Hello, I’m Your Annoying Server

Published on Tuesday, January 25, 2011, by Helena Echlin / Edit Post

Dear Helena,
I find it distasteful when servers introduce themselves. I’m no snob—I'm happy to converse with folks from all walks of life, and I'm fully aware they're a "server" not a "servant," but I feel the role of a server is to be as close to invisible as possible. There's no need for an introduction. Is this some kind of server ploy to get a bigger tip, like drawing a smiley face on the check?
—No Names, Please

Dear No Names, Please,
There are, generally speaking, two tiers of service: high end and not high end. Guess which one favors the overly cheerful displays that so annoy you? Dustin Rogge, service and hospitality instructor at the Culinary Institute of America, says he trains servers at upscale establishments to be "warm and welcoming and engaging, but you don't have to be best friends." In any case, he points out, introducing yourself serves no practical function. Diners are hardly going to yell out, "Hey, Bob!" to order another appetizer. A good server should anticipate the diner's needs, or else a glance or finger-raise should be sufficient to get his attention.

But at more casual restaurants, it's not uncommon for the server to greet you with a "Hi, I'm So-and-So, and I’ll be your server for the evening." Chowhounds have argued that this behavior is overly personal, unacceptable even at Applebee's. I disagree. This type of friendliness isn't intrusive. When a server tells you his name, he's not demanding a response. It's not like he's pulling up a seat and asking if you want to grab a beer after his shift is over.

Studies have shown that introducing themselves by name boosts servers' tips by a couple of dollars (at least at more casual restaurants). According to Michael Lynn, a professor at the Cornell School of Hotel Administration who studies tipping, research indicates that drawing a smiley face on the check has a similar effect (again, at more casual venues).

Interestingly, though, only female servers benefit from the smiley-face effect. Male servers aren't rewarded for it at all. Lynn speculates: "Perhaps 'happy faces' are too emotional and feminine to seem normal coming from waiters." Brooke Burton, a food writer and former server in Los Angeles, says, "I've seen [female servers add] hearts, the smiley face, and I've even seen the smiley face followed by exclamation point, exclamation point.”

Crouching or squatting when taking your order also increases tips, research suggests. Lynn's explanation: "You're eye level, you're physically closer than you were before. Both eye level and increased proximity communicate liking."

So whether because of such research, or because they know from experience that it boosts tips, more casual restaurants often train servers to 1) introduce themselves, 2) crouch, and 3) doodle on the check, just as they are trained to ask how everything is a few minutes after bringing the food.

Often, then, when the server performs one of these three steps, he's just doing so because management has told him to, not from sheer ebullience. His cheerfulness is fake and that's annoying. However, maybe—just maybe—she's telling you her name or scribbling a smiley face out of natural perkiness. Who wouldn’t tip a little extra for some genuine joie de vivre?

You can browse all of Helena's Table Manners columns by topic here. Follow CHOW on Twitter, and become a fan on Facebook.

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POST A COMMENT |83 Comments

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  • im a server and i crouch at my tables #1 to make sure that i understand the order correctly and #2 to make eye contact w/ you! i also give my name because i would rather be called by it rather than "pssst" or you shaking your hands at me. just because im getting you things you need and making sure your food and experience are great doesn't mean that im less of a person than you! make eye contact,...+READ

    im a server and i crouch at my tables #1 to make sure that i understand the order correctly and #2 to make eye contact w/ you! i also give my name because i would rather be called by it rather than "pssst" or you shaking your hands at me. just because im getting you things you need and making sure your food and experience are great doesn't mean that im less of a person than you! make eye contact, ask for things that you need politely, and please and thank you go a long way. most restaurants have a to-go server or call in orders that you can take home so that you don't have to take the time to learn someone's name or make eye contact w/ them. as a server, i try to make sure that your food is on time, tastes great, that your drink is never empty, that you feel taken care of, and that you will return again. most servers have those goals in mind also. keep in mind that a minimum 20% tip is suggested. if i did better than that, feel free to let the tip reflect that....in 14 states, servers make $2.13 an hour so your verbal tips, though sweet, don't pay the bills.-COLLAPSE

  • I've waited tables a ton, and I HATED giving my name. People often ask it, and those people often then over-use it, saying my name every other sentence. Yech.
    However, I DO draw smiley faces - not because I'm angling for a tip (I give good service to angle for tips), but it's a last little grace-note on an otherwise unpleasant part of dining - the bill. I also draw a smiley face because when I...+READ

    I've waited tables a ton, and I HATED giving my name. People often ask it, and those people often then over-use it, saying my name every other sentence. Yech.
    However, I DO draw smiley faces - not because I'm angling for a tip (I give good service to angle for tips), but it's a last little grace-note on an otherwise unpleasant part of dining - the bill. I also draw a smiley face because when I dine out, I enjoy seeing a little personal touch like that, so my customers may too.-COLLAPSE

  • the server's name is the only thing that leaves my mind faster than the list of specials. why do i need to know the server's name?

