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Dear Helena,
I've been dating a very nice woman for about three months now, and one of the things she's asked me about is going out to a buffet dinner with her family. I've tried to make several alternate suggestions, but she says that her best family memories are there, and that's where she would feel most comfortable. I've been prone to overeating before, and I really don't want to make this mistake again and have her family think less of me. How much should a person eat, and when should they get up for a second plate?
—Third Helping
Dear Third Helping,
You're right to be nervous at the thought of going to a buffet. The greater the variety of foods on offer, the more we're likely to overeat. This effect is so powerful that we eat more even when the variety is only perceived, says Dan Ariely, author of Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions. "One study has shown that if you give people just one color of M&M, they eat a few and then stop, but if you give them multiple colors they continue for longer."
So arm yourself in advance with these anti-binging strategies.
Commit to one trip. People tend to overdo it when they don't have visual cues to show how much they're eating. In the "bottomless soup bowl" study, the first group of participants ate soup from regular bowls, whereas the second group ate from bowls that were imperceptibly replenished through tubes hidden underneath the table. The latter group consumed 73 percent more, although they didn't believe that they had, nor did they feel more sated. Instead of refilling your plate until you've no idea how many dollops of mac ’n' cheese you've had, Ariely suggests making only one trip to the buffet and taking everything you want at that time. As he says, if you actually see your entire meal spread out before you, you're more likely to observe moderation.
Browse before you decide. Another study analyzed how people eat at a Chinese restaurant buffet, and found that thinner diners were more likely to cruise the buffet before making their selections. Granted, the study showed only correlation, not causation, but it seems like common sense that careful browsing leads to eating less: If you've scoped out the buffet thoroughly, you're less likely to go back because there's a whole seafood section that you missed.
Turn your back to the buffet. The Chinese restaurant study also showed that heavier diners were more likely to sit facing the buffet. Again, the study did not prove causation, but it seems like common sense: Out of sight is out of mind. Try to pick a seat that allows you to turn your back on that tempting display of shrimp tempura or Peking duck.
Mind your manners. Being meticulous about table manners may lead to eating more mindfully, and therefore knowing when to stop. At the Chinese restaurant, skinnier diners were more likely to spread out their napkins on their laps, whereas chubbier patrons tended to just dig in. The abstemious patrons were also more likely to use chopsticks, so if these are available, forgo the knife and fork. Unless you're a skilled chopstick manipulator, these utensils will probably force you to eat more slowly.
Have a drink. The strategies above will help you eat less, but they won't fix the fundamental anxiety and insecurity that are probably driving you to overeat. Unfortunately, this column is too short to address these issues, but might I suggest a nice glass of wine? This will help you relax. Obviously, stick to one drink only, or you could create a whole new set of problems.
Finally, remember that your eating habits are just a small part of the overall impression you will make. In other words, don't stress so much about eating "the right amount." If you're warm, witty, and charming, no one will care if you go back for more mashed potatoes.
EWSflash, right on! This being a forum on manners, it's strange that posters feel that it's OK to make cruel comments.
The problem with alcoholic beverages at a buffet is that every other person in the room starts to look attractive to you, and your inhibitions are lowered, so there is the outside chance that you might wind up waking up with a total stranger the next morning and discovering that you proposed to her somewhere between the roast beef carving station and the bottomless vat of banana pudding.
Trust...+READ
The problem with alcoholic beverages at a buffet is that every other person in the room starts to look attractive to you, and your inhibitions are lowered, so there is the outside chance that you might wind up waking up with a total stranger the next morning and discovering that you proposed to her somewhere between the roast beef carving station and the bottomless vat of banana pudding.
Trust me, I've been there.-COLLAPSE
I'm embarrassed for the OP here. Why so many feel the need to chime in about how gross buffets and overweight people are is beyond me.
The OP asked for advice and ended up with a round of character assaults directed at not only the OP but the date and his or her family, for the heinous crime of liking buffets.
The only funny part is that to me it mimics the mob mentality that several here...+READ
I'm embarrassed for the OP here. Why so many feel the need to chime in about how gross buffets and overweight people are is beyond me.
The OP asked for advice and ended up with a round of character assaults directed at not only the OP but the date and his or her family, for the heinous crime of liking buffets.
