The 1 Million Pop-Tart Giveaway Is an Atrocity

Let's start with the following premise: Pop-Tarts are not actually food. They are only food in the same way that McDonald's fries or an Oreo cookie is food, which is to say they're sugar-laden hyperprocessed junk that, when overconsumed, puts you on a path to an early grave.

And the very nature of this product is that it will be overconsumed. Eat a pack of Starburst with some Mountain Dew and then try to eat an apple—you can't. The apple tastes like bland garbage compared to the artificial sugar bombs we drop on our palates every day. The more of these you eat and drink, the more that regular food tastes washed out and forgettable. It's parallel to how drugs rob people of the ability to enjoy normal pleasures, and how Law & Order: SVU robs us of the ability to appreciate Murder, She Wrote.

That premise established, it's a little horrifying that Kellogg's gave away a million Pop-Tarts via a "Pop It Forward" Facebook contest that it ran last year, and it's ridiculous that media organizations (in this case, the Quad City Times) are giving fawning, uncritical write-ups to a nakedly commercial idea that's only marginally better for public health than distributing a million packs of cigarettes.

According to the Quad City Times, most of the Pop-Tarts presented to the contest's runner-up—who gets to distribute 100,000 of the toaster sweets—are not merely being handed to people on the street; they're actually going to food banks and to soldiers serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Pop-Tarts, you're further fattening up food-insecure Americans, and waging arterial war on our troops. Cut it out.

Now: the obvious backlash. Freedom of choice blah blah fascist liberals blah blah etc. Here's how the argument over food seems to be playing out these days:

Person #1: We should really work to curb the consumption of [insert fatty/sweet/artificial crappy food product here] in schools, and start critically looking at how we eat, as a country. It's making everyone fat and unhealthy.

Person #2: This is fascism! How dare we restrict people's freedom of choice! It's unconstitutional!

Person #1: I'm not suggesting we ban Coca-Cola/Pop-Tarts/that horrible Denny's cheese stick sandwich, I'm just saying that it's bad public policy to encourage people to eat things that put them in the hospital and make them sluggish and miserable. We need to make healthy choices the public-policy default.

Person #2: You are no better than Joseph Stalin.

Person #1: Well, if that's the case, then OK. I'll come right out and say we probably should ban that horrible new Denny's sandwich.

In the end, Kellogg's has done what it will do, media organizations will celebrate the company for its generosity rather than slagging its death-by-frosted-pastry marketing campaign, and haters like me are gonna hate. But the next time we celebrate a massive company making a nationwide grass-roots push to promote its unhealthy food, perhaps people will write to their local media organizations and point out the danger in this particular approach to PR.

And perhaps the Israelis and Palestinians will sort everything out next week over a particularly tasty batch of falafel, and brown cows will begin giving chocolate milk. It could happen.

Image source: Melica/Shutterstock

POST A COMMENT |12 Comments

COMMENT

  • Mr. Norton, I have been a fan for awhile...but this article brought my respect to a whole new level. THANK YOU for bringing this conversation to CHOW. We need journalists like yourself to point out these seemingly obvious idiosyncrasies present in our society - it's the only way something will change.

    To all the haters...read up on childhood obesity - it is an epidemic. Crap like Pop-Tarts and...+READ

    Mr. Norton, I have been a fan for awhile...but this article brought my respect to a whole new level. THANK YOU for bringing this conversation to CHOW. We need journalists like yourself to point out these seemingly obvious idiosyncrasies present in our society - it's the only way something will change.

    To all the haters...read up on childhood obesity - it is an epidemic. Crap like Pop-Tarts and promotions like this are perpetuating the problem.-COLLAPSE

  • Person#2 has it all wrong! The Coporate rulers who manipulate the consumer are the fascists! Having said that, who toasts a pop tart? I like my posion out of the space-age wrapper. I only eat them every 2 or 3 years!(I don't have access to pop tarts as I live abroad)

  • Relax. It is just a pop tart

    A rather suprising comment from supertaster whose reason for existance is reviewing junk food.

    The Quad-city times is hardly the NY Times.

  • I was just waiting for you to slam the Denny's sandwich, and I am so glad you did. The things pumped out at that restaurant make my skin crawl. This sando, along with this monstrosity (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/06/dennys-mac-n-cheese-review_n_950813.html), are completely disgusting and SHOULD be banned.

  • It's also not *just* that home-made junk isn't as processed. The time and effort you put into it make it special. It becomes a treat instead of just another thing to shove into your face without thinking.

    And reading this again, a line caught me. "The more of these you eat and drink, the more that regular food tastes washed out and forgettable." Luckily for those of us who cut away from...+READ

    It's also not *just* that home-made junk isn't as processed. The time and effort you put into it make it special. It becomes a treat instead of just another thing to shove into your face without thinking.

    And reading this again, a line caught me. "The more of these you eat and drink, the more that regular food tastes washed out and forgettable." Luckily for those of us who cut away from standard American eating habits the reverse is also true. The more you eat real food, the worse things like Pop-Tarts (and big name candy bars or pretty much anything with an ingredient more than 10 letters long) start to taste. Even the sight of them at the store is unappealing to me now. I had a bite of a cupcake from a mix a few months ago...and threw the rest of it in the trash. Awful.-COLLAPSE

  • To chocolateteacakes:

    Totally fair point. My perspective: A massive injection of free sugar and carbs into the national bloodstream as a marketing push disguised as a charity event is almost entirely unlike publishing instructions for how to make a similarly unhealthy (but less processed!) dessert at home - see Blitherypoop's point. That our recipe would be even considered similar to the...+READ

    To chocolateteacakes:

    Totally fair point. My perspective: A massive injection of free sugar and carbs into the national bloodstream as a marketing push disguised as a charity event is almost entirely unlike publishing instructions for how to make a similarly unhealthy (but less processed!) dessert at home - see Blitherypoop's point. That our recipe would be even considered similar to the Kellogg's promotion never occurred to me, but I understand why the comparison would strike some folks as noteworthy.

