stories:
Table Manners
 |
Is Fido Invited?When it’s not OK to bring your dog to a party |
Dear Helena,
Why are some people so weird about dogs? Ours gets lonely at home, so sometimes we take him out with us. He is a pit bull but has a sweet personality. Recently we took him to a drinks party. He got a little hyper with all the attention he received and was jumping up and begging for cheese straws. Anyway, the hostess got in a snit and told her husband to ask us to take the dog home. I was a little annoyed. He wasn’t making a mess. He was being cute. In fact, his antics were making people let down their guard at kind of a stuffy party. Were we wrong to assume he’d be welcome? —It’s Not a Party Without Dog Drool
Dear It’s Not a Party Without Dog Drool,
It can be bothersome to leave your dog at home, especially if he tends to gnaw on your favorite shoes when left alone. As dog trainer Eric Dorfman says, “Some dogs will freak out and get separation anxiety.”
And a dog can indeed be a great conversation starter. Sheryl Matthys, founder of Leashes and Lovers, a dating community for dog-lovers, says you can often learn more about a person from what kind of dog she has and how she treats it than you would from asking small-talk questions. “You learn whether they’re calm and assertive or more aggressive or very gentle and cuddly,” says Dorfman, who takes his seeing-eye dog everywhere he goes. “For the blind, instead of being ostracized socially, the dog draws people to interact with them.”
However, dog talk can be boring—even for dog-lovers. Shawn Magee, owner of both Amnesia, a bar in San Francisco, and Baker, a small, well-behaved dachshund mix, says: “I hate dog talk. ‘Baker does this. Baker doesn’t like that. Baker is very sensitive when it comes to males wearing hats.’ Talking about the dog [as if] the dog [were] a person or a part of the family. I like the dog to be a dog.”
An uninvited dog could do worse than monopolize the conversation. It might frighten the children, send someone into a sneezing fit, chew on the draperies, or defile the shrubbery. Says Magee: “Sometimes if we go somewhere with a back garden and the other person has a male dog, the dogs tend to get into pissing contests, and Baker may piss on a plant that might be one [the hosts] like.”
Or something even worse could happen. Magee recalls going to a dinner party to which another guest also brought his dog. “The hostess was a strict cat person. The [other] dog was running around chasing her cat, and at the end of the night [the dog] left a giant turd right in the middle of her kitchen.” Magee noticed it, and discreetly told the dog owner during dinner. He made an excuse to slip away from the table. When he returned he murmured to Magee that he had deposited it in the kitchen trash. Magee was horrified. “I made him go back and fish it out and throw it in the woods.”
Don’t risk getting ensnared in such a comedy of errors. The rule for bringing your dog is the same as the rule for bringing your kid or spouse: Unless you know that everyone else is bringing his or hers, you should never assume yours is invited. Always ask. And don’t even ask unless you are confident yours will behave. Does your dog like kids and play well with other dogs? Can it control itself around canapés? Matthys cautions that if you let your dog beg for table scraps or lick the plates at home, then it will think it’s OK to do the same at other people’s houses.
Dog-lovers might prefer not to go out and socialize without their best friend. But if they’re bored, they have the perfect excuse to leave: Gotta go walk the dog.
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
Never ask. What you think is "good behavior" for your dog may be "annoying" to other guests and your hosts. If the hosts extend an invite to your dog, then you could bring him with you.
As a dog owner, if we're having a bbq I always tell friend with dogs that theirs are welcome. However, I would never expect them to be present unless I specifically mentioned bringing them. That's just rude and tacky to assume your pets are welcome.
If I'm inviting new friends, I also mention that we have dogs and a cat who will be around the house. That way, if someone's allergic or uncomfortable and I don't know it, we can deal with it ahead of time instead of awkwardly when they arrive.
Bringing your dog to a get together uninvited? The height of idiotic behavior. Now, if they are good friends who know your dog, and the invite is for, say, a picnic in the park or backyard BBQ, then asking isn't too bad. If it's anything or anyone else, don't even bother.
And NEVER bring a dog who likes to be "cute" the way "it's not party's" dog is. In fact, listening to that dog's behavior, I wouldn't go to a party at HIS/HER house, either. That's not cute, that's poorly trained, and that's the owner's fault. For shame.
Our dog was part of our wedding. We did not allow other dogs, as our own pooch actually dislikes dogs immensely. Well behaved around people to the point of not touching accessible food without permission, our dog just loathes dogs. Our ceremony and reception were in a private park in fancy Santa Barbara. We had the entire area for the night. Somehow, an acquaintance of my mother in law to be heard about the wedding, and though uninvited, decided to drive to the non rented area of the park and walk in to crash the party. She came with her two unleashed standard poodles. My mother in law to be was mortified I was pissed, and my dog was not thrilled, either.