  • Wow, you are exactly the type of customer I HATE serving. When I introduce myself to a table, I'm not saying that I'm seeking lifelong friendship; what I'm doing is telling you who I am. It's something that you do when you’re meeting people for the first time. Now, if you're trying to roll play as Marie Antoinette, I suppose I would understand, but you're not. You're at a dining establishment...+READ

    Wow, you are exactly the type of customer I HATE serving. When I introduce myself to a table, I'm not saying that I'm seeking lifelong friendship; what I'm doing is telling you who I am. It's something that you do when you’re meeting people for the first time. Now, if you're trying to roll play as Marie Antoinette, I suppose I would understand, but you're not. You're at a dining establishment where the servers are trained to be polite, respectful, and timely. Second, as posted below by other writers, the name of your server is helpful in either holding a poor server accountable or commending a pleasant experience. In either situation a name is appropriate and useful to have. As a side note, this writer seems to write unusually controversial if not ridiculous columns.-COLLAPSE

  • I just want to say that I loathe crouchers. The only thing I find more revolting is the server who tries to rehab a terrible night of service by trying to chat the table up when they bring the check.

    AND

    TOTALLY agreed with Wearybashful! No freaking commenting on what I have or have not eaten. Unless you are intending to burp me or change my diapers, keep your comments on what I am eating...+READ

    I just want to say that I loathe crouchers. The only thing I find more revolting is the server who tries to rehab a terrible night of service by trying to chat the table up when they bring the check.

    AND

    TOTALLY agreed with Wearybashful! No freaking commenting on what I have or have not eaten. Unless you are intending to burp me or change my diapers, keep your comments on what I am eating or intend to eat to yourself.

    Hmmm. Got me sorta huffy. And I am going out tonight. Poor server.-COLLAPSE

  • I like to know who is serving me and that I can call this person if I need assistance such as my meat is too rare to can I have another glass of wine. I do not want intimacy just good service.

  • Well, I work as an assistant manager at an RV park. I answer the phone with my company and also my name, I am also an RN, I introduce myself by name in person and over the phone (to customers in my care, Drs and all staff). Namely, I feel it is partially professional accountability. If a person has a complaint or a compliment later, I would hope they recalled enough to know exactly who they were...+READ

    Well, I work as an assistant manager at an RV park. I answer the phone with my company and also my name, I am also an RN, I introduce myself by name in person and over the phone (to customers in my care, Drs and all staff). Namely, I feel it is partially professional accountability. If a person has a complaint or a compliment later, I would hope they recalled enough to know exactly who they were speaking of. I dont expect or request that any person call me by name. But I don't feel I am above listening to theirs as well, rarely if ever have I had to use it except in filing a complaint so I really don't feel it is a benefit to them to do so. However, if you have my name or any other persons involved in tending to your needs of any sort whether meals or nursing, etc. there seems to be a certain sense of self accountability associated with a person who has no qualms over dropping their name so that the quality of the service can be easily tracked back to them. Overall, I have noticed the more readily a person does so, without hesitation, the more pleased I have been with quality of service. I percieve this more as manners and politeness as my Mother would have gave me a tongue lashing if I didnt introduce myself in any area of society whether work or play.-COLLAPSE

  • My most hated server remark is "You still working on that?" instead of, "May I take your plate?"

    Actually what's even worse is anything that comments on how much I've eaten. I've heard "My, you really cleaned your plate!" and even "You almost ate the glaze right off that plate!" or "You didn't finish your potatoes, are you saving room for dessert?"

  • I like for the server to tell his/her name, in case I would like to ask for the same server again. However,it really irks me when a server sits down at our table or booth, or squats at the table to take our order. I'm not looking for "cute" I'm looking for good service. It makes me think the server is too lazy to stand up and do his/her job. It will NOT increase the tip at all. I will still tip...+READ

    I like for the server to tell his/her name, in case I would like to ask for the same server again. However,it really irks me when a server sits down at our table or booth, or squats at the table to take our order. I'm not looking for "cute" I'm looking for good service. It makes me think the server is too lazy to stand up and do his/her job. It will NOT increase the tip at all. I will still tip according to the service I receive.
    So, please just stand up like an adult and do your job in a friendly manner.-COLLAPSE

  • The whole "I'm Mandy I'll be your server this evening" is everything is one of the many things I really dislike about American restaurant culture. The epitome of good service is, to me, invisibilty until needed and good knowledge when asked.

  • Also, remember, these servers are often pressured by management to introduce themselves by name. I work in retail and as much as I also dislike the whole using names (mine or their own) thing, I get in trouble if I don't. Believe me, we think it's as lame as you do, but we don't really have a choice.

  • Crouching at the table, sitting down with your guests? Not my fav, but I need to say as a server I like giving my name to my tables. If they want to pass on a nice message to my mgr or want me as their server next time they come in what the f&*%%# are they supposed to do? "we had a great server last time. She's 5'5", brownish-red hair and I think she had freckles." No Names Please- order takeout.

  • It's just about stepping into a role, and performing that role well, and leaving all your personal BS out of it - as with any job. What I HATE nowadays are all the hipster-servers (or is it server-hipsters?). If you're too hip to be a server, maybe you're too hip to get a paycheck and a tip, too.

  • It's a personal touch and if I need to find "Ryan" or "Ashley" I can ask a passing server to ask them to stop at my table. Another thing: When you know their name, I think the service is better because you are able to identify them if service is superlative or greatly lacking. If I get great service, I will stop the Manager on Duty and let him know that Ashley was awesome, but if Ashley really...+READ

    It's a personal touch and if I need to find "Ryan" or "Ashley" I can ask a passing server to ask them to stop at my table. Another thing: When you know their name, I think the service is better because you are able to identify them if service is superlative or greatly lacking. If I get great service, I will stop the Manager on Duty and let him know that Ashley was awesome, but if Ashley really screws up our order or is never to be found, you can bet her name will be allll over the letter I send to their home office.-COLLAPSE

  • Wow the nerve of some people... if you don't want to know their name get takeout...

