stories : Table Manners
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Nobody Ate My DishTips on how to host a successful potluck |
Dear Helena,
Every month my book group has a potluck dinner. Last time, three people showed up with lasagne and no one brought salad. I am hosting this month and want to make sure there’s more variety. Can I tell people what to bring, and if so, how specific can I be? (We are doing a Russian novel, and I am considering asking everyone to bring Russian food.) Also, one member of the group is a terrible cook and always brings store-bought stuff. Is it OK to tell him I only want homemade, and if so, is there something idiot-proof that I can ask him to bring? —Potdon’tbelieveinLuck
Dear Potdon’tbelieveinLuck,
Most people don’t like to be told, “Oh, bring whatever.” It makes them feel anxious. They like some guidance. So feel comfortable telling your guests what category of food to bring (appetizer, entrée, and so forth). Some people like to divide their friends into alphabetical groups and assign a category to each.
Most people find themes inspiring. Stephanie Parsons∗, who works in a San Francisco architecture firm, says, “A themed potluck is like a costume party. There’s less pressure to awe people; instead, it’s more about bringing something fun.”
But don’t ever ask guests to bring specific dishes. If you do, you’re not hosting a potluck, you’re treating your friends as a takeout service. And even your guidelines must be optional. There’ll always be someone who insists on bringing her signature ratatouille, even though your theme is Elvis’s Favorite Foods.
Once you stop trying to control the menu, your potluck will have that piquant ingredient: surprise.
There is one caveat: Every averagely competent person thinks it’s very wrong to bring store-bought food to a potluck, as (a) it’s usually worse than homemade, (b) you can get store-bought anytime, and it’s fun to taste people’s cooking, and (c) it’s lazy to buy stuff, especially as potluck guests have to make only one dish. You can’t stop people from doing it, but you can tell the ones you suspect will resort to store-bought to contribute liquor instead. People who bring purchased stuff are usually the richer ones anyway, so they shouldn’t mind bringing a bottle.
Dear Helena,
A friend of mine is really into raw food, and last time I hosted a potluck, she brought “brownies” made of date paste, carob powder, and God knows what else. Someone else had brought actual brownies, so hers didn’t stand a chance. Not a single person ate one. I felt bad, as she went to a lot of trouble to make them. Now I wonder whether I should have tried to make them look more appealing, or maybe eaten a couple of them myself to salvage her feelings. If you’re hosting a potluck and a guest’s dish goes untouched, should you do anything about it? —Can’t Stomach Carob
Dear Can’t Stomach Carob,
If you noticed one of your guests sitting in the corner, you’d sit and chat with him for a few minutes and introduce him to other guests. You should do the same, in a sense, for an overlooked dish. Place the “brownies” at center stage on your buffet table, sample one yourself, and urge your friends to follow suit.
You need not attempt to make the “brownies” look more appetizing. The appearance of guests’ dishes, like their own appearance, is their affair. Offering to garnish their cooking is like asking them, “Would you like to borrow a hairbrush?”
Once you’ve pointed out the dish to your guests, your job is done. You don’t have to hover over the “brownies” any more than you would baby-sit a boring guest. And when you try one, don’t show too much enthusiasm. If you do, your friend might just make them again.
∗Name has been changed
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I'm in a group that has potlucks a couple of times a year. After one in which everyone brought lentil dishes, and another in which everyone brought snacks and drinks but we had no entrees, we developed this practice: folks are asked to RSVP and say what category dish they plan to bring. They don't have to say exactly what they're doing, but just "dessert," "entree," "apps" or such. That way the host can guide the balance if necessary - "We have three people bringing dessert and no main dishes - can two people who haven't yet decided please bring mains?"
Regarding the guest wo always brings store-bought food, I'm actually in disagreement. If he's a terrible cook, why do you want to force him to bring something not very nice? Sure, you can try to guide him towards bringing a beverage, but we always accepted store-bought food from our group members, some of whom weren't always able to fit making and transporting a dish to an after-work, Tuesday night event into their very bust lives.