Two tacky errors in one! Before super genius reached three, I had her tossed out.
Some people just don't get it.
<i>Were we wrong to assume he’d be welcome? </i>
Yes.
I am a dog lover. My friends are dog lovers. Unless my dog is specifically invited to an outing, I assume she is not welcome.
Did you even ask if your dog was welcome prior to bringing it to the party? It seems almost imbecilic to me to assume that he would be and to just bring him. I mean, it's incredibly rude to bring an uninvited guest or uninvited children with you; to bring an uninvited dog is completely absurd and much, much worse, in my opinion. I'm a dog owner and if someone brought their dog over to my place without asking in advance, even just casually, I would be furious and they would be asked to leave and probably never invited over again.
Furthermore, the antics of this dog do not sound cute; they sound downright obnoxious. I'm surprised that the hostess tolerated it for as long as she did.
If you can't tolerate the idea of your dog getting lonely, then get him a playmate, or don't go out. Everyone gets lonely, and we simply deal with it. Your dog would be fine for a few hours. People who are way too oversensitive to the emotional state of their dogs are akin to those first-time parents who are completely obsessed with their children. It's annoying, especially when you expect others to accommodate you or care about your irrational feelings.
I don't mean to be as huffy about this topic as I am, but despite the fact that I'm a dog owner, dog owners who make their dogs the centre of their lives (and in this case, the life of the people around them) really push my buttons. I certainly wouldn't bring my cats or snakes to a party, either. It just follows from common sense that I wouldn't bring my dog.
I don't want to repeat anything else said previously, but another point here is that the dog in the particular question was a pit bull. I don't meant to promote stereotypes against certain dogs and it saddens me to think how many languish in shelters (and I know that they can be trained to be just as friendly as other breeds but hey, it doesn't sound like there was a lot of training and limit-setting here), but the truth is pits are commonly classified as "aggressive breed" dogs that, in addition to making some folks nervous, are actually banned from many apartment buildings.
I hope this question was at least partly made up or enhanced for editorial purposes, because it's disturbing to think someone might honestly not know the answer to this.
Our older dog had bad separation anxiety when we first got her, howling and howling the second we closed the door. But we couldn't be slaves to that for the rest of her life; it was in no one's best interest. It took time, and lots of "easter egg hunts" of carrot bits all over the apartment (to keep her distracted) but we were able to leave her for longer and longer periods alone, so that it's nothing to her now.
I would be pretty upset if someone brought their dog to my party uninvited. My dog wouldn't like it, my cats would hate it, and it's just plain rude. And "jumping up for cheese straws" is cute? To who?
Doggie popsicles, aka Peanut Butter Kongs (PBK's). Take a Kong, red or black, depending upon your dog's size and needs. Put in 1t - 1T peanut butter and freeze solid. Preferably have at least five of them and rotate them through the dishwasher. Place in an appropriate crate with fresh water the moment you leave for your party (after you take your dog out, of course). Fido will be happy when you return. We do this when our four year-old happy dog is too excited to see our guests, and I would never dream of taking her to other than, say, a dog's birthday party.
There's no way this is real.
I have a couple friends with a pit bull boxer mix, and there was one instance where I invited them over for dinner and they assumed (since we were dining casually outside) that the dog was invited. This is a dog who must be physically restrained to keep him from jumping on people and licking every patch of exposed skin he can find. The dog's behavior is cute to them, but pretty far from it to me and many of my friends. I was clearly displeased, they realized their mistake, and (to their credit) this has never happened again.
Another friend has a tiny little yorkie that is absurdly well trained and thoroughly harmless. I wouldn't be offended if she were to assume her dog was welcome, since he's never caused a problem and seems incapable of being a disruptive presence, but she never has. I always make sure to extend an invitation to her dog if I want to see him, and I appreciate that she never assumes he's invited at, say, a 5-course dinner.
If it says on the invitation "Ms. Jane Smith & Dog" then yes, the dog is welcome to the party. If it says "Ms. Jane Smith & Guest" then the guest must be of the human sort.
If anyone showed up to my party with a dog I wouldn't even let them come through the door, and I know my mother would do the same.
"He wasn’t making a mess. He was being cute. In fact, his antics were making people let down their guard at kind of a stuffy party."
Unfortunately people often have a blind spot for their pets (and children) so Fido was probably not amusing that many party guests. If it was such a boring and stuffy party you shouldn't have felt bad about missing it to stay home with the dog...
Sounds like a fake question to me...can anyone be so clueless? (A poorly trained pit bull? That they insist is "cute" when it misbehaves? I know there are some people this clueless, but something about the way this is written screams "fake" to me.)
This is just the 'casualization' and 'it's all about me attitude' going on lately. Do-dos wearing sweatpants to nice restaurants, people doing things in public that are downright rude (texting, phonecalls).
