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Dear Helena,
I was brought up to remove my hat whenever I was indoors. Nowadays, I often see young people eating out at restaurants wearing all manner of hats. Have manners changed?
—Old-Fashioned Gent
Dear Old-Fashioned Gent,
You're correct that, traditionally, etiquette dictated that men remove their hats in restaurants. The reasoning was that a man's hat was designed to protect him from the elements, so it might be wet or dirty, says Jane Smith, who designs period hats for British theater and film. Women, on the other hand, traditionally kept their hats on when dining out. Their hats were designed to be unique and eye-catching, and were usually attached to their hair with a hatpin, so removing them would have been impractical and might have dislodged the women's coiffures.
These days, whether it's appropriate to wear your hat in a restaurant depends on the hat, not on your gender. Let me explain.
There are two types of hats. The first is a statement hat, chosen to draw attention to the wearer, such as a modern fishnet turban or a beautiful vintage cloche with an elegant hatpin. The second type is a comfort hat, designed to deflect attention from the wearer, like an old baseball cap that you wear to hide the fact that you haven't washed your hair for three days. One is an aesthetic flourish; the other is a security blanket.
Your comfort hat may be acceptable in a coffeehouse, diner, or other casual setting, but if you're going out to a more formal dinner, you should leave it at home, the same way you should change out of your sweatpants.
A statement hat, on the other hand, is perfectly appropriate in a restaurant. You should not remove it, any more than you should remove your shoes at a party: Doing either could ruin your whole look. If the hat is a signature accessory, removal could even precipitate a minor identity crisis, or at least make the wearer rather uncomfortable. "I feel like something's missing; I honestly feel very vulnerable," explains Evan Derkacz, an editor for Religion Dispatches who wears a 1930s newsboy cap every day and hates to remove it when dining out.
People like Derkacz don't have much to worry about; nowadays, few restaurants would dare to ask a customer to modify his or her dress in any way. "Especially on the West Coast, the dress code has gotten very casual," says the appropriately named Karen Hatfield, co-owner of Hatfield's Restaurant in Los Angeles. Far from being a faux pas, she actually considers it a good thing if you are wearing a statement hat.
"I'm almost happy when I see a hat ... because it means they put some thought into their outfit and they're [probably] not wearing flip-flops." Hatfield will take a hat over a pair of shorts any day. "Most men cannot pull off shorts," she says. There's no such thing as statement shorts. Yet.
I'm surprised to hear so much hate against hat wearing individuals i wear it indoors outdoors anywhere between, i have a social anxiety disorder but the thing i find more rude then wearing a hat indoors is someone telling you to take it off especially in public places, exception being very fancy restaurants, national anthems or other special occasions
When im in a restaurant paying to have...+READ
I'm surprised to hear so much hate against hat wearing individuals i wear it indoors outdoors anywhere between, i have a social anxiety disorder but the thing i find more rude then wearing a hat indoors is someone telling you to take it off especially in public places, exception being very fancy restaurants, national anthems or other special occasions
When im in a restaurant paying to have have a nice dinner i really don't think anyone should feel obliged to tell me what to do unless i can then tell them what i don't like about their apparel might as well take you're pants off in restaurants so you know how i feel when i take my hat off and sit around in you're underwear like the dumb-ass you are.
^ and thats me being polite i can imagine older individuals having a problem with it because of their social standards but considering most of them were living during times in which segregation, and mass Nazi influence was standard i really don't think they're the best people to decide whats appropriate and whats not at least what im doing isn't hurting anyone and if anyone thinks less of me because of it thats their problem not mine.-COLLAPSE
I would hope that the man would remove his hat upon entering my home, a restaurat, and church.
Marine Corps hat etiquette from on high.
Thou shall wear thy cover when outside.
Thou shall remove thy cover when inside.
Those caught not abiding these rules will suffer.
Oh Yeah....one more thing...get your hands out of your pockets
and assume the leaning rest position and give me fifty.
Wear any hat as long as it and you are clean. That goes for anything you're wearing.