I think anyone who wants to bring a fresh baguette with delicious cheeses or chips with aweosme salsa fresca is always welcome at my potluck. Sure, it's nice not to go Keebler, but there's the whole trick of making someone whose forte is *not* cooking feel special bringing an item that can garner a few oohs and ahhs. Obviously you *need* Captain Store Bought to assemble the cheese platter and obviously nobody else could possibly do it like them. My guess is you'll get something more appealing than Kraft cheddar.
I'd also like to toss my anecdote into the salad: I hosted a themed goodbye party before leaving the US for the UK for a year. I asked my guests to bring foods I wouldn't readily be able to find in the UK and provided a hefty list of options. I wound up with 30 desserts, half of which contained peanut butter. Good thing we had some soup and a pot of mac and cheese!
I agree with the overall strategy, and the recommendation to ask the non-cook to bring booze instead. If you ask some of my friends to bring cheese, they will show up with a brick of vacuum-wrapped cheddar and some saltines. (And without trying to seem contrary (sorry crlyhead) I must state that I am so incredibly sick of chips and salsa, no matter how great. Chow should do a feature on 5 minute appetizers - stuff that takes no time to throw together, but avoids the chips and salsa trap.) FYI Bob Blumer has a section in one of his cookbooks that takes a different approach - he asks guests to bring ingredients for the meal, then he cooks them up. See his page on "Not Luck" dinner parties, at http://www.surrealgourmet.com/html/re...
I was asked to bring appetizers to an after work get together and, it turns out, so was everyone who was invited. We all brought hummus, although some brought pita or chips or veggies as the accompaniment. Humorous cosmic happenings!
I agree that a potluck is a fun time to share dishes and not stress people out about the dish. For me, food is the context for the friendships. While good food is fun to try, I want everyone to feel that their dish is welcomed. Unless the potluck is about showing off each other's culinary gifts, insiting on homemade food can be burdensome.
As to how to have variety at the table - I have appreciated being asked to bring the 'appetizer/entree/vegetable' et al and being permitted to choose my recipe. If it's a really large group, I've been asked to bring a dish based on where my name fits in the alphabet. For example, a-e: appetizers, f-g: side dishes, etc.
I do like your idea of a Russian theme tho'. That can really spice up your groups conversation.
As an admittedly over-controlling post-luck host, I've found that invitation websites (like evite.com) are a godsend! You can ask people to mention what they're bringing in their rsvp and then all the other guests can view this and plan accordingly. There's the added bonus, too, of encouraging guests to reply early so that they don't get stuck with the main course (though I usually take on the main course myself--I didn't say evite cured my anal retentiveness entirely!).
I hosted a potluck party with guests from India, China, Romania, Pakistan, Ireland, Canada, Philipines and Russia. Everyone had to bring a dish customary to their upbringing. I have to admit that I felt so bad for one guest as NOBODY was raving about her dish and word got around very quickly to avoid it...I scooped a bunch of it and secretly threw it in the garbage. Her serving platter looked half empty and she went away feeling great about her contribution. Next time I will ask her to bring a bottle of wine!
There really is nothing to be done about the carob-brownies. People need to realize that if their dish is ethnic, spicy or very diet-specific, it may not create mass appeal at a pot-luck, even if it is uber-yummy to you. (While Americans are getting more adventurous on average when it comes to food, many still fall into their comfort zones) Some suggestions: color always creates appeal- try herbs, multi-colored veggies, or different colored fruits when appropriate to the dish. Change up the way you serve it. (if those "brownies" had been wrapped in pretty paper with bows, maybe they would have been taken) Sometimes however someone's taste buds are just way off. For example- I read an article in NY Magazine last year about people who try to add years to their life by limiting their calories. A reporter attended one of their gatherings and described their meal. The reporter (who had been living on this diet for a while at this point) found the quorn entree to be yummy. His friend who was not on the diet found it to be vile. I've found the same to be true of Atkins bars/products. People I've known to have tried the diet called those things "yummy". I tried them myself- I could not stomach even a bite. Just realize that if you are a "rawist" and present a cake without flour, or on atkins and present pasta made with squash, enjoy it but don't expect others to concur with you opinion.
