Feature
Will This $20 Change Your Mind?
Bribing the host or hostess for a table
Dear Helena,
What do you think about bribing the host in restaurants? Is this still a common practice? How much does one need to bribe to get a good table, or a table at all if you don’t have a reservation? How does one pass cash with finesse? —Smooth Move
Dear Smooth Move,
I couldn’t find anyone to talk to about offering a bribe to get a table. Either no one was admitting to doing it, or bribing has fallen out of style. So the only way to find out more was to try it for myself. I also asked my husband, Jordan, to come along for two reasons: I figured I would treat him to a nice dinner since I’ve been criticized for hiding tofu in his food, and I felt it would be more realistic if a man did the bribing.
I gave Jordan clear instructions, based on a conversation I’d had with a former restaurant hostess who had received bribes:
1. Fold the bills in the palm of your hand. (Twenty bucks seemed too 1980s, so we settled on $30.)
2. Say, “We’ll be waiting in case anything opens up unexpectedly,” since the host or hostess may need a minute to decide if he or she should accept the money, and what to offer in return.
3. Give a slight nod, or meaningful stare.
4. Slide the cash across the podium. Another way would be to tuck the cash into the host’s hand in a casual manner, as if paying for drugs.
(For tips on three different techniques, check out the accompanying video.)
Our first stop was the Slanted Door in San Francisco. It was 8 p.m. on Saturday night, and the place was jam-packed. When the hostess told us there were no tables, Jordan offered the bribe, exactly as we had practiced. She slid it back and told him there were “absolutely no tables.” We slunk out. Jordan felt “incredibly sleazy.” I gave him a pep talk.
Our next stop, another high-end restaurant, was a different story. Over the phone, the hostess said tables would be “a 35- to 40-minute wait.” Low blood sugar was making me moody. But Jordan had gained confidence. He marched in and offered the bribe with flair: two $20s this time, because we were too hungry to chance going elsewhere.
Instantly, the hostess engulfed us in a wave of warmth. “Wow! Thank you,” she breathed. “I’ll let you know as soon as your table is ready.” We sat down on a banquette in the bar and ordered a self-congratulatory cocktail. “So this is how it feels to be rich,” I said. The hostess peeped in at us, her eyes sparkling, as if, for another $20, she would have a threesome.
Then we waited. And waited. Another couple was seated. We waited some more.
Thirty-five minutes later, the hostess handed us off to someone else to show us to our table, without a word to us. I felt betrayed. Jordan claimed that we got a better table than we otherwise would have, but it didn’t seem like anything special to me. Possibly she seated us before a late-arriving reservation.
A former hostess I spoke with, who asked that her name not be used, said that in her experience a bribe rarely got the briber an immediate seat. Rather, it meant the party got bumped up on the waiting list. And the size of the bribe rarely made much difference unless it was extraordinarily large (one guy proffered $400 and was given a table pronto).
More likely, our hostess pocketed the cash without doing any rule-bending at all, which is a risk you take with any bribe. We felt used. I barely had an appetite for my olive oil–poached salmon.
A couple of days later, I called the restaurant in question and asked about its policy on bribes. The hostess I spoke with (not the one who took the $40) gave a horrified chuckle: “We’re a pretty classy institution. We honor reservations that are made in advance.”
I attempted a similar chuckle. “Quite right too,” I said.
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
"I felt it would be more realistic if a man did the bribing."
Why?
Yeah, that part threw me as well. Nice that he was a good sport to do it, but I didn't really understand why it had to be a guy to do it.
'cause it's sleazy and men are better at that? KIDDING!
I had my one attempt at bribery refused by the host with a cold stare like I had molested him (this was at Babbo.) I wanted to die, and will NOT be trying it again.
I'm an old school guy and remember those moves well but I think they have gone so far out of fashion to be embarassing for all involved now. Personally, I prefer a winning smile and a little cajoling of the host now, as well as a knowing wink that one might construe that you tip well (to the waitstaff). l do.
Sounds like you've been watching too many movies. In my experience, there are places that will seat regular customers in a priority fashion and the hosts/hostesses will find themselves with a tip for doing so. However, such a scenario is likely to occur only after the customer has developed a relationship with the maitre d'. Some stranger throwing a few twenties around is not likely to get anywhere.
