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Table Manners
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Dinner with a TightwadShould you augment a bad tip, and how? |
Dear Helena,
My dad is a stingy tipper. He once refused to pay a tip on wine. He actually calculated the tip based on the bill minus the cost of the wine. The maître d’ then followed him out to ask him whether everything was OK, and he didn’t explain his process—he said everything was great—which made me crazy. Since it’s my dad, I can usually look over his shoulder and convince him to add a little more to the tip. But if it’s someone else, it’s so hard. If someone tips poorly, is it OK to go back and leave a little more on the table? —Penny Pincher’s Daughter
Dear Penny Pincher’s Daughter,
It’s not unusual for one person to question another’s tip, because there’s no universal agreement on what’s correct. When I asked around, most people said they consider 18 percent to be standard, but those who’ve worked in the restaurant industry tend to be more generous. Phoebe Damrosch, author of Service Included: Four-Star Secrets of an Eavesdropping Waiter and a former captain at New York’s Per Se, says 20 percent is her standard tip: “It’s a karma thing. I’ve made a great living as a waiter, and I have to make up for it.” But, says Damrosch, “I have older relatives who pay 15 or double the tax.”
So what do you do if your dinner companion leaves what you consider to be a tightwad tip? You could preempt him by offering to leave the tip yourself. But then you have to know how much the dinner was—and if he paid for your dinner, that’s like asking to look at the price tag of a gift.
You could also confront your companion directly. But I don’t advise that. For one thing, he just bought dinner (or at least left the tip), so it’s not the best moment to criticize. If you must bring the matter up, do so at another time. But if you don’t have a good relationship with the person, you may prefer to pick your battles. Mike J., a wine salesman in Los Angeles who preferred not to give his last name, says his father regularly leaves 12 percent tips. This makes Mike cringe, because he worked in the restaurant industry for 15 years. But he still prefers not to mention it, saving his energy for bigger confrontations: “We have plenty of other issues and emotional conflicts.”
The best strategy is to leave a stealth tip. Secrecy is essential, because if the person discovers you, he’ll be insulted. “It’s like you’re calling them cheap,” says Mike. Walk the other person out of the restaurant, then make an excuse to go back. “I’ll say I have to use the restroom,” says Crash Anova, a personal trainer in San Francisco. “I’ll say I forgot something,” says Damrosch. At Per Se, she remembers, “occasionally people would leave money hidden under things, like stuffed under the flower arrangement.” But Damrosch prefers to give the cash directly to the server. You don’t have to explain that you think your dinner companion is a cheapskate. Instead, she advises pretending that you’re rewarding the server for “doing something especially for you.” For instance, “You could say, ‘Thank you for making my father-in-law’s birthday so special.’”
It might seem simpler to drop the cash on the table, but then if your companion returns, he’s more likely to catch you. He may even take the money away. Anova says a friend once slapped some extra money down to supplement his tip and “totally embarrassed me.” The friend told Anova what she had done, but, he says, “I honestly believed the tip was fair and just.” He adds, “I went back and took the money off the table, then bought myself some gum.”
Table Manners appears every Wednesday. Have a Table Manners question? Email Helena.
The letter could have been written by my daughter but I have my justification (she would say rationalization) ready:
The trouble arises with expensive meals with expensive wines, presumably with a number of people. If a bill is for $700 (as I say it happens rarely), I am constitutionally unable to leave the "appropriate" tip of $140 because I think it's exorbitant. Because the wine tends to be a large part of the bill, it's easy and, in my opinion, correct to discount it before calculating percentages. I agree that not explaining to the maitre is wrong but equally, it's tacky for her to inquire.
In any case, percentages are cruel. A raise on a $200,000 per year salary may be a generous 4% but is that right for a $20,000 per year one? Equally tips should be flexible. I leave 30% or more for breakfasts or for a glass of wine and I consider that the accepted tip of 20% or 18% or whatever should go down as the price of the meal goes up.
Penny Pincher
Polynomics:
No. If you think leaving a 15-20 percent tip is too much, you need to eat at less expensive restaurants. Leaving less than a 15 percent tip is rude unless the service was poor. Emily Post says so, right here:
http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/tip...
As the price of a meal goes up, the level of service goes up with it, either by quality (fine dining) or quantity (taking care of a party of 25-30 people), or in some cases both. The higher level of service justifies the larger tip. In the case of wine service, at higher end restaurants it's more challenging than it looks, mostly because the waiter is doing their darndest to make the whole thing look as effortless as possible. The fine stemware is polished before you get there, and in nicer places the ritual of serving wine becomes a choreographed routine; present the wine, make sure it's the right one, cut the foil without ripping it, pull the cork without popping (or heaven forbid breaking) it, pour the taster to the host, watch without cracking up as the host does his best impression of Robert Parker (Really people, all you're doing at this point is making sure it isn't bad), pour it without a drip on the pristine white tablecloth or your lady's dress... It's a lot more involved than it will be if you order a bottle at TGI Friday's.
