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Very few people like the awkwardness of complaining to servers or management during a meal. In fact, some people are so shy they'd rather eat something they don't like than bring the problem to a server's attention, and would rather leave a restaurant hastily and never return than ask to talk to the manager. But there are some things that drive diners over the edge, and rightly so.
1. I ordered it rare.
Nothing seems to bug a patron more than overcooked steak. Medium-rare is the preferred temp for most, and kitchens that go beyond that will see a lot of plates come back. "If I order my steak medium and it comes out well-done, I'll probably mention it (and may or may not send it back depending on how overdone it is)," says velochic. But nsstampqueen is hardcore: "I like my food to come the way it is described in the menu or by the server. If I order a steak I order it medium rare to rare. It better come that way—if it is overcooked more than to medium I will complain and ask for a replacement."
2. That's not what I ordered.
You asked for pumpkin risotto, you got braised pork belly. That's a no-brainer; unless it magically looks more delicious than the item you ordered, call the server and make it right. Then there are the dishes that claim to be what they're not: Fish mislabeling is a notorious problem on restaurant menus: "I can usually spot switcheroos with fish dishes (menu says grouper, but it's not grouper on my plate)," says sunshine842. "If it's good, and it's *not* flatfish (allergy), then I'll mention that it's not grouper, but I'll probably eat it anyway. If I know it's flatfish (sole, flounder, or haddock) then it goes back, because I'll be violently ill in a matter of hours if I eat it."
There are also situations where diners may feel that the menu has falsely described the dish that comes to the table. I'll never forget the time I was breakfasting with a friend at a San Francisco diner and she ordered the French toast with tropical fruit. When it came, it was two pieces of Wonder bread dipped in egg, fried to flabby paleness, and mounded with trail mix. She didn't send it back. But we never returned.
3. The service is intolerable.
"Goofing off, sitting, texting, gossiping, truly makes me lose my mind," says Whinerdiner. "Especially if my drink is empty! I once had a server go missing for what seemed like forever. I assumed there was a problem and she was tied up in the kitchen. Everyone around us was getting their food, though. On a trip to the ladies room I passed by the back deck. There she was, huddled outside, smoking. And talking on the phone. And laughing. Definitely having more fun than we were." "As a server you do not belong standing beside tables talking to other staff LOUDLY and OFFENSIVELY, then when I call your attention you put your hand up and say '1 minute' and continue with your vulgar conversation," says nsstampqueen.
4. This is cold/raw.
Nobody likes "hot" food that's still frozen in the middle, or a baked good with a raw-dough center. "I'm usually pretty patient and rarely send anything back but I did order manicotti recently only to find that the tomato sauce on the outside was plenty hot but the cheese filling was still refrigerator-cold," says Jambie. "I brought it to the attention of my server and she was pretty skeptical telling me that it really shouldn't be cold. Well, it was. I will say that the manager came out to apologize and it was hot when it came back to the table!" amazinc says, "Please bring me the 'extra hot from the fire' soup I ordered. Please bring this with a smile and you'll enjoy a 20-25% tip. But if you say 'but I can see the steam rising from the soup' you will lose the tip AND get the soup back."
5. I can't eat this.
This is tricky, because my "too salty" is your "not salty enough," and my "painfully spicy" is your "bland." Salt, in particular, raises the ire of diners: "I have only ever once sent back a dish," says rorycat. "It was at a now-defunct celebrity chef's restaurant in Boston and my entrée was so oversalted that it was inedible. I am a salt lover, and if I think something is too salty, I can only imagine what others might have thought of that dish. I politely asked the server to return it to the chef because of the saltiness—I even asked if it could be toned down just slightly. She removed my plate and came back shortly thereafter to snottily inform me that the chef had tasted my entree and pronounced it 'perfectly seasoned.' She then left our table and didn't come back. Talk about an epic fail on both the food and service fronts. We paid for my husband's entrée and left no tip. You can probably imagine the things I had to say to the manager."
