Thanks, guys! These are some great leads, I'll definitely check them all out.

...Although, @Roland Parker, do not underestimate my love of cake. I really like cake. I'll notice. ;)

So, I'm looking for a bakery that produces cakes that taste amazing. I don't give a rat's ass about fondant (I hate it, to tell the truth). I'm after a flavorful, perfect, rich, not overly sweet, delicious cake with tasty frosting. I'm looking for the Platonic ideal of cakes, a cake that when you taste it, you're like "this is everything layer cake should be and more besides," and you get the same feeling you had when you ate cake as a kid.

Anyone got any suggestions? :) Thanks!

Dunno exactly what the flavor profile of your ideal feta is, but the Eden brand they sell at Trader Joe's is really fresh-tasting and smooth while still being salty enough. Definitely one of my favorites. It's sold in plastic packages, with green and yellow on it... I think it may be Israeli in origin?