stories : Supertaster
Injectable Marinades and 100-Calorie SnacksGiant needle delivers thrills and marinadeWhat's new? What's great? What's weird? Our columnist samples offerings from supermarket aisles and fast-food menus. |
Tony Chachere’s Injectable Marinades
By: Tony Chachere’s Creole Foods
Suggested Retail Price: $5.99
Injectables! The very name inspires excitement and a whiff of heroin-fueled paranoia. And these marinades come packaged with a lot of flair. First, the cartoony picture of Tony Chachere holding a self-branded syringe: It’s just the sort of warm, Smurf-like image we need before we buy a metal-tipped needle to internally juice our food. His oversize ears and nose suggest a friendly Creole elf. And the fact that the complimentary syringe comes attached to the side of the bottle in a see-through plastic bag is thrilling. You can hardly wait to get the product home so you can pull that puppy out and discover what it’s good for.
And what it’s good for, at least in part, is making the interior of a ham spray a blast of brown corn syrup directly into your face. If physical comedy were one of my judging criteria, I’d give Injectables three stars, at least. As a relatively inexperienced syringe-user, I also managed to shoot myself in the forehead, scare a cat out of the room, and soak a rack of pots and pans.
The Praline Honey Ham marinade—which I drank straight before firing it into the ham and my face—tastes like molasses-tinged corn syrup. And lo and behold, while it does sweeten and possibly even moisten the ham somewhat, it imparts very little of the praline flavor its label promises.
The Creole Style Butter marinade tastes mostly of garlic before being injected into a skin-on chicken breast. After roasting, the marinated meat tastes as though it has been rubbed in oregano or maybe onion rings. While not horrific, it certainly doesn’t compare to any number of marinades you can easily make yourself.
Little Debbie 100-Calorie Snacks
By: Little Debbie Snacks
Suggested Retail Price: $1.59 for a package of 12
When you aim for the mass market, it seems something’s gotta give. More often than not, it’s nutrition or taste. And sometimes it’s both.
Sailing in those dangerous waters, Little Debbie (ever to Hostess snack cakes what Hydrox is to the Oreo) has embraced the 100-calorie craze that’s been sweeping our diet-driven nation.
I sampled two of the company’s new 100-calorie wares: a package each of Triple Fudge Brownies and Nutty Bar Singles. The Triple Fudge Brownies failed to exceed even low expectations. At slightly more than 1 1/2 square inches and less than a third of an inch thick, they look like brownies that have been zapped by an evil shrink ray. Perhaps size was the compromise, leaving flavor intact? No such luck.
They have a vaguely burnt sugar flavor and are strangely lacking in chocolate taste. Texture is an even more dramatic problem. The brownie challenge is usually framed in terms of fudge versus cake, but the Triple Fudge Brownies suggest a third option: beeswax. The nearly flavorless ribbons of “fudge icing” clock in at a mere 3 millimeters wide by 1 2/3 inches long and are purely symbolic of a higher-quality snack food.
Expectations thus lowered still further, a bite into the Nutty Bar Single was—in relative terms—joyful. The Nutty Bar emphasizes the airy wafer that is the snack’s superstructure, and that’s great. It boasts a surprisingly light taste and crispy texture. The chocolate coating is unremarkable but inoffensive, and the peanut butter is applied with an equal amount of restraint. The end result is something like a more sophisticated Twix bar, minus the caramel. If you’re counting calories, this could actually pass for dessert.
I'm loving this column so far - not because I'd consider buying anything reviewed here but mostly because I'm laughing at just how bad prepackaged crud can be - but why not rate something that stands a snowball's chance in hell of getting a decent taste rating? We all know that snack cakes and cheap corn syrup marinades are going to be garbage and it's great fun to laugh along with you at how disgusting they are, but it would be awesome to actually see some things listed here that I - as a chowhound - would think about putting into my shopping cart!
What do you want to see reviewed?
Sorry, but I disagree with the above comment. Tony Chachere's products have always been top drawer. His Cajun Seasoning is a classic, his boudin is terrific. I was tempted to try his injectable marinade, but I am so nuts about using Zatarain's Liquid Crab Boil to inject the turkey I'm going to fry, that I haven't tried it yet. I cut the crab boil 1 to 4 with water (it's concentrated), apply egg whites and Tony Chachere's Cajun seasoning to the outside, then fry it in peanut oil. Incredibly good!
Now, however, I'll be content to continue my way and not bother with trying Tony's injectable.
What do the egg whites do (besides burn?)
They make a very thin, crispy crust that holds the seasoning well. They don't burn, but they add a nice golden lustre to the turkey.
I disagree about the Tony Chacher's injectables. I have used the Creole Butter in turkey and chicken, and the Roasted Garlic & Herb in beef. Both are good as long as you let them marinade, and you still season the inside and outside. Your meats come out juicy and flavorful every time.
I am from the South and these injectable marinades have been popular for years. While Tony isn't the first to come up with the idea, Cajun Injector being the first, he still dos a decent job. The creole butter injected into a turkey then deep fried is fantastic. Give it a shot.