CHOW's etiquette columnist says that diners should feel free to inform servers, order something else, and expect to pay for the new dish, but that most places will take it off the bill anyway.
Image source: a9photo/Shutterstock
Some frys were frozen inside and I sent them back. It was 3:00 in the afternoon. The manager came out a l o n g time later with my order and said that every fryer in the place was set to the wrong temperature. They had been serving frozen frys all day and I was the first to complain. He was very greatful.
You want to communicate with the restaurant without doing it face to face? Write it on your credit card bill. Restauranteurs learn a LOT from CC slips. Consistently bad tips? What might that mean? If you write "Bad Service" or "Cold food" or "Bad Fish Special" they WILL notice it when they reconcile their books the next day. What they do about it is up to them.
As for just not returning - if...+READ
You want to communicate with the restaurant without doing it face to face? Write it on your credit card bill. Restauranteurs learn a LOT from CC slips. Consistently bad tips? What might that mean? If you write "Bad Service" or "Cold food" or "Bad Fish Special" they WILL notice it when they reconcile their books the next day. What they do about it is up to them.
As for just not returning - if you like the place, but the server is terrible - why not say? If the food has materially changed and you have loved them in the past, why not ask what is up? If, on the other hand, they are simply irredeemable, well, then - by all means - dine elsewhere. In my village I would talk to the manager. There are far too few good restaurants to lose one and I want all restaurants to stay in biz.-COLLAPSE
Between 1 to 10 of every 2000 dry aged steaks in fancy steak houses will be meat that has turned rotten. The chef can't really tell because of all the cooking fumes of all the other steaks. Politely ask your waiter to give you a different steak.
Its part of the cost of doing business serving fancy steaks. The alternative is to serve wet aged steaks like Outback's fancy chain Flemings Prime...+READ
Between 1 to 10 of every 2000 dry aged steaks in fancy steak houses will be meat that has turned rotten. The chef can't really tell because of all the cooking fumes of all the other steaks. Politely ask your waiter to give you a different steak.
Its part of the cost of doing business serving fancy steaks. The alternative is to serve wet aged steaks like Outback's fancy chain Flemings Prime Steakhouse. Flemings' steaks are nowhere near as good as the steaks at the famous steakhouses in Manhattan.
Only eat one bite at most. That's enough to tell if its off. If you eat half the steak and THEN ask for another, you're really misbehaving.-COLLAPSE
FLATFISH allergy?! The commenter is allergic to flatfish but not other fish? Bogus. As a professional line cook, I take food allergies VERY serious. Safety is number one (above all else, even flavor). But bogus allergies give true medical issues a bad name. How do I know it's bogus? I've worked with several MD allergists and also I have a Ph.D. in marine ecology (a previous life). "Flatfish" is a...+READ
FLATFISH allergy?! The commenter is allergic to flatfish but not other fish? Bogus. As a professional line cook, I take food allergies VERY serious. Safety is number one (above all else, even flavor). But bogus allergies give true medical issues a bad name. How do I know it's bogus? I've worked with several MD allergists and also I have a Ph.D. in marine ecology (a previous life). "Flatfish" is a polyphyletic term to describe the shape of a fish and not its evolutionary history or relatedness. It's like saying you're allergic to baby spinach but not full grown spinach.-COLLAPSE
I am a server, and I like when people complain. Not needlessly, but come on. How can I make it right without knowing what the problem is? Most people are appreciative of a server who fixes a problem, and you need to complain to make that happen.
