stories : Table Manners
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Too Poor for DrinksStaying home is the new going out |
Dear Helena,
I’m feeling the economic downturn right now and I’m trying to cut back on going out to bars and restaurants. I don’t want my social life to suffer, but I feel like it’s a downer if I say, “I can’t dine at Chez Fancy-Pants because I’m totally broke. How about you come over to my place? We can make soup.” How can I have fun drinking and eating with my friends, but save money at the same time? —Penny Pincher
Dear Penny Pincher,
We go to bars and restaurants in part to people-watch and enjoy the scene, and staying home can seem a bit flat in comparison. When you tell your friends you’d rather not go out, don’t say it’s because you’re broke. Invite them to come over, but offer a festive reason. Obviously you don’t have the cash for champagne or private belly-dancing lessons. But below you’ll find some suggestions for recession socializing that will cost you less than you’d spend on a restaurant meal or on cocktails and taxis, especially if you get your friends to chip in.
Make a special drink or snack. These always create a sense of occasion. A friend of mine makes her own dill schnapps. People light up when she breaks it out (and it gives you a buzz fast). You could make special spirits like Ginger-Infused Vodka or Grapefruit-Infused Vodka. You need not use top-shelf liquor for it to be good, and nobody will know anyway, because you can put it in a crafty-looking Mason jar. If you have a secret recipe, whether it’s for a cocktail or a snack, now’s the time to bring it out. I sometimes make popcorn with my “secret seasoning.” I don’t put anything particularly unusual in it, but I like saying that, because people get so excited.
Host a tasting party. Tell your friends you’re having a tasting, and ask everyone to bring a bottle or dish. That way, you split the cost of refreshments. For instance, have a tequila tasting (and let everyone take home one of the opened bottles). All you have to do is clean your bathroom and buy some limes. You don’t even have to buy plastic cups: Just make the event BYOC. Or, if tequila is too pricey, have a mac ’n’ cheese party, where everyone brings a version to compare. Unless you’re putting truffles in it, what’s more cheap and cheerful?
Create a food project. There’s something pleasingly old-fashioned about inviting your friends over to collaborate on a kitchen project. It’s a low-maintenance way to hang out, because the focus isn’t all on the conversation. Your project could be making preserves or trying out this incredible salsa recipe. You share the cost of the ingredients and give guests half the booty to take home.
Go on an alfresco outing. You need not do a full picnic. If the weather is fine, most people are eager to get together outside, and are happy with a blanket, a thermos of martinis, and something to nibble on. If you can invest a little cash, buy a secondhand lawn game like bocce ball or croquet.
Of course, one great advantage of meeting people in bars and restaurants is that it’s easy to escape. If you’re entertaining friends in your home, you can’t just murmur an excuse and slip away when you get tired or bored. However, with my proven Guest Ejection Strategy, none of your visitors will outstay his or her welcome.
All that said, sometimes a bar or restaurant is truly the best option. If you don’t know your companions well, inviting them to your place might feel too intimate (or too labor-intensive). And if the occasion is a first date, having someone over and plying him with vodka could look downright creepy. Save the homemade schnapps for the third date.
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
Great suggestions. As a grad student who loves to go out but should probably curtail his spending, I'm definitely going to give a few of these a try.
Another thing I'd like to do, if my friends were more food oriented, would be to host a multicultural food night, having everyone bring a dish from a cuisine that they love or one associated with their background, and then we all share.
My very creative office mate back when I was doing my Master's degree did something akin to this, but called it an "evil" party, and each guest was to prepare a dish from a country historically considered evil by US standards. It was brilliant, and a lot of laughs.
Volunteer to be the designated driver. Many's the time I've been out with friends, and we won't our the driving-and-not-boozing pal pay for his soft drink.
I don't see why you can't just say that you're broke and invite your friends over for dinner and wine. You don't need bar ambience to have a great time.
If they are really your friends, they will understand. My friends and I are usually in "feast or famine" mode regarding disposable income. Sometimes we potluck, sometimes we just take turns paying for each others meal. It's the friendship that is the most important, not the money. If you can't be honest with your friends, who can you be honest with?
