Vegan Cheese Kinda Melts

Published on Friday, July 15, 2011, by James Norton / Edit Post

Teese Vegan Cheese Alternative

Teese Vegan Cheese Alternative

I Paid: $3.99 for a 10-ounce log (prices may vary by region)

Taste: 3 stars

Marketing: 2 stars

As a Wisconsin dude born and raised, I find the idea of vegan cheese to be absurd, vaguely offensive, and a little bit frightening. Why would anyone not drink milk and consume milk products at every possible opportunity? Well, the answer, of course, is if they're vegan. So it was with a monster chip on my shoulder that I tasted Teese, a vegan cheese product that comes in two flavors: mozzarella and cheddar.

Both cookie dough–like logs of Teese cut somewhat like mozzarella: relatively soft and dense. Not encouraging, but not particularly off-putting, either.

Then the test. I made a grilled sandwich with the Teese cheddar and a baked pizza with the Teese mozz.

The verdict: well, mixed. First, this stuff doesn't really like to melt. It takes an awful lot of heat and time, and when it finally does, it doesn't get very gooey. "Teese tastes, melts, and stretches better than any other dairy-free cheese alternative on the market," claims the product's website, and I believe that. I also don't know that it's a lot to brag about, since neither the pizza nor the sandwich picked up much browning or meltiness.

That said, it tastes OK. There, I said it. It's not bad. Cheddar Teese has a bit of real cheddar umami, and it eventually gets a bit creamy once it "melts." The Mozzarella lacked flavor punch, but it did the job of supporting the sauce and crunchy crust of my pizza. Neither Teese was oily or artificial tasting, two things that I'd feared, and their relative indestructibility by heat is far preferable to them doing horrible things (separating, shooting out green flames, vaporizing into a memory-erasing gas).

Teese won't be kicking cheese out of refrigerators any time soon. But if you're dairy-free, it's got some of cheese's goodness without any nasty drawbacks, and that's about the best you're gonna get.

James Norton edits the Upper Midwestern food journal Heavy Table. He's also the coauthor of a book on Wisconsin's master cheesemakers. For his Supertaster Daily videos, he samples offerings from supermarket aisles and fast-food menus. (Click here to see all of James's previous Supertaster work.) You can follow him on Twitter and fan him on Facebook.

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POST A COMMENT |22 Comments

COMMENT

  • i have an 8 year old daughter who's really lactose intolerant and LOVES cheese. the vegan alternatives help a bit. so there are reasons.

  • Agreeing with pdxgastro: Where can I buy beef and pork that is processed to look and taste like fruits and vegetables?

  • It's like my inability to eat tofu. I now go for faux-fu.

  • What's your definition of "need"?

  • Why would anyone not drink milk and consume milk products at every possible opportunity? 1) because human beings are the only animal who continues consuming milk after nursing, and 2) is the only animal who consumes milk when doesn't need it.

  • There is cheese made from rice, there's also a version made from soy and, as far as I know, those two are natural ingredients.

  • WHat's your definition of "fake"?

  • oops. Below should read "PURE food".

  • I'm all for Veganism, but it has to be food. Yes to grains and veggies. No to fake meatloaf or cheese. Why do vegans insist on eating what everyone else eats, but in a fake ass way?

  • The person who posted the ingredients list: YES, this is something definitely to stay away from! I eat real food; I am SO not interested in that kind of thing. And with all the "better living through chemistry" involved in the lab that invented it, apparently they still can't get it to melt all nice and proper!

  • The ingredients? "Purified water, natural whole ground cassava and/or arrowroot flours, high oleic sunflower and/or safflower and/or identity-preserved high oleic canola oil, coconut oil and/or palm fruit oil, pea protein, salt, inactive yeast, vegetable glycerin, natural vegan flavors (derived from plants), xanthan gum, sunflower lecithin, natural vegan enzymes, natural vegan bacterial cultures,...+READ

    The ingredients? "Purified water, natural whole ground cassava and/or arrowroot flours, high oleic sunflower and/or safflower and/or identity-preserved high oleic canola oil, coconut oil and/or palm fruit oil, pea protein, salt, inactive yeast, vegetable glycerin, natural vegan flavors (derived from plants), xanthan gum, sunflower lecithin, natural vegan enzymes, natural vegan bacterial cultures, citric acid, natural color.
    Blech.
    Real cheese ingredients? Basically milk and starter culture.-COLLAPSE

  • "Well, the answer, of course, is if they're vegan."

    Or they're kosher and want to have "cheese" with their meat. I actually think something like this does a better job in that instance because the bar is lower. It has to be cheesy, but not necessarily cheese.

  • As a former 3-year vegan who tried every fake cheese & fake cheese recipe, I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm grateful every day that I now eat real cheese.

  • "vaporizing into a memory-erasing gas" he he he James! This is why I read All your reviews, even for stuff I would never try. :)

  • I don't think it's possible to hold vegan "cheese" products to the standards of real cheese, as CloggieGirl suggests to do. Cheese is a natural substance which can be approximated, but not replicated. Same for meat. Vegans (and kosher-keepers) can choose to have meals which are as good as the meals meat- or dairy-eaters eat, by doing great things with vegan ingredients or within the rubric of...+READ

    I don't think it's possible to hold vegan "cheese" products to the standards of real cheese, as CloggieGirl suggests to do. Cheese is a natural substance which can be approximated, but not replicated. Same for meat. Vegans (and kosher-keepers) can choose to have meals which are as good as the meals meat- or dairy-eaters eat, by doing great things with vegan ingredients or within the rubric of kosher rules, but once you start to try to make things taste like other things, you'll always fail--sometimes miserably, though sometimes less so.-COLLAPSE

  • This fun and informative James Norton column has made me wonder... what if there were vegetarian foods made from non-vegetarian materials? Like a tofu-like substance made from meat products, or some vegetable pate analogs made from ground meats. Or fake cheese made from (you guessed it) Real Cheese....? The possibilities are endless.

  • If you only hold vegan "cheese" products to the standard of existing vegan "cheese" products, then they'll always be awful.

    This is like in the kosher world (esp here in NY) there are restaurants that are "good" or "good as far as kosher restaurants go." Since so many kosher consumers will settle for the latter, we have only a small percentage of restaurants that are the former.

    The same...+READ

    If you only hold vegan "cheese" products to the standard of existing vegan "cheese" products, then they'll always be awful.

    This is like in the kosher world (esp here in NY) there are restaurants that are "good" or "good as far as kosher restaurants go." Since so many kosher consumers will settle for the latter, we have only a small percentage of restaurants that are the former.

    The same concept should apply to these products as well.-COLLAPSE

  • I think you four are missing the point. This is James Norton's "column". Google "teese review" and you'll find plenty of vegan and veggie opinions.

  • You do realize that there are other non-dairy cheeses out there. Don't base all of them on just one! Try Daiya cheese. It's soy-free as well.

  • Rory's right: a non-vegan's standards are way too high. You need someone who refuses to go near actual cheese to tell you how semi-palatable this fake cheese is compared to other fake cheeses.

  • for goodness sakes get a vegan to do these reviews. That was useless.

  • It sounds like Daiya is a better bet for vegan cheese.