I had two intriguing cases the very same day. Obviously a story about people in the wrong place of employment. Both disasters in supposedly top of the line chains. One place likes to brag how they only hire the best of the best. Business lunch. Place closes after lunch at 2:00. At 1:30 server announced to all our party, "I sure wish you would hurry up, I have an afternoon appointment and can't...+READ
I had two intriguing cases the very same day. Obviously a story about people in the wrong place of employment. Both disasters in supposedly top of the line chains. One place likes to brag how they only hire the best of the best. Business lunch. Place closes after lunch at 2:00. At 1:30 server announced to all our party, "I sure wish you would hurry up, I have an afternoon appointment and can't miss it. Please be out of here before 2PM" That same evening, I went with my wife to a very crowded well known seafood emporium. When we were half way through the main course, the hardly friendly server, dumped an empty to go box on the table, along with the bill. "There is no way you are going to eat all that stuff. I have a bunch of people waiting for your table, so please hurry up." BTW, I have never been back to either place.
That is the best way to beat surly service. Just go somewhere else.-COLLAPSE
i cant stand overcooked meat..some resturant just cant make the meat right!
love your writing
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I have been a waiter for over twenty years in some great places.If you don't like something please, send it back to the kitchen!! If you get attitude from the server talk to the manager. Any server worth their salt wants you to enjoy your stay. If you enjoy yourself chances are you will give a good tip and that is what a server is there for.
How about, instead of being a PITA, just not going back?
We aren't big complainers but we sent back a fish dish at Gordon Ramsey's Plane Food at Heathrow. The service and martinis were terrible but we were willing to overlook it sincel you know, it's an airport restaurant (even with Ramsey's name on it - although they were so slow that we were starting worry about making our connection.) But the fish was literally rotten. It stank of ammonia and was...+READ
We aren't big complainers but we sent back a fish dish at Gordon Ramsey's Plane Food at Heathrow. The service and martinis were terrible but we were willing to overlook it sincel you know, it's an airport restaurant (even with Ramsey's name on it - although they were so slow that we were starting worry about making our connection.) But the fish was literally rotten. It stank of ammonia and was undercooked to boot. The manager gave us serious grief and actually told us that the fish was perfect and his kitchen inspected it and said it was not rotten. I don't know what to say. My wife is in the biz and has attended a real culinary school and knows rotten fish (plus the smell was unmistakable.) I almost raised hell when he kept being rude to us for sending it back. Didn't help that there was a C-list celeb at the next table with his vanity rock band that was getting all the service that we were missing. Screw that place.-COLLAPSE
So what is the best way to try to ensure you receive a steak cooked to your rare plus order?
Why are people equating a complaint with stiffing the server? If the food is a problem, I'll complain but still tip well. If the service sucks, well, the tip will be lower, but they'll still get one.
@ waystosave money: Your lessons are also suited to workers at any 800 # or call center environment.
Ways to Save Money- Hear Hear!! Bravo!!
Goodness. Why stiff the waiter if it was the kitchen's wrongdoing?
Bad food is NOT the waiters fault.
@cleopatra999 and @meatfortress: In defense of waystosavemoney, s/he is pretty much right on the money, at least in terms of my experience working in a variety or restaurants as a server and I thought of most of those things as I was reading the above tips. Part of the reason I hesitate to complain about something at a restaurant is because I can imagine the server having to go back and explain...+READ
@cleopatra999 and @meatfortress: In defense of waystosavemoney, s/he is pretty much right on the money, at least in terms of my experience working in a variety or restaurants as a server and I thought of most of those things as I was reading the above tips. Part of the reason I hesitate to complain about something at a restaurant is because I can imagine the server having to go back and explain the situation to a hostile cook. A patron can make your life difficult for a night, but a cook with a grudge can make it difficult for your tenure there. I will also back up the theory that it gets less like that the more fine the dining.-COLLAPSE
@waystosavemoney: I think you need a new job, I worked as a server for years and rarely had this problem you speak of with disrespectful kitchen staff and management. Servers work hard, everyone in a restaurant works hard, but you are the face of it, it better show and I bet if there is that much animosity among the staff, the customers will pick up on it.
