My mistake- I'm not sure where I heard July! Wow, that's a bummer. I just missed him, then. They're really faltering without him, though I've no previous visit to compare it to.

My apologies for clarifying- this was after David left. He has been gone since July 2012 (to my knowledge) and I arrived in August 2012.

Thank you! I was surprised as many notable Parisian food critics lauded this- I feel the review needs to be told so that more people are not lulled by the primarily positive reviews. I would have liked to see a thread like this before my visit.

Hear, hear! :-)

I've reposted this from the review on my website, linked here so you can see photos. I still can't believe this happened. It's like waking up from a nightmare. Background: have eaten at many similar restaurants, am not a stranger to tasting menus/curious experimental cuisine. This bordered on masochistic.

http://foodette-reviews.blogspot.fr/2...

I am literally agape right now. Agape at the lack of substance at Agape Substance in Paris tonight. 500 Euro and an agonizing three hours later, My dining companion and I are trying to piece together the shards of a confusing evening of Samuel Beckett-esque futility. TL;DR: I have never had a worse meal in my life.

To put it succinctly, Agape Substance is best left for a clientele tired of being beaten with birch switches and paying for it, a special type of customer who wants something a little more public. To them, I recommend this tasting menu, accompanied by dim fluorescent lighting and sallow-toned smoked mirrors. A scarily accurate glimpse into the future, I now know how it will look when I go to the DMV when I'm 40. Throughout the course of an evening, we went through over 20 courses of incongruent, vapid bites with strange visual cues and a seemingly Freudian undertone in a restaurant best suited to a 1980's swinger's club. This is the fucking Dorsia of the Left Bank.

We started with butternut squash tuile. It tasted like dessicated Fruit Roll-Up housed in a customized slab of china, overly sweet to start a meal.

Following that were pork trotter chicharrones with minced dory fish on top. Crispy and porky, they gave us a vague sense of hope for the meal to come.

I was anxiously anticipating our next dish, a berce sponge with hogweed flower. Agape is known for its flagrant usage of berce, but the improbably bright Soylent Green coloring and kitchen sponge-like flavor were disconcerting.

A mini-pizza with pine nuts and caviar was tasty, if meager.

We ended our selection of amuse bouches with a dried salsify with white chocolate creme fraiche and olive. Wow, this dish was confusing. Texturally, it was like eating flaccid carrots with slightly stale dip, as though the inspiration for this was found rooting in the back of the chef's refrigerator one late evening. The chocolate was dulled by the richness of the cream, a white sploogy void on the plate.

Our first savory course, king crab with grapefruit, mint, and artichoke consomme was inoffensive and tasty, with a vibrant sweet and savory component from the citrus fruit and herbs.

Parsnip with smoked sea salt, olive, and rye came shortly after. Tasted like a loaded baked potato sans Bacos. It was also at this point that we noticed that the "special truffle supplement," an additional 50 Euro per person, merely consisted of hunks of truffles shaved over this, as well as other dishes, we received throughout the evening. A must to avoid.

Following this was a runny half-boiled egg with orgeat syrup, blanched almonds, and polenta. I do not know why this was placed where it was in the menu, or really, what purpose it served all. It was, as Camus may have said, an indicator of a wholly indifferent universe. It raised some important questions about taste and the meaning of life. For instance: Why am I eating raw cookie dough-flavored food sandwiched between the appetizer and main course? Who wants to see their date awkwardly dribble gooey, raw organic fluid down the corner of their mouth in public? As tasty as it was, reminiscent of marzipan, it was existentially confusing to a fault.

Duck liver with raspberry consomme, inoffensive and unremarkable. Fresh tasting but bland. The spongy liver could have easily been replaced with mushrooms and I wouldn't have known.

A hollowed sea urchin with chestnut soup was visually impressive if boring. The richness of the soup cut the urchin's naturally sweet, briny flavor and neutralized the effect of both.

Carrots and mustard, a trial in mental tenacity. Why, I ask, would any self-respecting restaurant toss hot carrots and mustard on a plate halfway through the meat courses? In a recent review of Agape, Alexander Lobrano praised a similarly simple dish as "lucid." This, too, was lucid, though more in a Ken Kesey fashion than a Kubrickian genius as he would have us believe. Mindfuckery served with bread and butter.

Sea scallop with seaweed butter and chestnut foam had a dated elegance straight out of American Psycho. Served in a whole scallop shell on a massive slab of frosted, custom-cut Lucite with the pomp and ritual of a Patek, I wish I had worn big shoulder pads and Paloma Picasso to match. Shoddy preparation and repeated themes characterized this dish- the scallops had not been detached from the shell and were nearly impossible to remove whole. It wasn't reassuring to already see overlapping flavors (seaweed butter and chestnut foam) so early on in the meal.

