You Can Be a TV Chef! But Only If You Are a Superhot Dude

Published on Monday, November 7, 2011, by Joyce Slaton / Edit Post

Producers of a reality TV series for an unnamed cable channel have put out a call for a "single, attractive and charming culinary enthusiast" for a new show that sounds like The Bachelor with chef's whites. The chosen candidate will be paired with a group of aspiring female cooks, one of whom will land the aproned bachelor by having better kitchen chops than her competitors.

"You MUST have a strong background in cuisine (food writers and connoisseurs welcome as well!), and be the kind of man who thinks that there’s nothing sexier than a woman who can cook her way into your heart," says the come-on, which promises "spectacular meals with the perfect woman."

Sounds great, where do I report? Not so fast, bucko. You have to include a recent photo with your submission, due November 9 (hey! that's Wednesday!). And if you aren't panty-meltingly hot, you're not getting anywhere. Judging from the current crop of famous food-lebrities, you will want to combine the sexiness of:

Anthony Bourdain: OK, so we all got a look at his crags in that magazine ad. Dude is rangy and confident and manly. Thumbs up.

Alton Brown: No lady can resist a sexy geek. He won't just make love to you. He'll pull out all his instruments and figure out the scientifically proven best way to rock your world. See also: Christopher Kimball.

Michael Ruhlman: This dude mostly writes books, so you may not have gotten a gander at him. You should. Blue-blue eyes, sweet smile, hip-dad relaxed style.

Michael Pollan: Chrome dome ignites Lex Luthor fantasies!

Rocco DiSpirito: Pouty lips and a perfect penis? (NSFW link.) Where do I sign?

Image source: Rocco DiSpirito on Dancing with the Stars
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POST A COMMENT |10 Comments

COMMENT

  • What? No mention of Eric Ripert? Those eyes, that accent, that manner; they just make me want to jump on his counter and... ahem.

  • Funny...I almost balked at the lack of mention of Ming Tsai too. Though...he's not aging all that well.

  • Why didn't you mention Ming Tsai? The man is gorgeous!

    Marcus Samuellso and Micheal Chang (he has that bad-ass thing going on!) are also hot. But the one that makes sigh the most? Hubert Keller!

  • Rocco? Sexy? Ugh! To me he's like the Fabio (Kim Kardashian) of the cooking world-- handsome, but as vapid as hell!

    The only person on the list I pant after is Bourdain. While he isn't the most handsome, he's witty, confident, and anything but vapid.

  • Wait, are you saying that there's a better chance you'll get on TV if you're good looking? Really???? I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you!!

  • And...Michael Pollan? A) Not a chef. B) Not on tv all that often really, compared to someone with a show of their own. C) You need to have an upper lip to qualify as attractive. Not a real rule, but it should be.

    He also uses the word "Virgil(s)" near-constantly. Really. Google it. THAT should be a story...and says a lot about his writing style, I think.

  • Wait a second... Mario Batali? Guy Fieri? Wolfgang Puck? Emeril? Duff Goldman? Not attractive men by any but the least conventional standards.

    I think it's more biased for women. For every Two Fat Ladies (I still miss them!), Ina Garten, that Fieri-haired woman, or Paula Deen obviously not on tv for looks there are numerous impossibly-thin, young women who you can't believe for a second eat...+READ

    Wait a second... Mario Batali? Guy Fieri? Wolfgang Puck? Emeril? Duff Goldman? Not attractive men by any but the least conventional standards.

    I think it's more biased for women. For every Two Fat Ladies (I still miss them!), Ina Garten, that Fieri-haired woman, or Paula Deen obviously not on tv for looks there are numerous impossibly-thin, young women who you can't believe for a second eat more than that televised nibble of what they just cooked.-COLLAPSE

  • Christopher Kimball? CHRISTOPHER KIMBALL?!? Are you HIGH?

    Now Ruhlman, hell to the yes.

  • Well, not being snarky, but, Handsome people are better than Ugly people on television. So, this makes sense.

  • Wow, you've figured it all out. Congrats. Must have taken a LOT of brain power.