stories : Table Manners
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Drunk on RecyclingCan you ask guests to bring their own cups? |
No reader question this week, Table Manners fans: Helena has her own etiquette dilemma.
A few weeks ago, I received a mildly depressing Evite. The host lamented the amount of “plastic crap” that his previous parties had generated and urged guests to bring their own glasses. He pleaded: “If we can save from throwing away 200 barely-used plastic cups (and save me from entering the turgid Smart&Final) well, then, Sweet Jesus, let’s do it!” These days, ecoconscious types carry a reusable coffee cup around with them. So it raised the question: Is it acceptable etiquette to ask people to bring their own beer mugs to parties too?
To some, BYOC (bring your own cup) may seem over the top. What’s next: Asking everyone to bring his own cloth napkin and ceramic plate to your barbecue? While you’re at it, you could make your own toilet paper by cutting up old T-shirts, and post a sign in the bathroom asking guests to flush only “if absolutely necessary.”
But asking guests to BYOC is the most ecoconscious mode of entertaining. Granted, there are “ecodisposable” cups made of recycled and/or biodegradable materials, but they use energy and resources in their manufacture. Recycling the cups takes energy too. As for biodegradable cups, not everyone has access to composting facilities. “Unless it’s in a compost area, a compostable cup is no better than a paper cup,” points out Nicko Fusso, director of Sustainability Is Sexy, an organization that promotes reusable coffee cups.
When I went to the party, I learned that BYOC has other benefits too. I brought an old coffee mug that I did not mind losing, and discovered that when you pour yourself a vodka tonic in a mug, you end up getting a lot more of it. Soon I was having an excellent time. Plus, the kind of cups people brought offered interesting insights into their personalities. One couple had brought sensible aluminum cups. Someone else had brought several pilsner glasses, including extras for any guests who showed up sans cup. One man brought an enormous beer stein decorated with a frieze of arm-wrestling German peasants.
Interestingly, until around 1740, people happily brought their own cutlery to dinner parties. “People carried at least a knife, usually a knife and spoon,” says Sarah Coffin, head of product design and decorative arts at the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum and co-curator of the 2006 exhibition “Feeding Desire: Design and the Tools of the Table, 1500–2005.” Most knives and spoons folded in on themselves for ease of carrying, and were stowed in leather sheaths or cases. Fashion-conscious ladies carried their knives in what resembled “fancy evening bags,” according to Coffin.
Unfortunately, bringing your own cup is not quite so elegant. My mug was not the kind of thing I could tuck into a sequined clutch.
One solution is to purchase a plastic or stainless steel collapsible cup. (They’re not made out of recycled material, but you’ll be reusing them many times.) You can also buy wineglasses and even champagne flutes designed for camping, with a stem you can unscrew and pack in the bowl of the glass.
But I’m still looking for a truly chic, purse-size solution—the drinkers’ equivalent of the cloth shopping bag that you can scrunch into a tiny pocket and tuck into your bag. I live in hope that someone will design one. The era of the fold-up knife and spoon may have ended in 1740, but, with luck, we’re now entering the age of the collapsible martini glass.
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
Or the host can think long-term and buy real glasses the next time they're hosting a party. It's fairly easy to stash several dozen out of the way (such as in the garage) in a rack designed for restaurant use. You can pick up some pretty decent glasses at IKEA for as little as 50 cents each, and restaurant supply stores have very durable Libbey glasses for not much more.
The best party invitation I ever received was an email, part of which read "bring your own cup, we're trying to be green and shit"
This invitation came from a couple of terminally cool, twenty-something professional mountain bikers who also provided a warning not to burn down the porch like the last party. From anyone else, it's tacky, rude and cheap.
"Is it acceptable etiquette to ask people to bring their own beer mugs to parties too?"
Not if you are over 23. That's why stores sell glasses. Made of reusable glass. There's also such thing as reusable cutlery, plates, and napkins! What a fabulous world we grown-ups live in.
Touche, rusty! I'm all for being green, but I think its a tossup -- you can contribute to the local landfill with a bunch of once-used plastic cups, or use a whole bunch of water washing the glass or hard-plastics cups for use again. And it does make one wonder what's next -- maybe everyone should be asked to take their disposable plate/cup/napkin home with them? If you're going to host a party, you have to accept the consequences (and impact) of the leftover debris.
