Delicious on the Slope

Maybe the retooling was the problem. I don't know, but one way or another this place is totally off the list.

Strike 1) They have a little gadget on their website (which is where one would normally go to examine the menu prior to delivery) which takes orders online. I place my order, pay with a credit card, and feel pretty good about it. About 30 mins later I think maybe I should double check so I call. The gentleman there informs me that there little order taking website gadget doesn't work, has never worked, and that he doesn't even know where someone working there might access the email account this information goes to. Awesome. Needless to say there's no disclaimer on the website indicating that this order taking function is totally nonexistent. So like an idiot, I place my order with him over the phone (at this point, it's that or frozen pizza).

Strike 2) The food comes reasonably quickly and I think it may be OK. When I open the container holding my "medium rare cheeseburger on a brioche bun" I discover that it's actually a very rare burger on a crappy grocery store, sesame seed, very much not brioche, bun. Believe me, I'm happy to eat a decent burger on a regular old bun, but if you advertise brioche, you better damn well have something that at least has a colorable claim to being brioche. This thing? Not so much. And if you're going to ask how I want my burger cooked, cook it the way I order it. I know that meat cooking isn't an exact science and that one man's medium rare is another man's rare is another man's medium well. But this was a bloody, very rare, damn near raw patty presented as medium rare. It was outside the range of plausible disagreement-they just screwed up.

Strike 3) My wife's chicken BLT on seven grain bread was terrible. When I see the words "seven grain," plain old crappy wheat does not leap to mind, but that's what the bread was. Beyond that, the chicken was super dry, the lettuce wilted, and the tomatoes flavorless, unripe crap. Yes, it's December and decent tomatoes are hard to come by, but these were exceptionally bad-even for out of season offerings.

The worst part (call it strike 4) was that the whole affair was not cheap! If I go into a crappy diner and pay six or seven bucks, I don't expect much. But if I'm paying thirteen or fourteen dollars for a burger and fries or a sandwich and fries, it better at the very least contain the ingredients advertised.
I called them back and had them come back and retrieve my uneaten atrocity of a burger and give me my money back, so I wasn't out anything but time in the whole affair. But do yourself a favor and avoid this place and save yourself the same headache.

thomasshawn in Outer Boroughs

Viva in Red Hook

My wife and I I went for "brunch" on Saturday. Horrific. There was nobody else in the place, and when we ordered coffee we were informed that they didn't serve it. If you don't serve coffee, you don't serve brunch, regardless of what your sandwich boards say or whatever else might be on the menu.
But we decided to suck it up and just get some food. We both ordered the chilaquiles. They were just plain bad. The tortilla strips were soggy, the sauce tasted like crappy green salsa from a jar and the chicken was dry and flavorless. The service was indifferent at best. In fact, we only saw the waiter when we walked in and when he set down our plates. No sign of him other than that-or of anyone else. It was awful. Maybe they're better at dinner, but I'll never know because when a place botches a meal that badly, I do not go again.

thomasshawn in Outer Boroughs