People just think they can do whatever pleases them, social norms and ettiquette be damned.
Even more absurd than her previous columns. .
I know a lot of dog owners, and yes, some of them obsess on their dogs... none of them would do this. Or have the balls to bitch about it if they were asked to leave. Agree with fake.
Unless your dog is Spuds Mackenzie...and its a bud light commercial, leave it at home.
Really, this is a bit silly.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this letter is fake. Either someone sent it in as a joke or Helena made it up herself.
Re renz's comments, you raise a good point that some municipalities and rental properties have breed-specific restrictions. However I feel you unfairly discredit pit bulls when you say "they can be trained to be just as friendly as other breeds"; they ARE as friendly as other breeds (I've had pits in my life for over a decade now). All breeds require training so that they learn their proper manners in all settings, and pit bulls are just as capable as yorkies of behaving appropriately at a party. For the record, I'd never bring my dog unless it was clear she was invited or I'd asked ahead of time.
"Why are some people so weird about dogs?"
Without a doubt the most ironic thing that has ever appeared on this website.
I love dogs. I love my friend's dogs. But when I invite my friends to my house, they do NOT bring their dogs along. Im sure the OP's dog is a true party animal, but unless it is a birthday party for another dog, it is inappropriate to assume that a dog is invited.
And really, it would be rude to ask to bring him. Many years ago I spent my first Christmas with my (then new) husband and of course, in the spirit of family harmony, we invited his daughter and her live-in-slug to visit for the festivities. About half an hour before their scheduled arrival, she called and asked her dad if they could bring their little dog, Cleo, a yappy snappy dachshund. Her dad said, no, please DONT bring the dog (we had cats). They brought the dog anyway. One cat spent the whole day under the bed in the guest room, cowering. The other took one look at Cleo, gave her a whap across the nose with claws fully extended, and the tone was set for the day.
Re: DeborahL--I'm not trying to start a debate on dogs here, but I have a hard time with the idea that Pits as a breed are as friendly as other breeds. Statistically, Pits and Rottweillers together are responsible for the majority of dog bite-related fatalities in the U.S. and the majority of dog bite injuries: "Studies indicate that pit bull-type dogs were involved in approximately a third of human DBRF (i.e., dog bite related fatalities) reported during the 12-year period from 1981 through 1992, and Rottweilers were responsible for about half of human DBRF reported during the 4 years from 1993 through 1996....[T]he data indicate that Rottweilers and pit bull-type dogs accounted for 67% of human DBRF in the United States between 1997 and 1998. It is extremely unlikely that they accounted for anywhere near 60% of dogs in the United States during that same period and, thus, there appears to be a breed-specific problem with fatalities." (JAVMA 2000;217:836-840.)
I do think there are good Pits (and Rottweillers), and responsible pit owners, who do everything they can to make sure that their dogs are 1) well-trained 2) under control at all times in public 3) introduced to new animals/people/other stimuli cautiously, in a way so as not to upset either the dog or nearby humans.
This is one of the reasons why I really doubt the authenticity of the original letter: most pit owners are aware of the reaction their breed of dog gets and the potential for problems (even if it's just people's negative reactions to their dogs), and tend to be cautious about where and how they introduce their dog into new situations, especially where there are lots of people/chaos. They certainly wouldn't defend their dog's misbehavior as "cute" in a way that indicates a complete lack of awareness.
So, I maintain that the letter is either a fake, is "embellished"...or else the person writing is possibly the dumbest dog owner on the planet.
If it is a real letter, the Helena was far too nice in her reply, and should have called this woman out for as the idiot she is.
TO "It’s Not a Party Without Dog Drool",
If you have to ask this, you need more help than your dog. I think you have the separation anxiety. My roommate's friend showed up with her dog, it chased the cat and jumped on the furniture. I told her to tie it to the kitchen chair she was at, take him outside or take him home. I also told her she should not have brought him without asking either of us first. She got insulted, but that's her problem.
Honestly, a child is one thing, but your pet is something else all together.
If the animal is welcome and acts up, you do the same you would with a crying baby at the movie. Leave.
nicolson, your stats are misleading. You cited dog bite *fatalities* -- the number of fatalities has nothing to do with the dog's *propensity* to bite, only with the *severity* of the bite. Any dog can bite, and there are many dog breeds that have a much higher propensity to bite than pit bulls and Rottweilers. The difference between a pit bull and a Yorkie is not that pit bulls are more aggressive or likely to bite, but that a bite from a pit bull is more likely to require medical treatment.
In other words, your stats are more a reflection of the physical characteristics of those breeds than their behavior or personality characteristics.