  • It never occurred to me that learning someone's name when I'm going to be seeing them and speaking with them fairly consistently over the next couple of hours is burdensome or intrusive. Especially since these people are delivering items to me that I will be INGESTING. "I'll trust you not to spit in my food, but I don't want to know your name." Seriously? This isn't a fake letter?

  • I like having the server introduce themself and I try to remember their name and use it when conversing with them. I follow their introduction with my own and enjoy interacting on the same level. I feel that when we have some rapport the service level gets much higher and I leave the restaurant much more satisfied. www.WhitePlateSpecial.com

  • people who "find it distasteful when servers introduce themselves" are the reason why i am happy i am no longer a waitress. get off your high horse or serve yourself.

  • Most people do not go out to eat expecting the server to be their silent slave for a meal. Most people don't think twice about interacting with the server because I don't know anyone that thinks of dining out as a way to be catered to like royalty. I would never be so rude and snotty to expect my server to not say a word to me or not look at me. Most restaurants have servers introduce themselves,...+READ

    Most people do not go out to eat expecting the server to be their silent slave for a meal. Most people don't think twice about interacting with the server because I don't know anyone that thinks of dining out as a way to be catered to like royalty. I would never be so rude and snotty to expect my server to not say a word to me or not look at me. Most restaurants have servers introduce themselves, not to get to know their patrons or scheme for tips, but to hold the server accountable for their service if someone needs to make a complaint or offer praise.-COLLAPSE

  • In a world where so many people are so intentionally unkind to one another, it's hard for me to get too worked up about something like this.

  • a lot of restaurants require the servers to introduce themselves. so if you are getting annoyed by it, just keep in mind maybe your server doesn't want to introduce themselves either...they're just doing their job.

  • My answer to that is usually, "No, I quit working hours ago."

  • i'm very happy for people whose lives are so easy that someone telling them their name, and talking a half second longer out of their day is enough to annoy them.

    i like when the waiter tells me the name. i like treating people like, well, people.


    and yes i live in new york city, and i still feel this way

  • I agree w/ bgkmw. Very rarely or never has 'over friendliness' annoyed me. What does annoy me is condescencion and surliness at high end restaurants, unless it's part of the schtick as it is at Cafe Sport in SF. As a former chef at a high end restaurant in Berkeley I know how hard everyone in food service works and how difficult customers can be. If you're that easily annoyed, cook at home.

  • What's worse is when waitstaff thirty years younger than you says "Hi Guys!" or at the end of the meal, "are you still working on that?" But the most annoying thing of all is when they constantly interrupt your conversation every ten minutes to ask if everything is OK.

  • what ever happened to being grateful for having someone take care of all of your needs? Most servers interact the way the do because that's the standard of the restaurant. If they don't share their names, exude personality, and show rapport with the guests- they will get poor performance reviews.... and eventually will be replaced with someone with a bubbly personality that volunteers his/her...+READ

    what ever happened to being grateful for having someone take care of all of your needs? Most servers interact the way the do because that's the standard of the restaurant. If they don't share their names, exude personality, and show rapport with the guests- they will get poor performance reviews.... and eventually will be replaced with someone with a bubbly personality that volunteers his/her name without question. Give your server a break! He/she spends long hours trying to make A holes comfortable, happy and worry free- while they judge, mock, and usually tip poorly. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you share your ignorant opinions! (Smiley face!!!)-COLLAPSE

  • The problem is that the efforts are painfully transparent and therefore don't have the intended effect on me. I'd rather people be more professional and genuine. I know it almost sounds like a contradiction but it does not have to be. If any of the tricks should work, I shouldn't be able to sense something is up at all. And in that case, I'd happily be won over by the superlative act.

  • In my neighborhood, there's a restaurant called Vincent's.

    The waitstaff there not only introduces themselves, but will sit down in a chair at your table to talk over the menu and explain each item.

    Personally, I was annoyed enough to never go back there, but a cursory glance told me that some patrons were really enthused by it.

    It's a new American restaurant - their menu could be pulled for...+READ

    In my neighborhood, there's a restaurant called Vincent's.

    The waitstaff there not only introduces themselves, but will sit down in a chair at your table to talk over the menu and explain each item.

    Personally, I was annoyed enough to never go back there, but a cursory glance told me that some patrons were really enthused by it.

    It's a new American restaurant - their menu could be pulled for episodes of Top Chef. I think a lot of people want to try the foods they see on TV, but are intimidated by the esoteric restaurant experience.

