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Restaurant Dinner Party - Uninvited Guest

So I meant to update this a long time ago, and in case anyone at all is interested...here goes.

So the party itself was an unqualified success, mostly because the restaurant comped me an extra hour of open bar. The cousin came, and probably the most hilarious part of the night was when my boyfriend came into the room, saw her first, and turned to leave because he didn't recognize her (it was a surprise party).

Now for the not-so-hilarious part...turns out the cousin had her friends (friends from college or something who lived in the area) waiting at the restaurant bar until we finished dinner...so definitely not as though she had nothing else to do that night. She and the offending girlfriend called the friends as soon as we had finished eating and invited them to the room for drinks and dessert (I'm not kidding). I was about 4 bourbons deep at that point, so I didn't care too much at the time, although I thought my mom was going to implode with anger.

Lesson learned - just because a dear friend is a generally awesome person doesn't mean he will chose a great girlfriend. Whoever called her out in the comments as manipulative is either clairvoyant or more astute than me at reading the signs. Since the birthday dinner, we've hung out with her a few more times and she is The Worst.

Anyway thanks everyone for your thoughts - they really did help me frame my decision - and for those of you who disagreed with me turns out YOU WERE RIGHT!!

Feb 26, 2013
ellamac79 in Not About Food

Restaurant Dinner Party - Uninvited Guest

Hey guys. I really appreciate everyone's perspective and wanted to give you all an update.

At the outset, I want to clear up something that was mentioned above. I have been saving for this for months, so the comment I made about the extra cost "not being that big of a deal" was more in the context of the total cost. This event is significant to me, both emotionally and financially, and I hope I didn't come across as too "whatever" about the price. And trust me when I say that everyone invited knows the format of the party - based on the restaurant where it is being held and the fact that the invitation was 100% clear that it is a seated dinner with open bar.

Against all of your good judgment (and that of my mom) I told her that the cousin could come. Here' s how the exchange went: I told the GF "I just want to make sure you guys know that it will be quite a small party, but if she will otherwise be alone that night then she is welcome to come." GF replied immediately and said, "OK, great, plan on her being there." My decision was based on the fact that I decided nothing was worth [potentially] ruining the party - I was worried GF would be miffed and by extension pass it on to one of my boyfriend's best friends. The actual party hasn't happened yet, so I am really curious as to how it will all shake out. I have a feeling that GF hasn't told the cousin how small the party really will be (and I truly am concerned about her being embarrased - but that can't be my problem at this point), and I am fairly certain she hasn't shared with her boyfriend (our good friend) that she asked me - I've spoken to him a couple of times and he hasn't said ANYTHING to me, which would be really unusual for him (i.e., "Thanks so much for including Cousin Jane" or anything to that effect). Perhaps she will be lovely and will really add to the group. If not, I've decided that I can't let it ruin my night. I'm close enough with the other attendees (family and close friends) that if anyone says, "How come Cousin Jane came?" it will be in the context of "I can't believe she came" - not "I can't believe you didn't let us invite other people." Long story short - I think that I probably need to learn to put my money where my mouth is, but I honestly didn't want to cause any issues. Thanks everyone :)

Jun 18, 2012
ellamac79 in Not About Food

Restaurant Dinner Party - Uninvited Guest

See update below...

Jun 18, 2012
ellamac79 in Not About Food

Restaurant Dinner Party - Uninvited Guest

I like this response - thanks :)

Jun 15, 2012
ellamac79 in Not About Food

Restaurant Dinner Party - Uninvited Guest

Sorry - I realized I should have provided more info. The GF initially said "mind if she stops by?" to which I said of course - it sounded like the cousin would be in town and just would be swinging by for a drink to see GF. She then wrote that actually the cousin would be staying for dinner; hope that's ok.

I totally agree that the kneejerk reaction should be "just say no" - but the GF is the GF of a very, very close friend and I wouldn't want to upset the relationship in any way. I also respectfully disagree with the above responses that it's not rude to ask - you don't ask to invite someone that the host has never met, unsolicited (particularly when you yourself are the +1).

I guess what I was hoping for is some guidance on how to handle given that I don't want to create any problems. But I totally agree that if I were the cousin, I would feel COMPLETELY awkward.

Jun 15, 2012
ellamac79 in Not About Food

Restaurant Dinner Party - Uninvited Guest

I am hosting a birthday dinner party for my SO at a restaurant for 20 close friends and family. I have reserved a private room, arranged for open bar and am covering the entire cost of the event, which is running about $110/pp.

Most guests have dutifully RSVP'ed, but I received a separate response from a friend's girlfriend asking if she could bring her cousin (who will be in town that weekend visiting friends). I asked whether this would be a "stop by" or whether she's asking if the cousin can join for dinner. She asked if she could come for dinner.

Now, I know this person is aware that this is a somewhat intimate event and I assume that she is aware I'm hosting (because of how I roll generally).

I haven't responded yet - how should I handle? At the end of the day, it's not going to break the bank given the already significant cost, but do people truly have no manners?

Jun 15, 2012
ellamac79 in Not About Food