stories:
Table Manners
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Baby on Board, Drink in HandCan you tell a pregnant boozer to stop? |
Dear Helena,
The other night I was in a bar and I saw this pregnant lady having a glass of wine with her friends. From the way she was acting (i.e., laughing hysterically), it may not have been her first. I know all about the risks of fetal alcohol syndrome, and I felt like going over there and asking her if she knew what she was doing to her baby. I tried to fix her with a disapproving stare but I guess she was partying too hard to notice. It’s difficult enough to stand by when someone is harming herself, but when she’s harming an unborn child, I feel one has a duty to intervene. But is there any way to do it that will make the woman listen, rather than just antagonize her? —Stick to Seltzer
Dear Stick to Seltzer,
Many people feel as you do about pregnant women drinking, as was evident in some of the responses to one of my past columns. Pregnant women who do imbibe often prefer to do it at home because of the stigma. Or they do as my pregnant sister-in-law does: She has a small glass of wine, usually with dinner, a couple of times a week, but if she’s at a restaurant she asks her husband to order it and leaves the drink sitting in front of him.
“When I go out to a restaurant, I might have half a glass of wine mixed with soda water,” says Danielle Peterson Searls, a San Francisco auction house business manager who is pregnant. “No one’s said anything.” Nor has she gotten any frosty looks.
But if you disapprove of such behavior, you can’t tell the woman in question to stop, any more than you can tell an obese person to put down her cream puff or a chain smoker to extinguish his cigarette. A pregnant woman, just like any other human being, has the right to make her own decisions about her health.
You argue that this is different because she’s harming someone else by her decision. But people disagree on whether it’s harmful for the baby if pregnant women enjoy the odd tipple after the first trimester. There’s no question that heavy drinking can lead to fetal alcohol syndrome, but no one has proved that light drinking compromises the baby’s health. Many European women (including my mother) have enjoyed the odd glass of wine during pregnancy with no adverse effects. Several studies, such as this one, suggest this is OK.
In any case, as you intuited, intervening is unlikely to change the woman’s behavior. She’s probably weighed the pros and cons and decided she wants to have her glass of Chardonnay. Even if she has somehow failed to learn about the risks of consuming alcohol while pregnant, she probably won’t be very receptive to a lecture from a stranger.
It’s highly unlikely she’ll have more than one drink, let alone get sloshed. Duggan McDonnell of San Francisco’s Cantina says pregnant women come in about once a month, and they are always extremely conservative in their alcohol intake. “Generally it’s wine, usually white wine. They’ll definitely take a sip of their partner’s or friend’s drinks. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pregnant woman order a margarita.”
If a pregnant woman does start pounding shots, a staff member can ask her to leave. As McDonnell points out, if the establishment has a sign posted saying it reserves the right to refuse service to anyone, the woman would not have a right to sue.
Next time you see someone drinking while pregnant, don’t give her the evil eye. It may help you to remember that the situation may not be as it appears. For all you know, that drink in her hand might be a mocktail and the reason she’s giggling uproariously is not her blood alcohol level but a girlfriend’s dirty joke. And unless her friends are trying to feel the baby kick, you can’t be certain whether the woman really is expecting or just trying to hide her extra pounds with a smock. Assuming an overweight person is pregnant is a faux pas from which there is no graceful escape.
"You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment." --Dave Barry
When I was working in a liquor store a few years ago as a second job, I would refuse to sell pregnant ladies booze. I even refused one lady, but it turned out she wasn't pregnant, just looked the part.
thanks for answering this article the way you did, it's great!
I agree with the answer as well. I had an occasional glass of wine when I was pregnant and I was always afraid people would think I was some kind of monster. My child is extremely healthy and she's the smartest kid in her class _ or so her teacher tells me. If you see a pregnant woman drinking you can't know for sure that she's only having one. Maybe she has a drinking problem and her baby will suffer. It's still not your job as a complete stranger to be the pregnancy police.
"If a pregnant woman does start pounding shots, a staff member can ask her to leave. As McDonnell points out, if the establishment has a sign posted saying it reserves the right to refuse service to anyone, the woman would not have a right to sue."
Helena, stick to advice on etiquette and leave legal advice to someone who is qualified. (Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer either). An establishment may post such a sign but that certainly does not provide them a blanket legal protection. Would such a sign protect them if they refused to serve someone based on their race? Of course not. How about a bar that only wants thin, attractive blondes? The refusal must be reasonable to the operation of their establishment. Refusing to serve someone because you disapprove of their choices is not reasonable.
