When diners drop the dietary bomb, chefs must work magic
By Lessley Anderson
It was a Saturday night at one of Northern California’s hottest new restaurants, every table was full, and I’d just dropped the bomb. “I’m vegan,” I told my server. “I don’t eat any dairy, eggs, meat, poultry, or fish.”
Printed in plain English on Cyrus’s menu were the words “We welcome advance notice of any dietary requests,” but I hadn’t given them any early warning. If my server was panicked or annoyed, he disguised it well. Smiling, he excused himself to talk with “Chef.” The verdict: The chef would be happy to prepare vegan dishes not on the menu, but my server hinted that it might be best if I stuck to three courses.
I’m not actually vegan, I just pretended to be to see what would happen. But chefs at high-end restaurants whom CHOW interviewed revealed that as many as half of their diners claim to be on some kind of restricted diet. To complicate matters, some of the most expensive restaurants have now stopped serving à la carte dishes; one must order a three- to twenty-course tasting menu. This makes accommodating special requests three to twenty times tougher.
Though most high-end restaurants have adapted to serve garden-variety vegetarians (many, like New York’s Per Se, and Manresa in Los Gatos, California, now offer vegetarian tasting menus), more restrictive diets, like those for vegans or people with food allergies, still pose challenges. Being a chef at today’s best restaurants is a masochistic juggling act requiring Herculean patience, control-freakish attention to detail, long ingredient lists, unusual preparations not required even five years ago, and the ability and will to wing it when necessary.
All-Points Bulletin
In the kitchen at Cyrus, when my order came in, Chef Douglas Keane had to stop what he was doing. “As soon as you get over the ‘Goddamn it, I have 20 tickets on the board and now this,’” he told me, “you say, ‘OK, I can do this. It’s not impossible.’” He took some seaweed he usually uses for a fish dish, steeped it in spices to make a broth, cooked up some raw vegetables he had lying around in vinegar and mirin, and made a reduced soy sauce glaze.
A festive tower of gingery baby carrots, daikon, turnips, pea shoots, and spicy scallion greens atop savory wheels of sliced lotus root arrived at my table. It was delicious. But Keane said he would have made me something better had I called ahead—the method of notification preferred by every chef I talked to.
“People who have strict dietary needs and give advance notice—the restaurant would have to be crazy not to bend over backwards to make them happy. We’re in this business to serve people, particularly when you’re getting into this price point,” says Executive Chef David Kinch of Manresa, whose most modest four-course tasting menu is $85. “In fact, [preparing special menus] can be kinda nice and a break from the monotony.”
But how do you get diners to give the heads-up?
When Cyrus opened, reservationists would ask callers if they had any dietary restrictions. “But people would say, ‘I don’t eat any onions, garlic, any of this,’” says Keane. “And I said, ‘Wait a minute, there can’t be this many people who are allergic to these things.’” Cyrus stopped asking, as did Manresa for the same reason: If offered the option of customization, many diners will take it.
Translation Services
When special-diet folks drop in unannounced, the server is the first line of defense: He or she conveys a diner’s special requests to the kitchen. “It doesn’t matter what we think a guest means, it’s what they think it means,” says Michael David, sous-chef at Los Angeles restaurant Sona, where a large number of diners claim some sort of dietary restriction. “They may say they’re vegetarian, but then it turns out they eat fish. They’re allergic to nuts, but does that mean peanuts, too? Or do they mean only peanuts?”
Some of Sona’s diners have been known to show servers an 8-1/2-by-11-inch piece of paper from their dietitian, containing multiple foods they can’t eat, or items and preparations they prefer. Past lists have specified low-fat or sugar-free, “nothing acidic,” “no yeast,” “nothing fermented,” “no seeds,” and “some kinds of squashes but not others.” The server asks questions and takes notes, which then go with the table’s ticket to the kitchen.
On a few occasions at Manresa, a diner has presented his or her server with what Kinch ominously refers to as the card.
“It says, ‘Hi, I’m eating at your restaurant, and I’m looking forward to my meal. These food groups will make me severely ill and will be life-threatening.’ And it’ll be, like, onions, mushrooms, garlic, oils, any kind of nut oils.”
Kinch photocopies the card, passes a copy to every station in the kitchen, makes eye contact with each chef to make sure he or she understands and is taking it seriously, then tries to make it through dinner service without hearing the wail of sirens.
