Lube or Liqueur? I Couldn’t Tell

Published on Friday, October 28, 2011, by James Norton / Edit Post

Hot Rose Spicy Cinnamon Cream Liqueur

Hot Rose Spicy Cinnamon Cream Liqueur

I Paid: $17.99 for a 750-milliliter bottle (prices may vary by region)

Taste: 1 stars

Marketing: 1 stars

The packaging of Hot Rose Spicy Cinnamon Cream Liqueur was what initially attracted me. Hot Rose comes in a red plastic bottle and looks like (a) cheap suntan lotion, (b) something you'd buy at an auto body shop, and/or (c) lube. And not classy modern lube, like K-Y Yours+Mine. We're talking the sort of stuff carried by the Sinnerz Adult Emporium, a converted fireworks shop located off the highway between Minneapolis and Green Bay. You don't necessarily expect this new spin-off of Tequila Rose strawberry cream liqueur to look classy per se, but gosh.

As for the flavor: I work with words a lot, but I don't have the verbiage necessary to convey just how bad a beverage this is. You'd guess that it's pretty bad based on the bottle's appearance, but you'd have, in fact, no idea what you were in for. It's like you went on a blind date, and you think, "Well, that was unpleasant—she's not really my type," and then you find out that she actually headed up Saddam Hussein's chemical weapons program back in the day. Whole ’nother level of bad.

If you drink Hot Rose—a 30-proof, bright pinkish-red liquid just a few shades removed from stage blood—you'll be sucking down a mildly chalky, vaguely bubblegumlike viscous fluid with a chemical aftertaste and a halfhearted blast of one-dimensional cayenne heat at the back of each sip. As you run to the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of palate-cleansing water, you'll no doubt be thinking: "Eighteen dollars? For this? Seriously?"

There are inexpensive liqueurs in my liquor cabinet, and they have their roles, generally as components in easygoing, relaxing-and-watching-a-movie-type beverages. Hot Rose ... well, Hot Rose has an upcoming date with the kitchen sink.

James Norton edits the Upper Midwestern food journal Heavy Table. He's also the coauthor of a book on Wisconsin's master cheesemakers. For his Supertaster Daily videos, he samples offerings from supermarket aisles and fast-food menus. (Click here to see all of James's previous Supertaster work.) You can follow him on Twitter and fan him on Facebook.

ALLSupertaster
POST A COMMENT |7 Comments

COMMENT

  • I bought it haven't tasted it but now regretting it. I got to your review looking for a way to drink it but will try it on the rocks. Thanks for the heads up lol.

  • I love the writing. Although the description sounds like Pepto-Bismol plus cayenne. Is that accurate?

  • @TheDewster: This isn't actionable. Believe me. It's not.

    Hilarious as always - I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have bought this, but thanks for taking the hit and satisfying our curiosity. Could you do a whole series on frightening liquors/liqueurs? With the holidays coming up, I'd like to know what to avoid to spare my esophagus.

  • Expect a lawsuit from the manufacturer of Hot Rose and the Sinnerz Adult Emporium this is infantile reporting. Comments on infestations or poor food handling protect Chow readers who may not be aware of such situations and are often common knowledge and thus not actionable. The above review however is definately libelious. Simply comment on the poor taste and don't recommend it. The other...+READ

    Expect a lawsuit from the manufacturer of Hot Rose and the Sinnerz Adult Emporium this is infantile reporting. Comments on infestations or poor food handling protect Chow readers who may not be aware of such situations and are often common knowledge and thus not actionable. The above review however is definately libelious. Simply comment on the poor taste and don't recommend it. The other business deserves no comment they are not in your purview to review as they are not food related. A reprint of your review may find itself in an venue which will likely come to the attention of both businesses.-COLLAPSE

  • Can it be used as a lube substitute? I mean, if you already have the stuff, why not use it to coat your windows, a la fake-blood, for Halloween? Maybe hair dye? Crime scene staging? Neighborhood pranks involving mannequins, stuffed animals, and sharp knives? Don't knock the stuff. I bet it's one of Charlie Sheen's favorite morning beverages. (Hilarious review, by the way).

  • One look at the bottle, and the first thing that comes to mind is

    "What the heck were they thinking?"

    Thanks, James, for another amusing column.

  • That bad, huh? Thanks for posting. Wouldn't have bought anyway due the look of the bottle.