Wouldn't it be easier just to make a reservation?
Helena, I could understand it if you said something along the lines of "my husband is more outgoing than I" or "my husband volunteered for hazardous duty" because, in my case, I don't think I could even pull off attempting a bribe, much less be successful.
It has zip to do with gender and everything to do with personality types. Sexism prevails, unfortunately, even among our own.
Do you often see women doing bribing? I don't see it at all, but in the movies, it's the man. Maybe it's because he's supposed to be "in charge" of the date and is trying to impress his young lady.
Either way, relax. It's just her opinion. She thinks men do more bribing. Simple as that.
I've never tried to bribe someone to get me a table right away, when on travel for business I've occasionally stopped in at a place that is hard to get a reservation for and offered my business card with a couple of $20s and said that I'd appreciate being called if there was an opening for dinner during the next day or two. A couple of times I've been given it right back and told that there wouldn't be anything, but several times I've been called later that evening with an offer for a nice table the next evening and on occasion been told that if I would like to come back in an hour there would be a table available..
On the other hand, how is this much different than the online sites where people to sell their reservations to restaurants?
i think people just just make a reservation. blowing $400 for an instant, unreserved table is wasteful and insulting.
There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to “bribing” the greeters. I tend to view "bribes" as coming from strangers and "tips" as coming from regulars. Bribes tend to come before service is rendered, and tips tend to come after service is rendered. Given that, if a stranger bribed me, I most likely won't accept the bribe. Somehow, accepting money at the host stand from a stranger seems too shady to me. Speaking of shady, Helena is probably right about the hostess who pocketed her cash without bending the rules. If she doesn't share the bribe with the other hosts, she won't be able to bend the rules without arousing suspicion.
However, a "tip" coming from a regular is different. It's less taboo when regulars tip and it’s easier to bend the rules for them because everyone on the service team wants to give them VIP treatment anyway.
I know that in this age of feminism, I’m supposed to say that a woman can bribe just as well as a man can. Well as a group, they can’t. I find it weird, awkward and strange when they do this and not because I’m prejudiced. I think it’s because generally, by nature, women feel less comfortable doing it, and that awkward energy is tangible. Women and men aren’t the same; it’s a fact. I don’t know why people have such a hard time admitting it. Don’t worry, I still believe women deserve equal respect and the right to vote even if they’re not as skillful in bribing as men are. The only time I haven’t felt strange about accepting a greeter tip from a woman was because I bumped her up on the wait list because she had a hungry hypoglycemic child with her. The money was a token of appreciation and came after I had already seated her rather than before, so I accepted it even though she was a stranger.
Again, not all greeters view "bribes" and "tips" the way I do. It really depends. Most of the time, it’s not money that will convince a greeter to bump you up. Some greeters seat people by strict protocol that is written in stone. Some greeters don't like seeing hungry children (Yes I'm one of those). Some greeters would rather seat the nice couple first to reward their behavior, and some greeters like to seat the rude belligerent couple first to get them out of their hair. Some greeters like to seat good looking people out in the main area and might seat less attractive people in corners and out of view (sounds horrible, doesn’t it?). Two of the restaurants I’ve worked at were often frequented by sports players and B-list celebrities. They almost always get preferential treatment because the male owner or manager will spot them from across the room and run over, forget that he’s heterosexual and fawn over them.
Most likely, if you are a regular at a restaurant, you will get to know (or ought to get to know) the hosts and possibly their weaknesses (e.g. chocolate, hungry kids, or cash) and can plan accordingly. But usually, just being a pleasant, nice regular is enough to get you VIP status in the eyes of everyone – greeters, servers, bartenders, and managers.