Geez. I like to entertain, so I own a lot of glasses for my guests to use. And, in a nod to the green, many of them are secondhand, from charity shops. But asking guest to bring their own is so weird.
We have a good friend who is the resident caretaker of a large wildlife preserve, and he and his wife organize an annual picnic, campfire, camp-out, breakfast the next morning party. They ask that each guest bring plate, cutlery, drinking vessel, plate to share, and something to put on the bbq. Through the course of the afternoon, evening and next morning, probably around 100+ people of all ages show up. It's great fun. You can ask your friends to bring whatever you want. That said, notice that I avoided the use of the word "host" and "guest".
We have a good friend who is the resident caretaker of a large wildlife preserve, and he and his wife organize an annual picnic, campfire, camp-out, breakfast the next morning party. They ask that each guest bring plate, cutlery, drinking vessel, food to share, and something to put on the bbq. Through the course of the afternoon, evening and next morning, probably around 100+ people of all ages show up. It's great fun. You can ask your friends to bring whatever you want. That said, notice that I avoided the use of the word "host" and "guest".
Our friends are a mostly beer drinking crowd so the issue of cups rarely comes up. We provide some big tubs and ice and everyone throws their bottles in to chill. Since we're pretty casual people (and usually only entertain in the summer) we have a stock of mason jars for lemonade (spiked or not), mixed drinks or whatever and a few cheap wine glasses for those who are so inclined.
Unless it's a kegger - there's no reason to buy plastic cups/plates/utensils. At my Cinco de Mayo party this past weekend I just made sure all my dishes/glasses/silverware were clean before guests arrived. Worked perfectly. Also, most people that come to my parties are also beer drinkers so I just make sure the recycling bin is empty and well marked for empties. I scolded someone who threw a beer bottle in the trash before.
I LOVE the idea of a "bring your own glass/mug" party - you can get really creative with what you bring and have great conversation starters. You could also have a contest for biggest/ugliest/etc. glass and have prizes for the winners. It would be a riot.
Going back to the environment, the best "eco friendly" party option (IMO) is to do the pot luck: I will have a main dish (or a theme as it pertained to the Cinco de Mayo party) and just ask people to bring whatever they think will go with it. Sometimes I end up with lots of side dishes and no dessert or lots of desserts with a side of chips and dip. We still have fun regardless. Isn't that what parties are for - to have fun?
Sounds to me like the party thrower was really just too lazy to wash up after the party.
We're talking 200 cups here, folks. Most people don't own that many cups, nor room to store them. so BYOC sounds good to me.
has nothing to do with the host being 'lazy'.
per the orginal thread:
“If we can save from throwing away 200 barely-used plastic cups (and save me from entering the turgid Smart&Final) well, then, Sweet Jesus, let’s do it!”
Surely it depends on the type of party. If people are dressing up, then no, don't ask them to bring their own cups. But if they're dressing up, you're not going to be using disposables anyway, are you? But if it's a fun outdoor casual event, I don't see why not. And calling the host "cheap" is silly - they're providing the booze! A BYOB party where cups are provided would be much cheaper for the host - which would you prefer? And as far as the ease with which dozens of extra glasses can be stored in "the garage," well, those of us who live in apartment buildings wouldn't find that so easy.
blogkitten: Finally, a voice of reason amongst the commenters! From the sounds of it, many respondents here put way too many conditions on their ability to have fun.
I think bringing your own cup sounds like a good time and can lead to all sorts of fun, as you said. Honestly, I like a huge cup as I drink a lot of liquids and very quickly (I like to mix up vodka and lime and heavily dilute it with water so as not to get drunk too early), and I've rarely found one big enough for my tastes at a host's house. In light of that, I'd probably be happy with such an invite.
First, I'd like to just say good column this week, Helena -- nicely thought-provoking topic while still remaining in the arena of food and drink.
To me, BYOC sounds like the glassware-equivalent of "don't wear your shoes in the host's home." I know one gentleman who throws an annual Christmas party in his home for all the management personnel in the company. No one is allowed to wear shoes inside, so they always have a "funny socks" contest. Some of the other posters mention how everyone can get creative bringing their own cups (just like creativity with the socks). I would be okay with BYOC; in fact, it sounds like a great icebreaker for those of us who are either too shy or too tongue-tied to really mingle.
Again, great topic and column this week, Helena. If I ever get around to having a party again (it's been many years), I think I'd suggest BYOC, not just to be eco-friendly but to get people to be creative in their choices.
