The 57 Vegan Agitators in the State Department

Published on Tuesday, March 8, 2011, by James Norton / Edit Post

Meat-eaters beware: "Professional agitators" have "consolidated political power" into a "vegan behemoth" that "pays a huge staff to harass businesses." The end goal of this sinister cabal: "They want every steakhouse and barbeque joint to serve only tofu — or go out of business."

At this point, you're probably curious about the secretive, powerful group in question. Richard Berman, writing in the Nation's Restaurant News, isn't afraid to stand up to the shadowy conspiracy that calls itself (wait for it) the Humane Society of the United States (article available online to subscribers only).

In a column reminiscent of Reefer Madness and the greatest hits of Senator Joe McCarthy, Berman—a professional lobbyist whose clients (according to 60 Minutes) include Coca-Cola, Tyson Foods, and Outback Steakhouse—paints the Humane Society as a destructive Goliath in terms so cartoonish that the piece reads, to anyone vaguely informed about just about anything, as parody.

Berman wraps up his column by characterizing the Humane Society's staffers, who champion issues including shutting down puppy mills, preventing animal cruelty and fighting, and limiting factory farming, as "terrorists."

Surely not, you might think. Here's the quote: "Remember that when HSUS’s 'corporate outreach' director shows up in your lobby or drops you a polite e-mail. Your response should be no response at all. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Surely you’ve heard the wisdom that one should never negotiate with terrorists."

The column's worth a read for a couple of reasons. First, enjoy the spectacle of a man paid huge fees by multibillion-dollar agribusinesses enthusiastically beating on a nonprofit organization concerned with keeping otherwise voiceless animals from experiencing more pain than is absolutely necessary. Second, keep in mind that there are people out there who read this stuff and nod sagely, happy to be kept in the loop on the latest far-Left conspiracy that threatens the American Way.

Oh, and have a great Lent! But remember: If you skip meat, then the terrorists have won.

Image source: Flickr member VirtualEm under Creative Commons

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POST A COMMENT |7 Comments

COMMENT

  • Huh. So then I'm a terrorist because I don't want defenseless animals to have to suffer? Cool! :)

  • It is nice to see humane societies working so that all animals are treated humanely, rather than just concentrate on a few species that people keep as pets. I would like my local humane society to do things like work to make sure animals like veal calves and pigs, are not enclosed in pens so small that they can't even turn around. Nobody wants to be cruel, and these are important issues.

  • Don't worry Brevemike, not being a history buff myself, I had to have it explained to me too.

    Deborah from CHOW

  • Doh! Time for me to take remedial Am Hist...
    Thanks DeborahL

  • Hi Brevemike. The headline is actually a reference to Joe McCarthy, who claimed to have the names of 57 Communists in the State Department back in the '50s.

    Deborah from CHOW

  • I don't understand the headline.
    What does the HSUS have to do with the State Department?

  • off topic a bit for this article, but I'd like to point out that the Humane Society of the United States is a politcal organization that lobbies a lot like PETA. They're opposed to hunting, for example.

    If you want to support an organization that actually feeds hungy animals, support your local Humane Society.