Also keep in mind that your waiter doesn't keep the entire tip; they give a portion of the tip to the bartenders, the bussers, the hostess... and the nicer the restaurant, the more people there are to tip out.
I do agree that it's very good karma to overtip the breakfast waitresses, though; they work amazingly hard on the least expensive meal of the day and very often deserve extra on their tip.
I know there's a lot of people who would like to see the US system switch to a fixed charge or to build it into the cost of food; trust me, while it sounds good, tax laws are screwy enough that if we switched to that system, going out to dinner would cost more than it does now.
The question of tipping on wine is an interesting one. If you are eating at a fine dining establishment, surely they would perform the wine ritual that JK describes above whether you purchased the $50 bottle or the $500 bottle. The servers don't really provide any additional service pouring the more expensive bottle vs the cheaper one. Plus, everyone knows that there's a huge markup on wine in restos.
That being said, I pretty much leave 20% every time unless the service was truly atrocious which it almost never is. My feeling is that if I can afford to purchase a nice bottle of wine, then I can afford to tip on it, as well.
The other option, for people who just can't bring themselves to tip on the wine, is to eat at BYO places where they'll charge you a straight corkage fee no matter what bottle you bring.
My mother is not a bad tipper, exactly, just a rural Canadian one. And while tips in Canada are lower than in the US in general, tips in rural Canada are lower than tips in urban Canada, as well. So while her 10% is about average in her small town, it's very close to insulting in Toronto.
Since it's not generally a 'treating each other' situation, I just try to be the one to actually pay the bill so I get to decide on the tip and we split it later.
If she pays it, and I think the tip is too small, I tend to backhand some extra bills onto the table on the way out. I'm not trying to embarrass her, just avoid our recurring argument on the subject while making sure that we're leaving an acceptable by Toronto standards tip.
Is it sad that this reminds me of that episode of Friends where Ross tries to secretly tip on a dinner with Rachel and her Dad and Rachel's Dad gets really angry?
OK, I'm going to go and leave you to your serious conversation.
Just one comment regarding wine service. At most places that my friends and I dine at, we usually ask the sommelier for a wine recommendation and when it's exceptional, we'll generally leave 20% on the whole bill minus tax. If we're bringing wine with us, we'll leave 10% on the corkage fee if the server brings out nice stemware and serves the wine for us. We'll also give a glass to the sommelier or server as a thank you.
If you can afford to spend $100-$1000+ dollars on a meal, and the service is good, you can afford to leave a 20% tip. To do less because it doesn't sit well with you is insulting to the people that serve you. If you don't like it, don't buy expensive wine, or only eat at home.
I don't see why this is hard. You eat out, you tip. Nobody likes a Mr. Pink.
I agree! You MUST tip well for good service. It should be a percentage. If I'm paying $200 for a meal, and get good service, I'll usually tip 20%. If the service is just ok, 15%. and so on. If the service is exceptional, I may tip more, and also call over the manager to compliment the service and meal. then I write a letter or call or email the next day with further praise.
Then again, there is something to be said against people who tip15%-20% no matter what. I just am not going to tip poor service well. If the service sucks, the server does not earn a good tip, or sometimes any tip at all. Again, a really exeptionally bad tip or lack thereof requires me to call over the manager or server and explain why, as well as a follow up letter.
Most places are eager to provide good service, and really want constructive, fair criticism either way.
Well... I appreciate the comments and I know I'm in the minority. but would you 20% tippers only give $2.00 for a $10 breakfast? Assuming the answer is "No way!", you have accepted the concept of sliding scale based on price. (Sliding scale based on service is a given.)
Without resorting to a reductio ad absurdum example, how should I react to an event where I meet with an old friend and we consume 3 appetizers, total $40, and two bottles of good (not great) wine, total $220 dollars? Assuming adequate service,should I tip $52? The question is meant sincerely and I'd prefer no comments regarding my drinking habits!
The argument for tipping 15-20%, no matter what is simple: this is how servers earn their living. It's not an extra. In addition, tips also go to the bus boys, etc., not just your server. If most people have a slow or unproductive day at the office, they still get paid. I have a hard time justifying tipping less than 15% even for poor service. I can imagine some exceptions--racism, horrific rudeness--but have never encountered any. I also think that some people spend too much time thinking about how much the server "deserves." I tip around 20%, subject mostly to rounding. I am more likely to tip upward based on my own conduct, not the servers. If I lingered at the table, asked for special preparation, had a particularly inexpensive meal (no liquor, shared an entree), I'll bump it up. I don't think you are really sending a discernible message by tipping poorly. If there is a problem, communicate it directly.