Helena, I think you gave good advice. Stick to Seltzer didn't know any facts; i.e., if it was, indeed, alcohol (it could have been fruit juice) or if it was the first or fourth drink. There's no definitive proof that one or even, ~gasp~, two drinks are harmful to a pregnant woman or her unborn child. It was none of her business.
Matt in NJ wrote, "When I was working in a liquor store a few years ago as a second job, I would refuse to sell pregnant ladies booze. I even refused one lady, but it turned out she wasn't pregnant, just looked the part." This is taking judgmental to new extremes and wrongly imposing his thoughts/beliefs on someone else. Aside from the fact that an occasional indulgence hasn't been proven harmful, does MattinNJ think that being pregnant should preclude someone from entertaining? Or picking up her husband's favorite spirit? Or just restocking the home bar?
I wish people would learn to mind their own business. Personal responsibility should be reserved for individuals - not the self-appointed nannies of society.
~hmph~
Ok I should have been clearer. I would deny a pregnant lady if she was purchasing a pint of majorska or vodka shooters. Wine, we sold usually. If you work in a liquor store long enough you get to know all the alcoholics in the area, what they like, how much they drink, and even if they are buying for their SO's. So if a known alchy is pregnant i sure as hell am not selling to her
I'm surprised none of those pregnant ladies ever sued.
This warning in bars has been a HUGE pet peeve of mine since it was started. Certainly, this is information that must be disseminated to pregnant women, but posting it in bars and even on labels is an invitation for people to stick their noses in where they don't belong (cough MattInNJcough). There are no comparable warnings that liquor increases the risk of domestic violence or stds or infidelity, not to mention alcoholism. Just the preggos are singled out. There was a deli on Madison Ave in NYC that had a handwritten sign that they would not sell beer to pregnant women. Unbelievable. Thank you Helena for your thoughtful reply.
I had three kids, and I loved my friday night margarita while I was preggo. My kids are all thankfully normal.
If you think about it, the only time one knows to attack a pregnant woman about putting her baby at risk through alcohol consumption is when the mom is showing her pregnancy. However, the real risk of alcohol consumption in pregnancy is when the fetus is tiny--i.e., when the mom is hardly showing her pregnancy, if she's showing at all. So this is a case of misplaced anger. The questioner should instead be giving all of the "normal" looking women pregnancy tests to make sure that they are damaging the microscopic embryos in their wombs, rather than focusing on the visibly preggos.
When the baby gets bigger, most OBs will not protest too much if the mom wants a tiny bit of wine every so often. My OB said that he could not find any research that would conclusively determine that light alcohol consumption would ever affect a mid-to late-term fetus.
My mom worked at a WIC clinic, and she saw lots of FAS. Not coincidentally, the moms who had children with FAS were falling down drunks most of the time. I think that is where the greatest risk of FAS arises. Of course, we Americans with our Calvinistic backbone, will take that risk and extrapolate it to any potential source of enjoyment.
tkalex9052 - right you are. Nobody knows at what point maternal alcohol starts to affect the fetus, but it certainly seems to excite the flow of judgement from the surrounding population.
Purely from a manners standpoint, I'm a devout follower of Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, and the very thought of approaching somebody with a judgement based on casual observation (regardless of the beliefs and attitude on the part of the observer) is a horrendous breach of etiquette. The only weapon the writer has is to shun the pregnant drinker, which I think is what actually happened, only mostly on the part of the object of the writer's scorn.
In other words, you REALLY need to mind your own business. Feel as righteousas you need to, but keep your piehole shut, because IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Period. I can't emphasize it enough. Give it up.
When my mother was pregnant with all of us kids she was encouraged, by her Ob/Gyn., to drink beer. He was a professor at a major university. He called beer "brain food." I guess he wasn't all wrong since all of us kids ended up with IQs over 150. She didn't drink to excess, but she continued to drink in moderation throughout her pregnancies and while nursing us. FAS is more of a myth than anything else. Keep your worries at home and about yourself.
KailuaGirl, please do not make horribly uninformed and offensive statements like "FAS is more of a myth than anything else". FAS (and its spectrum disorder, Fetal Alcohol Effect or FAE) is an obvious and completely preventable problem that significantly impacts the lives of the people born with it.
That said, it's no one's business what a pregnant woman drinks. I worked in a maternity rehab center, and there women were monitored for alcohol consumption because they asked for help with problem drinking. It's not the consumption of alcohol (or even the daily consumption of alcohol) that has been associated with FAS, it's binge drinking. Pounding back shot after shot harms the fetus, not a beer or even *gasp* a whole margarita (with 1 shot and 14 oz of mixer).
