Serviceable Brooklyn Italian Delis

I just tried a hero, based on a recommend from these boards, from Caputo's Deli...

And the news is not good.

--Please keep in mind that this is only a critique of their hero (it was an Eh-talian Combo, purportedly). They seem like plenty well-meaning people and the rest of their goods looked wonderful, etc.

However,

As I was eating it I became confounded. What is so difficult about making a good hero/ grinder sandwich? Never mind a hot one...And why the hell do I have to go to Bensonhurst to get one? I might as well spend an hour on the train to go to 101 Deli in Rockaway...

Or do I have to?

Am I missing some gem out there?(I just discovered Defonte's, and they promptly closed shop for vacation.)

But back to this Crapooto anti-hero:

The bread was fine but unassisted by:

--Sad, identity-crisis-having lettuce which was both stalky leaf AND shredded wilt?
--Very unhappy bologna (at least go with mortadella I mean for the love...) And when I say mayo on both sides I mean it, K?
--Some kind of skimpy smattering of cherry peppers and a waifish piece of provolone. -Whatever-prosciutto and Whatever-salami.

I mean if you're going to make a heartless sandwich like that you shouldn't even bother. It looked as if an autistic person made it: like there was some kind of awful and inscrutable logic to its design.

And I won't even get into finding excellent macaroni or potato salad (which they don't have anyway but would I'm sure be equally phoned in.)

Note to Aspiring Deli Artists:

If you're going to charge $9 for a hero and the sum of its parts is 2 to 3 dollars MAX, it better be a damn fine, perky, slathered, tangy, spicy-hot-sweet, fevered-dream inducing foot of wedded bliss.

Because otherwise that's just Rude.

MickdaQuick in Outer Boroughs