Just what is a "statement hat?" If you're a male and you are wearing any kind of head cover or sun visor - take it off! Those religious head coverings are not considered to be "hats" and they should be worn or removed in accordance with the protocol of the religion. Fedoras, ball caps, berets, porkpies, do-rags, visors - whatever - take 'em off. If you're ashamed of your hair condition, you have...+READ
Just what is a "statement hat?" If you're a male and you are wearing any kind of head cover or sun visor - take it off! Those religious head coverings are not considered to be "hats" and they should be worn or removed in accordance with the protocol of the religion. Fedoras, ball caps, berets, porkpies, do-rags, visors - whatever - take 'em off. If you're ashamed of your hair condition, you have a bigger problem than poor manners . . . check your grooming standards. Trying to hide a bald spot? Get over it! I hear two statements from men and boys wearing hats at tables in restaurants: "My parents were part of the 'mouth-breathing masses' and they didn't teach me any manners." and, "My dining partner is not worthy of the respect that removing my hat would show." Everybody complains about rudeness and inconsiderate behavior. Removing one's hat at the dining table is a pretty simple statement to make toward changing this trend.-COLLAPSE
Although hats and YIKES! baseball caps are improper indoors, somehow a beret doesn't seem to fit into that category. I don't mind seeing a beret in a restaurant or nightclub. Wonder what Miss Manners would say?
The problem is what to do with the headgear. In the "olden days" there were hatracks or hat-check counters or something. Now, if you have a tiny two-top covered with dishes your options are pretty limited: head or floor.
Religiously, what does an observant, especially Orthodox, Jew do when in a Catholic church? Seriously, there needs to be a guideline on that one.
If it is a military hat, it must be removed it is proticall, nowadays, young men who are losing their hair feel more comfortable with their baseball hats on, but I was always taught by my Dad that sitting at a table for a meal requires hat removal. My sons who are in their late 20s, had an elementary Principal, who required all boys to remove their hats at the door of the school, this was in the...+READ
If it is a military hat, it must be removed it is proticall, nowadays, young men who are losing their hair feel more comfortable with their baseball hats on, but I was always taught by my Dad that sitting at a table for a meal requires hat removal. My sons who are in their late 20s, had an elementary Principal, who required all boys to remove their hats at the door of the school, this was in the 80s, he had gone to Military College in Ontario, Canada, therefore, the Hat Removal Policy. How times change through the years-COLLAPSE
A fedora should be removed at the earliest opportuniity after entering a restaurant.
The exception - a counter at a diner, where wearing a hat is acceptable.
Must one remove his hat if he has a bad combover,the sight of which might cause other patrons to lose their appetite?
I recently went to lunch with a friend who is a Marine and was in uniform. The hostess was on the phone and a very young member of the kitchen staff was near the hostest stand. He whipped his hat off so fast upon seeing that uniform and then started desperately trying to seem like he could help us all the while tossing around a lot sirs and ma'ams. We had a hard time keeping our composure but I'm...+READ
I recently went to lunch with a friend who is a Marine and was in uniform. The hostess was on the phone and a very young member of the kitchen staff was near the hostest stand. He whipped his hat off so fast upon seeing that uniform and then started desperately trying to seem like he could help us all the while tossing around a lot sirs and ma'ams. We had a hard time keeping our composure but I'm sure the kid's Dad would be gratified.-COLLAPSE
Oh! Like Centralpadiner, this is one of my pet peeves. And like Suzysue2 and Lizard, it would never have occurred to me that anyone wearing a head covering for religious reasons should remove it in a restaurant. I reluctantly agree that men wearing hats in a fast food restaurant is marginally acceptable, but never in a nice restaurant. When I am eating in a nice restaurant and see a man seated in...+READ
Oh! Like Centralpadiner, this is one of my pet peeves. And like Suzysue2 and Lizard, it would never have occurred to me that anyone wearing a head covering for religious reasons should remove it in a restaurant. I reluctantly agree that men wearing hats in a fast food restaurant is marginally acceptable, but never in a nice restaurant. When I am eating in a nice restaurant and see a man seated in a baseball hat, I have taken to writing on my bill "In a place as nice as this, I believe that the gentlemen should be asked to remove their hats." I don't know if it will ever make a difference, but I want the restaurant to know that by avoiding offending the rude person, they succeed in offending me. Don't get me started on shorts.-COLLAPSE
It's common sense that NO PERSON should wear a grimy baseball cap ANYWHERE other then your own backyard. A fine dining establishment definitely not. On the other hand but casual dining places (not necessarily fast food take-out) I will at times keep my "casual-statement" cap on. I gauge the situation by whether the hat interferes with enjoying my meal, or interacting with my companion(s)....+READ
It's common sense that NO PERSON should wear a grimy baseball cap ANYWHERE other then your own backyard. A fine dining establishment definitely not. On the other hand but casual dining places (not necessarily fast food take-out) I will at times keep my "casual-statement" cap on. I gauge the situation by whether the hat interferes with enjoying my meal, or interacting with my companion(s). Speaking as a women, once you decide to wear your hat you tend to keep it on otherwise you'll be prone to "hat hair" that just isn't attractive.-COLLAPSE
Manners change. A hundred years ago, it would have been risque for me to show my ankles in public. If it's not hurting me, I could care less what other people wear.