You should never assume that either dogs, children, or extra guests are welcome at dinner parties. It was rude for you to bring the uninvited dog to someone else's house. You failed to account for anyone else's allergies, phobias, pets, or feelings. Your unwelcome pet could expose the resident pets to an illness, or cause them to have behavior problems. Were it my home, you and your uninvited dog would have been shown the door. The issue here is not the dog--it's your lack of manners.
We love our little dog, but we would never, ever, in a million years "assume" that she would be welcome at any gathering. It's called kennel trained. If we are going to be out for a couple hours, she goes into her kennel, with treats and a bone. Works just fine!
Such a stupid question! Can't believe it was even asked.
It's also possible that the host might have planned an event or activity that might have been very dog unfriendly...like a chocolate fountain (toxic) or..uh, like...uh...a cat juggler?
I don't care HOW big the dog is, if they're not specifically invited they are NOT welcome. I agree with most of the replies: this has to be a fake letter. Nobody can be that self-centered, can they?
Just because the owner thinks their "little precious" is cute, doesn't mean everyone else does.
When is it OK to bring your dog to a party? NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!
I have four dogs, labs and wheaties, and entertain regularly. The dogs spend the prep time, guest time, and clean up time in the master bedroom. (They outgrew their kennels a long time ago.)
During the party, I take them from the bedroom, through the kitchen, and out to the yard several times. They are always happy to be returned to the bedroom, and instinctively know that mingling is not appreciated. I will admit, there are the inevitable guests who sneak into the bedroom to play with the dogs instead of the humans, but that's their choice. I wouldn't inflict dogs on guests in my own home, much less at someone else's event.
This query has got to be a faked.
Agree that uninvited doggies aren't welcome at parties. Disagree that the letter must be fake; there are people who are that unaware.
Couldn't agree more, Diana! At our local dog park there are many more fights in the small dog section than in the rest of the park. People think it's cute when their little dogs are "feisty" when the exact same behavior from a larger dog would cause it to be put down. A badly behaved, aggressive dog is a badly behaved aggressive dog, no matter how small it is.
Back to the original topic, I'm with those who think the letter is a put-on. If the letter-writer was writing about their Yorkie, then it might be plausible, but I don't know any owners of pit bulls who are that clueless about how the rest of the world feels about their dog -- they can't afford to be, and if they are, they don't stay that way long.
Finally, I love my dog, but I wouldn't dream of taking her to a party. I did take her once to a gathering where I was staying overnight: she was still a puppy and I hadn't had her very long and didn't want to leave her overnight. I brought her kennel, but even then it wasn't a totally successful experience and I wouldn't do it again. More important, I asked first, both if she was welcome and if the physical set-up of the house was appropriate.
BTW, this is just one more example of the ridiculous nature of this column: about 75 percent of the time both the question and the answer are absurd. If this is supposed to be satire, then it needs to actually be funny, and if it isn't, then the whole feature needs some serious reworking.
You all would be amazed by how stupid dog owners can be nowadays.
I used to work as a vet tech, and it is always the naive, young client who picks up a separation-anxiety prone pitbull mix from the shelter for 75 bucks. They are the ones who file complaints on us when we try to muzzle them, claiming that his or her pit mix is "half lab," so there is no way in hell that it will attack us.
It is also these kind of people who bring their non-service dog into the post office lobby, the nice restaurant with a patio (because a patio it "outside" the restaurant), and to social gatherings where there are other people who are not used to interacting with such a big, potentially hazardous dog.
Although the writer of this letter seems a little bimbo-fied to me, I myself have encountered people who brought unwanted dogs to social events. My family held an summer bbq at our house one year, and everybody who was invited knew that we had an Akita (which are normally labeled as potentially hazardous dogs), but one of the guests brought their yorkie with them anyway. Well, I guess they wanted my dog to "meet" theirs. My dog promptly bit the yorkie's ass. And to make it worse, the owners had the nerve to ask us to pay for the medical bills!
I don't know where you live, nomnomnoms, but where I live you can't just walk into a shelter and adopt a pit bull or suspected pit bull mix. The potential adopters for those dogs are very strictly screened (more for the dog's benefit than the adopter's).
Well, I always bring my 200 lb Barbary ape with me whenever I go to a party. I just assume "Shemp" is invited. He's well-behaved (apart from occasionally giving rude people the finger), wears a Hannibal Lecter mask, and we have the feces-throwing issue relatively under control. Why are people so uptight around bloodthirsty primates? People need to just lighten up. He's just trying to be friendly!
This has got to be a fake question.
I agree that small, yappy dogs are likely just as aggressive as pit bulls, but less likely to do damage. On the other hand, it is perfectly reasonable, conceptually, that certain breeds are genetically "friendlier" than others. You can train a tiger not to maul you, but it's still a tiger (just ask Siegfried and Roy). Aggressiveness is a trait subject to natural selection and breeding practices. You can work around an animal's instincts (which vary by breed) through conditioning (training), but it is still there.