Wingin’ It
Many chefs now stock exotic vegetables and grains not listed on the menu so as to avoid having to fall back on pedestrian tofu when vegans show up unexpectedly. Sona’s kitchen always has greens, mushrooms, protein-rich quinoa, and a medley of root vegetables on hand that can be braised, fried, or even shaved into a raw salad to provide variety for a vegan tasting menu.
Sauces and soups are increasingly being made with vegetable stock, even for meat-eaters, just to cut down on the number of things the kitchen has to make ahead of time. “We built the rule—no meat stock in things that aren’t meat—into the system to make [accommodating vegetarians and other diners with special requests] easier,” says Chef Homaro Cantu of Chicago’s Moto, where about a third of diners on a given night will have dietary restrictions.
On Fridays and Saturdays, Cantu and his executive sous-chef act as floaters, roaming from station to station “knocking out,” as Cantu puts it, special requests with improvisations. One evening they developed a vegan dish comprising a fried wonton skin injected with Chinese “takeout sauce.” It was such a hit, Cantu put it on Moto’s regular menu for six months.
“It forces us to be more creative, and that can be a good thing,” he says.
Fakesters
Do chefs ever cheat? A little butter in that “vegan” vegetable purée? The issue is no laughing matter.
“We can’t really judge the person, because they may have really serious problems,” says Sona’s David. “You never know. Maybe they just had surgery or have heart disease.” You don’t want to risk somebody going into anaphylactic shock in the middle of the dining room, then potentially suing the restaurant.
What about diners? Do they fake it? “I think that’s why people use the word allergy a lot, because they know it’ll be taken seriously,” says David. “Then you come back and say, ‘I’m sorry, but there’s onion in that mushroom risotto you wanted.’ And they say, ‘Oh, well as long as it’s not a lot.’”
Well, it's foolproof, isn't it. You don't like garlic so you say you're allergic to it. Works every time.
My gut (no pun intended) reaction is, this is all very wrong. I go to an accomplished chef's restaurant to enjoy his/her creations. The times when I eat at home are when I specify the exact ingredients I want to ingest.
I agree with you gina. Call ahead or stay home. Although the restaurant could make a nice profit charging $80 for rice and seaweed if the person is willing to pay that.
PLEASE call ahead. While some dishes on the regular menu can be easily modified- when there's a set menu (special wine pairing dinner, for instance), where the dinner has been planned for weeks, sauces cooked and reduced for days, etc., it really throws a wrench into the works to discover that suddenly the kitchen has to create 5 new dishexs on the fly.
The customer gets cheated because they don't get the same attention that was brought to the rest of the menu, and the kitchen gets thrown off by losing a line or sous chef to create and prepare all new dishes for the patron that knew it was a set menu, but dropped thier special requirements at the last minute.
The biggest key to this issue is communication. Call ahead, tell the server your dietary restrictions. With the amount of diabetes and heart disease issues within North America the issue of ordering special requests will only become bigger. I have Crohns Disease and have created the first site and ipod dining guide (http://www.foodvancouver.com) that has a section for people with special diets so they can search via disease. I find that I can still be a foodie and yet I am restricted to eating a low fibre diet. The key here is enjoyment of food for everyone prepared by the best chef's in the world.
I went for a blood test because I wanted to test which foods trigger my rounds of IBS, turns out dairy and egg were the main culprits, and I have to exclude them for 9 months. For the past 6 months it has been a sheer pain eating out. If i went to a more uptown expensive restaurant it would be alright stating my restrictions, but if i went to a cafe-like/bar restaurant/tourist packed/busy (like tapas restaurants) I am always so freaked out if they would actually take my diet seriously. I live in London and surprisingly SO MANY waitresses don't know what yeast-free, dairy-free means. They assume dairy free means no milk, but they forget about butter and parmesan cheese. Mayonaise and batter contains egg, yet several waiters/waitresses do not know that! When i first started out my diet I had to go dairy, egg and yeast free. Being yeast free was the killer. It meant no sauces whatsoever and many many ingredients contain yeast. I often find myself explaining before a meal so much (and a great deal of worrying if they got what i meant if their first language were not english) that i have lost my appetite.
Im sure this article would refer to a more expensive uptown restaurant, so therefore calling beforehand fixes this problem and allows the chef to create a dish for the diner, but for any other type of restaurant is really a pain, for me at least. I would love to hear if anyone else has this problem too?