Having been part owner of an Italian restaurant that served lunch and dinner, was in a small town and was nearly always full despite it being a reworked small welding shop from the late 1800’s-early 1900’s with 9 rooms of fair size (each one perhaps dedicated to what ever needed doing to metals a hundred or so years ago) , we had no policy on reservations, we honored ours, twice I remember having to ‘make-up’ a double or larger table at the spur of the moment (when a party of 5 became say, a party of 12) and held a table 10-15 minutes depending on how full we were and the history of the client, a 15 minute late patron received drinks (2) on the house, or a drink and discount on the wine so we lost very little, and kept a repeat customer few played that card turning bar scotch into 2 double single malts . No policy on bribes. Because our specialty was pastas from around the world, tables turned over reasonably rapidly, and while we didn’t out-right own the bar yet, we suggested hat the couple wait in the bar.
There is currently a Chinese place I eat at in town several times a month and tip very well as when I owned a place many of my waiters or waitresses were going to school, and many of those I worked with when I grew up and found out that I hated cooking for crowds went to school by waiting tables – I always had long hair and LONG mutton chops and mustache, so when I worked kitchen in college I was rarely let out of the cage to scare customers. And when I owned my own, I was generally too busy cooking and bossing help to ‘circulate’
Now, while I have a very good relationship with the hostess, aka, the Dragon Lady, who hovers around my table starting at 8:30 PM and with me throws me out on my ear at 9:00 PM SHARP when they clearly stop SERVING and the kitchen and dinning room cleaning begins – I enjoy a meal until about 10 – 8-9 is a rush, 8-10 is almost time, 7 arrival is too early for my Italian up-bringing – if, as I once did, forget to tip – and this is after about 3 years of tipping far above average to people who provide exceptional service – the hostess, who was white, had no problem in marching over to my table and reminding me in a reasonably loud voice that last time I forgot to tip and she though it was only fair that I tip before the waiter took the order. ANY other place with such cheek would have been left for cardboard pizza and flat warm beer - I apologized only to the waiter (since any two of my tips would equal one of ‘normal’ percentage so he knew, and I knew he was FAR beyond ‘normal’, and that tips ARE optional no matter what anyone says) and paid him his normal tip what ever it was, plus a “woops, I’m sorry tip” – and told him to pocket that right away – he was saving for a cooking program at a community college in the San Francisco area where he’d learn the book keeping-side of business and maybe have enough saved for a semester of cooking cuisines of other cultures. I’ve arrived late and have been sent to the dunces chair (see below) when I’ve seen others offer a bribe on a busy night, they are seated in the tea-totaler room (“we find if we let them have a beer while they wait, often they just become rowdy” so they have a partitioned area of 4 square tables where alcohol is served , and then outside the curtain, a double row of straight back, no arm chairs where the ‘bribers’ are seated – drinking is allowed in the partitioned tables but not out in the main dinning room where you have no table or chair to set your bottle of beer) “Before you ask, no, not even a beer, this is a restaurant, if you want a bar, I’m sure you can find one.” Meanwhile waiters are entering behind the curtain with bottles of beer and wine, or calling names and leaning clients to empty tables.
Anyone who offered a bribe at our restaurant I was generally unaware of, but we did have, like an ER I worked from as a volunteer ALS paramedic, our own honest ‘flag’ file – and if we got a reservation where no tip was given, the party was too loud, waitresses were hit upon, the people became FAR too ineberated to make it to the doors, let alone drive, the couple misbehaved while waiting, were over picky on their meals, were kept waiting about two places, were seated RIGHT between the exit door to the kitchen and the phone booth mens restroom, and had a CARBON copy (before computers) slipped into their menu about ‘How to Behave While Eating Out’ and were assigned two waiters in particular ‘just in case’ a water glass became near empty, a bottle of wine was getting low, a drink was a quarter or below, or if something was not being eaten – say Broccoli (I had a friend who hated raw peas so badly that anything they touched were also uneatable, and while she was polite enough to not say a word, we would notice and inquire and back in the kitchen we’d either remove the peas, or we’d make up a super-mini Chefs salad which was something we’d become locally famous (though not meant to be, it had become almost a loss leader) for or we’d ask if we could sauté up some veggies of her choice, we could always substitute – and always without extra charge and we’d let them know— with some persistence, saying for example, we didn’t need her plate except to remove the offensive food we could serve on a separate plate – or we could ask for her plate, dump the food, and have the plate back on the table in about a minute or two (remember the restaurant was an original foundry and quite large with many rooms.
