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Do Women Drink for Free?
Is it true that women never pay for their own drinks in bars—having their tabs picked up instead by obliging men? This is the latest question at Jeffrey Morgenthaler’s Ask Your Bartender column on his blog.
“I was hoping you could settle a debate that has begun in my office,” writes reader Amy. “The men say that most women drink for free (men buy their drinks) and expect to drink free. The women (myself included) believe this is an old wives tale as we have not the experience of walking into a bar and having random men pick up our tabs.”
The reader response is mixed, falling—not surprisingly—mostly along gender lines. Can you guess the gender of the following commenters?
Today it’s an exception. When my generation was in their 20’s, men would send unsolicited drinks to trigger that ‘nice girl’ response we were all brainwashed with as children.I would have to agree that most women do drink for free when they go to a bar. Most men are willing to pay for them … for some odd reason.
I have always tried to be conscientious when drinking at the bar. If someone buys me a round I return the favor. If I were to run up an expensive bar tab I would feel guilty if I allowed a stranger to pick up the tab.
What does the Bartender have to say on the topic?
I’ve tended bar in all sorts of places, from college partyhouses and over-the-tracks dive bars to upscale restaurants and lounges…. Sure, there’s the occasional woman who doesn’t pay for a thing (I fail to see how this is vastly different from prostitution), but it’s not the rule, it’s an exception.
What is your experience? Are women willing to pay for their own drinks, or do they expect to be paid for?
Posted by
| Wednesday, February 14, 2007 at 5:23pm
| 11 comments
Tagged with: jeffrey morgenthaler, ask your bartender, women drinking for free, the grinder, media
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I have never had random strangers pick up my whole tab before, but I also refuse to let that happen because I feel like I am indebted to that person. When guys offer to buy my drinks, I usually refuse saying that they are wasting their money on me, that they will get nothing out of it besides conversation and maybe a few laughs.
HOWEVER-- I have been given drinks from a stranger that were drugged. I had already been drinking and not in a very discerning state of mind.
My general adage now is no free drinks from anyone who isn't your friend.
Nothing's free. You can either refuse the drink or you pay with the pleasure of your company.
Guys will pay for groups of cute girls if they want to appear chivalrous in front of their buddies, but only if it's strongly hinted that the drinks will lure the women into coming over and sitting with them for awhile.
I do know girls who get all dolled up with the express purpose of getting into clubs free and then flirting with groups of guys who will pamper them for the night. To them, hanging out with strange men for four hours is worth the free champagne and rounds of shots. For them, it's fun to be treated like princesses It's all fun and games...well, now I'm being a prudish nag.
I've had a few guys buy me drinks in bars but I always would buy them one in return. I would rather just pay for my own. I don't think that buying drinks for the ladies was a very common thing to do in San Francisco hipster dive bars in the 90s, which is the only type of bars I've drank alone in. Maybe it's different in pick up nightclub type places with a line to get in and a doorman but that's never been a scene I'd be comfortable in.
As a guy in a very serious relationship where I'm allowed to talk with other women (though that's the line), I'll often buy drinks on my tab for other women (and men for that matter) if we think that their conversation might be interesting. When I used to date I'd never pick up an entire tab, but I'd buy a drink here and there. We tend to buy shots for up to 10 at a time.
Just about every girl I know buys her own drinks. They come in big laughing bunches of friends and they don't want to waste a second of their time talking to men they don't want to talk to. Of course if they see a very handsome man and are bursting to talk to him and suddenly he walks over and offers to buy them all drinks.... well, that's a different story.
Men used to buy me drinks at clubs all the time, but that was in my golden years (actually 3 yrs ago). Now I've gained some weight, can't fit into my clubbing clothes, and the only person who buys my drinks now is my boyfriend (which I don't mind at all).
When I was in my 20's heck ya, guys always offered and most of the time we "femmes" never paid. Some girls abused them by ordering the most expensive liquors, but others just wanted free drinks to feel wanted and/or because none of us made any money in college or right after graduation and older guys always had money. Generally, they should because I think its polite to offer to buy a girl and her friends drinks, but the girls should not abuse that either. Many old "mid-life crisis" men 45-60 want to buy 20 something girls drinks to keep their company or hope for more later. If you are a cute girl, you do not have to pay for drinks...but not have the guy picking up the entire tab. I do not like cheapo guys but I do not like goldigger girls either. Oh and by the way, I have bought a team of local sports player guys a couple of beer pitchers from the local pub and send them to their table cuz of sport spirit. Then again, I thank firemen and policemen for doing a good job and civil service also. Buying a drink should be a gesture of good will.
Although it hasn't happened in a while - I haven't really been clubbing or bar hopping lately - but I refused drinks from men 90%of the time, saying that I was ok for the moment, or making up some excuse. I didn't want to feel the guilt of accepting a free drink for nothing, and didn't want to feel obliged to sit and chat with someone I had no interest in. The other 10% of the time, where I did accept a drink was if I was already friends with the guys. Often times, it was because it was expensed. If not, I always returned the favor, buying the next round or picking up.
Another thought - most of my female friends have always paid for their own drinks too. I guess as professional women who earn a decent wage, they don't necessarily need to wait for a man to pay.
No pay, no play.
Dats the bottom line.
Chef Hands
It's the exception, not the rule. So thank god we don't expect to drink free, since it hardly ever happens.
Besides, I'd feel weird taking drinks from a stranger. Wouldn't want to feel like I owe him something. It's different between friends - then you stop counting who paid for what.