The only funny part is that to me it mimics the mob mentality that several here have described as being the same mob mentality at buffets.-COLLAPSE
I get where people are coming from when they say the alcohol is a bad idea, but really, it depends on how drunk you get off one glass of wine or beer. For me, I eat slower and less when I eat with a beer or a glass of wine. I sip or take a gulp in between each bite and it fills me up faster. Especially the carbonation in the beer. I'd be really surprised if ONE drink lowers people inhibitions SO...+READ
I get where people are coming from when they say the alcohol is a bad idea, but really, it depends on how drunk you get off one glass of wine or beer. For me, I eat slower and less when I eat with a beer or a glass of wine. I sip or take a gulp in between each bite and it fills me up faster. Especially the carbonation in the beer. I'd be really surprised if ONE drink lowers people inhibitions SO much that they are grabbing platefuls of fries instead of the bread roll they were planning on.-COLLAPSE
First off, IMO it's one meal, so if you overeat - don't worry about it. If you've eaten moderately/healthily all week & this is your one "indulgence" or "off" meal, then so be it. Get back on your plan the next day. In the big picture, it really shouldn't hurt you or your goals unless you allow the one meal to totally derail your "plan" for the next week. Don't do that in your head.
Also, fill...+READ
First off, IMO it's one meal, so if you overeat - don't worry about it. If you've eaten moderately/healthily all week & this is your one "indulgence" or "off" meal, then so be it. Get back on your plan the next day. In the big picture, it really shouldn't hurt you or your goals unless you allow the one meal to totally derail your "plan" for the next week. Don't do that in your head.
Also, fill your plate up with only "special" things. Whether this buffet has that or not, I don't know. But what I mean are things that you don't normally make for yourself or don't have. And ENJOY them! Maybe make your first plate a colorful salad then move on to "treats" for plate two. Have tastes of all the special things you normally don't eat. Don't even partake of anything you make yourself regularly or better. Why waste the calories?
As for how many plates to get....eat slowly, concentrate on the flavors & conversation & enjoy yourself. Don't fill your plate up so much that food falls off and go up as often as the cues from the family dictate.
HTH-COLLAPSE
Ha ha..I like the hipcheck...:)..In a more aggressive crowd never underestimate the use of the elbow. You want to be cautious. An elbow strike to the face may cause you problems. Legal (assault) and if you're in a strange area, the strikee could have 14 cousins who will take their revenge. Below the neck and you're in a gray area. There's a fine line between aggressive/rude and assault in this.
...+READ
Ha ha..I like the hipcheck...:)..In a more aggressive crowd never underestimate the use of the elbow. You want to be cautious. An elbow strike to the face may cause you problems. Legal (assault) and if you're in a strange area, the strikee could have 14 cousins who will take their revenge. Below the neck and you're in a gray area. There's a fine line between aggressive/rude and assault in this.
This hip check/elbow strike can ve very effective but you do want to avoid it ib locales where the person son, SIL or whatever doesn't engage in physical labor and can lift you up and throw you throw the front window...and you can count on the local sheriff to keep you nearby til yo can pay damages.
Of course, there is an alternative if you have to attend a buffer. Boring but no aurprises Grin and bear it, wait til he person in front of you is finished and then serve yourself and move it along. You don't like it, beg off next time-COLLAPSE
Seems to me the question for the OP is what's more important, controlling oneself at the buffet or doing well with the family, and behave accordingly. And of course there's the question of whether a CH (this is a real person and not a hypothetical question in disguise, right?)will in the long run, if there is one, fit in well with folks who insist on buffets. But there's probably more going on...+READ
Seems to me the question for the OP is what's more important, controlling oneself at the buffet or doing well with the family, and behave accordingly. And of course there's the question of whether a CH (this is a real person and not a hypothetical question in disguise, right?)will in the long run, if there is one, fit in well with folks who insist on buffets. But there's probably more going on with the buffet-only thing than the letter goes into.-COLLAPSE
no, it's definetely not a joke and it's insensitive to be so rude. I watch Hungry Girl and recently, she talked about buffets. This article is pretty right on (although I agree the only drink should be water or iced tea). I am not obese but I go to Weight Watchers for my health. I'm going to a buffet in a few weeks, one I've been to a few years ago. It's dangerous. But you know what? I'm going to...+READ
no, it's definetely not a joke and it's insensitive to be so rude. I watch Hungry Girl and recently, she talked about buffets. This article is pretty right on (although I agree the only drink should be water or iced tea). I am not obese but I go to Weight Watchers for my health. I'm going to a buffet in a few weeks, one I've been to a few years ago. It's dangerous. But you know what? I'm going to survey without a plate in my hand, and then go around again and make the right choices. I like the idea of choosing a seat with your back to the buffet.-COLLAPSE
Just role up your sleeves and hit the trough with all the other hogs. If somebody gets in your way, give em a good hip check, that'll sort them out. And stick to mostly deep fried things covered in some kind of sugar sauce, thats the most efficient way to get your calories.