    Ordering new foods takes confidence, and I'm more than happy that a restaurant tries to address that, but it's really annoying to put up with it if you can read a menu yourself.-COLLAPSE

  • I live in Manhattan. Under no circumstances would I ever want my waiter to tell me his/her name or, god forbid, crouch down and make eye contact when I order. Telling me his/her name is a waste of my time and a distraction from the business at hand. It is fake, it is excessively casual, it is LA, it is ridiculous. I also do not want to be asked any pointless questions. How I am doing today is not...+READ

    I live in Manhattan. Under no circumstances would I ever want my waiter to tell me his/her name or, god forbid, crouch down and make eye contact when I order. Telling me his/her name is a waste of my time and a distraction from the business at hand. It is fake, it is excessively casual, it is LA, it is ridiculous. I also do not want to be asked any pointless questions. How I am doing today is not the information the waiter needs to do the job. I do not want to waste more of my time by answering the pointless question, but I have no choice. All my waiter needs to know is what I would like, whether there is anything I need, and whether I am ready for the check.
    I am at the restaurant possibly to enjoy time with my dining companion or possibly to enjoy a quiet meal. Definitely not to make a new friend in the form of my waiter. We are having a more or less scripted interaction like I might have with a shop clerk. The script I want to follow is very short and to the point.
    In New York this is rarely a problem.
    To answer barkeep13's question: Yes, I get equally annoyed at a store clerk who wants to introduce himself or exchange pleasantries rather than listen to what I need and try to help me with that as quickly as possible. No, you are not "also there to sell". Absolutely not. If you try to spend my time selling to me then I will find someone else to deal with. If I ask for your help in deciding what I need then provide it, but wait to be asked. If all I am asking for is the product I want, then that is all the conversation we need to have.-COLLAPSE

  • Everyone has feelings. Not everyone introduces himself. It ought to be acceptable that not everyone wants to know you.

  • @Barkeep, I find it at the very least unusual that you think your job is one of the most stressful, yet can not understand why a lawyer's would be ? Now granted I am not one, but have you no appreciation for some of the characters that lawyers prosecute / defend ? I'm pretty sure that if you've had a hand in putting someone away for several years to life, they're not the type who are going to...+READ

    @Barkeep, I find it at the very least unusual that you think your job is one of the most stressful, yet can not understand why a lawyer's would be ? Now granted I am not one, but have you no appreciation for some of the characters that lawyers prosecute / defend ? I'm pretty sure that if you've had a hand in putting someone away for several years to life, they're not the type who are going to thank you for it. As someone who works within the criminal justice field, I respectfully suggest that's a little more stressful than dealing with a cranky diner.

    And on-topic, I don't care if someone introduces themselves...although it's a bit annoying when they write their name in crayon on the tablecloth. ;)-COLLAPSE

  • "Whenever we get the "Hi, I'm Barry and I'll be your server this evening", I return the favor by introducing everyone in our party. Not sure if this has any longterm effect, but it does provide some amusement."

    Thats original (exuding sarcasm). No longterm effect - but the short term effect is the server instantly knows that he/she will be better off spending more time with their other tables,...+READ

    "Whenever we get the "Hi, I'm Barry and I'll be your server this evening", I return the favor by introducing everyone in our party. Not sure if this has any longterm effect, but it does provide some amusement."

    Thats original (exuding sarcasm). No longterm effect - but the short term effect is the server instantly knows that he/she will be better off spending more time with their other tables, waiting on people that don't make a mockery of their profession and try to have a laugh at their expense. Its not funny.-COLLAPSE

  • I waited tables for 12 years prior to starting my career, everywhere from Hooters to Damon Gordon's Quarter Kitchen in the Gaslamp district of San Diego. Though the venues were certainly dissimilar, there was one constant at every restaurant I've ever worked in... "Good Evening (ladies and/or gentlemen), my name is Becky." Is it unthinkable that servers have feelings as well and would prefer to...+READ

    I waited tables for 12 years prior to starting my career, everywhere from Hooters to Damon Gordon's Quarter Kitchen in the Gaslamp district of San Diego. Though the venues were certainly dissimilar, there was one constant at every restaurant I've ever worked in... "Good Evening (ladies and/or gentlemen), my name is Becky." Is it unthinkable that servers have feelings as well and would prefer to inject a tad of personal interaction into their evenings spent with you? Quite simply, my name is not, has never been, and will never be "Hey you!"
    I'm afraid No Names, Please could stand to hop down off of his or her high horse from time to time and join the rest of the civilized world.-COLLAPSE

  • Good comments, pro & con. Now for something a little off topic but related - today's specials. Don't they have another sheet of paper to write these things on, so I can study it at my leisure just like the rest of the menu.? Do I have to look interested and eager as I strain my neck around to look at the unfortunate 'server' who has memorized these things? How come prices are nearly always not...+READ

    Good comments, pro & con. Now for something a little off topic but related - today's specials. Don't they have another sheet of paper to write these things on, so I can study it at my leisure just like the rest of the menu.? Do I have to look interested and eager as I strain my neck around to look at the unfortunate 'server' who has memorized these things? How come prices are nearly always not mentioned? Don't you realize I read the menu from right to left.. Not much better is when the 'specials' are handwritten in chalk on a board in a dark corner. Its hard enough just to remember the server's name let alone a long list of things which may be couched in cuisinese (Yes I DO use the name to ask for something as they pass by, if warranted.)-COLLAPSE

  • I don't know about you all, but I'll take a happy perky albeit "fake" waiter over a server with a miserable attitude any day.

    Also props to the male servers who are secure enough about themselves to draw a smilie face followed by heart dotted exclamation points.

  • I don't mind the names, esp. if it's a local place, and if I get good service I am likely to request that server again, however, don't like the crouching thing, too intimate.

  • Oh and real men don't do smileys.

  • Whenever we get the "Hi, I'm Barry and I'll be your server this evening", I return the favor by introducing everyone in our party. Not sure if this has any longterm effect, but it does provide some amusement.

  • I'm hoping 'No Names, Please' doesn't live in the South or he/she would constantly have a scowl on his/her face and that's not pleasant for anyone. We like friendly.