I end up eating the same foods in the same restaurants just not to take any chances.
It depends on your allergen, I guess. Mine is saffron, and I pretty much expect it to be listed on the menu in the description of the dish. But if I had Celiac and had to eat gluten-free, I'd have to question my poor server within an inch of his/her life. And I probably wouldn't eat out much.
Allergies can be quite serious and should be accomodated: that said, it is unfortunate that folks who do not suffer would abuse this circumstance. Being the parent of a child with severe allergies, we are always wary but then again we make all efforts not to request changes, but rather to select items that accomodate our child's needs. This is his reality and he needs to be ready to live with it. That said, the epi pen is always at hand.
There's a great vegetarian bar in Seattle that isn't exclusively vegan, but has several vegan dishes that are outstanding. I go for the cheese dishes, myself ;) I'm happy to plug 'em: http://www.georgetownliquorco.com/
THINK AHEAD! CALL AHEAD! I've been vegan for 15 years and when I first started I was always shy about communicating what I needed with the waiters which inevitably lead to awkward exchanges, sending things back, dissecting my dish, etc. Now I call ahead if it's a nice place and have rarely had any trouble with this. In fact, my dish is usually the best looking thing at the table. If it's not a call ahead place it's more difficult as purplishorse described. But here's the key: look at the menu. See what kinds of ingredients they've got in the kitchen and go half way with your server to help invent a dish: "I'm vegan and I'm hoping to come up with something for me to eat. I was thinking that the Fettuccine Alfredo might work if instead you left off the cream sauce and used olive oil to wilt the spinach from the spinach salad and added some of the cannolini beans and tomatoes from the bruscetta. Does that sound like it might work or do you have a suggestion". Works like a charm.
I can understand people with legitimate allergies or dietary restrictions. But I want to slap people who claim to be allergic to something just because they simply don't like it. They don't understand how much extra work it is for the kitchen to completely scrub down the grills, get seperate utensils, etc. I understand it's the restaurant's job to serve you, but just try to be considerate. And if you're that much of a baby about something you "just don't like" then cook for yourself at home or order something that doesn't contain it.
This is enlightening. I never knew to call ahead. My (now adult) son nearly died of anaphylactic shock after eating chicken at home when he was 15. Grocery shopping was a nightmare--so many foods have chicken broth, etc.. Eating out was a nightmare. When I said "life-threatening" to waitstaff, my husband got uncomfortable--but not nearly as uncomfortable as my son's intubation..
BTW, after (semi)successfully avoiding it for 5 yrs, the chicken allergy disappeared as quickly as it came on. Unfortunately, it was replaced by a shellfish allergy. At least that's easier to avoid.
While it might not work in a lot of places, if you're in a city with a sizable Jewish population, you can easily avoid meat, chicken and seafood by eating in a kosher dairy restaurant. Fish with scales and eggs are used, though.
As for eating at other types of restaurants, ask, ask, ask. I'll never forget the time we were traveling and stoped at an "On the Border" restaurant. I ordered something that came with sour cream. When it arrived I asked about the unusual flavor in the sour cream. The server told me that they use a little bit of chicken broth to give it flavor. Huh?!?!
Yeah, I work at a restaurant in the Berkshires, so we serve a lot of tourists, especially on holidays and in the summer...so occasionally we do get people with allergies...and we also see a lot of orders for things like no bread...but we already accomadate to vegetarians..
However..there's nothing more annoying that when someone with allergies comes into the kitchen in the middle of a rush to ask questions about how we make the food AFTER they've already asked the waitress.
As stated several times above, please, call ahead, e-mail ahead, something.... We ask everyone who makes a reservation, when we confirm their reservation, if anyone in their party has a food allergy. These days, it seems like every group has at least one person allergic to something. Since we only have a preset tasting menu, we're simply not equipped or supplied if someone shows up at last minute and announces a list of things that they're allergic to - and it happens - I've had people allergic to shellfish who "didn't want to be a bother" when we asked. I've had vegans come in on nights that the menu was packed with animal products (and we post our menu online two weeks in advance) and announce it on the spot. While we do our best, sometimes there's simply no option that we can offer. Had they told us in advance, we'd have had something on hand, and prepared dishes for them with as much care as the other dishes. Every restaurant is different, and some have plenty of stuff and staff on hand, others, like us, don't.