Sole with charred turnips, white chocolate sauce, and seabean. Nicely prepared, but too polite and impossible to eat together. The group therapy of dishes, everything participated minimally, but never really contributed to a congruent entirety.

Well-prepared venison, served with one stuffed shell straight out of le Stouffer's. Unfortunately, the sauce appeared -how can I say this tactfully- "hand" made by the chef.

St. Nectaire cheese was tasty, if only for the novelty of eating a wedge of more expensive St. Nectaire than I normally purchase at home.

Raw cubes of kabocha squash, raw flour ice cream (really), and squash caramel. Easily the most puritanical dessert I've ever had. This literally hurt to eat. It was chalky, unsweetened, and vegetal. In retrospect, ordering the shredded Kiton atop crushed diamonds would have been more palatable. I witnessed another diner reach an emotional breaking point when he tasted this dish.

Blackberry ice cream, macadamia nuts, lychee, and meringue was bizarre and also clash-heavy; the buttery, oily nuts greasy mingling with icy sorbet and slippery fruit pieces.

100% chocolate, or as we came to know it, the "Everybody Poops" dessert. Overly sweetened mousse, chocolate bark, and sauce with shapes and textures more resembling emissions from our kitten than a decadent end to a meal. Tasted of Nutella, ganache, and sugar.

Passionfruit and mango caramels came with the bill, a tearful 500 Euro for two including the decent, if inconsistent, blind wine tasting. Shameful. Everything about eating here felt like an exercise in sexual transgression, from the backless chairs to the smoked yellow mirrors to the strange swathes of cowhide strategically placed around the table, and of course, the weird surprises and punishment food. I pity the waiters and waitresses, the only bright spot in the dinner service. Usually, in a situation of this nature, at least you get to see a killer rack for the price. We paid for it both in our wallets (thanks to my companion for taking one for the team) and in our palates and are now self-medicating with Lindt, Ambien, and chocolate milk.

I've got to say, it felt like the central theme for this dinner was divorce on a plate, because the menu seemed hell-bent on ruining more than a few celebrations and anniversaries that night. Our meal was punctuated with sounds of shame and annoyance and more than one justification- "I swear, this never happens!"- the edible erectile dysfunction to disappointed dates. Come for the promise of phenomenal reviews and stay for the bitter end. You paid for the prix fixe, baby, so wipe that egg yolk off your chin, smile, and say "Merci."

"Her" palate, thank you, and I'll be waiting for you to retract "grandiloquent" after you try their pizza. I assure you no word was typed bombastically...though I'm curious to hear what you think.

Ugh, I erroneously made reservations for the wrong day- November 26th, party of 4 at 7:00PM. Sounds great, except it's two days after my family leaves Paris. I'm kicking myself over here and am trying to pull out all the stops and see if there's any way, any way at all, someone out there would want to trade reservations with me for any day from the 17th to the 24th. I tried my hardest to get these and this was the best I could do.

Any takers? Let me know. Otherwise, I could use some good advice about where to take my family. My mother chose Frenchie- not my venue of choice, but she's hellbent on going there or a similar place.

FR

And...it's gone. It's not working again- three days ago, they had a few spotty dates "free" until November 9th, the 45th day to reserve. When you'd click on any of the "available" dates, they'd say they were full, even for a party of one!

Today, no dates are available to click on. So unless they're completely booked until December 31st, they're having problems again. Does anyone know if they're still taking phone reservations? As much as I hate to say it, it sounds easier than this new system.

Hi!

I just moved here and my birthday next week. I'm looking for a cake that I can buy and enjoy over the period of a few days. Where should I go? The funkier, the better. I'm leaning toward a small cake from Pierre Herme, as it's really just about the symbol rather than the extravagance (meaning, I don't need anything enormous) and am wondering if there's anything else preferred.

F

Justifiable- and again, I'm not expecting them to soak through the bottom of the crust or protrude three inches above it, but when the bulk of your toppings is grilled vegetables with a few pieces of cured meat for flavor and richness, I expect more than a scattering of veggies. That being said, your "P 'n' P" sounds awesome!

It's completely irrelevant. My point was that expensive pizza warrants a bounty of toppings, quality, et al, and both American Flatbread and Arise lacked that value. It's a shame!

Magiesmom, I'm not quite sure what you mean. I don't think it's unreasonable to try a product a few times when it drastically underachieves your expectations. The first time, we were so disappointed we tried it again the next night as we erroneously assumed we received a bum pie.