I agree with you Seltzer, about her harming her unborn child, but there is nothing anyone can do about it. Remember, that new little person's body is hers to do whatever she wants to with, even having him/her killed, right up til the day s/he is born, in fact right up until the head is delivered. If the feet are delivered first, her "choice" ends when the navel is visible outside the body. They don't call it "partial birth" for nothing!
The nanny state has now been privatized? Nothing worse than a do-gooder. Mind your business.
We had a co-ed baby shower which happened to be set on a day in which an NFL playoff game was being aired. I volunteered to do the booze run.
So, there I was, 8 months pregnant and HUGE, filling up a shopping cart with beer. It was awesome. I would have loved to have some jerk try to approach me, since my loved ones were fairly sick of me picking fights with them.
I didn't do a whole lot of drinking while pregnant, maybe a glass of wine here and there. There are so many suggested restrictions on food/drink/behavior, that a pregnant woman really has to trust her doctor and make the best choices she can. It's damn near impossible to follow every single bit of advice out there.
Just wanted to make a point re: the comment in the original question that the pregnant drinker looked like it "might not have been her first". When you are not drinking much, often even a half glass of wine is enough to feel a bit intoxicated. Through pregnancy with our boy, my partner really did not drink through the first trimester - if I had a glass of wine she wanted to taste, she would maybe touch it to her lips, drinking a drop at best. Second trimester and third she got more liberal, going from 1/4 to 1/2 drink and up to a full drink on occasion in the third trimester. In any case, there were a number of times she seemed a little bit drunk after only a half drink. Just something to remember, people's alcohol intake may not be what you think.
Most pregnant women are very responsible and safe, and have more than enough pressure on them about what is or is not the right thing to do. It's really uncomfortable enough to have a million books giving different advice without every stranger on the street thinking your body and your habits are now a public forum. The few women that would really drink to excess during pregnancy, your nasty stares or intrusive comments are not going to help.
Adding to andytee's comment, you also have to consider hormones as well. It's very possible that the pregnant woman was acting drunk without having consumed any alcohol at all. Given the situation, her friends, the general mood - she didn't even need a drink in her hand to be acting that way.
I was reading a potty training book for children while pregnant and started laughing so hysterically that I seriously freaked my husband out and I was completely sober. (Let's see what we created!!)
Here's how is SHOULD have been said. "There's no definative proof EITHER WAY!" So it could hurt the baby in ways we don't know yet, or it could do nothing. "No Definative proof" means "We don't know", NOT, "Go for it, baby".
"Is there a man eating tiger in that room?"
"There's no definative proof!"
Would YOU rush in?
Still, you can't tell another adult what to do-especially a stranger.
Think of it this way. If you, like me, believe that small amounts just may hurt that kid, the woman is an idiot, and idiots don't need to reproduce and produce more idiots. She's abusing the great privilage she's been given, and will be punished somehow for same. You don't need to do it.
If there is no chance of harm, then you'd look like an idiot (you will anyways) telling a grown woman (idiot or not) what to do.
Of course, "Seltzer" mentioned that mommy looked like she'd had a few more than one glass. SO she may have hit that kid with the chablis full force.
She'll have to live with her actions, no matter what the result. Let her.
After all this is a MANNERS column, not an ETHICS one. Two different things.
wow. unless you're my doctor or practitioner, chance are my drink would end up in your lap if you said something like that to me.
many, many medical professionals believe it's fine for a pregnant woman to have the occasional glass of wine, especially later down the line. in fact, i just asked mine about it yesterday (she's at a nationally renowned hospital) and her response was to shrug and say, "well, the french drink all the way through."
women go through enough in the whole preggers ordeal without dealing with judgmental, uninformed busybodies ruining a rare glass of wine.
i respect what you believe (with i'm guessing no medical background), but please apply it solely to your own life and circumstances.
