stories:
Table Manners
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’Snot AppetizingIs it impolite to blow your nose at the table? |
Dear Helena,
When I have a cold, I carry tissue or a hanky to blow my nose on. But the other day the sniffles took me by surprise when I was on a bike trip and I stopped for lunch at a grill pub in this town with apparently really high pollen counts. My nose started running uncontrollably, and I blew my nose on my paper napkin. It got me thinking: Is it wrong to use your napkin as a hanky? Is it MORE wrong if the napkin is cloth versus paper? And what’s more, is it bad manners to blow your nose at the table, even if you’re not using your napkin? —Gazoontite
Dear Gazoontite,
According to Peter Post, director of the Emily Post Institute and an allergy sufferer, you should leave the dinner table to blow your nose if possible. While some of the Post Institute’s advice seems removed from everyday life (like how much to tip your pool cleaner or golf caddie), in this area Peter Post is right.
Blowing your nose in public is acceptable, if not very charming. But don’t do it at the table. When you blow your nose in other situations—on the subway, for instance—people can edge away. At the table they’re stuck next to you and your germs. Though they don’t have to see your snot, they may be able to hear it when you snuffle, and that can be almost as bad.
It might seem like a hassle to leave the table every time you have to blow your nose. But if you stay put, rest assured you’re grossing people out. According to Elizabeth Bernstein, a San Francisco writer, “If a guy blew his nose in his napkin on a date, it would be pretty much a deal-breaker.”
Even hay-fever sufferers shouldn’t inflict their nose-blowing on other diners. Tim Whitney, a grad student in Brattleboro, Vermont, who gets very stuffed up during hay-fever season, says: “I always excuse myself even if I have to slip away repeatedly.” He admits, though: “I might blow my nose at the table if it was just my wife and me.”
There is one exception to the no-nose-blowing rule: If your nose is just a little runny because, for example, you overdid the wasabi, it’s OK to turn and dab discreetly.
But you shouldn’t use your napkin. Firstly, it might be greasy, in which case it’s not very nice to rub it against your face. Secondly, people don’t usually discard their napkins midmeal, so you’ll most likely be stuck with the dirty thing on your lap. Worst of all is if you actually spread it on your lap again, hoping the people you’re dining with will forget you wiped your nose with it.
If there is a dispenser of paper serviettes, it’s OK to take one and use it as a tissue—provided you discard it or put it in your pocket afterward. Don’t leave it on the table. You should never make a server clean up your contaminated tissue, no matter how much you tip.
I use the tablecloth
awesome
I'm phobic about other people watching me blow my nose, so I always leave the table anyway.
But if you're sick, you should always wash your hands after blowing your nose, so as not to transmit your germs to other people. I'm sure your party will thank you for not spreading your illness to them.
It's OK to give a slight toot at the table I think. What's wrong is to then look in the hankey to check out the gob.
As an allergy sufferer this situation can get annoying- if I sneeze once I may get up from the table. However if I've been sniffling all week and I know that I'll be blowing my nose all night, I just discretely turn around and away from my dining companions. None of my friends have ever minded. (Granted I use tissues) Yes, ideally you should wash your hands each time but quite frankly I think that we're living in a germ-phobic era. Keep in mind that some people around the world still find eating with their hands acceptable. I think we have to use common sense in these situations- maintain a proper level of hygiene but again, if you're sneezing all night, to have to get up every other bite makes no sense. Bring tissues and handi-wipes and turn away.
I love spicy food, but really spicy food makes my nose run. It's really embarassing when that happens at a restaurant when I don't happen to have a kleenex (or 10) around. I will confess to having used the (cloth) napkins in times when no paper napkin is handy. But I always feel bad about it, and it's rarely in a really fancy place.
But worse is the fear that next time I go to the same restaurant, they'll be like "that poor white guy was blowing his nose last time... we'd better give it to him less spicy".
blowing your nose at the table is totally impolite. I know we should all remember that everyone has bodily functions, that blowing one's nose is a completely natural part of life, but I'm really grossed out by that.
-also, it's not just some people, in some places (you know: out there) who still eat with their hands. I still eat with my hands, just not at the table
I had a friend who used napkins as kleenex and left them for the server every time. I cringed.