Anova should be slapped for taking his friends tip to buy some fracking gum. Regardless of what he believed to be "just and fair", his friend didn't think so and was giving the SERVER more. I highly doubt she intended to reward the jerk she had dinner with.
yes, I'd tip $2 on a $10 meal. It's 20%
Also, I forgot to add that when I go out to dinner with friends or family, if I know they're stingy tippers, I'll offer to do the entire tip. But I've never hidden the fact that I'm being generous to my server in order to placate the feelings of others and that includes when I've gone back to leave more cash on the table. What kind of person gets offended by that?
Vall55 has it right...tips are the way most servers earn a living as most states have exceptions to the minimum wage laws for employees who earn tips. Restaurant owners can pay servers $2-3 an hour with the caveat that they'll make up the rest in tips to earn a "living wage". Even if the service is terrible, I still tip. I don't tip as much, mind you, but I still tip them.
Diana, I'm with you. I tip $2 on a $10 bill. I might throw in some change, too. I don't tip less than $2 on a sit-down meal, but above that, it's a straight 18-20% unless the service is undeniably bad.
As for not wanting to tip a waiter on the wine because restaurants mark up the price of wine--who do you think that markup is going to?
>>Without resorting to a reductio ad absurdum example, how should I react to an event where I meet with an old friend and we consume 3 appetizers, total $40, and two bottles of good (not great) wine, total $220 dollars? Assuming adequate service,should I tip $52? The question is meant sincerely and I'd prefer no comments regarding my drinking habits! >>
Out of curiosity, how much did/do you think you should tip? (By the way, I'm assuming your total bill was $260, not $220; is that correct?)
I don't know what I think you should do; as mentioned in the article, there is no universal standard for this. I would tip 20% for good service in that situation.
I have a 2-year-old, and when I take her to a restaurant I always leave a larger tip (say 25%) to compensate the wait staff for the extra time they spend cleaning up after her. If someone else is paying, I tuck the "toddler surcharge" in with the rest of the payment. I don't try to hide it, but I explain if asked. In this case, of course, it's not a comment on the payer's generosity, but rather my daughter's messiness.
"The argument for tipping 15-20%, no matter what is simple: this is how servers earn their living. It's not an extra."
Well, arguably it IS extra. It's a gratuity. You're not obliged to pay anything. I always tip 20% no matter what (which means $2 on a $10 meal, yes). I was a waitress only briefly, but it always drove me nuts when a meal totaled in the $100-150 range, because people would always undertip. (They'd figure $20 was about right for any bill around $100.)
And $52 is correct on a $260 bill. I don't see why anyone would break out the wine separately. That's like saying you'd tip 20% on beef wellington because it's complicated and 10% on salad because it's easy. As I said, people can tip what they want, but it seems odd to itemize the bill that way.
Tipping is such a weird power play any way you slice it.
Tipping on wine is a topic that could, and has, have its own thread. It is such a hot topic that there was an extended discussion sponsored by Wine Spectator on their site. I won't get into that other than to say that there has to be some tip left for the wine service, but how much and how determined is a matter that is open for debate.
As to the other question however, I often supplement the tip when dining with some of my family/friends who are "tightwads." Many years ago I dated a girl who worked in a fast food restaurant. Since she never got tips, she didn't want to leave them for a waitress. I never argued with her, I just left a tip since I was always the one paying for the meal (hey it was a long time ago)
These days I am more likely just to have some money in my hand which I discretely (and I try to be as discrete as I can since I don't like embarrasing my relatives/friends) pass on when shake hands with/thank the server. I just make sure my back is to the rest of the folks when I do it so they can't be sure I supplemented the tip. (I'm sure some of them have figured out that I do.)
I personally think that on occassion, one should not tip a full 20% on a high end bottle of wine. I am in the fine dining industry and do wine service. I do not expect a person to tip me $40 on a $200 bottle of wine, just for opening it and pouring it. If they do, I am surprised, but if I don't I am not insulted because sometimes it just doesn't make sense to me. One should tip something, but not that much. Since I am in the industry I tend to tip more generous to waiters, and I have become more critical of relaxed, unpolished service. When service was really bad, I would tip them ONLY 20%, which made my dining companions wonder if this was a punishment in my view, but good to the server. Now, I act like a normal person. I will and have tipped less than 20% for bad service. From my point of view, I do the exact same job as other servers, I work hard to do a great job and make sure the guests have a memorable experience for 20%. They should too. You have to earn it, it's not a hand out.