I can honestly say that men wearing baseball hats in restaurants is by far my biggest manners (lack of) pet peeve. And I am not THAT old, but I was taught that men remove their hats indoors, and am teaching my son the same. I do agree with Ike that fast food is the only indoor dining where I might excuse such behavior. Between this and saying that it is okay for our servers to be stoned, I am...+READ
I can honestly say that men wearing baseball hats in restaurants is by far my biggest manners (lack of) pet peeve. And I am not THAT old, but I was taught that men remove their hats indoors, and am teaching my son the same. I do agree with Ike that fast food is the only indoor dining where I might excuse such behavior. Between this and saying that it is okay for our servers to be stoned, I am thinking Helena has confused having manners with being "cool, young and hip."-COLLAPSE
@Lizard, my apologies if I offended you, I didn't realize we were discussing religious head coverings and don't think they fall into the same category as general hats, but it seems my statement was phrased in a way that did not allow for any exceptions and did not properly reflect my true opinion.
It is without question that no man should ever be asked to remove a yarmukle, kippah, turban or...+READ
@Lizard, my apologies if I offended you, I didn't realize we were discussing religious head coverings and don't think they fall into the same category as general hats, but it seems my statement was phrased in a way that did not allow for any exceptions and did not properly reflect my true opinion.
It is without question that no man should ever be asked to remove a yarmukle, kippah, turban or any other head wear worn for religious reasons in a restaurant or any other building, the thought of that being so ridiculous that it didn't even occur to me, unfortunately it surely happens, but probably not very often at restaurants serving Kosher food.
I work at an orthodox Jewish school and adhere to and enforce their dress code, and am quite familiar with it. I also work at a restaurant and am sick of seeing improperly dressed fools sitting in a white-tablecloth dining room in jeans, shorts, t-shirts, undershirts(?!), sneakers, baseball caps, sandals (on men, yikes!), etc. Unfortunately due to the strained economy, we have a new policy not to turn paying customers away, and those who did make the effort to dress properly are the ones that suffer.
People under strict religious observance are generally dictated by their religion to be properly dressed when they are in public and quite frankly our society could do with a bit more of that, or perhaps parents who teach their children the importance of taking five extra minutes to look decent when going out.
This baloney about allowing men to wear 'statement hats' indoors is part of the erosion of western culture/dress and why at times I am embarrassed to be an American, because there are new excuses invented every day of why manners and proper conduct are not necessary. If everyone paid closer attention to the rules of the culture/religion/society that they are a part of we would all be better off as a whole.-COLLAPSE
When I see a man wearing a baseball cap in a cafe or restaurant, it says to me "I am a lout". If he's wearing it backwards, it says "I am an immature lout".
@Suzysue2: No, you're wrong. There is a requirement for orthodox Jews to keep their heads covered at all times (others just at certain times) They don't need to remove their hats just to appeal to your goyishe demands. Of course, given the stridency of your response, I'll assume that where you dine, you probably don't see a lot of Jews, let alone orthodox ones.
good manners never go out of style. Those young people just haven't been taught manners. Of course you should take your hat off indoors!
WRONG! Men should always take their hats off indoors, period.
Take your Fn hat off thank-you! I could not EVER eat in a resturant (this excludes McD's) with my hat on my head. Even when I eat alone in an empty resturant I take my hat off. Just do it, to not do so is rude.