From the outside we looked like the broken down Chinese-American restaurant we’d been, and our kitchen had seen nothing new added since the mid 1950’s (and we were in the late 1970’s) and had LOTS of repairs made to them or the cords over the years -- but on the inside we were mildly upscale mostly northern Italian, and since so much of what we did apart from pre cooking the noodles was scratch fresh from preps…… but I wander -- so we had a couple of faces – and a clientele that ranged from the every single day set-your clock client ordering the ‘all you can eat noodles’ (most often graduate students) to guests from local hotels/motels which ranged, in late 1970 dollars from $15 a night to over $100 night – few were the nights when we’d have more than one or two tables empty during our rush hour.
And a bribe to hurry you up when our turn over was reasonably fast, resulted the worst table in the house, coupled with the best service – every waiter leaving the kitchen could look and see if ANYTHING was needed. Now I can’t know that some starving student didn’t’ pocket a bribe and have the party stand by the door but we did keep a file on every person through the door – just name and address for specials we might offer – and would note their order, their drinks, their wine, how they tipped, and behavior – were they a ‘loud’ crowd that needed to be on one room or a quiet slow eater that went into a different room. That’s one thing about Victorian structures, even a building like a foundry which could have been a single room with pillars to hold it up, was broken into small rooms with oak framed windows and industrial barn-sized doors separating them.
So bribing in our establishment got you the equivalent of having your fingers slapped and then kissed – but they stung for an entire meal – but not enough, we hoped, that we would lose you as a customer. We ran two advertisements – and the rest was word of mouth. And a bribe was viewed as atrocious behavior because it almost implied that money could buy you out of your own mistake -- it bumped you down a couple of places, put you at one of the worst tables – but with great service –
It may be that most of us who worked there were on the poor side of average, most of our help were college students, in fact, it was almost a requisite, and people who threw their money around so liberally (and probably their power too) were not to be trusted, were part of the reason why colleges set up to be ‘free’ now charged, not tuition, but ‘fees’ set by those very people who thought nothing of a $10 or $20 bill when it would still buy the better part of a text book, a college class, pay a lot of a utility bill or pay rent on your dump for a week. THOSE were the people who made our lives so much more difficult – why would we want to do THEM a favor after they’d done us so many? Students can be an amazing work force when treated well – and are young enough to get away with mistakes which would get older people fired. I would say that bribing in our place was not recommended – what DID work was a good explanation to the gate-keeper of why you needed to eat before others – and we all know there are reasons far more important than “I want to”, “low blood sugar” or “We didn’t think a place that looked like a dump would be so crowded.” “I’m on call and would love a good meal before bed” good reason, “we decided at the last minute to go out and I have to get up early” - good reason. “we set our oven and it didn’t go on” Good reason. “We snuck out for a quiet dinner when our parents were here to watch the kids.” good reason. We’d never say it – but it’s the honest every-day happenings that bind us together as human beings that make the difference – and don’t give up – often asking if there’s a place that’s about as good as ours where reservations would not be necessary – often would turn the tide – and the huddle of wait-people is a good sign – they are seeing if there’s a way they can re-arrange the reservations to sneak you in without making a federal case out of it – often the boss never knew – so I can say I only know that at our monthly meeting (yes, mop swingers did talk to the owners face to face at least once a month, often with GREAT ideas) – we came up with our rolodex originally to help our clients and make them feel more at home, if it had been a week or two years --- we ‘remembered’ them --- and it was the infamous table 31 that was given to people who thought money could buy their way to the top. After all, perhaps students are different than many others, but they know who screws them and who doesn’t. The secret is to not give them a reason to get back at you.
Once we had a lawyer from Sacramento who introduced himself as “I’m XY, THE Attorney from Sacramento” and the gate keeper said “And this is Sarah, your waitress, a divorced mother of two who will be serving you this evening. Please seat Counselor XY in room D.” “D” was for ‘draft’ – for a complicated reason there was a draft that blew across he floor about 8 inches high and quite chill. As we always did, we asked if he was in a hurry, or if he’d like a leisurely meal and could we bring him something to drink.” And Yes, he’d like a relaxed meal and they’d start with two drinks while they read their menu.” When they asked about the draft, we said that yes, it was to the best of our knowledge set up to help cool down iron more quickly that if set in just sand – and that it was the preferred room in the summer (it was November if I recall correctly and they’d come up for town celebration – the kind small towns put on to draw tourists) – after about half an hour he asked if we could speed up the meal, and apparently he was told that we could try, but the cook (me) had placed their orders in such an order that speeding up the succession of orders would be difficult.” When I was asked what to do, I could only think that he thought of himself as a ‘hotshot’ and as with all hot-shot in an old town, it needed to cool off before it started a fire somewhere.”