If you're going to have a tequila tasting party, you really should provide some food. Or arrange for other people to bring food. Sampling tequila on an empty stomach isn't a great idea.
One way to help cut back a little on the expense of going out without being a stick in the mud stay at home type is to start or finish at home. If you meet up at someone's home for cocktails (and a few light appies), that's a relatively expensive round of drinks and appetizers that aren't going to end up on your bill, so maybe you'll still be able to afford that dinner out.
Similarly, you can plan to go out for dinner, but bake some wicked chocolate cake up, so you have a reason to come home after for dessert and a nightcap.
The food project is a great idea, but I think making an actual meal is better than preserves or salsa. Ravioli and tamales, for example, are great party foods that are kind of taxing when made by one or two people, but a complete blast to prepare when made by a larger group.
Don't knock cheap booze. Invest in a nice decanter and sample some box/jug wines. Some are surprisingly good and in a decanter, look just like any other wine. A three-liter jug of chardonnay, some limes, and a big bottle of seltzer and you've got a party. Throw some cheap red into a punchbowl along with some fresh fruit and the secret ingredient Fresca and you've got yourself some sangria. And there's that old standby rum punch.
Staying home is so Now! The great thing is, if you want to drink it's safer...but surprisingly, you don't feel pressured to drink at home...or smoke...so it's healthier. "Going out" and "partying" to me seems like going on a diet...it really only works for the few people you see on television. 99.9% of people just end up back home watching MaxX at 3 in the morning. The average person is better off finding someone in fruit section of Top Food and inviting them to watch tv.
Just don't bore people with talk of your money problems. Invite your friends over for coctails, a wine and cheese party, or a potluck.
Opening up your home for your friends instead of dealing with a smokey, loud bar is an upgrade, not a second choice. It's also a much more mature way to connect and to nurture long-lasting friendships.
"We go to bars and restaurants in part to people-watch and enjoy the scene, and staying home can seem a bit flat in comparison."
Gee, Helena, aren't you the one who says that spending time with your friends without any distractions is the ultimate compliment? Personally, I'd much rather spend time with my friends in a quiet environment where we can actually interact with instead of being distracted. If you need people-watching and a scene to enjoy someone's company, maybe you should consider whether that person is really someone you want to spend time with at all!
I have grown to love having people over for drinks and dinner for any reason. Especially so with the single male friends of my BF and I, they are always both eternally grateful for a decent meal and are fun company.
This may be slightly off-topic, but to further what someone else said about starting or finishing off the night at home, I also think thats a great idea.
Recently I was invited to my cousin's birthday celebration. They started off the night at their place with drinks and apps for a few hours. When they moved on to phase two to go out to dinner, my sister and I--who are both extremely crunched for cash right now--left our gifts and birthday wishes for cuz and went along our own way back home.
It didn't feel weird at all to graciously bow out at the right time, and it allowed us to be involved in the celebration without agonizing over the cost. Something to think about when planning celebrations that typically are "going out" events....
I love to entertain, or to be entertained in other's homes. It is more informal and fun to show off culinary skills to a great group of people. And if you pay attention to the sales at your local market it doesn't have to break your budget. Or have a pot luck with a theme. Mexican, Spanish, whatever your taste buds are craving. And check out your local library for theme-friendly music cd's. They're free and the choices are sometimes pleasantly surprising.
Appetizer and dessert party. We made our own from stuffed grape leaves to wings to mini quiches, 20 different appetizers and dips in all, I am a bit compulsive. The finger foods continued for dessert with tarts, cakes, fruits, truffles, all bite size so we didn't have to use flatware. Many we made ahead and froze. I am the queen of cheap and love to cook but a more sensible person would have everyone bring an appetizer. Walmart's own label Oak Hill wine is $3/bottle and to my underdeveloped palate tastes fine. 25 friends had a great time, and we spent less than $150. Can't wait to do it again.
Another thought. When we go out with friends we have drinks before going out at one house and dessert at another. One of the joys of being a geezer is being cheap totally without shame or embarrassment!