How hard is it to stay away from alcohol for 9 months? Is it that difficult. We don't know if it will do hard, we hope it will do no harm, it might not to harm, thank god my kids were healthy......blah, blah, blah! Just stay away from it. Why have kids if you cannot make such a tiny sacrifice.
zang, there are a lot of things that might do harm. a candy bar (trans fat). a brownie (butterfat). walking down the street for pleasure (potential to get hit by a car). wearing cute shoes that might not be as healthy for one's feet as, say, birkenstocks. It seems to me that the healthiest path is the path of moderation (in other words, a drink now and then while pregnant if one wants), because extreme austerity conditions us to be overreactive and paranoid.
honestly, this is just another typical example of uniquely American judgmental, moralizing behavior and fearmongering.
yes, we all know the dangers of fetal alcohol syndrome. but just as you shouldn't drink to excess while UNpregnant, you shouldn't drink to excess while pregnant. it's that simple.
the American pregnancy diet tells you not to drink ANY alcohol, or eat ANY undercooked or unpasteurized foods, and limit fish intake. how boring and ridiculous! traditional european and asian pregnancy diets advocate just eating balanced and healthy, with an emphasis on nutritious, fortifying food high in protein and calcium. nothing is off-limits: french unpasteurized cheeses, a glass of wine, soft-boiled eggs.
chinese pregnancy tonic soups often call for fortification with a little rice wine or brandy (shock gasp and horror). sushi, hellishly-spicy curries, etc, were not off-limits. this is the diet my mom followed, and she wound up with both kids in mensa and one attorney and one doctor - so i think our brains work fine.
it's okay to give pregnant women the evil eye when they're hopelessly drunk at the bar (just like it is with ANYONE who's hopelessly drunk). but other than that, if she's got a beer in front of her, leave her alone. and no, you are not allowed to make ANY comments.
zang: I'm much more terrified of the effect of the chemical soup our food has become on unborn fetuses than of alcohol, which has been in use by humans for a few thousand years and is well understood. Who knows what all the artificial flavouring agents, preservatives, thickeners, texture modifiers, etc. that our children are subjected to (and many of us weren't) are going to do? We're essentially guinea pigs in a poly-drug experiment right now, which is scarier than a bit of booze in moderation, in my opinion. My mom drank in very limited moderation during her pregnancy with me and I'm quite pleased at the way that I turned out.
Apropos of whether light droinking during pregnnancy is harmful, check this out: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/769...
It reports on a study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology that found that light drinking (defined as no more than 2 drinks per week) is not only not harmful, it may actually be beneficial to the child.
"The study...found boys born to light drinkers were 40% less likely to have conduct problems and 30% less likely to be hyperactive than those whose mothers had abstained. They also scored more highly on vocabulary tests and on identifying colours, shapes, letters and numbers. "
To be fair it also noted that "Light drinkers were more likely to be better educated and from higher income households and were less likely to have smoked during pregnancy than abstainers."
Sorry, I just realized the link in what I just posted has expired (I copied it from an earlier post on a related topic). An abstract of the paper is still available here: http://ije.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/con...
Shows that intelligent and educated people tend to make intelligent and educated choices.
I can certainly agree that light drinking only, and totally non-smoking are the more educated and intelligent choices.
As I said in an earlier post, my mother drank a small amount of beer daily throughout her pregnancies (at her doctor's recommendation) and while nursing all 3 of us kids. We all came out just fine.
She did, however, quit smoking and wouldn't allow people to smoke in the house while she was pregnant (probably because she'd want to smoke even more) or during our infancies. Two of us kids are lawyers. Of the three of us, I'm the only one who became a smoker (I quit over three years ago) and I was probably exposed to more smokers while an infant and a toddler than my younger sibs.
Never force your point of view on any one. you can share your idea with tact. But forcing your ideal on someone is a good why to make an enemy. For further clarification see Southwest Asia
This was an interesting piece from Britain:
http://understandinguncertainty.org/n...
Honestly, some alcohol is part of a healthy lifestyle...why should that be different when one is pregnant? Not that you should be drinking all the time or too much, I usually have a glass of wine w/ dinner and if pregnant I might cut some of that out. This is just like any other diet issue in America, we take everything to the extreme.
I think the most important piece of advice here is "Assuming an overweight person is pregnant is a faux pas from which there is no graceful escape."
NEVER EVER assume someone you don't know is pregnant.
Once at a party, I was talking with a woman who was wearing a babydoll shirt and had a visible belly. She was drinking wine and talking about her daughter. I asked how old was her daughter and she said, "four months." (Too young for her to be pregnant again and showing!) I'm glad I didn't say anything about her apparent pregnancy--turned out she just hadn't lost the baby weight.
So, for all you Judge McJudgeys out there, consider that maybe the "pregnant" woman is just enjoying not being pregnant anymore!
Judging from the large number of responses here, this is another hot topic. Honestly, why can't people mind their own business? What about the women who are pregnant and drinking but their pregnancy is not yet obvious? A visibly pregnant woman has already had the alcohol discussion with her doctor, and is making her own decision/choice. Get out of her face, unless you want to wear her drink and possibly yours too.