Depending on the crowd, there's also the pearls-before-swine factor...at least where I work, a lot of my colleagues are decidedly more whitebread in their tastes than I am, so I've been burned a few times at the potluck table after going all out with some moderately elaborate creation (usually a dessert)- only my friends will venture to try it, probably mostly out of solidarity/pity, while some else's Costco sheetcake with inch-high pink frosting inevitably gets gobbled up. Sigh...Things that went over fairly well: pineapple upsidedown cake, sherry cake, pecan-raisin bread. Things that got a very lukewarm reception: mocha layer cake, monkey bread, guacamole, key lime pie. Am I my office's equivalent of the carob brownie perpetrator above? Perhaps...I do agree that appealing color/presentation can definitely tip the scales in your favor, incidentally.
I can't cook to save my life. Believe me, you dont' want me to try, you dont' want to pressure me and you also don't want me to show up at your potluck late and very stressed bc I tried to please you. That is NOT a recipe for a good time with good friends.
Yes, I might bring storebought stuff. Yes, I will try to make it something as nice as possible, and the money I spend will be equal to or greater than the effort others put in. As for those that bring block cheese and Ritz, there's nothing you can do; just as there's nothing you can do when someone brings in a casserole of Velveeta Shells and Cheese covered in breadcrumbs. (Which, as a matter of fact, I think is yummy, just as some people might enjoy cheese and crackers. A chacun son gout! If you want more control, cook yourself.)
I'm part of a wine club that meets monthly, a dozen friends getting together to explore wine and eat home-cooked food. Hosting duties rotate: the hosts choose the theme (around some grape varietal, style, or region), buy the wines, pick a matching food them, make the primary entree, and make specific assignments: "You do apps, you do salad, you do sides, you do cheese course, you do dessert." This works out extremely well; the cheese course gets you off the hook of actually cooking periodically. We collect cash at the party, which goes to next month's hosts for wine buying.
Other rules: no politics, no TVs on, and (unfortunately, at the behest of our French friend, who founded the club), no German wines. This is tremendous fun, and we feel we've learned an awful lot about wines. Another good, recent addition: portion-control pour tops (I got 2-oz ones at a local restaurant supply store), which make it simple to make a single bottle go perfectly evenly among a dozen people.
Potlucks definitely work better when people are given a little direction. I do a monthly potluck with my knitting group, and we always follow the same format. The host cooks the main dish, and everyone else calls dibs on the other pre-determined categories: appetizer, salad, dessert, 2 bottles of wine. We all go there right after work, and we'd rather have someone feel they were contributing, even if they didn't have time to make something, than exclude store-bought food.
Asking a non-cook to "pick up a dessert" (specific wording required), works wonders for our group. With enough warning, some terrific desserts can be had a local bakeries, and even at its worst, a couple of pints of Ben & Jerry's and some store-bought cookies are still really tasty.
Ohhh, this thread brings to mind a friend who is convinced she is a bread baker and brings dense bricks of her stuff to every potluck, where it sits uneaten. If people don't eat your contribution, get a clue! Are you making a dish for yourself, or to contribute to the festivities? Scooping half an awful casserole into the trash to soothe someone's feelings is also asking for her to bring that same dish again. Here is a no-fail appetizer that takes a quick trip to the store and 2 minutes to prepare. Buy a brick of feta cheese and a bottle of minced garlic, a bag of pita or bagel chips, and a nice dry white wine. Unwrap & drain the feta, put in a microwaveable bowl, cover (thickly) with the garlic, microwave for a couple of minutes so the cheese is just runny, nice and soft. You could also warm it in the oven. Surround with chips. This may be a cliche appetizer but I wish it appeared more often. People fight to lick the bowl.
If you're wondering what to bring to a potluck, a vegetable side dish is usually the answer. Lots of people bring main dishes or dessert. Your nice green beans or roasted red peppers will help balance the meal.
My mom's friend is chronically late (like an hour or more) and her kids eat mostly frozen food, so she's now the default fruit basket person. And I gotta say, lady knows how to pick the best fruit on any given day and bring it over in time for dessert.
As a guest I always try to ask the host which dish would be best, and if any particlar area needs attention. When hosting I think the RSVP including dish is the most appropriate. Whenever I host I try to make sure I make a very substantial main course, assuring that noone leaves hungary.