I have to respectfully disagree about have an alcoholic beverage. First of all, it is just empty calories, and won't fill you up. Secondly, and more crucial, it will lower your inhibitions, and there you'll be, facing an array of tempting dishes. Have club soda with lime/lemon, tea. Also, don't go hungry. Really. If this is for lunch, have a good breakfast, like oatmeal, or an omelet. You will...+READ
I have to respectfully disagree about have an alcoholic beverage. First of all, it is just empty calories, and won't fill you up. Secondly, and more crucial, it will lower your inhibitions, and there you'll be, facing an array of tempting dishes. Have club soda with lime/lemon, tea. Also, don't go hungry. Really. If this is for lunch, have a good breakfast, like oatmeal, or an omelet. You will eat much less if you're not over hungry. I have found these strategies to be very helpful. Cruising the buffet first is a great idea. And so is just going up once. There will be other times to enjoy food, you don't have to eat it all at that one sitting. Work some extra exercise in your day. Go for a walk. Good luck!-COLLAPSE
obesity is something we are/will all pay for. it's a problem and needs to spoken of often. i don't know what you're referring to by holier than thou tone, but people it's not a joke.
Vekole, I couldn't agree more. I guess some people have no self control. This is a learned behaviour that starts at a very young age at home. I also agree about doing buffets justice for the price. I would rather spend the money at a a la carte restaurant anyday. For me it is not about quantity but the quality. The number of people I know that complain about portion size amazes me. They would...+READ
Vekole, I couldn't agree more. I guess some people have no self control. This is a learned behaviour that starts at a very young age at home. I also agree about doing buffets justice for the price. I would rather spend the money at a a la carte restaurant anyday. For me it is not about quantity but the quality. The number of people I know that complain about portion size amazes me. They would rather eat mediocre food in abundance than a "to die for" meal that is portioned. To each their own I guess.-COLLAPSE
I am on a low carb diet so I really enjoy buffets. I stick to green leafy things, broiled fish, steak. And I must have great willpower cause so far I have been to 2 buffets in the last 2 weeks and have lost 20# over the last 5 weeks. (but....it kills me not to have that frozen soft serve ice craem..omg)
sick of people talking about the "obesity epidemic" & especially their holier-than-thou tone, which usually acompanies their remarks.
With the obesity-epidemic, they should switch to charging guests by the pound (that they eat, not weigh...or maybe both?)!
My Chinese buffet complaint...I was waiting behind a very fat woman at the sushi area of the buffet, and no it probably wasn't very good sushi, but she bumped into me and noticed I was there. She then proceeded to take every last piece of sushi from the tray and stacked them onto a precarious mound on her plate before waddling off, leaving none for me. Thanks.
Maybe her family will exhibit even less control! LOL!
Maybe eat something ahead of time so you aren't completely starving and then overeat??
I agree with the writer, people usually over indulge at buffets so don't worry unless you really really embarrass yourself.
@ 02putt, I agree, I don't like buffets for the same reasons mentioned above...the rude diners (especially the one that allow their children to run around unattended as if they're at home - and touching the food! Why do parents allow this???), too many battered and deep fried & heavy sauced food items, etc...however, the absolute worst is when our eyes are bigger than our stomaches. How many of...+READ
@ 02putt, I agree, I don't like buffets for the same reasons mentioned above...the rude diners (especially the one that allow their children to run around unattended as if they're at home - and touching the food! Why do parents allow this???), too many battered and deep fried & heavy sauced food items, etc...however, the absolute worst is when our eyes are bigger than our stomaches. How many of us have witnessed someone pile their plate to the point of not even being able to distinguish the food and then watching them leave half of it. How deplorable. As far as going for a 3rd or 4th plate - more power to you, because who am I to judge how much another person can eat. We all have different needs and some of us can eat a lot more than others so why shouldn't one get their fill at a buffet? It's the WASTE I have a problem with - taking far more than you need then leaving it...and worst of all, going for yet another plate when you haven't finished the previous one. We are such a glutenous society. BTW, I'm not a big eater so I find "buffets" are not cost effective for me so I tend to avoid them, however, I'm more than happy to join family and friends if that's what they like...after all, the idea of sharing a meal with others is what it's really all about. My suggestion to Third Helping is to go, eat and be merry and as long as you don't behave like a Hoover and pace yourself...no one will think twice about how much you eat...but they'll certainly have something to say if you're busy yapping while trying to chew your food :)-COLLAPSE
I believe it's called SELF CONTROL.
