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Nagging Question
What’s the Best Drink to Order in a Dive Bar?Some safe bets when the liquor is sketchy |
What’s the Best Drink to Order in a Dive Bar?
So you’ve put some Hank III on the jukebox and are gearing up to play some Big Buck Hunter. But first you’re gonna need a drink. (And cash—plastic isn’t accepted at most dives.) We spoke with a
variety of folks in the booze industry to find out what to order at a dive bar so that you don’t look like an ass in front of the regulars.
“The key to ordering at a dive is to know where you are. You wouldn’t go into a taqueria and order lasagne, so don’t head into your local watering hole and expect the bartender to stir up a perfect Sazerac,” says Charles Joly, the chief mixologist at the Drawing Room in Chicago. Your best bet is to order some spirits neat (do you really want to be sucking on the ice from this joint’s ice bin?) and a beer. Bottles are good since the glassware may be dubiously clean, if it even exists. Bourbon is always a good choice, says Thad Vogler, owner of Bar Agricole in San Francisco. “Jim Beam and Wild Turkey are the best-value spirits out there.”
If you’re going beyond a shot and a beer, a good rule of thumb is to avoid anything where what’s in the drink isn’t in the name and anything that takes more than two steps. Safe-ish cocktails include a gin and tonic, Jack and Coke, Makers and ginger, and Scotch and soda. “If you don’t know what’s in it, you shouldn’t be drinking it,” says Jason Mathern, manager of the 24-hour Club Ms. Mae’s in New Orleans, who says he doesn’t have time for “ridiculously” named drinks.
If you’re lucky, you might be able to get away with a good “old-man cocktail” that’s easy to make, says Adam Lantheaume, proprietor of the Boston Shaker store in Boston. “Something like a Rusty Nail [Scotch and Drambuie] might work out.”
But forget about ordering drinks that contain vermouth (Manhattans, martinis, et al.), since it’s a type of wine, and the bottle sitting around the bar almost certainly hasn’t been refrigerated, so its flavor will be flat. You wouldn’t want to drink a glass of wine from a dusty bottle that’s been on the shelf for months, so don’t contaminate perfectly good whiskey with it either.
If you’re very broke but still want a mixed drink, ask for a “mat shot.” That’s when the bartender picks up the rubber mat under the booze he’s been pouring all night and empties its contents into a shot glass for you—usually for free. This is also good fodder for bets.
I've never heard of a "mat shot." That one sent shivers down my spine.
Many years ago, I would haunt the little jazz joints in Manhattan's Greenwich Village. Not only would the glasses still be stained with lipstick, I found that occasionally there were *two different shades* left on the edges of the glassware. So I'd just order a bottle of Heineken, no glass. If I wanted something more, I'd have the bartender pour off some of the beer and add a shot of whiskey - a "boiler maker in-the-bottle."
Beer, in a bottle. Possibly shots. If the beer isn't even cold, pay and leave. Bloody marys sometimes. If you have no idea what to order, see what the other patrons have ordered.
Otherwise, what's the point of going to a dive bar?
I've never heard of anyone *volunteering* for a mat shot. That's scary.
Having worked in dive bars, I agree with the advice. Some places might do vodka + (blank) drinks like Screwdrivers, too - but it's up to you whether you trust the juice.
At my college bar (beer only) we had "bucket beers" for a couple bucks. The buckets were under the taps and the overflow collected in them. One bucket wasn't so bad (I heard) because it was under the Guinness, Bass, and one barely used tap so it was basically a premixed black and tan.
I've heard of the 'mat shot' (which is usually a dare for somebody who has had way too much to drink at the end of the night) referred to as a "Jersey Turnpike" shot.
This has got to be the most moronic article anywhere. Anyone who needs advice on what to order in a dive bar has to be the most pathetic "foodie" ever invented. I think this guy would probably need this advice though: http://thebostonfoodie.blogspot.com/
Another reason to avoid draught beers not just in "dive bars" but dumpy music clubs is that they rarely clean out the feeds for the taps. My bartender friend at the joint I used to do sound at told me he wouldn't drink any kegged beer there even if it was followed with an antibiotic chaser.
Boilermaker.
Make a boilermaker yourself. Just top off your crapped can beer with some whiskey after a sip off the top.
Don't order just any beer, select a blue collar beer like Molson Stock Ale or Labatt 50, or Pabst, or Genny 12 Horse. Don't order micros, imports, or light beer. And order the shot with it right away, without hesitation. Then tip well on your first round To Insure Proper Service for the remainder of the time before the novelty wears off and the dive bar depresses you.
I agree with Al.
The only to thing to order in a dive bar is a PBR Pounder (the 16 oz. Pabst Blue Ribbon in a can). If you thought you were in a dive bar, you go to order a PBR Pounder, and they say something like "We don't have PBR Pounders," you are in a sports bar. Sorry.
Not thinking once, hubby one time ordered a Scotch in a rural Alabama bar. The bartender dug around and pulled out a very dusty bottle of some questionable brand. So he ordered a Crown instead. That they had plenty of, but they were incredulous that he didn't want it with Coke.
Jim Beam on the rocks.
But I agree with Alcachofa, if you gotta be told what to order in a dive bar you probably don't belong there and stand a good chance of getting your butt kicked.
Stay away from the tap beer because they usually have trouble keeping it cold. Anywhere near San Francisco you can order an Anchor Steam without fear.
A strange thing these days is the PB&J which is a shot of Jameson's with a PBR back. Who knows how these things happen.
If you're new at the bar, always ask who has the pool table. I
If the bartender starts feeding the jukebox, give them a buck or two and ask to play some for you.
Yes, I've been to a dive bar, just not today.
Scotch on the rocks, I once got one with a beer bottle cap in it.
The question was "What to order so you dont look like an ass in front of the regulars".
I drink at a small Ice House in south Texas. The bar is close to some Spanish Missions. We get tourists (guys) who drop in and order a Imported specialty beer. I had to Laugh when the Owner(an older woman) told the guys..."We got wine coolers"...
Its best to come into a joint and case what the regulars are drinking...If there are Bud Lites and Lonestar longnecks on the bar...this might not be the bar to order a Michelob low carb.
If you cant take beer, stick to the old favorites...Jack and coke, 7 and 7, Turkey and coke, or an ol' Vodka dog.
A 151-coke is a safe bet no matter what you're objective (cheap alcohol, not looking like a pansy in front of the regulars, getting messed up enough to let loose in the dive bar).
If you can't hold your liquor its not the drink to get though. In that case a seven & seven or a beer (it has to be a lager, bud or miller most likely) will look respectable.
- Happy
http://www.happybreath.net/drinks/