stories : Table Manners
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The Art of CriticismDoes your server really want to know how your meal was? |
Dear Helena,
At a restaurant, shortly after your meal has been served, the server usually returns to ask, “How is everything?” or “Is everything OK?” If there’s something really wrong with the food and I need to send it back, I speak up.
But I don’t say anything if the food is just blah. If the croutons seem like they come from a package or the trout is too bony or the sauce is underseasoned, it seems easier to just pretend and say everything is great. Should I tell the server the truth? If I were the chef, I would want to know how my food was being received. —Discriminating Diner
Dear Discriminating Diner,
Asking “How is everything?” is like asking “How are you?” Most of the time, only a stock answer is expected: “Fine.” As you’ve intuited, you need only speak up if you want something else (like ketchup or a side plate for a shared dish), or if you want to send the food back.
Otherwise, you should keep your opinion to yourself. For fear of a shoot-the-messenger effect, the server probably won’t share your comments with the chef. Jeff Porter, corporate wine buyer for the grocery chain Andronico’s Markets, says that when he worked as a sommelier at Tra Vigne in St. Helena, California: “Unless the critique was really severe, the server wouldn’t pass it on. Often the chef doesn’t want to hear it.”
After your meal might seem like the best time to share your thoughts. The server usually asks, “How was everything?” But even then he may be asking the question by rote, without the time to listen to your answer, or the confidence to pass it on.
It’s a nice gesture to send an email detailing specific feedback before publicizing your thoughts on CHOW or another restaurant review site. That way, you give the restaurant a chance to improve. The owner is more likely to take your criticism seriously if you put some sugar on it: “I loved the piquant sauce on my enchiladas, so it was a shame they were still frozen in the middle.” But if the owner ignores your email, or worse, attempts to argue with you, you need not feel guilty about trashing the restaurant’s reputation.
If the restaurant has no email address, however, telephoning isn’t necessary. It could be a hassle to get the right person on the phone, and you may catch him or her at the wrong moment.
If you review online, the restaurant owner or manager, or another staff member, will likely read it, and may respond. Brad Lauster, a user experience designer in San Francisco and frequent diner-out, says he’s been contacted by several restaurants and bars about his online reviews. Sometimes the owner may invite him to return and rethink his opinion, or a staff member may solicit more information.
Lauster’s review of one bar commented that it had “the second-best Manhattans in the city.” He continued, “I can’t stand their variable drink pricing policy. Depending on how crowded it is, their Manhattan might cost $7 or it might cost $10. Suck!” and added, “Also, I’ve been dumped here. Twice!” The bartender contacted him to ask who made the best Manhattans. Lauster says, “Even though my review was not particularly complimentary, she was very friendly. It was a positive exchange and in the end I felt better about returning to the bar. I still frequent the place.”
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
Great topic.
Unless something's really unacceptable, I don't go out of my way to provide criticism. A, there are too many places in the world—if I don't like what place X does, I'll just go to place Y. B, providing critiques is in part what Chowhound is for (when I want to start a dialogue, to see if I missed or misunderstood something or if anyone else has shared my experience) and in part what I started a blog for (when I don't want to start a dialogue but just want to have a snarky monologue). C, a meal out is only partly about the food, it's also about the mood and the companionship, and disrupting all that to back-and-forth with a server who may or may not really care what the answer to his/her question is just not something I'm inclined to do.
Which isn't to say I don't see reasons to take the opposite tack.
As Helena states, most servers ask about the meal by rote - not wanting or expecting to hear a thoughtful answer. So why ask? I would prefer if the server didn't ask in the first place. If there is a serious enough problem with the meal, I'll speak up, but that's rare.
I totally disagree. As a server I only ask a guest if everything is ok for precisely that reason, to MAKE SURE IT IS ENJOYABLE. If they are not enjoying their dinner, I would like the opportunity to fix it as soon as possible to the best of my ability instead of having to suffer for it (monetarily) at the end of the meal because let's be honest, the public generally thinks its the SERVER'S fault that their dinner experiance was not perfect. Furthermore, if your plate is licked clean, and you tell me at the end of your meal that your food was cold, or it was too salty etc...we would be prone to think you are instead trying to get something for free. Just a thought.