All of this was very interesting to read, because it is a hot button issue of which everyone has an opinion. I am that random woman who you may think "is that pregnant woman drinking?" Like a lot of folks I have gained a little in the middle.
While out for sushi and some cocktails with the girls when I ordered my second scotch on the rocks the owner/hostess came over to say she couldn't serve me because of my "condition". The suggestion was offensive and laughable. Needless to say, that second cocktail showed up lickity split and I've never gone back that establishment again. To sum it up - mind your manners and keep your opinions to yourself.
Tis better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
Especially if you've never been pregnant...
YES, globanomad63, well said.
My doctor was not adverse to me enjoying some wine or beer while I was pregnant, as long as I kept it under 3 servings.
You know, she might have been laughung hysterically from the hormones flying around in her body, too. I mean, I was kinda nutty when I was pregnant.
"You know, she might have been laughung hysterically from the hormones flying around in her body, too. I mean, I was kinda nutty when I was pregnant. "
-
That's what I was thinking too............
I have given birth to 5 children, all of which are involved in their school/preschool's gifted program. Throughout my pregnancy I enjoyed an occasional glass of wine with dinner, and near the end I drank a glass of red wine nightly to relax.(This was recommended by my OB) Needless to say I have no problem with seeing a pregnant woman with a glass of wine. My kids turned out just fine. In regards to the gentleman who refused to sell liquor to pregnant women---how on earth did you know she was not purchasing the liquor for someone else in her household or for a party. Even if you thought you were being a good citizen, you have no right to make assumptions. If I send my husband to the store and asks that he buy me a lipstick or any feminine product does this make him a woman?
I work for a woman, who, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear is pregnant. She is not; she's just "round in the middle," to quote a previous poster. But depending on what she wears, she looks like she could be 4 or 5 months along!
Generally, I think people should mind their own business, though I can understand experiencing some discomfort if you see someone who might be pregnant drinking. Emotions run high on this topic. But what about conditions that you can't see--like someone who's an alcoholic or who has liver disease? I've known people in those two categories who have no problems getting as much drinks as they want b/c no one can tell! And how do you know if you're not serving drinks after drinks to someone who might be driving off after dinner?
My point is, there's just now way to tell. I sympathize with those in the service industry who have to make these often split-second decisions. But yeah, if you are going to "guess" that someone is pregnant or impose your belief on a person, you better be prepared for the reaction to come!
OK, while I would never approach a stranger, my pregnant sister told me a few months ago that she drinks wine. My reaction was "What year do you think this is? 1950? Are you smoking too?" She minimized the impact of this decision, quoting examples of friends, obgyn advice, etc. as many are doing here. The obgyn thing really gets me.... I simply don't get why in the world why a mother-to-be who is not an alcoholic would choose to drink alcohol. Medical advice changes over the years. Isn't it best to take the conservative route where the life and health of your unborn baby is involved?
Bear in mind that this is not a situation where the mother has a disease and needs to take medicine which might harm the baby. This is alcohol.... it's a toxin for god's sake, who cares if you're only consuming a little?? The brazenness of this choice is simply beyond my comprehension and is so unbelievably selfish that I can hardly keep it in.
Rant over.
Mr Taster
Mr. Taster, have you read any of the research on the effect of light alcohol consumption on fetuses? I think not, or you wouldn't feel the need to rant about this.
victoriafoodie,
Re studies.... well, you can justify pregnant drinking that way until another study comes along indicating otherwise. But that's really not the issue... the issue is one of sacrifice for the sake of your child. I can't imagine that even the most positive study will say "light drinking helps to promote brain development in the fetus". As they say, only harm could come from this, so why even take the risk?
The part that I really don't get is this.... What is the problem with not drinking alcohol for 9 months? Is that too great a sacrifice? Are we that stressed out as a society that we simply can't do without? To my mind, this seems like an absurdly easy non-sacrifice, and I simply don't understand why pregnant drinking is becoming fashionable again.
It's terribly disturbing feeling like one of the few voices of reason when the world is going mad.
Mr Taster
Yes, people need to mind their own business. This is a quality in people which is appallingly absent these days and we as a society are much the worse for it.
As for the people who posted that they feel that even a small amount of alcohol can hurt a fetus - fine, then don't drink when you are pregnant. What's hard about that?
flourgirl,
If you saw someone threatening to hurt someone, even if they're not actively doing it, how would you feel?