I do understand the difficulty people have with tipping. It does seem unfair to have a fully expected mark-up of 15% on each item. It would seem much more legitimate to simply raise the cost of the food items to include a service charge (as is done throughout Europe and often in NZ and Australia). I get it.
That said, it is expected and it is right. When I waited tables I was expected to tip out about 5% of my GROSS sales including alcohol. That means that if a table didn't tip me properly I could potentially lose money. Out of that 5% we paid busboys, food runners, and service bartenders.
If you don't believe in tipping, then don't eat out. It is inconsiderate beyond belief to think you are entitled to skip the rules just because you don't support them or like the formulation. Or, be frank. When you get to a nice restaurant be honest and tell the host that you plan to tip 12% on food and not alcohol. You don't do that because you don't want bad service. So pay for your service.
One question I have never heard people address is whether to tip on the pre tax or post tax amount. I always look at the bottom line and calculate off of that. An earlier poster mentioned using a multiple of of the tax. Obviously it would depend on what your local sales tax is.
Which number do most people use?
This is not a huge difference, but I know in some places where they have special tax levies on entertainment or downtown districts to subsudize ballparks and convention centers it can add up.
Another wrench to throw into people's plans - if my dining party stays at a table for three hours after maybe a one hour meal, I will tip extra. I see it as money that server could have been making if the table was turned.
I usually tip around 20% pretax.
At urasawa, dinner for two is $650 and I tip $100.
Back to the original answer, I don't necessarily think you should be so sly as to add to the tip, depending on who you're dining with. If it's your depression-era grandparents, and they don't believe in tipping much, sure, sneak some more in there to make it right. But if it's your stingy-ass friend who tips in change so they can splurge on the scallops, I'd say don't worry about leaving the right amount on the sly, because they should know what's expected of them and realize they're not holding up their end. If they see you and bring it up, tell them they didn't leave enough of a tip and don't let them argue with you.
If it's a big meal at a high-end or otherwise pricey restaurant. I'd tip for the bill minus tax, but I actually had somebody do that at a $7 Vietnamese lunch where we were each covering our own part of the check- what's 18% of 8% of $7, anyway? Is it gonna break ya?
"If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out." -That is what my Mom always told us growing up. There are plenty of places you can go without having to tip. The employees make at least minimum wage, as opposed to the server's wage that many states allow. I have a friend in Idaho that is a server and makes $3.25 an hour. The regular minimum wage is about double that.
Perhaps someone can explain something to me. From what I've read the biggest objection to tipping on high end wine is that it's no different from opening a cheaper bottle, okay, fine. However, can't the same argument be said about food? If I order the $25 steak and the restaurant also has $8 burgers on the menu, perhaps I should tip based on the cheaper item. I mean, isn't it the same amount of work for the server to bring a plate with steak, etc as it is for the burger?
Never in a million years would most of us do that. So why, then, do those of you who would never dream of tipping based on the cheaper food you could have ordered, think it's okay to do so when it comes to wine? How about top shelf liquor as opposed to well, for example? How about other top shelf liquor as opposed to well? Does the same rule apply? I'm not trying to be difficult, really, but I've just never understood the logic behind the argument and I'm hoping someone can give me some insight.
I don't know how it works in other states, but when I was a server in Arizona I had tax withheld from my paycheck at the rate of 8% of gross sales, including alcohol. Meaning that the (admittedly upscale) resort hotel I worked at assumed that I was making at least 8% in tips on every single check. It might be a stretch (it's still too early in the morning for me to do all the math ;P) but I bet you could come up with a dining scenario where someone who ate little but drank a lot of wine, and then declined to tip on that wine, would have been taking money out of my pocket.
Like others have said, there's a system in place re: tipping that we don't all necessarily like, but we understand, and you don't get to choose to opt in or not - you go out to eat, you're in the system.
And if being a server were really *that* great, and such an amazingly high-paying job that not tipping on the wine would make no difference to a server's income, then surely we would all be working in the restaurant industry right now, right?
If I can't afford to tip well ( > 20%) then I don't go out. Why? Because I worked hospitality for many many years, first in kitchens, then serving, and finally doing front of house and hotel work, and I know how freaking hard it is.
Oddly enough, all of my friends who have worked those jobs are great tippers too - coincidence???
I tend to tip at least 20% on food, more like 30-50% if it is a diner type meal. BUT, I do not tip 20% on bottles of wine. I usually add a fixed amount onto the food tip maybe $10-20 per bottle.
"Then again, there is something to be said against people who tip15%-20% no matter what. I just am not going to tip poor service well. If the service sucks, the server does not earn a good tip, or sometimes any tip at all. Again, a really exeptionally bad tip or lack thereof requires me to call over the manager or server and explain why, as well as a follow up letter."
