posts from this thread, and would like to remind everyone that personal attacks are not appropriate under any circumstances. We'd also ask future commenters to please focus on the topic of Helena's column -- when it's appropriate to leave an extra tip -- rather than general comments on tipping.
-- Jacquilynne, Community Manager
I will add that I leave more when I bring my dog to a restaurant patio and the server brings out water for him. It really shows that THEY CARE. Sorry, couldn't resist.
One thing I consider when I'm tipping is the economy of the area. I live in New Orleans; a lot of people here wait tables for a living, and rents have doubled--tripled, in some cases--since Katrina. I always tip 30% here, unless the service was absolutely awful, because I know people are really struggling to make ends meet.
Other situations in which I might overtip:
Usually for a large party restaurants add a gratuity to the check, but it's usually less than 20% (I've generally seen 15-18%). Particularly if the party has been difficult or demanding I'll put in extra to bring my share up to or above 20%.
I tip more when I ask for substitutions -- the more complicated, the bigger the tip. (Rest assured, most of the time it's just a case of "without the meat." But I know it's a pain in the a$$.)
I have two small kids. Who are messy, sometimes cranky, and get snarky when the food takes awhile coming out. If a server is halfway cognizant of that, 20 percent; if they smile at the baby or bring out a little baby-friendly snack without us asking (people do that! Amazing!) or find any nice way to accomodate us and make our dining experience more pleasant, we tip like mad. We try to stick to more casual places but even then sometimes get looked at like we've brought a baboon or two in; being treated with a little kindness puts us in a very generous mood.
If I'm using coupons or a 2for1, I always pay more than 20% of the bill. "Cause it took SERVICE to bring out that free entree."
I will tip more when I'm with a big group (if the tip is not included on the bill), because A) it takes more work to serve a crowd like that, and B) sometimes with the big groups the tip will go down severely for no apparent reason, or worse, someone won't fork over enough to cover their meal. Another instance in which I will tip more than 20% is when I don't order a lot, e.g. I stop into a local chain for coffee and pie. The bill will come to four bucks or something like that, but the server has still been giving me service and 80 cents would be a plain old insult.
"If I'm using coupons or a 2for1, I always pay more than 20% of the bill. "Cause it took SERVICE to bring out that free entree.""
It's actually proper etiquette in such situations to tip on what the full amount of the bill would have been if you'd had to pay for both entrees. As you correctly note, the server has to work just as hard whether or not the restaurant decided to offer you one entree free.
I agree, Bob. It's the proper thing to do - tip on the full amount fo the bill before any discounts.
But many people fail to do just that.
I always tip more than 20 percent. Really, what are we talking about here, at the most an additional $5 or $10? The service I receive and the favors and comps I get from places that I regularly frequent - and even not so regularly, with the computer memories most restaurants have today - are easily worth far more then what is a very minimal cost. Well worth it for the many positive dividends it pays down the road.
As a former waitress: I tip 20% for normal and decent service, 15% for the food actually getting to the table but nothing else. Tipping beyond the 20% is in my mind only for extremely rare, beyond the call of duty, or when I've been camping, which I define as lingering for more than an hour, in a place where it's been busy enough for the server to have seated that table again, or when the server has continued to wait on me (bev refills etc). I call it 'restaurant rent' and make the amount equal to the 15 or 20% of the bill, for each hour that I'm there, and I also make sure that I'm not creating a problem for the server by being there so long.
schon_sein, I'm with you. I've left and "sorry he was an asshole" tip and also tucked a little extra in when I'm dining with someone I know tends to undertip. As for when do I tip more than 20 percent? The most recent restaurant meal I had comes to mind: my three-year-old niece wouldn't sit still and kept playing with everything she could reach, and yours truly knocked over a full glass of water. I was prepared to leave a little extra and then saw the person who'd paid the tab had left a $30 tip on a $110 tab.
Ratgirl, I think the low traffic on this question is attributable to it being summertime and folks are at the pool or on vacation or whatnot.
Mandalay, your experience reminds me of a recent hotel stay where 1 of the concierges was awful. I was surprized that when I complained, the manager and the front desk clerks already knew that guy was a problem. I have no idea why he was still employed.
As to the original question, I have nothing original to add.
I used to tip 15-20% depending on service (not food quality or anything else beyond the server's control), but then had several years in which my little one was very messy and many people were very sweet to him and helpful to me. I generally tipped around 30% if we left a mess or received special treatment.
I don't think I've ever tipped the full amount of a comp, but I do generally "split the difference" and tip half the price. (I was ready to make an exception today, but didn't get the chance: in a very busy sidewalk cafe, the waiter came over after a long wait and said sorry, but the slip of paper with our order on it was misplaced and had just been found, so our coffee and ice cream would be out soon. I was planning to tip the whole amount--under $10--if he comped it, but he didn't, so I didn't. Then again, it may've been "lost" because my son--who was very well-behaved today --has been a brat the last couple times this guy has waited on us. And yes, I made sure he got bigger-than-average tips on those days.)
On a tangent: my dad tipped 10% for years, now often leaves 15% and thinks he's being a big tipper. Leaving a little extra as schon_sein and Ruth L have suggested works in many situations, but would be very awkward with my dad because he's my dad. Any suggestions?
Saacnmama, I generally find an excuse to linger by the table until everyone else has walked away, or make a last minute trip to the restroom as everyone is getting up, or even wait until we get outside and oops, I forgot something, and slip some extra money on the table.
Shaogo, if you need to pay extra to get a smile on arrival, then their service isn't good anyways. I see a circle pattern developing.