I love cheeseburgers...even ones made by takeout places...and since my husband doesn't really eat them I treat myself occasionally at lunchtime at a nearby joint. But I HATE mustard on burgers...HATE it. WON'T EAT IT. And for some reason the drive-through folks just can't get it right no matter how much I emphasize NO MUSTARD. ( I've even gotten it at more upscale non-fast food places after I specifically asked NO MUSTARD). And sometimes on a quick lunch hour or drive through its hard to take it back. So I have gotten in the habit of making my order, and saying loudly "I AM EXTREMELY ALLERGIC TO MUSTARD. NO MUSTARD PLEASE!"
Is that devious and wrong? Probably. But guess what: before I started doing this I would say that at least 50% of the time I got mustard on my burger despite emphasizing I didn't want it. (I even tried ordering in Spanish on the possibility that there was a language barrier -- my Spanish is excellent. Didn't work). But the allergy statement has worked 100% of the time since I started doing it.
The day a restaurant can promise me they'll get my order right is the day I'll stop the deception. And asking for no mustard on a burger is not an unreasonable request, IMO. Its not like grills have to be scrubbed or anything.....
(btw, I do eat mustard on other things...so its not that I dislike mustard. I just dislike it on burgers.....)
The point of this rant is that there is a reason why some folks have resorted to saying they have allergies when they don't. Restaurant owners/workers reading this might want to pay attention to that.
Janet, I've been thinking about your reply all day. You asked if it were wrong to claim an allergy to get your food prepared to your liking. Yes, it is wrong.
A true food allergy can lead to anaphylaxis. The allergy is so severe that the throat closes, the person goes into pulmonary arrest, and if not treated, the person dies.
I take exception to people deceptively claiming a true food allergy because it could lead restaurants to become less sensitive if "everyone" develops an allergy. While I understand your frustration in not receiving food the way you ordered it, I don't want my son to die because you don't like mustard on your cheeseburger.
If you have stated clearly what you wanted and the food arrives and it isn't what you have ordered, just return it. They are obliged to do so, and it is simply their fault if they didn't follow your instructions.
Alot of the times it is due to poor communication and also some carelessness on their part. When its due to carelessness i get really upset that food has to be returned but there is no way i would eat something I did not order and fall sick afterwards.
Bottom line people make mistakes. The places that people with special dietary needs return to frequently are the ones that make the fewest mistakes. If you become a regular then the restaurant knows your habits and will then take care of you. I have a chinese restaurant server that calls me the no veggie guy because I always order plain beef fried rice. When you are travelling have a card to present. As far as saying you are allergic to something when you are not.....I hope you never are diagnosed with Crohn's or Celiac Disease as no mustard will be the least of your worries.
I don't go to vegan retaurants and order a big plate of meat, I understand and respect the fact what that establishment serves. If you are going to a restaurant of a chef whose own personality is within the food, I feel one should respect that as well...you have a million things you don't like, or you don't believe in eating meat...go to another restaurant where they share your ideas....don't push your ideologies on others
While I try to go to vegan restaurants as often as possible to avoid these problems, it's just not feasible to do that every time. What about when I'm dining out with friends who aren't vegan? If it's not okay to request a special vegan meal, then am I to just stay home or force everyone else to go to a restaurant of my choice?
I usually have a pretty reasonable time as long as I call ahead if possible, explain my diet nicely to the server, and let him/her know that I will be more than happy to eat whatever the chef can come up with, even if it's just steamed vegetables. Then I smile, eat up, and tip well.
Does that count as "pushing my ideologies on others?"
please call ahead as it makes your dinner experiance go smoother and ull get sumting well balenced and creative for you and not just a plate of boiled veg,if u are a vegan or vegie that is,it also makes life easier on the staff.at the end of the day they dnt have to give into ur wants and needs,and for lying about haveing an "allergie" that isnt real,i.e the whole garlic saga,stay at home and cook ur own dinner!! as alot of work goes into clean down pans and utensils,for sum1 that just doesnt like garlic......order sumting else off da menu if u dnt like garlic,next time if u do,do this at least say thnx nd leave a nice tip.... :)
I am allegic to peanuts, tree nuts and thier oils. But oddly, not pine nuts.
Living in LA, I can never be sure if nuts are't someow in dishes, any dish. Chefs here love to sprinkle nuts everywhere.