I come from a family that hosts its annual Christmas Eve potluck to which everybody pitches in, making sure all the bases are covered. Almost all the food, when possible, is homecooked/prepared.
A few days later I attended another potluck, this time among colleagues from work. I went out of my way and prepared a Greek pasta salad, really proud of my preparations, only to discover that the entire potluck consisted of frozen lasagnas, Chinese takeout, Greek takeout, and a store-bought sushi platter. Nobody else seemed to put any effort into making food for the potluck, except a colleague of mine who made 7 layer dip. And of course, our food wasn't even touched, while the takeout and Costco premade items were devoured immediately. (I admit, later in the night once people tasted the pasta salad and the dip, they enjoyed it).
So I guess I'm in the league where, one or two store-bought items is okay, but an entire potluck of takeout/store bought items isn't fun at all. And it's not fair to those that put in the effort of making the food.
One trick, if you're trying to encourage non-cooks to bring something homemade - suggest they bring "vegetables and dip". That way they don't have to cook, but they're still contributing to the potluck.
Here are my potluck rules for guests;
Don't bring anything that's not good enough to eat yourself - no supermarket macaroni salad that you personally despise.
Don't bring anything that needs to go in the refridgerator or freezer without checking first with the host/hostess to see if there's room
Think ahead; bring your own serving dish and serving utensils
Think about the number of people you are bringing to the party and bring a commensurate amount of food. A single person should not have to bring as much as a family of four.
If you have special dietary needs..make sure you can take care of yourself. Don't make the hostess run to the store for diet coke because that's the only thing you are willing to drink.
i think about the year three friends brought green bean salad to the holiday dinner, and i hate green beans! Yes, the designation of a part of the meal is good. Evite has worked in the past to control who's bringing what.
If it's a company potluck, it always works best to have a sign-up sheet with categories. The people who sign up late get guilt-tripped into providing food for the emptiest categories.
If you have strict food beliefs, then bring something vegan/vegetarian/raw/etc that an 8 year old would eat. You'll find yourself more likely to bring home an empty plate. It may sound awful to underestimate your peers like that, but a lot of people are firmly, and sometimes proudly, stuck inside their narrow view of food. If it looks weird or contains weird things, it's likely to be ignored. Someone once brought a wheat loaf to a Thanksgiving party...he was the only one truly eating it.
I'm known as the dessert queen here. I usually throw together a homemade cheesecake with a thematic flavor or topping of some sort. It's always gone before the other desserts.
Green salad with dressing on the side is always welcome. So is good bread from your best local bakery.
my problem with the person who brings store bought is they usually spend the same amount as others who buy raw ingredients and cook. resulting in even lower quality crap.
Chow!
HL.
Most potlucks I go to are of the A-E bring a salad, E-M bring a main dish, etc. That works -- and the quality always varies all over the place.
We do one major meal where people bring a dish: but I don't call it potluck, because it isn't! I ask people what they are bringing and if they don't know ahead, I assign them a category to make sure everything is covered. this is for Thanksgiving and it has to be good! I do the turkey (free range -- it really tastes better) and we share the cost of the bird, and everyone brings a dish or two. I remind them to bring something to take home leftovers in -- there's often none left for us! This year I bought new tablecloths for it too. This is for about 20 people. There's always some last minute add-on who brings something weird. and One guy who brings nothing.
Two things I'd like to share:
[1]
My partner is the youngest of six(!) boys and most of the family lives in town, so we get together semi-regularly. One sister-in-law usually ends up being the party organizer (and yes, of course I offer to help) and always does a bang up job of it, though having a great love and respect for food as well the chef brother as your husband helps a lot. ;)
The party usually revolves around an event or theme; she usually says what other people are bringing so that you can decide what you want to bring to help round the meal out. If no one has volunteered anything to bring yet then I usually throw out a couple ideas and see what she responds to.
[2]
At a beach picnic potluck last summer, I brought all store-bought items but the key really is what you buy. I bought fresh bread from a local bakery, fresh salad greens, provolone cheese and prosciutto. Then I made sandwiches on the spot at the picnic. Some people never had prosciutto before so the fresh sandwiches were a huge hit.