As a former waiter, I cannot emphasize enough that a bad tip does not read as "I must have provided bad service" to most waiters. I reads as "tightwad cheapskate." If you are reducing a tip because of bad service, you must let the waiter or manager know why if you expect the waiter to get the message.
If you don't want to pay the tip on $220 worth of wine, then pick cheaper wine or don't drink in a restaurant. I don't make a lot of money, and I know that if I buy a bottle of wine it is usually the cost of my entree or more expensive. I have to think about what I can afford before I go eat somewhere. If I can't afford to pay for my meal, my wine and pay an appropriate tip, then I order sparkling water or just STAY HOME. If a person on a tight budget can manage to pay her 20%, I assume someone choosing 2 $110 bottles of wine can pony up, too.
Phew! I am soooo glad I live in a country where tipping is the exception rather than the rule. It's so confusing!! Mind you, having worked in the hospitality industry in North America my husband and I probably tip more often than most New Zealanders.
However, I absolutely draw the line at tipping hairdressers and taxi drivers.
I think there have been some really excellent replies here and that the topic has, for the most part, been covered thoroughly. However, may I please segue into a related issue: What do you do when you receive REALLY bad or rude service? Answer: Do NOT leave just a penny. Instead, POLITELY ask to speak to the manager on duty and see what they can do for you. Another method is to find out if they have a website and send them a gracious email, saying what you liked about the experience, how they fell short, and what it would take to win your business back. Above all: Don't be confrontational. People tend to get defensive when you do. Thankfully, I've had far more good service over the years than bad, so I rarely have to resort to this method. Restaurant professionals are some of the hardest working people I know, and I would hate to be in their shoes.
If service was good on all fronts, 20% on the whole bill is what I think is appropriate.
To define "good service" with respect to wine, if I'm in a casual restaurant with good wine under $50, simply opening it and pouring it without mess is essentially what I expect. If the wine is closer to $100, I expect high quality stemware and details like wiping the neck of the bottle once opened. If the wine is even more expensive, I expect decanters, ice buckets, etc. to be involved when appropriate. I am hard pressed to believe someone is routinely ordering $200 bottles of wine and not having very attentive wine service that warrants the 20% tip, but it does happen once in a while, which is when my tip on the wine portion of the tab drops below 20%.
I don't usually obsess on tipping much, but I'm with polynomics on the wine. Generally, I usually tip in the 20% ballpark unless I receive rudeness or substandard service that is directly attributable to the waiter.
If it is an exceptionally inexpensive meal, I usually go higher than 20%. If it is an exceptionally expensive meal, and includes several expensive bottles of wine, I go less. If I splurge on a $300 bottle of wine, I'm not going to tip $60 for the wine service on that particular bottle.
Am I missing it, or has anyone answered Marcia's Q specifically? I think it's a good one.
So do I, obviously, and I'm disappointed nobody responded. I must admit I suspect I know why, and that is that no one has a reasonable answer.
Perhaps I should post in on a board that has a larger audience.
Marcia, possibly the reason you've had no answers is that the people who disagree with you simply don't think your comparison between food and alcohol is valid; they think food service is one thing and beverage service is another. I don't think that's particularly reasonable-- as it happens, I believe in tipping on the whole bill, regardless of how much is alcohol-- but it's not necessarily *un*reasonable either. Tipping is a custom and it's not that logical. Tip on tax or not? Which one is logical? And why is 20% the new 15%? Is that logical? A lot of people adjust their tip upwards or downwards based on all kinds of different stuff.
I think I might feel differently about tipping on wine (again, I do tip 20% on wine) if I drank it in different kinds of places. The only place I'd get a $100+ bottle of wine are places what have a wine program and offer wine what I consider reasonably. In places like that, I feel as if I am being served by a team of professionals and the enjoyment of the meal is based on the whole package. If I'm in some joint where somebody drops off a bottle of wildly overpriced wine at my table I might well balk at giving them a 20% tip on that. Although, if you're wasting your money at a place like that, what's another 20%? ANyway, the more I think about it, the less logical it seems.
@Marcia: "No one has a reasonable answer" - bullshit. It's all about personal preference. If you feel your dinner guest is being a tightwad and not tipping appropriately, then you augment their tip. Whether you do it in their face or not is entirely up to you. But you take the appropriate amount of cash out of your wallet, put it on the table and leave. Yes, you tip based on the entire bill, not just the wine (talk about penny pinching!) and don't expect a martyr badge just because you did so.
Is that "reasonable" for you?
First of all, I don't appreciate the profanity.