  • I actually know folks that get upset when the cashier at the grocery store tells them to "Have a nice day."

    What a wonderful life these folks must lead. How few real problems they must have, if they have the energy to get upset over something so trivial.

  • Another trenchant piece by H.

  • I just have to wonder after reading this and many of the posts to follow?
    1. Do you get equally annoyed at the sales person ffrom your car dealership, furniture store or electronics store?
    2. It is called the service and hospitality industry.
    3. We are there to serve you, but we are also there to sale.
    The whole name thing helps out in many ways many of which have already been discussed here. My...+READ

    I just have to wonder after reading this and many of the posts to follow?
    1. Do you get equally annoyed at the sales person ffrom your car dealership, furniture store or electronics store?
    2. It is called the service and hospitality industry.
    3. We are there to serve you, but we are also there to sale.
    The whole name thing helps out in many ways many of which have already been discussed here. My service over the twenty some years in this business have built my clientele base. I work in a downtown metropolitan area where you get a lot of in town on business or event clientele. My name does a couple of things. The first is for those who come in town for business meetings they can call and see when I am working and come in for excellent service at that time. I have clientele that come in from California,New York,Oregon,Alabama,Kentucky along with record label executives and well known stars. I must also mention my regulars from Norway,Ireland and England who have left another restaurant to come to where I currently work. How did they find me by my name of course! I stated earlier I have been doing this over twenty years I am a trained Chef,Bartender,Server. Why do I stay in this business?
    1. I genuinely like 98% of the population( even if i think 70% are stupid)
    2. I could never be a cubicle monkey( just wway to active or maybe it's the ADD. You are correct folks I am one of the original Ritalin children.
    3. I make a generous living by guiding people to cuisine that makes their taste buds happy. A happy taste bud sets off a nice little chain reaction to the brain releasing endorphins.
    4. Information= I get an abundance of different views on world politics rather than just what the news tells me. I talk to people from all walks from construction workers to rocket scientists(not kidding NASA had a convention here last year).
    5. When I am done with my workday I don't hate myself or my life. How many people can say that about their job.
    One more point I would like to get across.
    1. restaurant/hospitality industry is the seventh most stressful industry to work in. A few above us on the stress scale:doctors police military lawyers(that one I don't see how). If your job is more stressful than mine then you either had eight years of college or you possibly get shot at on the job. That is just something to think about when your server greets you with a smile gives great service and personal attention. Just remember we are multitasking twenty to thirty things at any moment. If you don't like knowing who your server is option A: learn to cook or B: order togo( unless it bothers you too much for them to ask how may they help you when you go iin or call to place the order.-COLLAPSE

  • Chill people. Waitstaff saying their name or not; my focus is on the food and then the service. If you are not enjoying the food and your focus is on the service... shrugs to you :)

  • I agree with vorpal. On all counts. I know several people with graduate and post-graduate degrees that worked their way through school as waiters, and actually, none of them were bitter and had a good time working their way through. I know not everybody's like that, but jeez- don't assume the waiters despise their jobs, and BTW, most of them at chains are TOLD how to greet and take care of...+READ

    I agree with vorpal. On all counts. I know several people with graduate and post-graduate degrees that worked their way through school as waiters, and actually, none of them were bitter and had a good time working their way through. I know not everybody's like that, but jeez- don't assume the waiters despise their jobs, and BTW, most of them at chains are TOLD how to greet and take care of custoomers. You can't or rather shouldn't fault somebody for following orders, you should instead write the management and tell them what you don't like.-COLLAPSE

  • I have to agree with the people who think it's stupid to be annoyed by this. If a server introducing themselves to you somehow causes you despair, you need to get some real problems.

    Also, I resent Helena stating that "his cheerfulness is fake". When I worked at McDonald's as a teenager, I always came to work with a genuine cheerful attitude, and it made my customers happier and made my day,...+READ

    I have to agree with the people who think it's stupid to be annoyed by this. If a server introducing themselves to you somehow causes you despair, you need to get some real problems.

    Also, I resent Helena stating that "his cheerfulness is fake". When I worked at McDonald's as a teenager, I always came to work with a genuine cheerful attitude, and it made my customers happier and made my day, that of my customers, and that of my coworkers more pleasant.-COLLAPSE

  • Whenever I go out to dinner with my mother, aunts and grandmother (for birthdays), I am almost embarassed by how they insist on calling the server by his name EVERY TIME. They're in their fifties (my gran is 81), they are annoyingly nice, think midwest and it drives me nuts. "Let's call PANCHO now, I want another iced tea". They don't shout it out, but when he gets to the table it's like "Pancho,...+READ

    Whenever I go out to dinner with my mother, aunts and grandmother (for birthdays), I am almost embarassed by how they insist on calling the server by his name EVERY TIME. They're in their fifties (my gran is 81), they are annoyingly nice, think midwest and it drives me nuts. "Let's call PANCHO now, I want another iced tea". They don't shout it out, but when he gets to the table it's like "Pancho, two more iced teas and some tortillas blah blah". My father would NEVER do this. I'm Mexican and live in Mexico, btw, this is no slur on Mexican servers in the US or something. Anyway, oldsters and their habits prove at least SOMEONE likes all this perkiness!-COLLAPSE

  • As a long time server I never wanted to tell my tables my name. It is on a need to know basis. Even when I worked in restraunts that required it I avoided doing it when ever possibile and guess what, my performance was always rated the best! Little did they know I was bucking the system, breaking the rules on a daily basis!!

