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Dear Helena,
I am going to spend the day in Napa visiting some wineries with my boyfriend's family. They are pretty heavily into wine whereas I frankly can't tell the difference between rotgut from the corner store and a perfectly aged bottle of Chateau-Whatever. I don't know them very well and I want to make a good impression. Before visiting a winery, what do I need to know in terms of "proper" behavior?
—Booze Is Booze
Dear Booze Is Booze,
Don't worry about being a wine ignoramus. According to the tasting room managers I spoke with, you can still impress your potential in-laws with your savoir-faire. All you need to do is avoid the following gaffes.
1. Drinking too much. It's OK to get a buzz, but don't get sloshed. Tour buses and bridal parties are the worst offenders, says Tom Blackwood, director of hospitality for Buena Vista Winery: "Sometimes people have a beer in their hand when they get off the bus." This might seem like obvious advice, but drunkenness can creep up on you. "Even if you're just tasting wines, one tasting could be the equivalent of a glass of wine," says Blackwood. If you're visiting two or three wineries, that adds up. So don't be shy about using the dump bucket. And impress your boyfriend's family with your thoughtfulness by stocking the car with bottled water. Better yet, score major potential-in-law points by offering to be the designated driver.
2. Showing off. There's no shame in not knowing anything about wine. So don't try to impress your companions or the winery tasting staff by pretending to a knowledge you don't have. This will make you look pretentious and insecure. Even those who do know a lot about wine should be wary of monopolizing the conversation. It's all too easy to become a wine bore.
3. Dissing the wine. Wine taste, like literary taste, is very subjective. So if you think something is swill, frame that as a personal preference, not an objective truth. Just say, "I prefer wines with a little more acidity," or even just, "Personally, that's not my style," says Lisa Macek, tasting room manager for Iron Horse Vineyards. If you are too loud and forceful about your opinion, you could influence everyone else there. "The power of suggestion is very strong," says Macek. "If I told everyone the Chardonnay tasted like apples, they would taste apples." If you tell everyone the Chardonnay is one-dimensional, other people will probably find it blah too.
4. Overdoing the lipstick. Lipstick makes wineglasses very hard to clean, says Rebekah Bellingham, tasting room manager for R. Stuart & Co. Winery: "Usually we clean the glasses in the dishwasher, blasting them with very, very hot water to sanitize them. But lipstick has to be scrubbed off by hand." You should skip your perfume too. Blackwood explains: "Scents—perfumes, colognes, lotions—will not only affect you and your ability to taste, but also that of those around you." You should avoid anything that is too distracting for your senses, says Bellingham. Essentially the same principles apply when you're getting ready to taste wine as when you're getting ready to kiss someone: You don't want the smell of a cigarette on your clothes or a strong taste of coffee on your breath. And if you continue to chew gum while you're doing it—as Bellingham says one customer did—you're missing the point of the whole experience.
@ipsofatso: Just wondering why you say it's rude to spit the wine out at wine tastings? I'm not a wine expert but have been to lots of wine tastings at various places (including vineyards) in various countries and have always happily spat when I wanted to.
If you taste something you like, and you can afford it, buy at least one bottle. This goes for each tasting room you visit.
In addition to these other excellent suggestions, I'd add that this is a perfect opportunity to get going on your "what to give the in-laws" list. Take notes: "He liked this; she liked that." Don't limit it just to the wine. Perhaps they might comment favorably on some wine glasses, or a carafe, or a tennis visor with a logo, or something else they like. Keep your ears tuned to this chitchat.
...+READ
In addition to these other excellent suggestions, I'd add that this is a perfect opportunity to get going on your "what to give the in-laws" list. Take notes: "He liked this; she liked that." Don't limit it just to the wine. Perhaps they might comment favorably on some wine glasses, or a carafe, or a tennis visor with a logo, or something else they like. Keep your ears tuned to this chitchat.
And the next gift-giving opportunity that rolls around will find you splendidly and impressively prepared.