I call ahead. I call again to confirm. I tell the host, manager, waiter and server when I get there.
And yet, somehow, now and again it seems not to be taken seriously. I've even have waiters laugh afer telling me "oops, that has walnuts in it. You aren't allergic to walnuts, right?" Once, a waiter at an indian restaraunt told me it wasn't his fault I was feeling ill and going into anaphalaxis-" It didn't have nuts, just pistacios-everyone knows pistacios aren't nuts"
Usually, the better places make good on their goof if it happens despite my vigilance. One gave me a $100 certificate. In one, the server ran as fast as he could to CVS to get antihistamine (my epi pen somehow fell out of my husband's pocket at home as he was getting ready, or so he says) and gave me all the free soda I could drink to try and stave off the attack with caffine.
Sometimes though, it is greeted with a shrug. "Such a hassle, these paying customers can be, with thier allergies that we ignored."
Sadly, the allergy "fakers" have just made it worse for those of us who are indanger.
I want to eat out, too!
oooooooooow this is rather infuriating.
i suffer from anaphalaxis to a long list of foods (and medications) and have (several times) gone straight to the Emergency Room from a restaurant that told me what i was eating was safe for me.
this is no laughing matter for those of us who can die from even eating something on the same cutting board or plate as an allergen. i have heard of vegans saying they are allergic to cheese, and i dont blame them, because some folks dont take their beliefs seriously. but come on if you dont like garlic, dont eat at an italian restaurant. you have so many options. to be able to eat without worry, you really should count your 'blessings' instead of causing a fuss.
I'm with sweeny on this one - I'm vegan and for me, part of that commitment means putting my dollar where my values are.
What would be the point of my going to a steakhouse (or some other vegan-unfriendly restaurant) and asking for all kinds of substitutes to the dishes the chef has prepared? Even if the concoction the chef ultimately comes up with is ITSELF vegan, my money has still gone to support a business whose values I don't agree with.
I once worked in a restaurant kitchen, and one time the waiter came back asking for a pesto pizza with no pine nuts. I asked him if the customer was allergic to pine nuts, or simply didn't want the extra ones sprinkled on the pizza, since our pesto sauce had pine nuts in it. The waiter, a surly lout, got mad at me and threatened violence, but I stood firm and told him that if the customer had a serious allergy, then it could kill them. He stormed off, then returned a few minutes later with a completely different order, sheepishly explaining that the customer was allergic to pine nuts. Real kitchens take allergies seriously, which is why it's bad to abuse it for foods you simply dislike.
I'm a vegan and usually don't pretend I'm allergic, although I have been tempted. I am very close to feigning a fish sauce allergy in unknown Thai and Vietnamese restaurants though. I can't count the number of times I've gone to one, grilled them on whether or not there's fish sauce in the meal, they claim there's none, then I get it and it reeks and tastes of fish! I tell them about it, and they are adamant there is no fish or fish sauce. Sorry, but I can taste it! It's even worse when all dishes in the vegetarian section have fish in them!
I'm wondering whether pretending to have an allergy to fish sauce would actually make a difference.
For now, I'll just stick to my favorites.
Dear good people,
It does not matter if one is or is not allergic. When a restaurant is told they have an allergic diner, they have three options; one is to honor the claim of allergy and prepare food accordingly, one is to tell the diner that they cannot accommodate their needs, and the last is to fudge it and hope not to be sued. Oh, sorry, four options - the fourth is to try to honor the claim and screw it up. We all know that there are establishments who will fall into each of these groups, hopefully very few in the last two.
Whether someone who either has ethical or aesthetic objections to a particular food uses the allergy card is entirely beside the point, and is as useless as most attempts to control the behavior of others. To do so is to vent one's spleen, which is of course everyone's right, but which really does very little in the end.
I am a vegan but have never used the allergy claim. I have, however, had cranky restauranteurs refuse to feed me at all, claiming that they can't take the risk, at which point I have to explain at length that the reason for my request for no eggs, fish, dairy etc., comes from a heartfelt desire not to eat these things and not from a medical need to avoid any trace of them in the food that I eat.
The bottom line is that for me, veganism is not about personal purity. Yes, I'd love to be able to avoid any trace of animals etc. in my food, but if it were all-important to me I would not eat in restaurants at all. I ask those vegans who claim to be pure, whether they make sure that no ingredient went into the fryalator with all the meat and if it did, whether they think that hot oil somehow does not carry traces of it, or if they think that the dishwashers and chefs scour every trace of previous meals out of pots and pans. Of course not! The point is, if you want to eat with friends and family, you have to find a point of realism within your idealism.