  • If you find yourself at a restaurant and are thinking about how annoyed you are to know the server's name, or are ruminating over how he or she phrased the introduction, then that's a great sign that you're a total loser. Go home, eat alone, and die a lonely death.

  • I cannot bear a server telling me their name. I don't want to have a personal relationship with you, I just want you to bring my meal in as unobtrusive a manner as possible. Besides, it's awkward, am I supposed to introduce myself? my dinner companions? how much information should I give? it's a restaurant, not a dating service.

  • as a waitress i never introduced myself or divulged personal info. it really slows you down and messes with the timing of service, at least in fine dining. sometimes people asked, and then yeah, they would use my name to get my attention (small dining room). i hated it! also awful to get stuck telling my life story, which is usually the next question i tried to avoid ("are you from around here?")

  • Haha, I loved this. As a former server who did not spill my guts with every table, I can understand the frustration with having waiters/servers who do so.

  • I agree with all said above, having been a server off and on for 20 yrs. I haven't served in many years and I am apalled at the way some servers seem to be (not!) trained these days. If I hear one more, "No Problem" I'm going to scream! This has become the standard response to everything it seems. Also, I can't believe how many servers do not come back to ask how things are after having served...+READ

    I agree with all said above, having been a server off and on for 20 yrs. I haven't served in many years and I am apalled at the way some servers seem to be (not!) trained these days. If I hear one more, "No Problem" I'm going to scream! This has become the standard response to everything it seems. Also, I can't believe how many servers do not come back to ask how things are after having served your meal. If they don't, my usual 20-30% tip goes down to 15%.-COLLAPSE

  • Looking from the side of the server I have to say "Read your customers". Sometimes I introduce myself usually after I have taken their food order if I am going to do it at all, sometimes I wait until they ask me for my name. There are times that they don't ask until the check is paid. That is a good sign I figure. They will be asking for me when they return. My philosophy is that I am their...+READ

    Looking from the side of the server I have to say "Read your customers". Sometimes I introduce myself usually after I have taken their food order if I am going to do it at all, sometimes I wait until they ask me for my name. There are times that they don't ask until the check is paid. That is a good sign I figure. They will be asking for me when they return. My philosophy is that I am their servant while they are at my table. That is what I am there for. I am a representative of the establishment I am working for and there is nothing as important as the patrons. My tip... I don't ever even think about. I have never found any reason to complain about the generosity of the people I served in the 25 years I was in the service industry.-COLLAPSE

  • Um, excuse me No Names but I beg to differ, you are indeed a snob. Time to come back down to earth and realize that presumed entitlement is no virtue.

  • no names please needs to RELAX. annoyed because a server tells you their name? you know whats REALLY annoying? asshole cusomers that make a big deal out of every miniscule thing and make restaurant employees lives miserable. Eat at home!!!!

  • It doesn't matter to me whether a server gives their name or not. All I care about is that they get my food order right and they do it in a polite manner.

  • really? people are offended by this? maybe the mgmt. wants them to do it. i'd understand being annoyed if they were constantly in your face and chatting and whatever, but telling their name? get over it! being a server is not easy... give them a break.

  • As a server, giving the name works twofold. If there is a problem, the guest can tell anyone nearby who their server is. It sounds silly, that other servers would not know whose table it is, but when it gets busy, time is precious. Also, the server might have special knowledge that would time to communicate to another person. Second, if and when the table is blown away by the amazing service they...+READ

    As a server, giving the name works twofold. If there is a problem, the guest can tell anyone nearby who their server is. It sounds silly, that other servers would not know whose table it is, but when it gets busy, time is precious. Also, the server might have special knowledge that would time to communicate to another person. Second, if and when the table is blown away by the amazing service they have received, I would like my name to be embedded in their mind in association with outstanding service. Overall, it helps me to help you if you know who I am, as opposed to being a murky shadow in the background...-COLLAPSE

  • The server furnishing his/her name is sufficient and non-offensive. It's the "and I'll be you server tonight" that offends - it implies that we're idiots and are unaware of his/her function.

  • Hilarious, Raymond

  • That's pretty douchey, to be quite honest. In my profession, I give my name so that not only will I be remembered for positive reception, but so that if there are any problems, I can be called upon to recount and rectify a situation. Asking for invisibility in a public situation is a little bit arrogant. Hire a maid.

  • Often when I am seated, the host(ess) will say who my server will be, so it doesn't hurt when a person with that name shows up and repeats the order. At high end restaurants it is not at all uncommon for regular patrons to request their favorite server, and I've even seen people ask to be seated at a particular server's section at 'family' restaurants. The reasons are none of my business. In...+READ

    Often when I am seated, the host(ess) will say who my server will be, so it doesn't hurt when a person with that name shows up and repeats the order. At high end restaurants it is not at all uncommon for regular patrons to request their favorite server, and I've even seen people ask to be seated at a particular server's section at 'family' restaurants. The reasons are none of my business. In another way it helps counter the 'we are a large chain restaurant' feeling by giving you at least one person who you know by name, just as you might at the old fashioned neighborhood restaurant where you are lucky if you don't know your server as Aunt Lucy or cousin Tom. If it offends you, ignore it, its not like an ugly garnish that is gonna sit distractingly on your plate while you eat. Its said, its done, no one expects you to remember two minutes later.-COLLAPSE