Invaluable help that will stand you in good stead for years to come.-COLLAPSE
swallow, don't spit
You left off, "Don't park your gum under the tasting room bar." On a few occasions I brought my little kids into the tasting room, and they were so short, they could spot the gum under the counter--- causing major consternation to the staff when they pointed it out.
Don't drink and take antihistamines, even the non-drowsy type. Sedatives should not be taken together.
"Slightly forward, with just the hint of Aramis" will get you through the event quite nicely.
Sounds like the same advice for a home party where beer is served. Too much lipstick and perfume, and with all the micro-brews available, there are beer snobs at every function.
I'd also add, be prepared for someone in the party to *be* a wine bore and practice saying over and over "that's an interesting observation" or "Hum, you smell, taste, sense....(fill in the blank), I'm missing that" and other non-committal statements that can be taken to mean nothing whatever. Be sure you say it with a smile on your face. You might also plan to take a non-drowsy antihistamine if...+READ
I'd also add, be prepared for someone in the party to *be* a wine bore and practice saying over and over "that's an interesting observation" or "Hum, you smell, taste, sense....(fill in the blank), I'm missing that" and other non-committal statements that can be taken to mean nothing whatever. Be sure you say it with a smile on your face. You might also plan to take a non-drowsy antihistamine if you are at all prone to dust allergies. Most wineries I've ever visited tended to be dusty places and sneezing, sniffling and snorting your way along won't present you in your best light and it makes tasting wine harder when you are all stopped up. Have fun, but not too much fun and the future in-laws will think you are great.-COLLAPSE
This was well done. I work in a tasting room and agreed with a good chunk of this piece. The party bus/bridal party comment was spot on! They are the WORST! We'll turn them away and have no qualms doing so. There definitely is no shame in not knowing, but please come with an open mind trying to learn. If you just want a drink, go to a bar. I've dealt with countless tasters that say they know...+READ
This was well done. I work in a tasting room and agreed with a good chunk of this piece. The party bus/bridal party comment was spot on! They are the WORST! We'll turn them away and have no qualms doing so. There definitely is no shame in not knowing, but please come with an open mind trying to learn. If you just want a drink, go to a bar. I've dealt with countless tasters that say they know nothing the best thing to do is put two different wines in front of them and ask them if they taste different. When they say yes (which the ALWAYS will), you tell them that they know more than they thought. And thanks for the reminder about the lipstick and perfume...-COLLAPSE
We at A French Education think this is a must read for neophytes! The lipstick and perfume advice is often overlooked. Bravo.
This isn't so much an etiquette suggestion, but it would be nice to engage boyfriend's family with conversation about the wine. Tell them up front that you don't know much about wine, and ask questions about their own perceptions - what does the wine taste or smell like to them? If they really like a wine, ask them what it is that they really like about it. Ask them to help you discern the taste...+READ
This isn't so much an etiquette suggestion, but it would be nice to engage boyfriend's family with conversation about the wine. Tell them up front that you don't know much about wine, and ask questions about their own perceptions - what does the wine taste or smell like to them? If they really like a wine, ask them what it is that they really like about it. Ask them to help you discern the taste of oak, etc. I find that half the fun of wine tastings is getting to use all kinds of under-used adjectives to try and describe the experience. And be as specific as you can! You'll quickly find that even descriptors like 'peppery, smokey and farmy' are not necessarily bad things when it comes to wine.-COLLAPSE
Good point, Helena, about the lipstick and offering to be a designated driver. I'd also suggest: go with an open mind. Perhaps there really are people who can't tell the difference between rotgut and fine wine, but the sensory capabilities of humans aren't usually that limited. You may not *care* about the difference, but that is something else entirely. If you go into the experience with the...+READ
Good point, Helena, about the lipstick and offering to be a designated driver. I'd also suggest: go with an open mind. Perhaps there really are people who can't tell the difference between rotgut and fine wine, but the sensory capabilities of humans aren't usually that limited. You may not *care* about the difference, but that is something else entirely. If you go into the experience with the mindset that you might learn something about what *you* value in a wine (as opposed to what other people say you should value), you might enjoy the experience and learn to enjoy wine (and thus spending time with your bf and his family) more.-COLLAPSE