Yuyu, you are among those servers who really do care. There are a lot of them. There are also plenty who don't—as in any profession—and I disagree with you that most people think it's the server's fault if something's wrong with the cooking; on the contrary, one knows the buck ultimately stops with the chef or the GM, which is precisely why one may not want to bother the server with something that's not really his or her fault unless it's really necessary to rely on him/her for that middleman role.
When I see topics of this nature, I often wondered about the person who dines alone. Some people dine alone by choice, others by circumstance but I can't imagine a diner sitting alone anticipating a great meal not engaging with the server(s) or accepting a poorly prepared dish.
So, if servers ask "is everything all right" once a glass of wine or entree is brought to the table, most of the time it's going to be appreciated.
Speaking from the line cook/chef's POV, at all the restaurants I've worked at, we always pressured the servers to get honest answers because in the craziness things slip by that we don't catch, but the patrons do. Also, at the last place I worked it was seasonal with a weekly changing menu, so it was important to find out what people liked and what they didn't with the current dishes. Just my opinion!
I worked at my parents' restaurant and we always appreciated the feedback of the customer. My father took every criticism seriously since he could no longer be in the kitchen every day as he was getting older. If the customer doesn't say what's wrong with food, how would you ever find out? As long as the message is delivered with thoughtfulness to/from the server there was never resentment.
I think it's very important to give honest feedback to a server who will then pass it on to the chef/owner/manager. I worked in restaurants for many years as a server in mostly high end places where the rule was to always make the customer happy. Now if I was having an obligatory meal (maybe a family gathering) at a chain restaurant that is not one I'd typically choose then I'd keep my comments to myself understanding that it's just not my kind of place. It seems there's a big difference in sharing a negative comment just because one doesn't like a dish & sharing that the dish has not being cooked properly (ie undercooked or over cooked). I was recently in a restaurant that I typically love & ordered one of the dishes I have frequently enjoyed. But this time it was completely overcooked & dry. I told my server (who told the manager & had it removed from my check) and I was told there was a new person in the kitchen. I have since returned & the dish was again wonderful. If I had not said anything I might have thought that this place was just going down hill but by politely sharing my comments with the staff I left happy with the intention to return & give them a try again & they were given the opportunity to repair the situation.
I've never been a server/waitress but have always wanted to own a restaurant myself, so speaking from that perspective(and assuming I was working for a restaurant that wasn't a chain or some other mass produced type restaurant) I actually would be interested in whether or not they enjoyed their meal. Half the time the waitstaff like to talk about the menu/certain items/etc. so usually I get the vibe that they actually want to know or if they particularly like what I've ordered they'll want to know if I liked it too. I don't really speak up myself, but I had an aunt who on a few occasions would be asked if she had enjoyed her ::whatever she had ordered:: and she would say "yes, it was lovely, but what I had wasn't ::whatever was on the menu::"...because the menu was wrong! the chef came out and ended up apologizing once. my uncle or whoever she was with was pretty embarrassed, ha
I'm impressed with the number of people in the restaurant business here that say they really want to know how the food is. Not that I didn't expect anybody to care, but I was of roughly the same opinion as Helena. I repair and install computers at a large business and I know how easy it is to get an attitude when there are so many customers who truly appear to love to complain- it isn't right, but its easy to get jaded and one has to fight that instinct.
Keep on fighting the good fight, restaurant people, and customers, if you have a problem and tell the waiter, please understand that the waiter most likely neither caused nor planned your problem- and for crying out loud, stop trying to get something for free all the time.
what the hell is a user experience designer?? this is such a silly column
I always wondered why people go to the trouble of asking a question they don't want answered. to a server who DOESN'T want to know how the meal was, perhaps they should instead say, "I hope you enjoyed your meal", which then gets across a feeling of positivity without leaving the door open to people like my father, who was raised to answer questions honestly and did so.
Frankly, I think he in the end knew darn well no one wanted to hear, and was punishing them for poor practices. Don't ask a question you don't want the answer to.