Despite our preference not to bring our dog to people functions in general, we once brought our (very well behaved) pit bull to a snacky-mingling-type party after the hosts insisted that she come with us - we wouldn't have been able to stay very long with out her in tow. During the party a young girl with a very strong fear of dogs showed up. We promptly took our dog for a walk and then took turns hanging out with her at the park across the street while the little girl and her family enjoyed the party.
It doesn't matter how welcome your dog is, if you do bring them to a social situation, you need to constantly re-evaluate, given changes to the setting/people.
(PS The approximately 10 y/o girl screeched every few minutes the entire time she was there and her family overstayed their welcome; ultimately they had to be asked to leave. Kind of like the dog in the example above...)
sbp - While it is perfectly reasonable to conceptualize genes playing a dominant role in the determination of an animal's behavior, that is far from a settled debate in the psychological or behavioral science communities. The old question of nature versus nurture, that is, whether genetics or conditioning are the primary root cause for an animal's predispositions, probably never will be settled. The general consensus over the last several decades has been that the two forces act in concert to varying degrees, depending on the trait in question. The most recent research, including many of the studies conducted by the human genome project, have trended towards viewing behavioral tendencies more and more as based in conditioning, with little or no genetic input. In humans, behavioral traits may appear hereditary when they are exhibited by multiple members of one family, but usually this is simply a case of those members having been exposed to the same external simuli or picking up on each others' behaviors. Underlying urges which make some animals, like tigers, inherently dangerous are typically observed species wide. Tigers have evolved separately from dogs over the course of tens of millions of years. Distinct breeds of dog have evolved separately from each other, and from the grey wolf, for less then fifteen thousand years. There is little genetic variation from one breed to the next. The different "racial groups" of humans have evolved mostly separately from each other for at least sixty thousand years (at least four times longer than distinct breeds of dogs). It is generally held as reprehensible in modern society to speak of any race based behavioral differences in humans. This sort of thing is called eugenics, a pseudo-science. It seems the most likely answer is that while there is certainly a genetic component to the behavior of a dog, the far larger component in this determination is the sum of the experiences the dog has lived through from conception to the present moment (the most formative period being from conception to roughly four to six months after birth).
Regardless of the breed, regardless of the training, unless it is a dog park, dogs are NOT appropriate at parties.
Is this even a question that needs to be asked. Unless the dog is invited, it ain't. Thats that, not everyone loves your dog as much as you do.
This has got to be a fake question, no one can possibly be this clueless.
Hey, Nomnomnoms, there's no way that Yorkie should have been anywhere near your Akita. The owners should have been instructed so in no uncertain terms. Though the other owners were in the wrong, you had an obligation to do that.
We once had a friend, who lived in an apartment complex and was a total nutcase, ask if she could use our large backyard for a birthday party for her DOG! Well, uh, okay. You clean it up before and afterwards, you bring all the refreshments, doggie treats, etc, and our yard is your yard. So she came over and decorated the yard, as if it was a party for a 5 year old child. Her dog was a yellow lab, and a real sweetie, but some of the guests (as in dogs) were not so nice. We had a "deer" chihuahua, which is larger than a teacup or apple head. She was fine but there were some altercations from the other dogs. NEVER again! It was a stupid idea, but I owed this person a favor, so I caved, but that is the last time I will ever have a mix of dogs around my home!
If I'm invited to your house and they dogs or cats or mongooses or kangaroos or whatever, fine. I sure don't expect you to keep your pet in the back room at all, as long as you don't take offense if I shoo them away for begging or humping my leg (leg-humping may buy the pet an airplane ride, if you get my drift).
We have three dogs, two of which are usually no trouble whatsoever to guests (one being afraid and the other not going out of her way to socialize), the third one is not only obsequious and grovelly, she'll steal any food that she can get her mouth around. We had her first, having inherited the other two chow mixes when my mother died, and love them just as much if not more as the Germasn Shepherd with the coyote tendencies, but hey, what are you gonna do? They're all family. I thoroughly warn guests and definitely help them out when she goes through her paces, and insist that they not feed the dogs anything at all, as it only encourages them to an obnoxious degree.
Everybody I have over knows in advance that they're not required to put up with any crap from my dogs, and if you want to bring your dog, well, no, please just leave them at home. No room here for that many dogs. Your dogs aren't any damn cuter than mine, and I know my dogs are precious to us and not necessarily to anybody else. And they'll probably not like your dog whether or not it tries to insinuate itself into their pack, so why would you put your dog through that? That's just stupid and asking for trouble.