Secondly, my question had absolutely nothing to do with the original post. Perhaps I was wrong about going off topic, but but that does not excuse your response to me. I suggest you read the post immediately above yours for a more cogent and polite reply to my question.
Good day.
Very interesting discussion here!
I must admit, I'm sheepishly wondering if I'm a bit of a cheapskate and didn't know it:) I tip 15% as the norm, with some reduction if service was very inattentive or rude, and some increase if the service was far better than average. As far as I know, all my friends and relatives tip about the same, so I never thought anything of it. Could it be a canadian thing? -here, min. wage is much higher than in the U.S.
From reading this thread, I get the idea most people tip 20%, but I really wonder how accurate this is - like any survey where people self-select, there can be a bias built in. For example, people who work in the industry are more likely to tip higher, and they are more likely to be on Chowhound. Also, chowhounds are more likely than the general population to be more sophisticated when it comes to dining out. There's a risk of "preaching to the converted" in these kinds of discussions.
Personally, I see tips as a way of thanking hard working servers, and I have trouble seeing what's wrong with greatly reducing a tip when a server is inattentive, making numerous mistakes, etc. Not horrible rudeness, but just generally below average competence - this is something I come across very often.
I think every situation has to be judged individually. Was the server inattentive because he or she was slammed or because they essentially couldn't be bothered? There's a difference and it's really easy to tell.
Numerous mistakes? Truth be told I've never had a server make so many mistakes that it effects my tip. What matters is how it's dealt with. Everyone makes mistakes, it's how one tries to rectify it that counts.
As for incompetence, more often than not that's because of management. If a server is really trying, then I won't penalize them for it.
I also think that customers who treat servers like human beings, meaning they (the customers) are polite in their requests, say please and thank you, you know, the basics that we're taught in kindergarten, you get servers who at least try, even if their skills could use some polishing. Granted, there are always exceptions to the rule but in my numerous experiences of dining out, and trust me, I don't frequent high end restaurants, I think my ratio of bad service to good is probably about 50:1, give or take.
Correction to the above--I meant good service to bad is around 50:1.
It's been a long day.
Great points, marcia, especially about a server being slammed. One easy way to tell if that's the case is watch the waiter after he or she leaves your table and count the number of tables they are attending to besides yours. If it's more than two or three, that's probably too many in most establishments.
Also, politeness can work anywhere. I had surgery a few years ago, and if there is one group that's frequently overworked, it's nurses. I would use my call button when I needed something, but always said please and thank you and I know how busy you are, etc. Soon, I found that they would make time to give me extra attention, fluff my pillow, all the little extras you appreciate when you are sick.
As my dear departed grandmother said, You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. To which I would always reply: Yes, but who wants a bunch of flies???
As a matter of fact, I'm an RN and yes, we always appreciate the patients who say please and thank you.
I must say, however, that while I realize the nursing shortage is widespread and certainly no secret, if/when a colleague tells a patient we're short staffed it really, really irritates me. Simply put, it's not the patient's problem.
If I am going out for dinner, I always leave (at least) a 20% tip, unless the waiter was awful. Then they get at around 15%. For lunch, because I don't usually go to really upscale places then, I tip about 15%. On the really lower-end, 10%, but that's rare.
As for the article, I don't think it's rude to stealthfully go back and throw down more tip money. If the other person catches you, then justify it by saying, "You know what, I realized that was a great meal, so I wanted to leave them a little something extra." OR, if going back is not possible, I "reward" the restaurant by making it a point to revisit and leave a large tip -- just for the karma, if you will.
I am a big tipper, especially when I receive good service. Since I almost always ask servers' advice on what to order, I tend to have strong opinions of them by the end of the meal, more often positive than negative. So a lot of the time I tip more than 20%. Sometimes, I have added tip because others have not left as much as I wanted to, and I've seen my friends TAKE MONEY BACK OUT OF THE PILE because it looked like there was more than enough.
Has anyone else had this happen? It makes me SO MAD.
I've not seen that happen, but I'm too pig-headed to just stand by and not say anything if it did.
Besides, I wouldn't be worried about offending that person because someone who would do that is someone I wouldn't want for a friend, family member, or even a person worthy enough to scrape dog crap off my shoe.
so...i've been a waitress before. I don't automatically give a huge tip to every waitress because I've been there. I do give more generously than some (i.e. my husband..but he generally listens to me).. I look at how well the waitress does what she's supposed to.
how often does she come back and check on us, not necessarily stopping everytime (she shouldn't be at the table every 5 minutes)..but a walkthrough is good.
drinks...if there are free refills...how long do we wait for the refill, does she ask if we want another, does she take the old glass right away.
Empty dishes...does she come through and pick them up or just leave them until we're ready to leave.
i don't tip based on wait time for the food...that's generally not their fault.