Cannot WAIT to go back! :-)

Malena, you hit the nail right on the head- it's so funny that you mentioned American Flatbread. We have tried their pizzas many a time, expecting that $12 would get us a fairly decent frozen pizza, only to be sorely disappointed. A very apt comparison.

Here's my write-up!

http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/856440

Yeah, that was my main gripe. I don't expect Wolfgang Puck to come out and hand-shave gold leaf-enrobed truffle over my margherita, but for $20, there should at least be ample toppings and enough leftovers for a late snack!

Tabella's has changed its business plan to include a catering business and self-described farm-to-table pub and pizzeria. This has involved closing down Tabella's and opening the new restaurant in the same space, featuring more fixed price points, cocktails we love and new libations, and similarly sourced ingredients. We went last night to check it out.

The atmosphere: all the Amherst locals are out once the college kids are away. It's quietly raucous, people are enjoying themselves. There are outdoor and indoor seating areas, and the difference is striking. I've always found Tabella's to be a little dark on the inside and this has not since been improved. Evidently, this belief is shared, as the inside had no more than a few couples in it and a full set at the bar, but the outside was choked with people. We were invited to sit at a bench and order some drinks before we got a table. This bench is located inside the seating corral, and is somewhat awkwardly placed, as the two tables parallel to it will inevitably fall prey to some hungry staring from table-less customers. (Like us.) The outer seating area is also privy to some damned weird smells from the cinema as well as Fresh Side and La Veracruzana. We smelled frying oil, buttered popcorn, and roasted meat, the combination of which doesn't make for a very appetizing experience.

After being seated, we checked out the menu. Arise has chosen to include some old classics (chickpea fries, wings, cocktails) from the old Tabella's menu and I'm glad for that, although I still can't quite grok the idea of paying $8.50 for chickpea fries. The wine list is serviceable for the most part, but does include some little-known favorites that I was really jazzed to see. For example, the 2010 Fitz-Ritter Riesling Sekt, a sparkling German Riesling wine that I've enjoyed on a few occasions. Although for the record, it's "Fitz" Ritter, not "Fritz" Ritter.

Didn't try the cocktails. They're still heavily relying on the usage of full brand names and overly pretentious cocktail names that are uncomfortable to utter in public (Papal Prick!) but are incorporating interesting ingredients just the same. Lavender tequila and Clement creole shrub are new ones for me. We stuck with water and wine and ordered one of their nightly specials, a pizza topped with spicy Italian sausage, grilled onions, parmesan shavings, and Heirloom tomato salsa.

The pizzas are pricy. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Twenty bones is a lot to pay for a 12-inch pizza. Off the top of my head, Bread Euphoria charges $15 and change for a similarly sized pizza, and those are generously covered with toppings and leave plenty of leftovers. This pizza felt kind of skimpy in comparison. While delicious and obviously fresh, there was about an inch and a half of crust at the edge, and the toppings were haphazardly scattered, sparse on some slices, overflowing on others. The flavor was tasty. It was good, and it was filling. It did what it was supposed to. Unfortunately, it just didn't cut it for me. The tomato "salsa" was regrettably just another keyword lure in lieu of the dreadfully banal "chopped tomatoes." No jalapenos were present and the entire pizza had maybe 10-15 pieces of scattered tomato max. I expected this to be a lot more robust and spicy than it was.

The crust was the dominant flavor, a part I'm glad I enjoyed as my Connecticut pizza pedigree compels me to be extremely picky about crust. Arise uses a sourdough crust, easily subbed out for wheat or gluten-free with a small charge, and the flavor is tangy, but prone to overpowering the other toppings, depending on which pizza you get. It's also very dense, despite the thinness. I would have liked to see a little more char and crisp on the bottom.

For $30 (a pizza and one drink) it's not going to break the bank but I can't help but feel a little underwhelmed. The service was great, the servers were helpful and accommodating, and it felt well-paced. Some of the pizzas looked really ingenious (Adam: short ribs, balsamic reduction, caramelized onions, fresh potato chips!) but I can't help but wonder if they suffer from the same topping frugality and strange distribution. I can't say I'd give it another try. I don't live in Amherst, and there's no need for me to travel there when there are plenty of better places in the Northampton/Hadley area. However, it is exponentially better than any of the other Amherst center pizza joints (Antonio's, Alpha, Bruno's, Primo) and provides a good alternative for middle-aged adults who want to eat somewhere nice without rubbing elbows with loud students.