He was odd, that way, but it was sort of nice to see someone care about proper conversational skills. When servers would put food in front of him and cheerfully chirp, "there you go!" he would say, "Nope, still here. I won't leave till done!" If they said , "there you are!", he'd respond, "Yes, here I am! There's my wife, and there are my kids."
In the end, I think being a smartass was probably just as rude as asking a question without wanting an answer, and usually the poor servers were more confused than anything else.
Still, it was nice to see someone standing up for doing things properly, and not speaking like a moron.
In the end, after a long period of digression-sorry- I have to say that unless the meal or service is dreadful, I often don't say anything. However, when asked, or even when not, a poor meal is worth either a straight away comment, or a letter or call later.
If a dish is god awful, or just wrong, I think it's OK to call a server over and be nicely honest.
"How is everything?"
"Well, frankly, the duck seems very dry. I'm not enjoying this at all. Can I ask for it to be redone, or can I order something else?"
Usually, people are happy to comply. Especially when a mistake HAS been made (for example, the time I was served strawberries that had been accidentally macerated in salt instead of sugar).
The places that refuse warrant complaint to a manager, or just no repeat visits.
I was a server for 17 years and I did actually want to know how my guests enjoyed their meals. I always asked within 2 bites or two minutes to make sure they were not dissatisfied or if they needed an accompaniment. If a customer was not happy with their meal, it was my job to make them happy. I could only do that, however, if I knew that they did not like it. I was also legitimately interested at the end of the meal if there was a specific complaint that I could remedy next time or pass along to the kitchen. I did actually inform the chef if there was a specific problem that he could fix. I also worked for a cheapskate that did not let us try the food for free, even the nightly specials. Without feedback from the guests, I could never have been able to answer some of the questions asked by the guests. It is helpful to know if a dish is generally liked or disliked by most people. I really enjoyed my job and genuinely wanted to make people happy and I enjoyed talking to guests. Although, it was not my full time job. I did it on the weekends for fun and extra money because I am a teacher. I did get jaded a couple of times in the summer when I picked-up far too many shifts. Deep down, however, I still cared.
I think that it strongly depends on the calibre of the restaurant as well. If you eat at a higher end place, then I would expect that the server would be much more interested in my opinion of the meal, and would divulge accordingly. However, if friends dragged me to a place like Kelsey's, I would probably dismiss out of hand anything more than a major mistake in the kitchen before bringing it to the attention of my waiter.
Diana, I don't mean to belittle your father, but such nitpicking sounds like all it does is fail to acknowledge common English idioms and reject the evolution of language.
As an addendum to my previous post, I generally find that if you're uncomfortable making outright complaints, serving staff are generally rather sensitive to subtle visual cues. For example, even at low-brow restaurants, if my meal goes largely untouched, the waiters are genuinely inquisitive as to why I didn't eat more. (In my case, since I'm very open to stating my opinion, it's usually more because I was less hungry than anticipated rather than because the meal didn't match the price point, but it's nice to think that they care.)
Vorpal, I agree. Working as a waiter is a hard job no matter what people think, and between the people trying to wheedle free stuff out of me and people wanting me to treat them as if I was an indentured personal servant with nothing else to do, somebody toying with me via idiomatic horseplay might just send me over the edge on a bad day.
My uncle used to do that mercilessly to waitstaff (especially the pretty female ones). I actually stopped dating men once or twice because of that personality quirk. That and the guy who considered himself an urbane, well-traveled man of the world who would reply when asked how the meal was, "Hitto el spotto!" in a loud voice. Went over real well in Mexican restaurants, as you might imagine.
Just keep it civilized and appropriate and you can share your thoughts with your server. If it's a service issue it may be harder to do so, but if you give that person the chance to correct then they receive the opportunity to earn a good tip.
I think wooster has hit the nail on the head. Well put.
It's all about context. There are two goals of the server asking that are quite distinct. 1) determine that the dish is correct and prepared properly (where "properly" is objective - i.e., hot if it's supposed to be, not burnt, etc.) and 2) determine satisfaction with the meal.
