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Trashy Breakfast Food Gets SeasonalOrange Cream Pop-Tarts and Fizz Ed sodaWhat's new? What's great? What's weird? Our columnist samples offerings from supermarket aisles and fast-food menus. |
Limited Edition Orange Cream Pop-Tarts
By: Kellogg’s
I Paid: $2.29 for a box of eight (prices may vary by region)
“Limited edition” is an awfully haughty descriptor for Pop-Tarts, but there you have it: a seasonal summer Orange Cream flavor. The pastries come filled with orange, vaguely sherbet-tasting goo and covered with vanilla frosting sporting an orange swirl. And they do a surprisingly good job of living up to the Creamsicle image on the box. As Pop-Tarts go they’re subtle: There’s no punch-in-the-gut attack of sick, syrupy jam flavor, and even the sweetness level of the icing seems to be ratcheted down a bit. It’s entirely possible that these are the finest Pop-Tarts ever made.
Delivering some kind of authoritative taste ranking for these things is about as challenging as food writing gets. In an absolute sense, they’re Pop-Tarts: mass-marketed, one-dimensional, unhealthy pieces of cardboard that you heat in a toaster before you disrespect yourself by eating them. They are, perhaps, the most perverted burlesque of a Belgian grandmother’s homemade fruit galette imaginable. That said, in a relative sense, these specific Pop-Tarts are the best that money can buy: restrained (for Pop-Tarts), marvelously flavored (for Pop-Tarts), creative (for Pop-Tarts), and well worth eating (for Pop-Tarts).
By: Apple & Eve
I Paid: $1 for an 8.4-ounce can (prices may vary by region)
The market has been pounded in recent years with a surge of high-minded sodas, driven by health concerns and a desire for more sophisticated drinks (although Dr Pepper is still damned good with a 7-Layer Burrito). Fizz Ed wades into the tide with what it calls “pure fruit juice and sparkling water.”
It’s elegantly executed stuff: understated, no harsh edges, and not too aggressively carbonated. It’s a nimble balance between the sweetness of regular soda, the refreshing crispness of carbonated water, and the natural taste of fruit. At just 100 calories a can, Fizz Ed is a more austere alternative to the also excellent Switch. The latter has almost all of the sweetness (and therefore calories) of regular soda, but it packs more natural flavors, so it could handle pizza or chicken wings and survive. Fizz Ed would pair better with a garden salad or croissant sandwich.
The individual Fizz Ed flavors vary a bit in quality, but they all work. Orange Mango is a surprisingly good balance, considering how easily the orange could overwhelm its partner and upset the canoe; mango actually dominates, with orange supplying a supporting note at the back end of the flavor profile. Pomegranate Cherry is mild, not syrupy or cloying as many cherry sodas tend to be. And though the Green Apple flavor has a bit of a sour note, it feels refreshing and cleansing.
haven't had these but a few months ago i had a bizarre craving for pop-tarts (seriously they are not something i eat!) and bought a box of nature's path organic toaster pastries. the cherry pomegranate are remarkably good. and while i wouldn't call them good for you, they are way less creepy than pop-tarts! :)
So I guess that would a 4/5 (for Pop-Tarts)!!! Too bad that can't be specified up there beside the red little dots because it kinda undermines the other 4 star products! But I nonetheless enjoyed the read, love your sense of humour, Mr. Norton!
i purchased and consumed a box of cookie dough poptarts on a craving one day this past week, after a long run, to soothe my Spring-ready, but weather-disappointed soul. i enjoyed every bite of warm gooey sweet unhealthiness as i watched the sheets of freezing rain pelt my window. poptarts can be perfect in some situations. we needn't judge them, just find your favorite variety :-)
Now I want a PopTart. Do they still make the chocolate ones?
Ahhhhh yeah! Creamsicle poptarts, where have you been all my life? Hello? Stop and Shop? Please have peapod send me a pallate of Orange Cream Pop Tarts STAT!
I really kinda like the s'mores poptarts, because the crust part is less cardboardy than the usual kind, but I'd never eat it for breakfast.
I have a thing for cinnamon frosted pop tarts, and I'm not ashamed of it.