It seems to me this is not about minding your own business as much as is it about a group of people wanting to believe something regardless of warnings (and, lets face it, common sense) and finding lots of excuses why they should continue to be selfish.
9 months. It's not that big a sacrifice, seriously. You'd think this discussion was about abstaining from water or something.
Mr Taster
The point is not whether a person who is pregnant should be drinking. The point is, should something be said to a person who appears pregnant and appears to be drinking? In my opinion being out in public doesn't entitle you to judge or lecture others; on the contrary, part of being a civilized human in public is being responsible for what you say and do. If you don't know what the situation is, any commentary is out of line. Even if you do know the situation, any commentary is extremely unwise at best. I would encourage those who think intervening for the unborn is more important than being civilized in public in an unknown situation, to perhaps not go out in public so that your sensibilities won't be offended. In the real world, people say and do things that we don't like or approve of or are just plain against. But tolerance and paying attn to our own behavior is the only way to make the world a nicer place to be in, which is really the point isn't?
Shelly,
I've got a problem with this "it's all about me" society that we're becoming, and as I see it, the reemergence of tolerance for pregnant alcohol consumption is case in point.
I would contest your point that this discussion is about whether a pregnant woman should be drinking. It is about that, and it is ALSO about whether or not someone should say something publicly. It's both. Without one, there is no need for the other.
Having said that, I ;personally would not say something unless, as I've said before, it's my sister or someone very close to me.
Now, while I'm not personally supportive of chastising selfish and irresponsible pregnant strangers, I am certainly glad that this stigma in our culture still exists. People should feel ashamed to be doing something selfish that could negatively affect the life of someone who has no say in the matter. (I should qualify this by saying that I am 100% pro choice.... if you're making the decision to bring a baby into this world, it is absolutely your responsibility to not make stupid, selfish decisions that could potentially damage the development of your baby, regardless of what your friends, the French, or your OBGYN happen to say). (Different OBGYNs have different opinions on the matter)
Having children is a decision that requires a massive amount of sacrifice and change. What does it say about one's ability to embrace the profound pain and sacrifice (and joy) that raising another human requires if you can't give up the drink for 9 months?
Mr Taster
Mr. Taster
A study published in 2008 of 12,495 three-year-old children found that those born to mothers who drank light amounts of alcohol (beer, wine or spirits) during pregnancy had fewer conduct, emotional and peer problems than did those born to abstaining mothers or those who drank heavily while pregnant.
Your position is based on the idea that light alcohol consumption MAY be bad for the mother but you've not offered any support for that position. It sounds like simple bias. And I'd take the advice of an OB/GYN over unsupported bias any day when it comes to pregnancy.
If you want to look it up, here is the reference info for the study:
Yvonne Kelly, Amanda Sacker, Ron Gray, John Kelly, Dieter Wolke, and Maria A Quigley. Light drinking in pregnancy, a risk for behavioural problems and cognitive deficits at 3 years of age? International Journal of Epidemiology, Advance Access published on October 30, 2008; doi:10.1093/ije/dyn230
Shelly Hooper
In a civilized society, people should feel free to comment on what they feel is inappropriate behavior in a public space. They may not like the response and they may not be able to do much beyond comment but civilization doesn't mean that no one can express themselves. Taking 30 items into the 10 item line, heavy petting in public, talking on the cell phone in the movies, etc, etc all are the kinds of things that people SHOULD comment on so that the offender realizes that their actions are noticed and not appreciated. "Civilization" just means that you don't go at each other with knives when you don't agree.
glowworm
I'm not a scientist, and I'm not about to get into the argument of tossing around studies that I know nothing about other than the title or the nut of the piece, because others can do the same in justification of pregnant drinking.
In a similar vein, justifying pregnant drinking because one random OBGYN says its okay is just as absurd, because I'm sure there are plenty who will think it's not a good idea.
The one thing we all can agree on, not because of scientific proof but because of real life experience and common sense, is that alcohol is a toxin. Why anyone would willingly imbibe a toxin while they're pregnant is a mystery to me, no matter how small the risk may (or may not) be.
Mr Taster
Light drinking i've read isn't proven to cause much harm, though I still wouldn't want to risk it. And to people being "rude" by telling the lady that isn't very good for her baby... well, to be honest the lady is in public and is free game to comments. If you don't want to be a part of public, stay home and drink your wine.
A little off-topic, but in the same area, I saw a definitely pregnant lady outside a shopping center smoking a cigarette with a half full pack stuck in her back pocket. Needless to say I wanted to scream at her.