6/10 rating: needs improvement, has potential
Arise Farm to Table Pizzeria
Amherst, MA

Maybe we'll try the wings, then! I still feel like $8.50 for chickpea fries is too expensive. :-(

Those pies sound awesome. We're going tonight and will let you guys know what we think!

Something I've definitely got to try. Apparently they're expanding to a catering/farm dinner business and are now using the space for an upscale pizza and bar called Arise. Pizza menu looks decent, and they're still using some of my favorite cocktails and appetizers (chickpea fries FTW).

Will probably go next week and will give you a full report with photos!

I've put PO Dogs on my list- that menu looks righteous!

Thank you so much! I'll definitely give it a look this week. :D

I think that, with careful time budgeting, I can manage one lunch, one dinner, and one snack run. I'm thinking that either Lunchbox Lab, Mistral, or RN74 for lunch will be fun, Molly Moon's for a snack, and Unicorn for dinner and drinks before my flight. Have you guys had any luck with those?

Think it'll still be around next week? I've got to check it out!

I'll be in Seattle next week for around 48 hours. I will have about two meals' worth of free time to get out and run around. I'm dying to eat somewhere that's uniquely Seattle, completely unlike anything we've got back in New England, and within walking distance (less than a mile or so) of the Fairmont Olympic hotel, where I'll be staying.

At first glance, the food immediately around doesn't look very exciting. I was thinking of hitting up Unicorn, Honey Hole, or even Mistral or Sitka and Spruce if I can wrangle the dough. I'm into weird, experimental, blatantly regional, bizarre foods. Bonus points if I can buy an eclectic t-shirt on site.

Let me know what your favorites are- I don't want to have to eat an $18 burger at the hotel!!!

J

Caughtstars, I'm just curious- I'm not going to turn this into an argument, but do you find the pricing reasonable given the quality of the food? I have never been to a Mexican restaurant in a strip mall (or really, anywhere worth its margarita salt) where the bill for two has come to $55 before booze and leaving with no leftovers. On my last visit to La Veracruzana I had a nearly identical meal with one specialty drink and with tip it came out to $30. We made two meals out of it.

I just don't see how the poor quality of the food justifies the price.

Not particularly, but we'd rather not resort to pub or fast food. Not that that doesn't have a time or place! :)

So, perusing the selection of restaurants within walking distance of the Paradise City Rock Club. I don't feel like driving all around Boston, but honestly, all the places close by look like they mainly serve as pricy sponges for soaking up a long night's worth of booze. I'm not looking for the next Craigie on Main, but I am looking for something a little more substantial than Raising Cane's. I'm going with my girlfriend and I'd rather not be wandering around late at night, so anything close by and awesome would be appreciated...thoughts?

These are all such wonderful suggestions! I live in Western Massachusetts and my peppers seemed happy last year but grew spottily. One week I would have none and the next, six of them. It continued like that for most of the summer. I think I may grow herbs and cucumbers- I had great luck last year with mojito mint and lime basil!

Hello,

Here's my conundrum- I'd love some help! I live in an apartment with an outdoor patio and small backyard portion with a little shade, but mainly sun. The front patio has some shading but only during certain hours of the day. I want to do a little gardening this summer and am conflicted as to what to get. I can only really plant in small pots because the landscaping is not best suited for vegetable-growing and am confined to things that like the sun and do not grow too large.

My goal this year is to grow heirloom vegetables as I grew Hungarian wax peppers and jalapenos last year and loved it so much that I ended up making my own hot sauce. Doing that again would be a real treat for me but I just don't know what's both edible and feasible given my circumstances. Do you guys have any good advice for what Heirloom varieties to grow? If I could somehow wrangle a small tomato variety or a few kinds of peppers that would be amazing. Are there any other veggies that don't mind being pot-bound?

Jess

I'm a huge fan of dressing up grilled chicken in whatever way I can- spices, marinades, condiments, what have you. I've always had a little difficulty getting a nice crisp on the chicken...that blisteringly crunchy texture that comes only with a masterful hand despite using all my favorite tricks and tools and grill pans.

Recently I just threw together a marinade for a Thai-style dish. Three chicken breasts in a bag, boneless and skinless, with a half cup of Sunland peanut butter (not sweet, organic, very smooth) and a few shakes of soy sauce. A half hour later it soaked up all the sauce and yielded some of the crispiest, crunchiest, most succulent chicken I've ever cooked. Obviously I'm not inclined to make myself a PB & Chicken sandwich every night so I'm curious as to how I achieved this. Was it the peanut butter and extra fats and oils that allowed it to get such a thick crust? Is there any way I could replicate this sumptuous texture without adding a deluge of artery-clogging ingredients?