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Shelf-Stable Ice Cream Float DisasterSunkist and A&W Floats, and the Nestlé “Richer” BarWhat's new? What's great? What's weird? Our columnist samples offerings from supermarket aisles and fast-food menus. |
By: Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages
I Paid: $1.59 for an 11.5-ounce bottle (prices may vary by region)
If there’s one thing that parents dread with the coming of each and every summer, it’s the incredible challenge of making root beer or orange soda floats for the kids. We’ve all been there: First, you have to buy vanilla ice cream. Then you have to buy soda. But, wait, there’s more: You have to put a scoop of ice cream into the soda. It’s crazy, right? And who’s going to clean the spoon?
To the rescue—and not a moment too soon—comes Cadbury Schweppes Americas Beverages with a bold new venture known generically as “Floats,” which come in Sunkist (orange) and A&W (root beer) varieties.
The marketing materials of both kinds claim: “Rich, creamy, and so delicious you won’t believe it comes in a bottle.” A fair counterclaim would be: “Thick, gelatinous, and so artificial-tasting, you won’t believe it’s nontoxic.”
The mouthfeel and aftertaste add up to—and this isn’t meant for humor or shock value—a child-safe shampoo. Obviously, the makers faced some problems: They were trying to simulate the effect of drinking melted ice cream combined with soda without actually using melted ice cream.
Thus, a desperate measure that is quite possibly to blame for the end result: The drinks lean upon a combination of pectin; ester gum; cornstarch; acacia gum; and propylene glycol alginate, a thickener and stabilizer originally derived from brown algae. What little carbonation the beverages possess gets syruped to death by the thick, disgusting slurry of faux ice cream.
Sorry, America … looks like it’s back to the drawing board—and the Herculean task of making real ice cream floats.
Now Even Richer! Milk Chocolate Nestlé Crunch
By: Nestlé
I Paid: 69 cents for a 1.55-ounce bar (prices may vary by region)
Good chocolate, thank the Lord, is increasingly easy to come by in today’s taste-conscious society. Therefore, it’s reasonable to wonder how the stalwart makers of old-school cardboard-tasting “chocolate” bars (such as Nestlé and Hershey’s) keep getting away with putting their low-end crap onto shelves everywhere. A new Nestlé product may indicate that, in fact, the heat is on.
The latest Nestlé Crunch bar promises a “Now Even Richer!” milk chocolate taste. The only sensible way to respond to this claim? A blind taste test of an old Crunch bar and the new, improved version.
Blind or not, it was clear as day. The new version tasted better. The crispy texture was exactly the same, but the “even richer” bar had, in fact, picked up a deeper chocolate taste: the kind of lip-smacking flavor that rolls around in your mouth after you’ve finished, making you crave just a little bit more. The old bar, by contrast, had that flat, almost stale-nut-tasting note common to bottom-of-the-barrel chocolate.
A Lindt bar, this is not—no one’s going to mistake Nestlé’s new offering for a premium dessert. That said, it’s really quite munchable, and if Nestlé’s mass-market audience knows what’s good for it, it’ll respond at the register. Otherwise, “Now Even Poorer Quality! Milk Chocolate Nestlé Crunch” may be the next product slated for rollout.
hahahhahaha great review of the 'floats'.
Kudos to you.
I lived in Germany when I was a teenager and my favorite candy bar of all time was the German Nestle Weisse Crunch. I was so excited when the US version came out a few years ago. WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT. I wish the review would have made some mention of ingredients--posters have compared US Cadbury's vs UK Cadbury's ingredients and that comparo definitely explains a lot.
As for the floats, I picked up a bottle in the store, read the ingredients, and couldn't put it down fast enough.
The floats review is dead on. The orange cream was tolerable, but the root beer was truly foul. The only reason I finished mine was because I didn't want to throw a full bottle out the window as I was driving down an interstate.
The floats review is dead on. The orange cream was tolerable, but the root beer was truly foul. The only reason I finished mine was because I didn't want to throw a full bottle out the window as I was driving down an interstate.
Nestle probably just added more fat.
granted, not for kids, but a Colorado Bulldog is actually a great drink that reminds me of a melted rootbeer (or Coke) float.
tall glass of ice
1 shot Kahlua
1 shot vodka (a vanilla vodka richens it even more)
2-3 oz of Coke
splash of cream (one of those little half'n'half jobbers is perfect)
Wait, Xanthus179, you mean to say you threw your (empty) bottle out the window? Jerk.
Uhm, doesn't insulting an unknown on the Internet kind of make you a jerk yourself?
Nooooo, as I stated in the place where I posted my words (reading is fun) I only finished drinking the stuff because I did not want to throw the bottle out the window.
Now that I have fantastically belittled your tiny self you may call me a jerk.
Point!
Platypus kind of has a point here.
"The only reason I finished mine was because I didn't want to throw a full bottle out the window as I was driving down an interstate."
As in, I drank my float because I don't like to throw out full bottles out the window on the interstate.
Logically, we can assume you emptied the contents into you stomach because empty bottles are more acceptable to toss.
It's how I read the comment first, then I rightly assumed that noone would really admit to that on CH. The "jerk" part wasn't really necessary, but I see why Platypus thought that.
OMG! That review is dead on. Where were you when my husband decided to buy 3 of these from the gas station the other day??? I absolutely love root beer floats during these hot Texas summer days but I feel the labels for this drink are misleading. The texture is thick like motor oil and the taste is cloyingly sweet. They ought to sell either ipecac or an insulin shot with the floats. Truly disgusting. :(
Ah man, but I want to be right despite my poorly written sentence.
The full story is that I was driving a moving truck at the time, and while in my own car I would have tossed the partially finished beverage into the back seat I did not want to forget about this foul drink in a truck I was paying to drive around.
Now that I am sufficiently off-topic I will add that the new Crunch bar sound great. I always liked the old version it is apparently "low-end crap."
I can't say that I ever had the displeasure of eating much of Nestle's chocolate until I was in a foreign land where good chocolate isn't as ubiquitous as it's becoming at home. But Hershey's as bad as Nestle's? That's a bit low considering the long rivalry and that Hershey's at least makes a tolerable chocolate product.