Anyone that's hosting a party for 200 people in their home probably doesn't live in an apartment... so the storage issue probably isn't relevant. But, yeah, 200 glasses is a lot. My mom had every dish known to man, but I don't think she had 200 glasses. Let alone 100.
BYOC probably saves on alcohol, too. You wont lose your full cup and go pour another in it's place.
Two solutions:
lowbrow: Drink right from the keg tap.
highbrow: Rent a few flats of glasses.
some classy options for Helena...
http://www.brasscompass.com/dalveycup...
http://www.goantiques.com/detail,tin-...
why not hire some glasses? They will even wash them for you once they pick them up.
What about a compromise? The high number of cups (200+) could be due to everytime someone gets a drink, the get a new cup. Why not write each guest's name on a plastic (or other biodegradable cup), and make it "theirs" for the night. Fewer cups would be used, and no water would be wasted by washing them.
I agree, great topic.
I work out of coffeehouses constantly and I walk all over the city.
I needed to find an alternative for when I didn't have time to order my coffee 'for here'. Not only do I abhor the waste created by paper cups, but I'm too snobbish to drink espresso from them. The paper ruins the foam in my macchiato and makes the espresso taste worse. So I don't do paper, and I wouldn't do plastic for the same reasons I won't drink out of a plastic water bottle. Aluminum and stainless steel just aren't sexy enough for espresso (or wine or beer or cocktails). Save them for water and for camping. I decided that ceramic and glass are best.
So... A year ago I started carrying a Duralex imitation (http://www.le-tom.com/) (http://www.patricktaylor.com/12) that I bought at the Goodwill for sixty cents. Mine is "Palaks", made in Turkey. It's a really tough glass--- I really toss it around and it's not even scratched.
The best part is that it's lovely to drink out of. Now I carry it in my purse everywhere. There have been many occasions where I've been to a party or event where cups are plastic or in short supply. Then I bust out my pretty glass. It's convenient and it starts conversations.
I think people have great ideas above.
I think BYOC is rather tacky myself. If your party is that large I agree with the options above for rental, writing names on glasses, etc.
But I generally do not throw keg parties, which kind of seems like what the poster was hosting.
I received for a housewarming a huge party pack of wine glasses for graduation from college I think it was like 25 or 50 and I know that it couldn't have been too expensive, we have really nice wine and liquor glasses, but we also have Ikea ones so for big parties if they get broken no big deal. Lots of pilsners and regular glasses. I have a condo, but it is big enough to have enough glasses for the amount of people that would fit in a party there.
Of course if you are having a keg party won't the beer pong get a little weird with BYOC?
If the party is extremely casual and they really are having 200 people, I can see bring your own cup - people who throw 200+ person parties probably don't stand much on ceremony. In that case, I would definitely try to make it a fun thing, with a prize (environmentally-friendly dishwashing detergent, perhaps) for the biggest or oddest glass.
That said, I think it's likely the parties are closer to 50 people and they go through a ton of cups because all the cups look alike and people drink a little, put their drink down, wander off, get a new cup, etc. And I personally hate to ask my guests to do ANYTHING.
In that case, marked cups are the way to go - preferably marked real glasses, which can be washed (and I'm pretty sure the amount of water involved in washing 50 glasses is less environmentally damaging than 50 live-forever-in-a-landfill plastic cups). But even using plastic, offering a sharpie with the cup to "brand" it for the night will cut down on use.
And of course, used glasses can be had cheap-cheap-cheap from a thrift store, and used for parties for years to come.
Since Helena has already attended the party, I am curious about the actual number of attendees. 200 or closer to 50 as some folks speculated?
I have boxes of inexpensive but attractive wine and water glasses. For parties like this, they come out, along with sharpies for people to write their names or other identifying info on the foot of the glasses. The glasses have also been loaned to other friends' parties as well. The breakage rate has been surprisingly low.
On a road trip from SF to Santa Cruz, every car was given a list of things everyone had to bring:
1) something to drink from
2) something to make a member of the opposite sex
'sexier'
3) a list of questions about the trip, filled out with the answers
Before the dinner, we got together in the company suite, and drinks were provided--using the guests utensils. The utensils and 'sexier items' items were voted on by all, and prizes given for best, worst, and most creative. Another prize for the correct answers for the questionaire, we finished our drinks and went off to a great dinner. (the golf tournament was rained out the next morning).