  • Direct eye contact with the proletariat is enough. If I ring the bell 4 times they know it's ok to speak to me.

    sincerely,

    Raymond Luxury Yacht

  • Wow, so you expect to be waited on hand and foot at your beck and call, mostlikely with a smile & you're frustrated with the fact that the person actually introduces themselves? I hope that you are either above the age of 75 or under the age of 10, because there is no other excuse for your complete and utter ignorence to a very normal standard within the hospitality industry. Maybe you should...+READ

    Wow, so you expect to be waited on hand and foot at your beck and call, mostlikely with a smile & you're frustrated with the fact that the person actually introduces themselves? I hope that you are either above the age of 75 or under the age of 10, because there is no other excuse for your complete and utter ignorence to a very normal standard within the hospitality industry. Maybe you should just stick to delivery. Oh wait, you would have to clean up afterwards, that might prove too dificult.-COLLAPSE

  • A server stating their name when coming to your table should never bother anyone. If as the night moves on the server is overly intrusive or begins to monopolize your time or take away from your time with your other diners that is a different issue. But if you are that bothered by someone introducing themselves to you..then yeah accept that you're a snob and just live with it..and stop trying to...+READ

    A server stating their name when coming to your table should never bother anyone. If as the night moves on the server is overly intrusive or begins to monopolize your time or take away from your time with your other diners that is a different issue. But if you are that bothered by someone introducing themselves to you..then yeah accept that you're a snob and just live with it..and stop trying to find people to justify your obnoxious "pet peeves"

    by the way so nice of the op to "not mind" talking to people of all walks of life (people you perceive as beneath you) again accept your a snob and probably an a-hole and move on-COLLAPSE

  • "I'm fully aware they're a 'server' not a 'servant,' but I feel the role of a server is to be as close to invisible as possible."

    Really? Last I checked servants the invisible ones, not servers. I wish my life were so free of complication that I had time to whine about whether or not the waitstaff chose to inform me of their names.

  • I'm sure your server hates being treated like an invisible sub-human about as much as you hate having to hear their name. Seriously, "Hello my name is X" takes about five seconds to get out; I'm sure you'll survive such a traumatizing event.

  • "I have to say, if someone feels so annoyed by the fact that someone ELSE is beign friendly, then this is a sad state of affairs. Why so many complaints in the food world recently about the friendliness - the joie de vivre as the response says - of others? Is stoicism and apathy the new ubercool?"

    Right on the button.

    You know what kind of people worry about trivial issues like this? Ugly...+READ

    "I have to say, if someone feels so annoyed by the fact that someone ELSE is beign friendly, then this is a sad state of affairs. Why so many complaints in the food world recently about the friendliness - the joie de vivre as the response says - of others? Is stoicism and apathy the new ubercool?"

    Right on the button.

    You know what kind of people worry about trivial issues like this? Ugly people.-COLLAPSE

  • I was a server in another life and we were required to tell the customers our name. The really annoying thing was when the patron, always a man, would respond, "And I'm Bob and I'll be your customer." Groan. My father does this all the time and thinks he's hilarious.

  • Oh, I just remembered what I was thinking when I saw the title "annoying" servers. It's not the mentioning of the name I mind. It's when it goes something like this "Hi! I'm Jane and I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with some of our super stuffed jalapeño poppers or atomic onion rings?" I hate, hate, hate when they pitch disgusting items off their menu at you. To be fair, food at...+READ

    Oh, I just remembered what I was thinking when I saw the title "annoying" servers. It's not the mentioning of the name I mind. It's when it goes something like this "Hi! I'm Jane and I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with some of our super stuffed jalapeño poppers or atomic onion rings?" I hate, hate, hate when they pitch disgusting items off their menu at you. To be fair, food at chain restaurants like that is typically all disgusting, but I hate to be reminded. They usually do it at the end again with some kind of triple layer molten chocolate flaming desert. Now THATS annoying.-COLLAPSE

  • Well said, sred.

    I admit I have my own pet peeves, but I realize they're house practice and not the server's fault. The question "Have you dined with us before?" always leads to a grinding spiel about the place's philosophy on how best to order from the menu for the optimal dining experience—small plates, family style, etc. It's always seemed to me that the people who actually would require such...+READ

    Well said, sred.

    I admit I have my own pet peeves, but I realize they're house practice and not the server's fault. The question "Have you dined with us before?" always leads to a grinding spiel about the place's philosophy on how best to order from the menu for the optimal dining experience—small plates, family style, etc. It's always seemed to me that the people who actually would require such a spiel, who actually can't wrap their heads around small plates after all this time, are rarely the people who'd be dining at the place in question in the first place. If I can't figure out how the menu works—which has never happened to date in my life—I'll let you know.