A spring contribution:
fruit and greens salad (e.g. pears/apples Waldorf)
A summer contribution:
bocconci with fresh tomatoes, basil, and olive oil/balsamic
An autumn contribution:
butter tarts or Natas (portuguese tarts): I don't mind if they came from a baky rather than from your oven. They're terrific.
A winter contribution:
Macaroni and cheese bake. Yummy.
No cooking involved and it looks beautiful.
Things not to bring:
A dish can be delicious but if it is not appetizing in its appearance, there is going to be a problem.
Don't bring soup. At a potluck, this is impractical as people will be walking around. And unless you bring disposable soup bowls, your host is going to have to look after this.
A bag of chips with nothing else. This looks bad. A friend of mine used to do this and no longer does. Thank goodness. A $2 bag of chips next to someone's homemade quiche?
Do not, I repeat, do not ask each guest to bring their best or favorite
dish. I went to a pot luck anniversary party in Detroit some years ago. I swear there were 10 to 15 chopped livers. Discuss what they are going to bring so you can ask them to change or fill in the holes.
At a generic (e.g. large office) potluck where you may not know all the attendees, let alone their individual food allergies, religious dietary restrictions, likes/dislikes, etc.--put a card next to your dish with your name, the name of your dish, and some key ingredients.
I can't tell you how many dishes I've avoided at potlucks simply because I didn't know what I'd potentially be eating (I don't eat pork or mushrooms, occasionally there's a dish with "mystery meat" or unidentifiable vegetable)--that's one big reason why a potluck dish goes untouched. I'm sure those with serious food allergies must be completely terrified at the prospect of eating anything even remotely mysterious.
If someone has an ingredient question, the card either answers the question or tells them who made it and they can seek the creator out before trying it. If they enjoy the dish, they can seek the creator out afterwards to offer a compliment of ask for the recipe.
Potluck?? What a disgusting idea. Why doesn't your bookclub take turns hosting dinner or skip it all together.
Because potlucks are fun. Last year I was going to an American school in Italy. For Thanksgiving we somehow found catered turkey and had everyone sign up to bring sides, bread, wine and desserts. We had the right amounts of everything, and I was amazed to see how many of my classmates had heretofore unknown amazing culinary skills.
good luck in finding people to make a Russian homemade meal - with that said, you should totally set up a menu and say this month, so and so, is in charge of starch, protein, salad, drinks, etc... no biggie and the one with the store bought stuff may not know how to cook and could be saving you, so accept what they bring and leave it at that. You are there, primarily to focus on the book, the book, not the afterparty!
We have potlucks where i work every so many months...we post a list on the fridge and people note what they're bringing and as such, people can tell when there are getting to be too many desserts, or what not .
I personally have no problem with a few store bought items or people simply bringing the rolls or soft drinks or something. Generally people who don't bring an item, don't eat at the potluck. Not everyone can or is able to cook, or for that matter afford to splash out on a dish. I tend to make pricier items or stuff that takes a bit of work, because i love to cook and i love ingredients and such, plus sometimes if i don't bring a vegetarian or seafood option, i won't have anything to eat !!!
Recently i despised listening to one co-worker making snotty and repeated comments to whoever would listen, about how certain people were bringing in store bought or cheaper items, and how they might as well do the same thing . I felt like bringing in nothing at all after hearing that, and i don't recall ever feeling resentful of someone not earning their slice of my $60 cheesecake with their offering of a storebought roll or cookie. Who cares, at least they bought something. Potlucks are not meant to be comparisons of who spent more on what.
I agree that for vague type dishes, a little card saying what's in it would be nice, I always feel like i'm criticizing people when i'm asking what is in something, does it contain meat etc...like i'm picking it apart.
I can only speak for myself, but I don't even like being told what to read, much less what to bring to a potluck. So I guess I'd be a washout at the whole book-club-potluck thng.
But it sounds like there may be some discontent brewing, so maybe calling a moratorium on the potluck for a few months will give everybody a chance to cool off (this is theoretical since the actual event would have been well over a year ago by now). As far as the crappy cooks go, im nomad has a great point-
". Who cares, at least they bought something. Potlucks are not meant to be comparisons of who spent more on what."
Well said.