Did she remember who ordered what, if she is assisted by someone...did they know what we had?, does she ask if we need any condiments, etc.
How talkative is she? what is her attitude..
If i'm at a restaurant toward the end of a long shift for her I'm more generous.. its been a long day, she's worked hard, she may be tired...
o and if i'm with someone who is a tightwad... if its my husband i talk him up into giving more (his parents ARE tightwads) anyone else, if i didn't think the tip was good enough, i either leave more on the table or i go find the waitress and say here, this is part of the tip, the rest is on the table. I don't care if I offend the person i'm with, they've already offended me (hence why I'm leaving a tip)
And I automatically double the tip..here it comes out to 16% and then i add more from there.
In my opinion, it's absolutely absurd to go out to eat, which is a situation in which you're taking advantage of being served, and stiff the waiter who is serving you. Waiters get paid a tiny base salary because their compensation is dependent on tips. Sure, it's "gratuity", but last I checked, gratuity means "something given without claim or demand," not "pay if you feel like it." So, a tip is what you feel is owed, over and above what you'll be thrown in jail for not paying. If you're the stingy guy who doesn't tip on wine because you don't feel it's owed, then buy the bottle and stay at home! You're going to a restaurant and paying 2-3 times what you'd pay at home anyway. If you're going to be cheap, don't be half-assed cheap.
Full disclosure: I worked in a restaurant for 2 weeks, and it wasn't front-of-house, but my tipping has stayed constant, before and after: I give 20% for no-complaints service, less to send a clear message that I was displeased, and more if it was outstanding. If I can't afford to tip like this, then I cook and serve my own food.
You know what's really bad? The cheap bastards who stiff the servers and take tip money off the table will live to be 100. And those of who actually give a damn will all die of stress-induced heart attacks well before our time. Why will the cheap ones live so long?
Because evil doesn't die.
marcia, re: differential tipping of wine vs. food...
I've never really thought about the issue when I've been out to eat, and have always tipped on the whole amount, including drinks. But then again, I've never ordered really expensive wine. I can see how one might feel differently about a bottle that might call for a tip of $60+ at a rate of 20%. It's true that no one seems to take that view for food. However, the variation in entree price ranges from maybe $15 to $60 (or maybe $200, but then it's usually a multicourse meal, and certainly requires much more service)... whereas wine bottle prices can range anywhere from $20 to upwards of $500, with not much variation in service. Maybe that's why some would make that distinction.
I don't mind augmenting tips when I'm eating with my Mom or a friend that I don't think is tipping appropriately. I do mind it when I'm eating out with people from work. We work for a non-profit and only get $30 for dinner, so I am frequently subsidizing my meal allowance as it is. There are a couple people that I just try not to eat with, because they're such cheapskates.
There's a wonderful restaurant across the street from my apartment that's easliy the most expensive in town (and probably the state). But its patrons regularly take up one of our ten residential parking spots to avoid tipping the valet. You know, McDonald's has a $1 menu *and* a drive-thru, cheapskates.
I have found this to be true...
Cheap with money = Cheap with love (or affection).
And I don't mean frugal and budget-conscious. Even those of us who watch our spending will splurge on occasion at a nice restaurant and will leave a generous tip. It is a treat to go out and receive full service, and we acknowledge and appreciate it very much.
Has anyone else had this experience? That same person who won't tip (or tip well) is also the one who complains about you needing medication or surgery. They also give you socks and underwear for your birthday (or xmas).
If money is what they love, then money is all they'll have.
bunnyblues: It's certainly inconsiderate of them to park in your spaces, but I doubt that it's out of inherent cheapness. There are certain things in life that I just don't feel that I should have to pay for; for example, I'll happily splurge at an expensive restaurant from time to time, but I don't really want to pay a valet to park my car or a washroom attendant to help me in the bathroom. It's not that I'm cheap; it's just that these are things that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself and I don't feel it's fair that the services are forced on me and I'm expected to pay for them to boot.
This has only happened a few times, but what upsets me is when I go out for dinner with someone, we both agree that the service was horrible, I leave a smaller tip to adjust for that, and then my guest insists on contributing more to raise the tip to, say, 20%. If we both concur that the service lacked badly, I'm frustrated when my companion is such a pushover that they feel so strongly compelled to tip as if the service was acceptable or good.
midway geographically and tip culture wise between usa and new zealand, the minimum wage here for all workers including wait staff is twelve dollars. i tip ten per cent. restaurants with "fixed" service charge set it between 10 and 15 per cent.if an exceptional service is rendered i tip more.