I really think this is impolite. I will occasionally sniffle a little through a spicy meal when I am with the bf, but I always leave the table to blow my nose. If I don't have a tissue I go to the ladies room to get one. I can't imagine using your napkin or the tablecloth, what happens when you then need to wipe your hands or mouth. This would be a huge deal breaker on a date for me. I would be scared for a guy to touch me with him gross snotty from the napkin hands. Also the tablecloth? This means either the server has to change a cloth which restaurants frequently don't do during service, or someone else gets stuck with your germs. I would never make a server touch a napkin with my germs in that, even the worst of servers doesn't deserve that...
A big THANK YOU for thinking about the servers to kt! I've been a server for over 15 years and I must say its one of the most disturbing things to find at the table. Not to mention the fact that over 95 percent of restaurant workers aren't provided with health insurance and there is no such thing as a covered sick day. And then there is the risk of spreading all of those germs to other people. I also agree that its just plain tacky to blow at the table. Use the bathroom and excuse yourself.
Sometimes, no often, there's not really a choice. I get a runny nose any time I eat hot food - just warm, not unnecessarily spicy. And often, there's nothing else for me to do but use the napkin. The napkins get washed, and I'm sorry, but there's nothing inherently more unhygenic about a drop of mucus on the corner of my napkin than there is about your lipstick on yours. I understand people are germaphobes, but the comment that leaving your kleenex on your lap is disgusting is absurd. What did people do for all of Western Civilization before they had Kleenex Pocket Packs? They used a hankie, and put it in their pocket. Next thing you know, Emily Post's going to have us all scrub down with those horrid hand purifiers every time we shake hands. This is not manners, this is American germaphobia. Civilized people kiss each other on the cheek.
Get over it and move on with life. You'd pet a dog or touch a kid, wouldn't you?
A small blow at the table would be admissable, but a horrid runny honk during a meal is flat out gross. Manners aside, it's an appetite killer to listen to and or watch someone constantly snotting all over the place. I feel for allergy sufferrers and those of you who love spice food, but I certainly don't want to have to endure that while I am dining out. I'm not germaphobic, but there is a lot more in that drop of mucous that could make a person sick than there is in a smear of lipstick. You should have paid attention in biology, mucous is an excellant transmittor of illness.
hreisig- Do you tip your server extra to touch that? You nose is the main filter for dirt and germs and the purpose of mucus is to trap that dirt and mucus before it enters your lungs. So maybe yes I am being a germaphobe, but I also understand germs can live up to or over 2 hours on a doorknob, table or napkin. And your nose carries more germs than almost any other area of your body, probably even your hands. So it is different than lipstick and a handshake it is trapped dirt and germs. Why are you not able to carry tissues or go to the bathroom to get them if there is a cloth napkin?
And I think carefully before touching kids, and certainly would be very careful touching a baby if I thought my hands were not clean babies touch their face and put their fingers in their mouth often so it is very easy to give them germs. Would you not wash your hands after petting a dog if you were going to be handling food? Well why would you want a server who is handling food all night to be getting these people's germs? Do you want them clearing a table getting these germs than touching your food or plate?
With people getting more immune to common antibiotics and the number of people who have to get flu shots or go to the hospital for flu and the high expense of doctor's bills and health insurance these days I am very careful and I have a strong immune system. People before kleenex packs and hand washing died of black plague and bubonic plague and the common cold actually...
Whether it is LeCirque, or McDoodles, Never, EVER, blow your nose at the table. Share your entree, share your dessert, but please DONT share your germs.
And while we're on the subject, no hair combing either.
What about flossing?
Aren't you sharing your germs when you share your food by definition?
Sorry in advance if this is gross, but I'd rather listen to someone blow his or her nose, even at the table, than listen to them suck a truckload of nose pudding up their schnoz during my meal. I've had to see people wipe their noses with their fingers and hands because they had forgotten basic human hygiene! Seriously, when did it become ok for an adult to use the side of the hand as a hankie? Or the palm? Or pinching the nostrils together to keep the nose from running? And while I'm eating or sitting in the doctor's office or waiting in line at the post office, I see adults do this!!! Every day!!! And then they either wipe the juice on their trousers or it ends up on whatever they're holding in their hands, or even better, on the debit card machine!!!