Exceptions could be:
Picnics
Fast food joints(Chain, not mom and pop diners)
Sporting events
You must be joking. "Statement hats"? The people who do this are jerks, plain and simple. They apparently think it's "cool" but it's really anything but. Rude, clueless morons.
What kind of prissy mama's boy can't take his GD hat off in a restaurant?
A fedora is a 'statement hat' according to the author and I would never think to leave mine on in a restaurant. That's not an esoteric rule, it goes right along with removing your hat in someone's home or during the national anthem. I would expect the mouth-breathing masses not to know this but come on, an etiquette writer telling you to leave your fedora on while eating? What the hell guys.
I'd say keep your hat on if you have ugly hair. I don't want to be seein' that when I'm tryin' to eat six burritos.
You are wrong.
Ladies can keep hats on (I'm making a leap of faith that they aren't the ones in baseball hats, t-shirts and flip-flops - although I know that assumption could be faulty!). But there is no such thing as a "statement" hat for men. Guys, take the hats off!
Do restaurants these days typically provide hat racks? If the only place to put your hat is on the floor next to your purse, then I think you'd be justified in keeping it on.
Nothing like some rube in a backwards b-ball cap, flip flops and a t shirt to make everyone feel they're in some dump, even though they're paying for an experience. Keep the damn hats off, males!
Seems like this question would be more appropriate for a style blog. Was Helena even being earnest all the way through this? "A statement hat, on the other hand...or at least make the wearer rather uncomfortable." That whole section seemed facetious to me.
If your "statement hat" is so important to you that you're uncomfortable removing it while dining, you are trying too hard and apparently...+READ
Seems like this question would be more appropriate for a style blog. Was Helena even being earnest all the way through this? "A statement hat, on the other hand...or at least make the wearer rather uncomfortable." That whole section seemed facetious to me.
If your "statement hat" is so important to you that you're uncomfortable removing it while dining, you are trying too hard and apparently don't know how to wear a hat.
In one of the few instances I agree with my 85-year-old grandfather, he told me a story of seeing a young couple apparently on a date at a restaurant. The guy was wearing a fedora while he ate, and my grandfather, politely, pointed out to him that this was inappropriate. This was obviously a "statement" hat; the guy was trying to look cool. Bro, a fedora is not going to save you if you're eating at the Olive Garden, especially if you don't know not to remove it while you're eating.-COLLAPSE
I really don't care if other diners are wearing hats where I am dining. I'm there for the food. That being said, my own personal prediliction is to take off any hat, unless I'm 1) eating outside of the restaurant and the sun is blazing and I'm currently on doxycycline for putative Lymes, or 2) there's a heating failure somewhere and we're freezing!
But quite frankly, I don't look at other...+READ
I really don't care if other diners are wearing hats where I am dining. I'm there for the food. That being said, my own personal prediliction is to take off any hat, unless I'm 1) eating outside of the restaurant and the sun is blazing and I'm currently on doxycycline for putative Lymes, or 2) there's a heating failure somewhere and we're freezing!
But quite frankly, I don't look at other diners while I'm eating unless I'm talking to them, so I don't care what they do. And if they have a hat on while I'm talking to them, I'll assume there's a reason. Maybe a bald spot or something... but not my bizness.-COLLAPSE
If you have an identity crisis when you have to remove your hat, you don't belong in a restaurant; you belong in the cafeteria of an asylum.
Wow, from an old man pining over the past through rose-tinted glasses (In my day, the kids dressed properly. Today, they're all hooligans. Get off my lawn!) to the most pretentious discussion of hats I've read all day. I'm going to be paralyzed with fear before going out again. If I go hatless, I won't be personally affronting old people, but I might be looked down upon by Ms. Hatfield. If I do...+READ
Wow, from an old man pining over the past through rose-tinted glasses (In my day, the kids dressed properly. Today, they're all hooligans. Get off my lawn!) to the most pretentious discussion of hats I've read all day. I'm going to be paralyzed with fear before going out again. If I go hatless, I won't be personally affronting old people, but I might be looked down upon by Ms. Hatfield. If I do cover my head, will my statement hat make enough of a statement or will I be derided as a just another comfort hat wearing bumpkin?-COLLAPSE