I work in the food industry and believe in the standard 20% across the board, to some extent. We always tip a standard 20%when we go out unless we have truely poor service. What is the definition of truely poor service? I, who works the business, will leave a less then 20% tip to a server whom is NOT busy and you have to "call" back to the table, who doesn't offer to get more drinks, or doesn't clear dishes in a reasonible time frame. I do however recognize when the staff is very busy and truly doing their best to service our table!
I do agree on tip at least 20% unless a server is a real loser. However, one pet peave of mine is when you receive the credit card statement and it has a 'recommended tip' calculated based including tax. Sorry, that's where I draw the line, if I receive great service, I tip very well and the calc is not an issue. But don't think I dumb enough to buy into what someone programmed in the cc calc.
On a side note I do augment a tip when my FIL buys, he's cheap, or should I say 'depression old school', and it's shameful to embarass me and the waitstaff that did everything correct.
what is wrong with 15% once in a while?? I would prefer to keep it there if the service is normal/rushed/server interrupts conversation...if it is exceptional I will tip 20%....I hate when waiters are rude and expect anything more than 15%. I have never been a server but there is no reason they should get a "tip" if they are not nice or start taking plates away when you are not ready (or other members of the party are still eating). If they are having a bad day then maybe they will realize it is bad for their bank account and can improve their attitude to make more money the next day.
I think items like taking plates away etc. depends on the place. That doesn't bother me at a casual place, but would at a high-end place. I think 15% in 2008 is unreasonable, the server needs to make a living and it's not easy, maybe he or she is having a bad day because a tightwad or a bunch of young people stiffed them on a tip or worse skipped out with a check. Remember 20% is not an average but individual by individual. If someone is having a bad day, I'll tip 20%, they'll remember me next time I come in, and hopefully also remember I was thoughtful to them on a bad day.
Well, gotta say. Sometimes I have a fun time with my restaurant experience and some time I do appreciate the breakdown of what dollar amount corresponds to a particular percentage.
Now, I do say that I believe in fairness. So, I'd give a tip to a pizza parlor with counter service, even though its not customary because many of these independent pizza parlors pay their people like $5 an hour, which is tad bit better than a waiter's salary. My brother has been there, but I haven't. And then I know some waited buffet places that pay their waiters like $12 plus tips. So its like, that's more than a grocery store clerk would get, that's more than most pizza parlors give, etc, etc. So, I do have to say its not as appropriate to give, say 15% to a buffet drink waiter on the entire check that only serves drinks and also give 15% to a regular waiter than actually brings over your food. So I have to compensate for that. Also, I have to put take out service in the realm of pizza parlors I have to compensate that 15% on a take out person and 15% on a waiter is not fair.
Sure, I always wish I can tip higher, but I do my part. I think unfortunately though the world is getting to be more reliant on technology so jobs that are easily replaceable, including being a waiter, will just go down in the real amount of pay. I have to say all these advances like self checkout, scan and bag as you shop our store and just pay at checkout, and envelopeless ATMs are all contributing to a decrease in the amount of staff needed. Only benefit of this trend is the rich to fatten their profit margins.
Also, I don't believe in letting the manager know when I have bad service. There's so many other restaurants around that have it right that I just don't need to take the time. Also, they should be investing money in the proper training/ reward programs for servers. Just pay the bill and tip what you want and go. I have my list of restaurants that I have been to once and will never be back.
I know that Marcia has probably long since moved on to more important things but I wanted to chip in on her query about capping a tip when wine is extremely expensive.
I agree with you that tipping less because you chose to buy the beef wellington rather then the hamburger is absurd and no reasonable person would do that. However, the cost of food, even extravagant food like foie gras and caviar, never achieves the same ratio of cost disparity that some "special occasion" wines routinely have over more routinely priced wines. I've had the good fortune to see some magnificent restaurant cellars and I've seen first hand that the good bottles are all treated the same, stored in the same wine cellar, decanted into the same crystal and tossed into the same dumpster at the end of the night. It's not like the server is putting five times the skill and expertise into opening a pouring a $200 bottle then a $40 bottle, so is one really worth a $40 tip and the other an $8 tip? Don't get me wrong, I tip as lavishly as I can afford, often more then 20 percent, and if I can't do that then I go out less or I go to more modest restaurants. It's just that I'm well aware of the retail cost of wine and when I'm being charged two to three times for a bottle than what I would pay in a wine store I can take it to a point but eventually it just feels like you're getting soaked, at which point the tip becomes the victim.
That being said, and I know I'm contradicting myself here, as for the obscenely priced bottles, well, if you can afford to pay $600, $800, whatever for a bottle of wine then you can afford to pay the proper tip on them as well. Nothing screams cheapskate louder then someone who leaves a $100 tip on a four figure tab.