At the Texas State Fair, there's a food purveyor who deep fries an entire head of i-berg, dunks it in dark chocolate, and impales it with a popsicle stick.

Incidentally, there is a marvelous thread on the making and consumption of wings here on CH. Don't know if it's in General Topics or the Home Cooking forum. At any rate, if you can find it, it will be a great resource for you. Hell, I wouldn't mind seeing it bumped.

I tried the Armour yesterday. I rinsed the stuff in warm water first, and while salty, it was not overpowering because I scarcely salted the bechamel.

Not a bad idea.

I just tried it. Liked it. Maybe enough to get into the rotation.

Mr. Iceberg says "you're welcome."

Surprise, sur-friggin-prise. ;)

O, MGZ! May I call you Icarus?

Don't fly too close to the BBQ pit.

Heh heh. Very astute of you to bowl her out, Mrs. Pines. :)

I'll tackle #4. Sort of.

For me, the key to a great wing is crispness. I cannot abide a rubbery, underdone wing. It must be totally crisp.

Second, the sauce must be at least hot enough to be interesting. I don't want BBQ sauce or tomato sauce on a wing; I want something that will cause smoke to pour from my ears and steam to billow from my eyes.

Third, the exception to rule number two is teriyaki sauce. Great teriyaki wings are just about as good as great hot wings.

Whether that is the superior wing knowledge of a hardcore junkie, I do not know.

'Tis. ;)

The only wrap I like is a sausage wrap. I make 'em with fresh flour tortillas, grilled Texas hot links, my own personal BBQ sauce, and dill pickle chips. It's far from alta cucina, but it's dam' tasty.

That could cause one's blood pressure to rise.

**among other things**

Yeah, buddy, I know all about kebabs in all their multifarious glory. I was obviously referring--hence the description--to the kebab as generally understood, which indeed, is a skewer of cubed meat and/or vegetable.

As to the 32 oz. steak, I wouldn't know. Never eaten one. My steak is typically about half that size and is accompanied by various sides and a bottle of zin. No tedium at all.

1. Autodidact

2. No

3. If the wangs constitute the entree, I'll eat around 20. For an app, closer to 10.

4. Not sure. Probably a little over 20.

That's a concatenation of gross generalizations and hostile assumptions. Most people who go to fine steakhouses are there because they are steak connoiseurs, not because they are child-like simpletons timidly retreating to the comfort of gustatory security blankets. And I daresay your depiction is even a charicature of those who order steak at Applebee's.

Salisbury Steak wit' Mushroom Sauce

2 lbs. ground beef
2 eggs beaten
1/4 cup unseasoned breadcrumbs
2 t. plus 1 T. Worcestershire sauce
2 t. salt
1/2 t. ground mustard
1/4 t. black pepper
5 T. butter
1/2 lb. portabellas diced
2 shallots minced
1/4 cup flour
1/2 cup dry red wine
14 oz. beef broth

1. Heat over to 350. Combine beef, eggs, breadcrumbs, 2 teaspoons of Worcestershire, salt, mustard and pepper in a large bowl and mix well. Shape into eight one-inch thick patties and set aside.

2. Heat a large frying pan over medium heat and melt one tablespoon of the butter. When it foams, add four patties and brown, about three to four minutes per side. Transfer patties to a baking dish. Repeat with remaining patties and transfer to the baking dish. Drain all fat from the pan, but leave any browned bits.

3. Return the pan to medium heat and melt remaining four tablespoons butter. Add mushrooms and shallots and season with pepper. Cook, stirring rarely, about four minutes.

4. Sprinkle flour over mixture and stir until fully incorporated. Cook, stirring occasionally, about three minutes. Add red wine and stir, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Slowly pour in broth and stir until smooth. Let mixture come to a boil and cook 13 minutes.

5. Add remaining one tablespoon of Worcestershire. Pour sauce over patties in the baking dish and cover with aluminum foil. Bake for 25 minutes.

Bah gum, I'm gonna hafta try that!

Just like the guy who said Budweiser, you said it all.

Don't give 'em any ideas.

That was sposta be a joke, grampart. I know Schaefer well; Schaefer Light was my dad's brand for the longest.

Bloody hell.

I prefer Schaefer Hefe Weisen Oatmeal Stout, myownself.

Yeah. Amen to that one.

Indian chefs are masters of the yardbird. Rarely do I order anything but chicken (65, vindaloo, jalfreezi, tikka masala, methi, xacutti, etc.) in an Indian restaurant. But for other restaurants, I think I agree with you.

I understand the criticism of breasts (on a chicken, that is), but IMO, a dried out fried chicken breast is the result of poorly fried chicken. And, believe me, poorly fried chicken is common!

Personally, though, I just don't like the texture of dark meat. Too stringy and there's always the risk of hawing into cartilage. When I bite breast (chicken breast, that is), I know I'm gonna be cleavin' pure meat, and that's a real help to my peace of mind.

Lotsa sand crabs out that way, I gather.

What do you do to the jarred stuff to make it palatable?

Also, is the Stouffer's any good?

I'm working on my doctorate in crabiculture. The playa lakes and Double Mountain Fork of the Brazos are just teeming with 'em.

I'm aching to try this, but have never seen it. Is it in the canned meats section of the grocery store?