Got a runny nose? Stay home.
That simple.
yeah, this one is easy - if your beak is leaking don't come a' eatin :) excuse yourself, go the toilet, blow, pick, hell even eat your boogers THERE but don't you ever, never ever, do it at the table. I ALWAYS lose my appetite after such with others so ... yeah, don't do it!
I hate, i repeat HATE it when people do this....when on earth did it become acceptable to blow your nose at the table...????? And worse, with table napkins !!?!?!?!? Dabbing at a runny nose with your own personal tissue is one thing (and sometimes necessary as it could come on suddenly at the table when eating a hot meal)
mldubose, i agree only on one point. What's worse than nose-blowers, are the snorters and suckers, I won't go into details, but you know what i mean i'm sure. backwards throat clearers make me feel like beating someone over the head, no matter what kind of establishement i'm in. No one needs that sound.
It's funny how differently cultures view this. I spent a lot of time growing up in Germany and there no one would even bat an eye if you took out a handkerchief at the table and blew your nose like a foghorn.
I relly never gave it much thought (use a tissue, please, and yeah- no looking!) until a new coworker ( I was the newbie in the group) damn near beat me up for blowing my nose while she was eating- I was even out of her sight, but apparently it's been a big no-no in her family forever. That started me thinking, and I have allergic rhinitis like you wouldn't believe AND when I blow my nose it sounds like an elephant trumpeting, but the more I thought about it the more I had to agree that it's pretty disgusting. I'm not a germophobe at all, preferring to achieve small doses of whatever's out there to keep me healthy by building up my immune system- it's the sound and the knowledge of what's going on. My coworker was overreacting, of course, but I agree with her now, up to a point. It wouldn't ruin my meal, though.
I have allergic rhinitis too, and allergies. I try to control the flow with regular antihistimines and I carry tissues at all times, everywhere; it is my observation that a lot of restaurants and tables and chairs are already dirty. What a bummer it is to try to be careful and discover what a mess the bathroom is already! My solution is to eat hot, spicy foods mainly at home, and spot the restroom as soon as I arrive at a restaurant. Never, ever have I used a cloth napkin! Ick! Ick! Ick!
It depends. In the US you might get away with it if you do it discreetly. In Japan it would be social suicide, because they view nose-blowing as disgusting (but have no problem belching at the table, which is rude in the US).
I don't get the kerfuffle over your server throwing away your used tissues. Yes, it's gross, but it's just as bad (or worse) cleaning up after somebody's kid after they've thrown up all over the banquette, or a baby who has smeared chocolate sauce with their tongue all over. When I was a waitress, I washed my hands MANY times during my shift, especially after cleaning up a table and then serving food after. It's just part of the job.
I can't believe there's even a debate about this. It's just common courtesy. Is going to the bathroom to blow your nose really that big of a bother? As an allergy sufferer myself I've had the occasional sneezing attack at the table, but I've never had so much trouble finding a bathroom that I've had to do more than wipe at my nose in front of fellow diners. If it's really bad I don't feel like going out to eat in the first place. If the comfort of the people dining with you and around you means that little you've got bigger problems than where you blow your nose.
I waited tables before, please do NOT subject the poor minimal wage workers to this!!!
http://www.spooninandforkin.com/
The most tooting and honking I hear eating out is at my favorite diner, frequented by tons of senior citizens. I try to ignore it but the armchair sociologist in me can't resist a peek at the loud honker sometimes. It usually is an old dude. To be fair, for some of the elderly customers, getting up to use the bathroom to blow their noses would be a hardship as a lot of the patrons use canes or walkers. It took me awhile but I accept the loud nose blowing as part of the culture of my beloved diner. Trust me, these folks aren't going to change their ways. As for me, I always carry plenty of tissues in my purse and try to be discreet. Like someone else posted above, just eating hot temperature food can cause a really sudden leakage for me, but it doesn't happen often. I try to be prepared. In fact I am amused by woman who get indignant when there is no toilet paper in the bathroom. Sure it sucks, but always carry a few tissues. Great topic thanks for posting about it!