I remembered that event, and when I lived in a rural area where there were often potlucks, the 'bring your own unique' was often used after I suggested it (also the 'sexiest' for a Valentine's Party). It was an ice breaker and everyone knew which drink was theirs. For those who seemed to stay a little late, the host/ess could suggest: "Let me wash that cup/glass/etc for you, or would you like some coffee in it?"
I think we can be more creative and eco-wise at the same time--
arras
We had plastic versions of those Davey cups that we took fishing and camping when we were kids. I had no idea they came in classy.
Diana wrote what I was thinking -- "Sounds to me like the party thrower was really just too lazy to wash up after the party."
And someone else upthread wrote what I was gonna write, but I'm gonna echo it anyway.
RENT the glasses (not all that expensive - actually probably close to the cost of the nasty plastic junk) and *they will wash them for you*.
Dead easy. Everybody wins.
I've always wanted to host a tea where everyone brings their own tea cup/saucer. I always thought it would provide a great conversation starter.
I suspect the OP party was along the lines of 50 or so persons, and as others mentioned, people tend to use more cups then as they get set down or lost or confused about whose cup is whose? If I didn't have enough barware to serve folks, I'd have plastic cups as back up (they wash too, by the way!) or rent glasses. I don't want a guest to have to do any of the work of the party just to save *me* effort.
I love this topic! And, although the exact solution might vary depending on the type of party (BYOC, rent glassware, etc) the goal is worthy and completely attainable in almost every situation! (NO throwaway cups.)
One possible solution is the Flatterware collapsible cup, of course:
http://www.uncommongoods.com/item/ite...
Sorry, this goes under cheap, not environmentally friendly. Environmentally friendly is offering your guests reusable food and beverage vessels and washing them for your guest. Cheap and lazy is making your guests provide their own vessels and pawning party clean up on them in the name of the environment. Plastic cups can get wasteful when people place down one and pick up another (probably where that 200 number came from), but the solution is not to push the job of hosting (providing the location, food, beverage, and china for an event) to the guests (BYO-Everything).
If they want to be an eco-friendly and gracious host, buy something like this...recycled glass, stackable cups. Washable, stackable, storable, and recycled!
http://www.crateandbarrel.com/family....
About five years ago, when I was a grad student and so was everyone I knew, I threw a martini party to celebrate the end of the school year. And, yeah, because I lived in a tiny Boston apartment and had neither thirty glasses nor the money to buy them, I told everyone that it was a Bring Your Own Martini Glass party. It's one of the best memories of my life, and we had a great time comparing everyone's glasses (some people really went all out to find crazy ones) and everyone had a glass to drink from. I figured, I was supplying the booze. People could bring their own glasses.
But now? I wouldn't do this, unless I truly couldn't afford to host the party without buying plastic glasses. And, even then, I would probably rather scale back than host a party I can't afford. Also, though, there's no way I'd ever be able to fit 200 people in my place. If I lived in a house where I <i>could</i> have a party that size, I'd probably just rent glasses rather than use disposable plastic or make people bring their own.
I'm sorry isn't this an etiquette column? Asking guests to bring items like glasses is tacky and unacceptable. If you care so much about the environment buck up and be prepared to wash some dishes after the party.
The main reason why I would not ask guests to bring their own glasses: dealing with the 'lost property' situation after the party. I am always amazed by the stuff people leave behind at parties and dinners I host - reading glasses, scarves, insulin pouches.
I bet that of the host's two hundred guests, at least twenty people will misplace/leave behind their glasses. Which then become the host's problem. Unless he really wants a set of mismatched mugs and beer glasses.
BYOSB: bring your own soup bowl
We've hosted an annual soup party for the last 6 or 7 years and we always ask our guests to bring an interesting bowl/mug/vessel to put it in.
The first year the request confused the hell out of everyone -- some thought we wanted them to bring the soup. But the point was for people to bring something interesting and for us to avoid using cheap plastic bowls or renting/buying six dozen porcelain bowls.
It turned out to be a great icebreaker since we normally cram about 50 people into our small apartment and a lot of our friends, co-workers, classmates, etc. don't know one another. It's easy to talk to someone when they're holding an interesting bowl they made in pottery class or bought for a dollar at a garage sale.
Now we've turned the BYOSB into a contest and guests have brought everything from plastic-lined shoes and desk drawers to dog bowls.
And yes, every year we have to track down the owners of a few left-behind bowls. (Soggy old running shoes we throw away.)