    But again, I know the servers are trained to go through the owner's self-satisfied rigmarole, so I try to be patient.-COLLAPSE

  • I don't mind a server introducing him/herself even at more upscale restaurants. The phrasing that I would like to banish to the netherworld, however, is "Hi, I'm so-and-so, and I'll be taking care of you this evening." Taking care of me? I'm not a child that needs babysitting. Nor do I think mob has taken out a hit and you are my friendly assassin who will be doing the job. Please, just tell me...+READ

    I don't mind a server introducing him/herself even at more upscale restaurants. The phrasing that I would like to banish to the netherworld, however, is "Hi, I'm so-and-so, and I'll be taking care of you this evening." Taking care of me? I'm not a child that needs babysitting. Nor do I think mob has taken out a hit and you are my friendly assassin who will be doing the job. Please, just tell me you'll be our server, or better yet, how about a simple "Hi, I'm so-and-so. What can I get you to drink?"-COLLAPSE

  • On the contrary, I would much prefer a happy, friendly, and attentive server than someone with an attitude that feels they are doing us a favor by gracing us with their presence. What's wrong with a smiley? I'm shaking my head in disbelief that this would irritate someone. Yes, it would be surprising at an upscale venue, but certainly not at your everyday family-friendly type of restaurant. I...+READ

    On the contrary, I would much prefer a happy, friendly, and attentive server than someone with an attitude that feels they are doing us a favor by gracing us with their presence. What's wrong with a smiley? I'm shaking my head in disbelief that this would irritate someone. Yes, it would be surprising at an upscale venue, but certainly not at your everyday family-friendly type of restaurant. I have to say, if someone feels so annoyed by the fact that someone ELSE is beign friendly, then this is a sad state of affairs. Why so many complaints in the food world recently about the friendliness - the joie de vivre as the response says - of others? Is stoicism and apathy the new ubercool?-COLLAPSE

  • Re the difficult first name thing: At a large family-owned fine dining establishment in our city, at one point they had at least three waiters with the first name. Solution: Stage names, so to speak, from the time of hiring. Very simple for the proprietor to say, Well, John, we already have a John working here. Actually, we have two of them, but when the second one came, we decided the least...+READ

    Re the difficult first name thing: At a large family-owned fine dining establishment in our city, at one point they had at least three waiters with the first name. Solution: Stage names, so to speak, from the time of hiring. Very simple for the proprietor to say, Well, John, we already have a John working here. Actually, we have two of them, but when the second one came, we decided the least confusing thing to do was to use his middle name, so at work, he's Leo. What name would you like to use? Several of the servers went on to open their own establishments, and at least one of them opened it under his "other" name.-COLLAPSE

  • I have absolutely no problem with servers introducing themselves, checking back on the food, and drawing whatever they want on the check. I do find the crouching occasionally a little creepy, but whatever.

    The strangest experience I've ever had with a server was, admittedly, in a crappy chain restaurant along the lines of "Flingesr." AS we were ordering, after each item was mentioned, our...+READ

    I have absolutely no problem with servers introducing themselves, checking back on the food, and drawing whatever they want on the check. I do find the crouching occasionally a little creepy, but whatever.

    The strangest experience I've ever had with a server was, admittedly, in a crappy chain restaurant along the lines of "Flingesr." AS we were ordering, after each item was mentioned, our waitress would repeat it back enthusiastically as if she were not only approving of our choices, but actually cheering them on. I think there were claps involved. It went beyond 'enthusiasm' to solidly 'manic'.-COLLAPSE

  • Hmm, I've never thought of this as an annoyance. It just seems natural to me. We've found it to be very practical to know the server's name on many occasions, and it saves us from the whole "Excuse me, Miss/Ma'am" thing. Even upscale restaurants have inattentive servers and an inattentive server does not readily respond to "Miss". Goes right over their head.

  • Azizeh--

    You could have just had "Jane" put on your name tag! :-)

    I wouldn't have asked, but I'd have guessed silently and looked it up later.

  • I appreciate you pointing out that management often requires this. I worked at a few nice restaurants that wanted us to do this. I hated it. I have an unusual name and the last thing I need on a frantically busy night is people asking me what my name means, how it's spelled, where my parents were from, do I speak that language, etc. etc. etc.. It was a common theme among those of us with atypical...+READ

    I appreciate you pointing out that management often requires this. I worked at a few nice restaurants that wanted us to do this. I hated it. I have an unusual name and the last thing I need on a frantically busy night is people asking me what my name means, how it's spelled, where my parents were from, do I speak that language, etc. etc. etc.. It was a common theme among those of us with atypical names.-COLLAPSE

  • I've never minded a waiter telling me their name.

  • I personally think that servers introducing themselves by name is pointless and smarmy and I'm glad that isn't common practice here in New Zealand. However, when I worked as a server in Canada, introducing myself was a brilliant way for patrons to hear by exotic kiwi accent and strike up a conversation and generate bigger tips!

  • I don't see it as a problem at all. Just don't call me honey.

  • agreed, I like hearing their name....I've got no problem with that...
    (and if they don't mention their name, I'll often ask , anyway...
    (it certainly helps later on in my meal, if I need to flag them down , lol !
    "Can you please tell Courtney that we're ready for our check ??"

  • EW. Pet peeve of mine is people who make petty, entitled complaits about servers. You really get annoyed with them telling you their NAME? And you wrote Chowhound to see if you have any justification? No, you don't. Get over it. Management is telling them do it...because it's actually normal to tell people your name when you're comnunicating and/or dealing with another person in any situation.

    ...+READ

    EW. Pet peeve of mine is people who make petty, entitled complaits about servers. You really get annoyed with them telling you their NAME? And you wrote Chowhound to see if you have any justification? No, you don't. Get over it. Management is telling them do it...because it's actually normal to tell people your name when you're comnunicating and/or dealing with another person in any situation.

    Sorry, I actually used to be a server in college and can tell right off what kind of customer you are. Read Waiter Rant.

    Personally, I never introduced myself yet many times people ASKED what my name was because they felt simply waving at me or saying "thank you" without addressing me personally was rude and annoying. So there.-COLLAPSE