The simple truth is that there are some very poorly run restaurants out there. But in my experience, most are decent. But don't have the same expectations at an Applebee's as you would in a fine dining house. It's true that there are some restaurant managers who are auful and lazy and abuse the servrs. There are also some prima donna chefs who don't understand their position and abuse the...+READ
The simple truth is that there are some very poorly run restaurants out there. But in my experience, most are decent. But don't have the same expectations at an Applebee's as you would in a fine dining house. It's true that there are some restaurant managers who are auful and lazy and abuse the servrs. There are also some prima donna chefs who don't understand their position and abuse the servers. Everyone in the restaurant suffers in those situations, including the owner. Yes it's the service industry but it takes a special person to be successful at it.-COLLAPSE
Until recently, I was always the type of diner who kept my opinions to myself. Really, why? In this tentative climate for businesses, shouldn't they welome constructive advise? You want me back, maybe a little introspection is warrented.
My pet peeves are: mediocrity at high prices - I'll ask a restaurant to remake virtually anything I think is sub-par; servers who forget and ignore our table; and servers who lash out at a normal request and make us feel like crap. Obvious shortcuts by the kitchen or the wait staff drive me nuts.
The bottom line is, we can stay at home and be comfortable. Restaurants are lucky that we use them...+READ
My pet peeves are: mediocrity at high prices - I'll ask a restaurant to remake virtually anything I think is sub-par; servers who forget and ignore our table; and servers who lash out at a normal request and make us feel like crap. Obvious shortcuts by the kitchen or the wait staff drive me nuts.
The bottom line is, we can stay at home and be comfortable. Restaurants are lucky that we use them in a recession. We don't need to spend $$$ in order to be abused by servers or to eat overpriced food that is not as good as what can be prepared at home.-COLLAPSE
@Aramek... I hear you :0)
another reason your medium steak came well done is because you have someone else's steak in front of you and another person has your steak...a very frustrating situation for customer, server and cook. the customer didn't get what he ordered, a server has to deal with a rightfully annoyed customer and the cook has to recook something he cooked correctly to begin with.
Speak up people if your not happy with what your PAYING for!! A month ago my girlfriend and I went to Jack Astor's in Brampton, and we both ordered their Sauce Up Chicken Strips - amazing tasting by the way.
They serve them based on quantity, 5 strips per order. My girlfriend gets 5 nice sized chunky ones and I get the scrawny ones! And when I pay $12.88 for a chicken strip dinner, I had...+READ
Speak up people if your not happy with what your PAYING for!! A month ago my girlfriend and I went to Jack Astor's in Brampton, and we both ordered their Sauce Up Chicken Strips - amazing tasting by the way.
They serve them based on quantity, 5 strips per order. My girlfriend gets 5 nice sized chunky ones and I get the scrawny ones! And when I pay $12.88 for a chicken strip dinner, I had better be leaving feeling full.
So I took their survey and complained about the portion size. Two days later one of the managers there sent me 5 coupons worth $5 ($25 in total) to use towards my next meal! Very generous of them.
She said she would be speaking to the kitchen management and cooks about watching out for what they dish out in the future. Went back to use the coupons and left very satisfied :)-COLLAPSE
Nah, it isn't as hard-nosed as "never go back", but, it is sort of ingrained in, me at least, is that I don't want to assume that a mistake was made. If I dislike a dish, enough so that I would want to eat elsewhere, I just assume that it is my taste is what is at fault. Like if something way too salty/not enough, for example, it is a reflex to just assume that I'm at fault for not liking the...+READ
Nah, it isn't as hard-nosed as "never go back", but, it is sort of ingrained in, me at least, is that I don't want to assume that a mistake was made. If I dislike a dish, enough so that I would want to eat elsewhere, I just assume that it is my taste is what is at fault. Like if something way too salty/not enough, for example, it is a reflex to just assume that I'm at fault for not liking the dish. I have it in my head that asking for more/less salt would only anger the chef. "How dare HE not like what I made?" That kind of situation.-COLLAPSE
I work in kitchens, and generally, if you order a rare steak and it's not by the time it makes it to your table, it's usually because the server didn't hold the order long enough, or just didn't bother getting to it for 20 minutes after it's done and it sat in the window and got over cooked.