"Tigers have evolved separately from dogs over the course of tens of millions of years. Distinct breeds of dog have evolved separately from each other, and from the grey wolf, for less then fifteen thousand years."
Woah, woah, woah. Tigers and dogs have been evolving separately under *natural selection* for millions of years. Comparing that number with the number of years that dog breeds have been undergoing (often incredibly severe) artificial selection makes no sense.
"It is generally held as reprehensible in modern society to speak of any race based behavioral differences in humans. This sort of thing is called eugenics, a pseudo-science"
That's not what eugenics is.
Unacceptable, if it was my party, scruff the dog would have been relegated to their car for the duration of the party(and I have an acre of property).
I do not understand the mentality of dog owners, leave your dogs at home, most people dont want to dine with them at a house party, an outdoor cafe, or any other place. I dont lug my cats around with me. If you ask me dog owners who cannot be apart from their pets have issues.
As for the letter being fake, based on the ammount of clueless, and rude people I meet almost on a daily basis I wouldnt be surprised if it was real.
danieljdwyer: The problem is that dogs (which are the most physically varied species on the planet today) got that way really only in the last 150 years or so, beginning in the Victorian era with the push for "pure breeds." (And if you don't think there was ridiculous racism/class bias reflected in the Victorian mindset over dog breeding, go back and read some of the literature on it and you'll see otherwise.)
Using rampant--and often devastating--breeding practices like inbreeding, breeds have been selected for not only specific physical traits but in many cases personality traits as well. Just like basset hounds have been bred for a standard for ears and bulldogs for broad, boxy shoulders and massive heads (meaning many times pups now have to be delivered via cesarean, which is certainly not a natural phenomenon--and without human intervention the breed would rapidly select back into a very different looking dog), certain breeds have also been selected for personality traits like docility or aggressivity or "gameness" (i.e, pit bulls, who were historically been selectively bred for use in dog fighting and bred to be aggressive to other dogs).
Granted, pits were also historically bred to be docile to their owners (not to bite owners who were pulling them out of the fight), but we live in a different world today. Pits are now in many cases expected to perform as "companion" animals and expected to interact in a family and varied human social settings (as in the letter).
I absolutely agree that there are "good" pits--and that it is very often a question of the owner: does the owner know their needs, train them and work them on a daily basis, etc. But I also believe that, knowing that pits (and Rottweillers, etc.) can do serious damage if they bite, and knowing the historical role of the breed as fighters, that unless you are a very responsible owner, who can work your dog constantly with obedience training and exercise--and control it properly from attacking other animals and other people--you are taking a massive risk introducing it so cavalierly into an unknown social situation like in this (fake?) letter. Especially if you are not aware of your dog's lineage or adopt a "rescued" dog whose triggers you might not know. (That's not "eugenics" or bias against a breed--it's just common sense.)
Responsible groups that rescue breeds with "uncertain" reputations are very aware that bad individual dogs exist and make sure these are not adopted. This sometimes means they are euthanized.
Most of Michael Vick's stable of fighting pits were found to be adoptable, with only one (that I'm aware of) being put down.
Comparing temperament of dog breeds to that of groups of human population ("race") doesn't work. Lots more difference between a Chihuahua and a Golden than between a Kalahari Bushman and a Uighur.
I'm glad to see so many people calling out this letter as fake. I'm a huge dog lover (we've got 4 right now), and most of my friends and family have dogs, and not one of them has ever brought a dog to a party, unless it was an informal gathering (outdoors, bbq, etc.) AND they inquired in advance. It just gives dog lovers a bad name to intimate that we would ever bring dogs to a party - especially without the blessing of the host(ess).
Mr. Eaty - The contrast in the number of years of divergent evolution was simply meant to demonstrate that saying, "Tigers are of a certain nature," just isn't comparable to saying, "Rottweilers are of a certain nature." Tigers are genetically different enough from all other animals to represent a distinct species. No two dog breeds are even remotely close to being genetically different from each other, or from the grey wolf, to be identified as a distinct species. Also, a large component of eugenics has always been to mark one race as inferior to another as evidenced by supposed differences in temperment. Obviously, there is more to eugenics than that, but that is one aspect of it.
nicolson - You're absolutely right on all counts. Dog breeders, kennel clubs, vets, and so on operate under the assumption that certain breeds have been successfully imbued with certain temperments and other behavioral characteristics through selective breeding. They have one fairly substantial MIT study to back up that claim. However, there is also a mountain of empirical evidence to suggest that not only do genetics play little role in determing temperment differences within a species, there is not enough genetic variation between breeds of dogs to create temperment differences even if genetics can predict temperment. Many other factors could easily explain perceived temperment differences. For example, an aggressive mother is very likely to have agressive pups simply because the strongest stimulus they have during their most formative period is the behavior of their mother. Even the MIT study concedes that behavioral traits seem to pass down most strongly from mother to pup, something for which there is yet no genetic explanation. There is no conclusive answer to the role of genes in determining behavior, and each side makes a compelling argument.