Sometimes being honest and forthright touches the heart far deeper and on a more human scale than money ever can. Believe it or not, some people value honesty more than money – and understanding on a one-on-one ‘we’ve all done this and been in this bind’ than a show of power. For the amount of your bribe you could keep hundreds of children from going blind by a simple dose of vitamin A which MUST be a better feeling than a better view or corner table. Even when proposing – who would you marry: the man who said: “I thought about bribing our way into XYZ and ordering you A&B which I know you love to propose to you, but gave the money instead to UNICEF (or MSF) and saved 400 children from blindness in your name and brought you here (to a perfectly nice and respectable restaurant) to declare my love for you and ask you to marry me.”
Who would you chose?
I would rather bribe the server prior to her/him taking my order to give me good service. I've found that if you tell a server that you tip 25% or better, the quality of service skyrockets.
"For the amount of your bribe you could keep hundreds of children from going blind by a simple dose of vitamin A which MUST be a better feeling than a better view or corner table."
Amen, my friend, amen.
Just think how many children you could save by not going out for dinner at all, eating in instead, and donating the savings to a charity.
very tacky, no way I would ever do it.
This issue was already addressed in an article in Gourmet in October 2000. It used to be online at Epicurious.com, but not anymore. Thanks to the wayback machine, however, this link should work: http://web.archive.org/web/2004071408...
In summary he found that it seemed to work in almost every case or, if not, at least lead to better service or an apparently increased rapport with the maître d'.
Azizeh, are you serious with this comment
"Maybe it's because he's supposed to be "in charge" of the date and is trying to impress his young lady."?
HIS YOUNG LADY??? That statement is more offensive than anything I've read on this site. Since when are women property? Furthermore, I, too, am expressing an opinion, so I'll thank you very much to not tell me to relax because I'm doing so.
Guess what? Women ask out men these days and *gasp* even pay!!!
Wow, there are a lot of comments here. I agree with Phil W and Papermoon that for a new diner to offer a large bribe to buy their way in is not going to be as effective -- nor should it be -- as a regular coming in who always tips well and is pleasant, etc., getting served a little differently. It's fair for restaurants to want to keep regular customers happy.
On the gender issue, I have to say I cannot imagine personally ever trying to "impress a guy" by getting us in somewhere -- nor would I be impressed by a guy doing this to get me into a restaurant. I think it is men's own belief that they have to be able to impress and to be treated a certain way (being prioritized by the host) that makes more men likely to try something like this -- I guess I'm agreeing with the poster above who said men are more likely to do slimy things :) I think that if Helena's goal was to arouse as little suspicion as possible, taking hosts' potential biases into account is not a bad thing, it's smart -- this was a journalistic project, not her assessment of who SHOULD be bribing.
IN LA, bribes don't work as fast as celebrity. Actors who are "in" or "well established" jump the line every time, whether they ask for or expect it or not.
The classy ones don't expect it. The idiot ones push for it and such.
Also, the level of celebrity determines how well they are "jumped".
It is truly sickening, but then again, it provides a kind of advertising for the restaurateur.
Agree with papermoon about the "tips". My friends parents are these gold coast types and they were talking about it at one point because they have trouble when they go on vacation. Anyway, you talk to the head guy when you get in, he might check up on you in the meal and as you're leaving you make sure to give him a nice handshake with the palmed cash. So basically when you build up a routine of this they'll seat you as soon as possible. We cut in front of at least 20 people standing in the front and who knows how many in the bar. The problem is this isn't going to work anyplace you only go once, but apparently if you eat at the same places even for a couple of weeks when you go on vacation every year they will come to remember you and it will work there as well.