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An Ocala, Florida, ice cream shop made the mistake of having an employee dress up like an ice cream cone and wave a sign around advertising their product. What's that? That seems perfectly reasonable?
Not when the ice cream cone costume is distinctly Ku Klux Klan–y, what with the pointy white hooded top. Albeit with sprinkles. But still. Not a great marketing move.
Were we to assign this a rating for how scary a mascot it was, though, I'd only give the KKKCone mascot a 5 out of 10 scare factor. Yes, the Klan is real, and scary, and horrible, and demonstrably stupid, which kind of makes them even scarier. But (a) this costume can best be described as "vaguely Klan-esque," and (b) it is unlikely that an actual Klan member would be standing around in uniform soliciting business for a minority-owned ice cream shop.
On that front: Let's consider some other scary food mascot examples from the pages of recent history.
Count Chocula
Scare Factor: 3/10
Consider the vampire, all kidding aside. Endless life at the cost of your humanity, an eternal banishment from the sun, and an existence spent cannibalistically sucking blood from helpless victims. Woo. Totally made up, but still pretty scary.
And then there's Count Chocula. You just never think about the dark side of vampirism when you hear about Count Chocula. Mostly he's just into chocolate-flavored breakfast cereals, and he kind of looks like a harmless eccentric. Capacity to deliver scares in theory, sure. Scares delivered, not so much. Honestly, Boo Berry is scarier, because you worry about the tragic death that created him in the first place. Did it involve blueberries? I give Boo Berry 4 out of 10.
Ronald McDonald
Scare Factor: 7/10
Clowns, man. Clowns clock in at a natural 9 or 10. They're so disconnected from contemporary humor and/or culture that they're just these horrifying, weird, corny-yet-threatening walking anachronisms. Everybody and their mother has written and/or filmed clown-based horror stories, and coulrophobia is pretty much as common as the fear of death itself.
That said: Ronald McDonald tones it down a bit. He's much better written than most clowns, clocking in with a soothing late-era Peanuts-level banter. And he's got a clear motive: Sell them burgers. Knowing that he's a mere commercial shill takes some of the scariness away.
Some, but not all. Still unnerving. Still wouldn't unlock the screen door if he rang the front doorbell.
The Burger King King
Scare Factor: 10/10
The thankfully discontinued Burger King King was designed to haunt our dreams. Playing on the well-known and hypereffective "Uncanny Valley" theory of terror (that which looks almost lifelike is the scariest of all), the waxen features of the Burger King King suggest possession, death, violence, and the pitiless gaze of a brutal automaton in search of human souls. And this was the idea! This was the marketing scheme! Edginess: obtained. Effectively selling hamburgers: not so much.
If there's a scarier food mascot out there than the Burger King King, post it in the comments. He's hard to top.
Image source: Flickr member moyerphotos under Creative Commons
I loved/hated/was terrified by the Quiznos Spongmonkeys. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhfcdqMTtU4
Does anyone remember the mutated singing squirrels by Quiznos, with the bulging bloodshot eyes, grinding teeth, and shrieking voices? Also the CGI babies which would shill for their sandwiches in deep grown-up voices. Someone got paid to come up with that shit.
The KKK is actually not that scary. Judging by the formatting and content of their website it is hard to claim that they are a...+READ
Does anyone remember the mutated singing squirrels by Quiznos, with the bulging bloodshot eyes, grinding teeth, and shrieking voices? Also the CGI babies which would shill for their sandwiches in deep grown-up voices. Someone got paid to come up with that shit.
The KKK is actually not that scary. Judging by the formatting and content of their website it is hard to claim that they are a credible threat to anyone.-COLLAPSE
What a fun read James! Oh my gosh you are right about the Jolly Green Giant CP! Ho ho ho! Green Giant!
Among my biggest fears is waking in the middle of the night to find that damn Burger King fiend standing over my bed. My kid keeps threatening to get the costume...
What is it with Burger King? It seems to me they have been "re-inventing" themselves since the dawn of time and have been acquired by a zillion different venture capital firms. But somehow they stay in business.
For those who can remember the early 1960s, the first version of the Jolly Green Giant was nothing less than the Thing from Another World. A really terrifying anthropomorphic vegetable cyborg was he. After complaints of kids running out of the room when the commercial came on commercial, they made him more amicable and put him waaaay back in the distance where he couldn't hurt anyone. Good move.
The Burger King King method was also used for a while in Sam Adams Beer and Quaker Oats commercials. I've often wondered if it was the same one-trick ad agency used. At least the characters don't scream at you or try to talk like the average teen.
I'd give that Burger King chicken an 11 out of 10, actually. Just went there. Wild eyes, unruly feathers. The fact that the "chicken" is standing in what looks like someone's living room only adds to the creepiness. I typed in "Lay an egg" and it looked like he was trying to wipe himself.
Who thinks up these things? This is supposed to make me hungry? It makes me embarrassed for real chickens....+READ
I'd give that Burger King chicken an 11 out of 10, actually. Just went there. Wild eyes, unruly feathers. The fact that the "chicken" is standing in what looks like someone's living room only adds to the creepiness. I typed in "Lay an egg" and it looked like he was trying to wipe himself.
Who thinks up these things? This is supposed to make me hungry? It makes me embarrassed for real chickens. It almost makes me want to be vegan again... but then the siren song of bacon... ahh, bacon, slaps me back to reality.-COLLAPSE
Not a food establishment but that latest ad for Toyota Prius, with the bodies making up a big man, creeps me out.
Where's the Boo Berry ghost? Hey Koolaid is pretty creepy.
In the same vein as The King: the Subservient Chicken site from BK. It's another ghost of a dead ad campaign for their chicken "fries", but it's still in perfect functioning order. Observe and be distracted, but mostly terrified:
http://www.bk.com/en/us/campaigns/subservient-chicken.html
It's cute until you realize that Burger King paid some guy to take random orders from a director for...+READ
In the same vein as The King: the Subservient Chicken site from BK. It's another ghost of a dead ad campaign for their chicken "fries", but it's still in perfect functioning order. Observe and be distracted, but mostly terrified:
http://www.bk.com/en/us/campaigns/subservient-chicken.html
It's cute until you realize that Burger King paid some guy to take random orders from a director for Lord knows how long. That's when the terror sets in. Was Vincent Price ever on Burger King's ad team?-COLLAPSE
Chuck E. Cheese. An eating establishment (though that title is debatable) with a rodent as its mascot? Food service and vermin are not usually a happy couple...