Surely this question is in jest...........
Then again, I used to know a family wherein the dog was never left alone a minute of it's life ( to the point that someone would have to stay home from church, so that it wouldn't be alone ).
I am an owner of a velcro-dog who follows me all around the house and doesn't appear to enjoy lengthy periods alone, but unless it's a BBQ or somesort with a close friend who i asked, I wouldn't bring her, and usually only if it's people with their own dogs that I know there's no battles between. Outside venues. She's an older pooch, more likely to be interested if you have cats, but otherwise doesn't want to be bothered by hyper puppies or little kids pulling her tail, so it's usually easier to leave her home anyway, unless like i said, it's a beach day and she'd enjoy the water and beach outside. Animals can get easily overwhelmed by large groups of people, and can behave uncharacteristically.
For the most part, she spends these times at my own home, in her contained area, as to be truthful, I don't want to spend my time at a dinner party chasing after her, wondering what she is up to or into (like garbage), or constantly having to let her outside to do her business and what not. And I sure as hell don't want the responsibility should someone's toddler attempt to debone her by pulling her tail and she snaps at them.
For my own parties, if it's a large, drinking group, she goes to the "spa" (aka kennel) for the night. Again, I want to relax and enjoy my party, I don't want her all over people, nor do I want her little toes broken by getting underfoot.
Smaller gatherings, friends over for dinner and such, she stays at home, and on her designated pillow or at least away from the table, even if she needs the occasional "go lie DOWN". I do not feed her from the table or allow her to even put her paws up on people eating, and I ask that people not allow her to do so ( I get the oh, cmon she's so sweet, leave her alone ). She's a headstrong little thing and needs rules, and happens to be on a special diet, and in general I do not believe in table scraps for dogs. She tends to try to break the rules when new people are around. Besides which, i loathe it when i go to people's houses and their dogs are licking at my legs or begging at the table while i'm trying to eat. All I ask, is that in my own house, you don't try and talk me out of my rules.
Call the authorities ! I don't let her up on the couch or bed or carry her around in a purse either ! Poor mistreated animal. ;)
So my answer to the OP, seriously....do you really think your dog can't survive without you for two hours or that your hosts would be starved for entertainment should fido the wonder dog not be in attendance? Perleeze.......
Some people really are that clueless. I had a holiday dinner where my nephew informed me that unless his gfriend can bring her dog along, they can't attend (he's whipped, but that's another story). Fido was cute and generally well behaved except whenever I opened the oven door (quite often that night!). Everytime I opened it, he would run to it and nearly jump into it. I have a range/stove/oven, so the oven is situated pretty close to the floor. You would think that the gfriend would run out of her chair to grab the dog, but instead, both she and my nephew just laughed and thought it was "cute." Not so cute, I'm sure, is the remains of Fido charred to a crisp.
She is forever banned from future dinners unless she can bear to leave Fido home.
Even If the question IS a fake, there are still legions of clueless numbnuts around that think their dog is not only welcome everywhere but being cute when it begs or becomes the central point of the get-together.
Who's REALLY looking for all the attention here? I doubt if it was the dog's idea originally, or if it was, it was taught to be that way...
Leave our dog at home. There are lots of reasons he/she might be unwelcome: allergies, fights with the hosts' dog on site,bad behaviour, e.g., jumping up, biting. I have a dog I adore but he stays at home. I want to enjoy the event, not discipling my dog - their behaviour is that, often, of unpredictable children. Enjoy!
Leave our dog at home. There are lots of reasons he/she might be unwelcome: allergies, fights with the hosts' dog on site,bad behaviour, e.g., jumping up, biting. I have a dog I adore but he stays at home. I want to enjoy the event, not doling out commands/directives to my dog - their behaviour is that, often, of unpredictable children. Enjoy!
Leave our dog at home. There are lots of reasons he/she might be unwelcome: allergies, fights with the hosts' dog on site,bad behaviour, e.g., jumping up, biting. I have a dog I adore but he stays at home. I want to enjoy the event, not be doling out commands/directives to my dog - their behaviour is that, often, of unpredictable children. Enjoy!
The popularity of small dogs, the breed that remain in handbags or in the arms of their owners definately show up more than dogs on a hand held leash. I do not own a dog but I like dogs. I do not understand why anyone wants to carry a pet around like a prop. But, pets of any size/breed that arrive at our home uninvited are sent packing with owner no matter who they are.
Are any of the Q's on this Table Mannners based on real queries? I never thought so.
HillJ: Absolutely. I've sent in a few (three or four?) serious queries, and had all of them answered here.
vorpal, if that has been your experience then I am happy to stand corrected.