Personally, if I am at someone's home and they offer me bread, I will eat it without grilling them about the ingredients. I will not, however, eat something that could contain meat without making sure, but if I do get some meat by error, I laugh and move on. What else can you do?
If I have a chance to call ahead to a restaurant I do. You can't always, and in this instance I will eat appetizers if that's all that is available, I'll ask what's in the bread and not eat it if they aren't sure and take other such measures to try to keep it vegan, but again, I don't go nuts. I don't wish to leave these people hating all vegans because of my behavior.
Presumably, most "ethical" vegans would prefer that people in general eat as little animal substances as possible, thus reducing the general demand for such products in the marketplace. The best way to achieve this is to not totally piss people off. Most folks understand when you don't take it too far. Some people will even consider eating less animal products when they see you all healthy and glowing and young looking, but if you make them mad there are people who are likely to eat more animals just to stick it to you. Some people are just naturally cranky, but there's nothing you can do there, just try not to make it worse and move along.
It also helps, as one other person here mentioned, to tip very well. Most vegan meals are less expensive and are definitely more of a pain in the rear for servers and chefs alike, and being a good tipper helps leave a good impression.
Oops. First line in second paragraph above should read "Worrying about whether someone who either has ethical or aesthetic objections to a particular food uses the allergy card is entirely beside the point, and telling them they're doing wrong is as useless as most attempts to control the behavior of others.
Amen, Bettina!
I've been vegan for about 10 years and have had the opportunity to eat in a lot of amazing restaurants in that time. My whole family has come to use the special-vegan-menu-rubric to judge really fine restaurants. Anybody can grill a steak, but when I call ahead and then am served boring stir-fry, that's not an A+.
Often, I'm the luckiest girl at the table and everyone wants to try my food. I've been so thankful and amazed by what really great chefs can come up with IF GIVEN THE TIME TO DO SO. I would *never* expect a chef to stop in the middle of hectic dinner time madness to figure out a special meal for me. But when I call ahead, I'm rarely disappointed and really appreciative when I get something extra special.
Here's the key:
1) When you call clearly explain to the reservation taker what your brand of vegan or vegetarian or whatever means. Let them know you'd be happy to clarify to whomever is doing the cooking.
2) Call the day-of (before the dinner rush) to double check, or simply check when the resto calls to confirm the reservation.
3) When you get there, discretely identify yourself to the server ("psst...I'm the vegan").
4) Be happy with whatever is served (you don't get to be a picky vegan) and thank your server.
5) Tip well.
6) If it was truly exceptional, write a thank you note. People at the restaurant will go to bed thinking "aww...those vegans are so nice! I hope more of them come to our restaurant!"
When I've followed these steps I have never, not even once, had a surly waiter or a less than very-good experience as a vegan diner at a high end restaurant.
If the place doesn't take reservations, don't expect them to cook something special for you. But you can call and ask what might already be available on the menu.
one thing people often don't understand, is that vegans who haven't eaten meat/eggs/dairy in several years can become quite ill if you suddenly feed them such items. I've seen vegans who have been given bovine lattes and haven't realised vomit them up an hour later.
also, when you go somewhere and you specifically ask, does this have mayonaise in it, is the soy-cheese vegan, does you bread contain eggs or dairy, and you are blatently lied to...
(the bread didn't contain egg, it was glazed with egg, the egg was on the top)
... its awfully hard to smile, pay for something you didn't wants and leave on the basis of vegans are inconvieniences.
Hi, Noodler,
First, no disrespect intended, but I must ask, how you would know these lattes were bovine? I have gotten sick from a Starbuck's mocha and I watched them put the soymilk in. (Solution: no more Starbuck's mochas.)
I tend more to believe that the problem is unsanitary food storage. You know, I hope, that soymilk and other vegan foods can go bad and make you sick.
I have been given both meat and dairy unintentionally, and have never gotten sick from it. Once I felt a tiny bit sick after being given butter, but I believe that this was because I was a new vegan at the time and got far more upset about it than I should have. It really can be a case of mind over matter.
As for being lied to . . . people just do not understand. When you explain what you mean by vegan, some people will think you mean whatever they want to think, no matter what you say.
