Nothing says "celebration" like a festive cocktail, and nothing says "the opposite of celebration" like the miserable ritual known as the New Year's resolution. This year, make matter and antimatter collide by mixing some resolution-themed drinks that also happen to be profoundly bad ideas.
Resolution: Take better care of your teeth
The Crest Mint Julep
Nothing speaks of Southern hospitality like a classic Mint Julep. But get your cocktail to do double-duty (teeth cleaning plus pleasant inebriation) with mint-flavored toothpaste in lieu of herbal simple syrup. Refreshingly crisp, this is the only Kentucky Derby–appropriate beverage recommended by four out five alcoholic dentists.