I hosted a dinner party once and a guest brought her dog. The dog owner rolled out a little "potty paper" on the middle of my carpet next to the dining table. I was shocked (and disgusted) and asked her to move it to the tile floor in the bathroom. She responded that her dog prefers the carpet over tile.
Needless to say, that's the last time I invited that woman to dinner.
Whoa, frygirl. That's horrific. I stand corrected - this letter could be real.
As a positive frygirl, at least she brought the potty paper.
Frygirl, why would you ever let that person in your house. They would have gotten the boot from me, I applaud you for your tolerance...
The only party I have ever seen where it was OK to bring a dog was when a dog-loving friend of ours hosted a "doggie BBQ" where the theme specifically called for people to bring their dogs, and one person even borrowed one for the occasion.
My husband has a Service Dog. He is with him 24/7, While he can legally be in any public place, we are careful to ask if the dog is welcome at private gatherings. 9 times out of ten, there is no problem. We respect those that may not appreciate the 4-legged helper and on those occasions leave him at home. It is true that my husband does not always need him during social occasions, but it helps the bond between those two, so that if there is an occasion for the dog to "help" he is more willing. Folks, read your audience!
Oh my do I have stuff to say.
First off, Original Poster is an idiot, and I think it is a real letter. You all have nicely covered that initial OP issue. A pleasure to read indeed. Intelligent foodies, yay!
One of my issues on the subject has not been addressed here. I wrote about this on another post, but what the heck I'll reiterate. I have been using a cane the last year (seeing a surgeon next week) and my mother is about to get a new knee on Tuesday. To say the least, we are talking unsteady on our feet. Happy/angry jumping beasties can knock us over, break us, if they are not in control. Selfish folks don't think about this sort of thing, but they will when they have medical merde to deal with. I hate being scared of physical harm, but here it is.
And by the way, this applies to rampaging children. Just as (more so) touchy a subject I know, but just please think about your grandparents...
My sister has two enthusiastic dogs that are well trained, and controlled by hand when needed. She would NEVER bring her dogs to an event that they were not approved/specifically invited to. And they get banished when needed. The car is fine thanks, they've spent a load of time there before so it is like a den.
And what about allergies? Ever think of that original poster? Jerk.
The funniest thing is when I'm visiting my sister and get to see the doggie act when we return from a shopping trip, event, whatever it is. The dogs act like the prodigal son has come back, like they were horribly abandoned without any water or soft things to rest on or knowing they were going to be patted madly on our return? Like those beasts don't get ridiculous amounts of love. Hilarious. Really, Original Poster, they can rest at home for a few hours.
I would be quite unhappy if anyone brought a dog to my home, they would not be allowed inside. I am very allergic to dogs and cats. I can't believe that anyone would even consider bringing their pet without an invitation. Who wants to have to carry meds to a party in case some clod brings their mutt.
I'm sorry but only a complete moron would show up to a party with their uninvited dog in tow, in particular a pit bull! I actually love pit bulls but am fully aware of the kind of reaction they get and would never dream of bringing an animal to an indoor party! As it is, a couple of years ago I was celebrating my birthday at a fairly posh place and my friend's girlfriend asked if she could BRING HER DOG! To a nice restaurant!! She offered to leave her pet chained to the patio upon learning that there was one but I was so irked at the mere suggestion of 1) leaving her dog chained to a fence all night, 2) all the while, complete strangers are drinking and eating only steps away! Thankfully it was reason enough for her not to join us--the fewer morons at my party, the better.
I don't believe it's a fake letter. It's happened before to a friend and I was present. The host has a huge yard and own a dog as well. The guests (a couple) assumed their dog was welcome as well. We ended up having to separate the two for the entire night. The "guest dog" was jumping all over the other guests and climbing up onto the table, the bbq grill and it was just not please. The owners thought it was "cute". Did I mention this dog was a large german sheppard?
To the person who made the pitbull comment... breed is irrelavent, educate yourself before you stereotype, saying you hate stereotyping, then doing just that!! I own one of these "aggresive' breeds... he is a great dog and so are most of them, in the wrong hands any dog is dangerous, I work in the vet industry and believe me it isn't pits we get nervous about!.... But I will get off my soap box on that topic, I agree with the general feeling here is that it is completely unacceptable to bring your dog or child for that matter, to a party that they are not invited to. Even if the hosts have a dog, just like people, they don't always all get along!
I don't think the fact that it is a pitbull is as big a deal as the fact that you brought a dog to a party. Unless it's a dog birthday party I can't think of how it would ever be appropriate to bing a dog to a party.
If anyone brought a dog to my party without asking it would be their last invitation.
It’s Not a Party Without Dog Drool is an idiot. No, NO, NO!