Personally I can't stand the buffet atmosphere. I find people rude and the food is substandard due to sitting out over a warming plate and by the time you sit down after waiting your food is cold. These restaurants are in the business of making money so a lot of the dishes are going to be those that will fill you up on empty carbs with little or no nutritional value. All manners seem to be...+READ
Personally I can't stand the buffet atmosphere. I find people rude and the food is substandard due to sitting out over a warming plate and by the time you sit down after waiting your food is cold. These restaurants are in the business of making money so a lot of the dishes are going to be those that will fill you up on empty carbs with little or no nutritional value. All manners seem to be checked at the door. But when I am required to attend due to family etc. I have a few golden rules:
I agree scope out the buffet first. Start with salad and/or soup then the main course. You CAN go back. Why people overload their plate mountain high with all the food intermingled so you can't tell what you are eating makes no sense to me. I take a little of this a little of that. My plate is never overflowing as I know I can go back. If I take something that is breaded (Shrimp) I remove the breading. I always make sure I eat steamed veggies with no sauce. It does not take long to eat a meal. You are paying for this experience so enjoy it. Do not return to the buffet immediately after finishing a plate. Digest your food a little. It has been proven that people keep eating even though they're full. They just don't know it yet. I always try one new thing at the buffet. This way I don't feel like I am wasting a whole plate if I don't like it because I do go back. I just eat wisely.-COLLAPSE
When in Rome do what the Romans do
Be reasonable, but take a cue from the family! You'd feel strange if you were the only one who didn't return to the buffet table, and the others did!
A long while ago I went to an all you can eat crab legs night at a Red Lobster with my SO and his boss and wife. I dug into the crab legs with gusto. The boss, who was quite a bit overweight and seemed a bit tense, laughed when he saw my obvious enjoyment of the crab and relaxed and tucked in. The evening was a huge success and we all bonded over the food. We ate a Lot of crab legs!
Years later...+READ
A long while ago I went to an all you can eat crab legs night at a Red Lobster with my SO and his boss and wife. I dug into the crab legs with gusto. The boss, who was quite a bit overweight and seemed a bit tense, laughed when he saw my obvious enjoyment of the crab and relaxed and tucked in. The evening was a huge success and we all bonded over the food. We ate a Lot of crab legs!
Years later something similar happened to me again, with another boss delighted over my ability to pack away seafood. Play it by ear or rather tummy Third Helping. You might be surprised. Would love to hear how your evening turned out.-COLLAPSE
It's one meal. Get over it.
Fill up on the salad and vegetables the first time, and don't drown them in dressings, dips, and sauces. Then go back and finish off your meal with protein and small portions of carbs. With planning and luck you may be too full for dessert. And yes, you will feel like you should have eaten more to take advantage of the money you are spending. Finally, one meal - no matter how extravagant or...+READ
Fill up on the salad and vegetables the first time, and don't drown them in dressings, dips, and sauces. Then go back and finish off your meal with protein and small portions of carbs. With planning and luck you may be too full for dessert. And yes, you will feel like you should have eaten more to take advantage of the money you are spending. Finally, one meal - no matter how extravagant or calorie laden isn't going to do you in. It's what you do the day after and the day after that.
Any need to comment on Helena once again turning to alcohol as the solution to all problems great and small? Yeah, lets lower those inhibitions... way to go. sheesh.-COLLAPSE
I have a feeling if the person is already nervous and concerned about over-eating in front of the family, he'll/she'll be pretty conscious of every bite. Just being aware and focused on the food will probably prevent major over-eating from happening to begin with.
It's interesting to me that one trip to the buffet is suggested as a way to curb overeating because I use the exact opposite strategy. I know that I will want to return to the buffet at least once, so on the first time through I take very little. Like Eatongal, I take only the items that I know I absolutely love. Then my appetite is somewhat sated, and when I return I can either try something new...+READ
It's interesting to me that one trip to the buffet is suggested as a way to curb overeating because I use the exact opposite strategy. I know that I will want to return to the buffet at least once, so on the first time through I take very little. Like Eatongal, I take only the items that I know I absolutely love. Then my appetite is somewhat sated, and when I return I can either try something new or take a little more of my favorite. FWIW, I am fairly slim.-COLLAPSE
A buffet is a good time to indulge your inner picky eater. Only put things you absolutely love on your plate and don't bother with anything that seems like it might be good.
If you're worried about nutrition just pick the most colourful foods available. A bright mix of stir fried veggies offer more nutrition than a less colourful mound of noodles.
I find, from experience, that families that have a focus on buffet eating (which may be the case here, given that some of her best family memories are from buffet eating) generally expect you to eat more.
If you are concerned only about how you will be perceived based on overeating, another strategy might be to go to the restaurant the night before, or indeed, for lunch before the big meal. This...+READ
I find, from experience, that families that have a focus on buffet eating (which may be the case here, given that some of her best family memories are from buffet eating) generally expect you to eat more.
If you are concerned only about how you will be perceived based on overeating, another strategy might be to go to the restaurant the night before, or indeed, for lunch before the big meal. This may put you off the taste of the food and inspire you to eat significantly less. Also, eat a snack before you go so that you go already partly fii=ull
All that being said, for me, overeating at buffets is seldom a problem, as buffet food quality - even at "better" buffets - tends to be considerably lower than at their a la carte counterparts, and thus I don't feel inspired to even eat my regular amount.-COLLAPSE