    Shanagain, it's totally cool with me if anybody anywhere in society or the world wants to eat junk. I just wonder if our food bank infrastructure might be better used for distributing, I dunno, food.-COLLAPSE

  • One more thought - this is the kind of "They're using food stamps to buy SODA!" talk that infuriates me. As if people on the receiving end of help don't deserve an occasional bad-for-you item. We should, instead, hold them accountable to puritanical standards we don't even come close to in our own lives. And as a bonus, you're acting as if those on the receiving end of this giveaway aren't smart...+READ

    One more thought - this is the kind of "They're using food stamps to buy SODA!" talk that infuriates me. As if people on the receiving end of help don't deserve an occasional bad-for-you item. We should, instead, hold them accountable to puritanical standards we don't even come close to in our own lives. And as a bonus, you're acting as if those on the receiving end of this giveaway aren't smart enough to self-moderate. Go wolf down another crap burger in the name of "journalism" or swill some more.. swill, but leave your BS social concern at the door.-COLLAPSE

  • @Blithery - it's still junk, though, and promoting sweet crap for the sake of sweet crap. There's not a single redeeming quality to the homemade version either, it's just a lesser of two evils.

    The faux-outrage in this article smacks of elitism and privilege rather than any kind of Save The World! concern.

  • This is where we place our outrage? For the love of all that is good and holy, advocate for the end of food deserts, or man up and volunteer for your local food bank so that you can see how difficult it is to obtain fresh fruit and veg AND keep it fresh enough to give to people, especially with everyone donating canned corn and no one donating MONEY, which is what food banks need. Getting on your...+READ

    This is where we place our outrage? For the love of all that is good and holy, advocate for the end of food deserts, or man up and volunteer for your local food bank so that you can see how difficult it is to obtain fresh fruit and veg AND keep it fresh enough to give to people, especially with everyone donating canned corn and no one donating MONEY, which is what food banks need. Getting on your moral high horse about a brand promoting its product (FOR SHAME!) is not going to affect the health of Americans. You want food banks to give out better food, make sure they have it to give, don't complain about poptarts on the internet. I don't eat poptarts because they have gelatin in, but I seriously doubt they are worse than cigarettes. I mean really, get a grip.-COLLAPSE

  • You know some of us POP tarts were a treat of sorts when we were growing up. I n 2009 at my father's home caring for him in final days I bought Pop tarts for myself for what ever reason it helped me. did it remind me of my child hood where he cared for me for my mom who had just died, I don't know but having one Pop tart every now and then was one little thing I did for my self between convincing...+READ

    You know some of us POP tarts were a treat of sorts when we were growing up. I n 2009 at my father's home caring for him in final days I bought Pop tarts for myself for what ever reason it helped me. did it remind me of my child hood where he cared for me for my mom who had just died, I don't know but having one Pop tart every now and then was one little thing I did for my self between convincing my father he some to live for.-COLLAPSE

  • A major difference between the pie recipes and the Pop Tarts is the amount of processing.

    Chow's 'pop tart' ingredients:

    flour, sugar, cinnamon, salt,butter, egg yolks, milk, filling (dark brown sugar, granulated sugar, flour, cinnamon) glaze (sugar, milk, cinnamon, vanilla extract)

    Kellog's Pop-Tarts:

    ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN...+READ

    A major difference between the pie recipes and the Pop Tarts is the amount of processing.

    Chow's 'pop tart' ingredients:

    flour, sugar, cinnamon, salt,butter, egg yolks, milk, filling (dark brown sugar, granulated sugar, flour, cinnamon) glaze (sugar, milk, cinnamon, vanilla extract)

    Kellog's Pop-Tarts:

    ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), BROWN SUGAR (SUGAR, MOLASSES), SOYBEAN AND PALM OIL (WITH TBHQ FOR FRESHNESS), CORN SYRUP, DEXTROSE, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CRACKER MEAL, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF SALT, CALCIUM CARBONATE, CORNSTARCH, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, SODIUM ACID PYROPHOSPHATE, MONOCALCIUM PHOSPHATE), CINNAMON, WHEAT STARCH, GELATIN, CARAMEL COLOR, SOY LECITHIN, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), FOLIC ACID.

    ....really....no difference?-COLLAPSE

  • Somewhat hypocritical...scroll two posts down and see 'Fall Sugar Rush! Our Best Pie and Tart Recipes' complete with a picture of a homemade cinnamon pop tart. Sure, Chow isn't handing out a million pop tarts like Kellogg but by providing people with recipes like the aforementioned contraband pastry involving 2 sticks of butter per batch...well you're just as guilty as Kellogg is of endorsing...+READ

    Somewhat hypocritical...scroll two posts down and see 'Fall Sugar Rush! Our Best Pie and Tart Recipes' complete with a picture of a homemade cinnamon pop tart. Sure, Chow isn't handing out a million pop tarts like Kellogg but by providing people with recipes like the aforementioned contraband pastry involving 2 sticks of butter per batch...well you're just as guilty as Kellogg is of endorsing junk food.-COLLAPSE