@suebeehoney, so i guess when you are not feeling 100% and all smiles, you go to your boss or client and insist that you not get paid. i'm sure you hold yourself to the same standard as you do those in the service industry, right?
@northdakota, so one bad meal and you never return. Really???? If your meal is truly awful, let someone know for crying out loud. There may be a reason for it that...+READ
@suebeehoney, so i guess when you are not feeling 100% and all smiles, you go to your boss or client and insist that you not get paid. i'm sure you hold yourself to the same standard as you do those in the service industry, right?
@northdakota, so one bad meal and you never return. Really???? If your meal is truly awful, let someone know for crying out loud. There may be a reason for it that can be remedied, but if you don't speak up, who will know? The fact is that you are going to get a lousy meal occasionally. Ya know how YOU are not perfect, well restaurants are made of people just like you and just like you they screw up occasionally.-COLLAPSE
Aramek- the reason you would politely bring an issue to the waiter's attention is so that they can adjust their service and/or quality so that they don't have those issues going forward. If no one says anything, they will assume they're doing a good job, when in fact they may not be. Constructive criticism is how we all grow.
Wow: #5 reminded me of a self-proclaimed chef on another forum who was offended by the fact that there are SALT SHAKERS on restaurant tables. The presence of salt shakers, he maintained, constituted an admission that food was served not properly seasoned.
@WaysToSaveMoney Your post started off interesting, but for the most part it turned into a long rant from a jaded server.
If I'm getting poor food/service, someone's going to know. Depending on how it's handled determines if I eat at that restaurant again or not. I agree, it's not always the server's fault. It's just more of a reason never to return to that slophole.
I think it is my upbringing, the North Dakotan in me, but, if a meal is bad, you still smile, finish what you can, and just never go back. Don't see a lot of reason to complain when all that does it cause a lot of negative feelings in the waitstaff/kitchen.
School is in session folks, so pay attention.
First, I have to disagree strongly with these "tips". Yes, Complain nicely and politely, but act like a primadonna that thinks servers can't show feelings or have none, and you'll be sorely surprised. And if you stiff a server (for ANY reason) you damn well better make sure you never sit at his or her table again, if you want to make sure you get...+READ
School is in session folks, so pay attention.
First, I have to disagree strongly with these "tips". Yes, Complain nicely and politely, but act like a primadonna that thinks servers can't show feelings or have none, and you'll be sorely surprised. And if you stiff a server (for ANY reason) you damn well better make sure you never sit at his or her table again, if you want to make sure you get even decent service, and decent food. You won't even want to sit at the table of one of their buddies either. Customers who stiff are known to EVERYONE in the restaurant, including the bus boys, and sometimes your reputation will follow you to other restaurants. Yes, no joke, restaurant workers tell each other these things.
One other thing most customers don't have a clue about - in most restaurants the server has absolutely NO SAY over what happens to your food or how it is prepared. The server may do everything right and still your food may not be what you want, and in most restaurants no matter how sincerely the server relays your complaint, no matter how valid your complaint, if the cook/chef or restaurant manager does not want to make good on it, that's the bottom line. And the more the server complains on your behalf, the LESS chance that server will be able to help you. Unless the server is dishing out the food, the server usually has little or no control over the food.
Chefs and cooks are notoriously nasty, disrespectful, spiteful, and abusive. So are many restaurant managers and owners. Most don't give a damn about you (the customer) or the server. Yes, sounds stupid, because you're thinking if the customer is not happy the customer won't come back. But the problem is, in most cases the customer does in fact return even if they were not happy previously, and restaurant managers and owners know this.