Sometimes they will simply think that they are not going to make themselves crazy because a vegan wants to be different. (Yes, there are still folks out there who are convinced it's about being cool.) That they are occasionally right isn't really any of their business, but it's how people are, and the only way to change this is to remain calm in all situations and make sure they know it's more about taking yourself and your money out of a particular marketplace than being different.
Let's say I've just taken a big bite of bread that didn't look eggy but once I have tasted it I'm sure there is egg in it. I simply set it aside and eat my salad or take a sip of water and move along. I don't mention it. (I should emphasize that this would only happen in a restaurant. I do NOT worry about micro quantities of bread ingredients in a person's house.) I won't eat what is obviously Challah or other clearly eggy bread anywhere, I'll simply politely decline, but I do not worry about a small amount of dairy or egg when it is not detectible. If the person knows I'm a vegan and serves it to me anyway that is their own karma on the line, end of story. If they do not know, I prefer not to make it an issue.
Some friends and I were once served a dish containing meat by mistake - the restaurant featured a vegan and an omni version of the dish. Once we worked out what we were eating, we all just started laughing. We called our server over, who happened to be one of the owners of the restaurant, and explained. She was appalled that she'd made this mistake, but we gained a new friend that day, because we did not torture her for her mistake. We could have yelled and gotten nasty, but we would have just left her hating all vegans, and that wouldn't have helped any of us - it would have left one more person not taking any of us seriously.
Now I agree it is upsetting when someone does not take you seriously because they think your objections are silly, but this is reality. People will do this. If you get very upset with them they will seriously not listen to you. I have convinced several people to take the entire vegan ethic more seriously because I have explained that I care more about the larger picture than one instance where I may have put something in my mouth I didn't want in there. If you get hysterical, people just stop listening.
I know it can be very gross, and you feel betrayed, but you simply have to either expect that you are going to get some non-vegan ingredients along the line if you eat out, or in non-vegans' houses. If this is a terrible travail for you, and I know it can be, the only way to really prevent its happening is to stop eating any food that you or another vegan did not personally prepare.
So keep on keeping on, dear Noodler, and don't worry - unless you have an actual allergy to a particular item, you are extremely unlikely to become seriously ill from eating something simply because you haven't eaten it for any period of time. There is a slight chance of developing lactose intolerance after not having lactose for awhile, but while this can be a discomfort, it's certainly not life-threatening.
Calling ahead is ALWAYS KEY. I can't have caffeine, alcohol, meats, dairy, egg yolks, oils, nuts or essentially anything high in oil / fat content without getting sick. Being in restaurants is very limiting, yes, so I usually stick to plain sushi and Mongolian Grill style places where I can watch the food being prepared so I know what's in it. I've still wound up in hospital, even when I've called ahead and double checked everything - AND, once while in hospital, I was (repeatedly) served food I couldn't eat (and that I didn't order on my meal sheet) only to be told "that was all they had".
Mind you, for my mom's wedding reception (at Fazio's Ristorante in Oshawa, ON) I recieved everything done excellently, and was given a substantial discount over the other plates. I still go back there as long as I call ahead and let them know what's up. I've met the chef before and he knows what does and does not fly with me.
Courtesy between the two parties is always the centre of these situations - if you do your part and let them know in advance, the restaurant should step up and make the necessary substitutions. As for pretending the whole allergies thing... that's shameful and definitely risks harm to other diners with serious allergies and intolerances. If you can't be bothered to take or send your meal back, you deserve to be stuck with it.
Yep, I always call ahead. Or stick to restaurants that offer numerous vegetarian and vegan options, if not speclialize in them.
Though I have to say, if I'm ever in L.A., I'll stay away from Sona. How the heck does someone manage to become a sous chef without knowing the difference between a nut and a peanut?
http://www.foodvancouver.com/printabl...
I use these printable cards as well as calling ahead.
In this thread, some people said to go somewhere else if you don't want to eat what's on the main menu. That doesn't work for me because most of my meals out are business lunches with clients. And because we're in their city, not mine, they typically pick the restaurant. Sometimes they pick it in advance, while just as often, I don't get any advance warning so calling ahead isn't always possible.
Vegetarians and Vegans don't want to make things more difficult and I've often just ordered a basic salad but that cuts down on restaurant and server revenue which isn't good either.