When I worked at a brewpub, I only cared about 1. If I gave them the wrong thing or forgot to order "no onions" for them, then I wanted to know and correct it, absolutely. This is why a server really should be asking you within the first bite or two, because by then any problems are known. Waiting 5-10 minutes just pisses off the person if they're waiting to send it bac kwhile everyone else eats.
If people were just unhappy with what they ordered, it was a personal taste thing, and, at a brewpub where we all have 7 tables, that's their problem. I know everybody likes to think that their feedback is valued, but in a fast-moving, turn-the-tables type place, they're going to look at data: what's selling, what's not, and individual data points are nearly useless.
At a nice restaurant, servers are absolutely concerned with #2. At that sort of restaurant, the service level should be more concerned with the satisfaction of the guests on an individual level.
There is a neighborhood pub that I frequent sometimes 2 or 3 times a week. They have a totally new wait staff because of maternity leaves (is there something in the water?).
On my last visit, the new waitress took my order and walked away before I could order a beverage. I couldn't get her attention. Finally, one of the busboys came and I ordered my Coke from him. Later, same waitress walked by and said, "Howseverythingfine?" and kept going. (I wanted to order another Coke.) Now, I don't think I have a bad reputation in this restaurant - I tip 20% and am always friendly - but I was puzzled. The food was fine, the service wasn't.
Eventually, she dropped off my bill. For the first time, I left a 10% tip - and I don't think she earned that.
As a server,I can't imagine doing to a patron what happened to Erlinda in her post. Even at my busiest I have never shortchanged my tables with my attitude. I go back to the table after I drop off their order to verify that all is fine. Then I go back a second time about halfway through to see if anything else is needed, such as drink refills, more rolls, etc. I have more trouble with the rude people who waive you off like you are an annoying fly. My boss does not question me now when I ask for a recook or a replacement dish because he knows I'm looking out for his business and his customers, many of whom are repeats and regulars. I want these people to come back. And with the prices that people pay to eat out, their food should be prepared and served properly. I want to know if something is wrong! I know how I want to be treated when I go out (which is a few timees a week). I want someone like me to serve my table!!!!
Vorpal,
My father is English. My Grandparents were just as serious about proper English, and used to tell us all, "idioms may as well come from the same root as idiot."
Then again, Grandpa insisted for decades that the cow living in the field behind his house was a famous star in a butter commercial. Decades. Naturally, no cow lived productively that long. he didn't care. He just picked a similar looking cow to the last one, and went on with the tale. He also told us as little children a tale in which a hunter pardons a bear only to watch it eat his wife and 12 children one by one.
I caught Dad vacuuming our afghan once. Not a blanket or rug, a dog.
They are strange people who were extreme about proper English. They are not linguists, who study language and its evolution, they are sticklers for speaking (and comporting) oneself properly. Then again, someone has to be to keep even the idiom users basically straight. Without the fletching, no arrow will hit a target!
As a server, I completely disagree. I know I'm in the minority, but if something is sub-par, I want to know about it. I want to fix it. I want my guests to absolutely LOVE their meal. It's selfish, but if they're not pleased with their experience, it's probably going to affect me come tip time. It's typically quite easy to fix a problem with someone's food, and people genuinely appreciate my going out of my way for them because I think it's pretty unexpected anymore.
If one person thinks the soup is too salty, more often than not, someone else is going to agree. And I'm going to have to hear about it AGAIN. I might as well alert the kitchen to the problem the first time around so that I don't have to waste time correcting the same problem on multiple tables. Plus, when people love their food as opposed to just finding it edible, they're way more likely to come back and recommend my restaurant to their friends and family. Which, in the long run, means more money in my pocket.
Sometimes there really isn't anything the waitstaff can do.
I frequent the only Indian restaurant in town. Recently I had a nearly spice-less meal there. When the waitress (who asks about my son) asked how my meal was, I told her politely. Her reply? The cook is having a bad time with his wife, has been really upset lately. Aside from making sure he didn't cry into my food, I don't think there was anything she could do to make it better. I will ask into his emotional well-being the next time I eat there, and hope for a nicely spiced result.