Also, servers are abused by cooks and chefs all the time. The harder any server works for the customer, the more the chef/cook hates that server and the more the cook/chef will give that server a hard time about EVERYTHING, EVERY DAY, including giving the server bad food on purpose - to screw with the server's tips. Yes, again, stupid, you'd think. When I was growing up my parents called that kind of idiocy "cutting off your nose to spite your face". But this is a power game that's been going on for as long as restaurants have been around.
And sadly, if you bypass the server and complain to the manager or owner, they will take it out on the server. The server gets the sh*t end of the stick all the way around. The server is low man on the pole. In most cases, the owner/manager of the restaurant does not really want the server to make you "happy", not in the way you might think, especially if it means returning food or making things special so it takes the cooks more time. The owner/manager really just wants the server to do everything they can to placate you and try to keep from "bothering" the cooks with complaints, changes, returns, etc. The idea is to get you in and out as fast as possible, spending as much money as possible, bothering the cooks and management as little as possible. Servers learn this immediately, and if they dare go against this rule they are almost always fired or abused until they quit. Most servers who are strong enough to stick around end up suffering from emotional trauma very similar to battered-child syndrome or battered-spouse syndrome.
The only very rare exception to this rule (of servers being treated like dirt) is when you are at an extremely high end restaurant, and the severs are all male or mostly male, and your server is "teacher's" pet. In other words, every restaurant has a server that is the restaurant manager's or owner's "pet" or favorite and that server gets special treatment. That server can return anything, change anything, give extra food to customers, give freebies, etc. Usually the server is family or a friend of the family, or is doing the manager or owner, or if the server is extremely good looking and charismatic and is really good at bullsh*tting customers. That's what managers/owners are really looking for.
Yes, some servers are just nasty or bad at their job, but I can guarantee you that in 8 out of 10 cases if you detect an attitude on a server it's probably because they know they're unable to do what you want because the chef/cook/manager/owner will bully them into submission as per usual. What you perceive as an "attitude" on a server is most likely the restaurant worker's way of coping with months of years of verbal and sometimes even physical abuse by the hands of chefs/cooks/managers/owners. Oh, and let's not forget the abuse they get from customers. Verbal and physical abuse there too. No exaggeration. This is fact. But so few people know about it because servers are supposed to just eat shit and take abuse, according to customers, cooks, and management.
Servers have one of the toughest jobs in the customer service, restaurant, and hospitality industries. I dare anyone who stiffs a sever to work one week in a diner or 5 star restaurant. Most people can't hack it. Chances are you'll be sniveling like a baby or dumping food on the head of a customer before the week is out.-COLLAPSE
Here's a few more:
-when your server is having a "bad day", or "didn't sleep last night", or "had a fight with my boyfriend" - so service at your visit to the restaurant suffers. Sorry, but if you're working in a service industry, you're there to serve - personal drama has to be put aside. A server can fully expect to be reported to management and not receive a tip if they come to my table...+READ
Here's a few more:
-when your server is having a "bad day", or "didn't sleep last night", or "had a fight with my boyfriend" - so service at your visit to the restaurant suffers. Sorry, but if you're working in a service industry, you're there to serve - personal drama has to be put aside. A server can fully expect to be reported to management and not receive a tip if they come to my table snuffling & sniffling about their relationship drama, or worse, looking hung over and ready to vomit on my table.
-when the restaurant is out of what I ordered and substitutes something else without telling me, leaving me wondering what kind of restaurant hires a chef who can't tell the difference between grilled asparagus and grilled fresh green beans. When I asked the server, his response was, "Oh, yeah - we're out."
-I completely agree with #3 about the service - if you seat me near the kitchen or wait station, I expect the same service and peace during my meal that I would enjoy if seated anywhere else in the restaurant. Servers should *never* stand near tables where diners are eating and gossip about the party last night, their sloppy roommate, their relationship drama, or - heaven forbid - other customers WHO ARE STILL EATING IN THE RESTAURANT AT THE TIME.-COLLAPSE