Spicy Roasted Chickpeas
Picnic Recipes Galore
Corner-Store Party Food on the Fly
9 Chili Recipes, Bison to Vegan
How to Choose the Best Strawberries
Sausage Recipes of the Month
One year at Thanksgiving dinner, my sweet grandmother, who had slaved all day in the kitchen to make my worthless ass this wonderful meal, asked me how I liked her squash casserole, squishy summer squash drowned in a gamey sour cream sauce. "It's great!" I said falsely, beaming at her. She ended up making that same casserole, simply because I loved it so much, every subsequent year, and always gave me double and triple helpings with a big smile and a wink.
Your personal Thanksgiving bête noire is probably something else. Dry turkey? Instant mashed potatoes? Rancid prepackaged stuffing? Cranberry sauce that plops onto your plate in the shape of the can? Or something even more sinister, like the following terrible, traditional Thanksgiving dishes:
Ambrosia salad: Some people may never even have heard of this foul concoction. Consider yourself lucky. Ambrosia salad recipes vary, but most combine canned fruit, coconut, and mini marshmallows with either mayonnaise or sour cream, and sometimes even Cool Whip and Jell-O. It tastes like a sickeningly sweet puff of fruit-flavored nondairy something, with some dried toenail clippings thrown in for flavor.
Sweet potatoes with marshmallows: Funny thing about sweet potatoes. They're sweet. They do not need a gluey, fake-vanilla-tasting layer of sticky marshmallows on top of them and a whole lot of sugar.
Jell-O salad: Be it orange or red or green, with carrots or marshmallows or mayo or bananas or things that are even worse, wake up, Grandma. Nobody likes it.
Giblet gravy: Hey, do you know what giblets are? They're all packaged up so nicely inside the bird that you might not think about it, but it's the liver, heart, and other viscera of the turkey. The drippings from the turkey pan are starting to look mighty good to me right about now.
Anything weird that you do to mashed potatoes: Provided you don't food-process them into gluey oblivion, mashed potatoes are perfect as is. Don't screw with them. Under no circumstances are you to add turnips, parsnips, carrots, or rutabagas, and for God's sake no beets. No garlic. No chipotles. No low-fat anything. No weird freaking spices, no, we don't want Indian mashed potatoes. Nothing weird. We want our regular high-fat mashed potatoes, and we want them now.
Ambrosia image source: Flickr member Rochelle, et. al. under Creative Commons
Sweet potato image source: Flickr member David Boyle under Creative Commons
Jell-O salad image source: Flickr member Ardent Eye under Creative Commons
Giblet gravy image source: Flickr member Martin Bowling under Creative Commons
Mashed beets image source: Flickr member maureen lunn under Creative Commons
Agree completely with the choices of Ambrosia salad, Sweet potato and marshmallow slop, Jello salad (Auntie Ruth's with mayonnaise and canned peas suspended in lime jello still haunts me), and adulterated mashed potatoes. But giblet gravy?! The best use of fowl innards and neck meat that has ever been invented.
One thing I would have added to this list, that most Americans would probably disagree with, is green bean casserole. Salty, tasteless, and boring. It takes like half an hour to make that slop, but it takes all of 10 minutes to throw together a sauteed green bean side dish. I've tasted green bean casserole before, and I genuinely don't understand the appeal. Maybe it's a regional thing.
If I see a sweet-potatoes-and-marshmallows dish sitting on the table, I know I am doomed. The white potatoes will have a pound of butter in them, and a quart of whipped cream. I am a diabetic, so I can eat about a quarter teasponful of these. Hope the green beans are not swimming in butter or oil. Don't even pass me the gravy. Jello and ambrosia salad? YES! Hope the turkey isn't dried up. Next...+READ
If I see a sweet-potatoes-and-marshmallows dish sitting on the table, I know I am doomed. The white potatoes will have a pound of butter in them, and a quart of whipped cream. I am a diabetic, so I can eat about a quarter teasponful of these. Hope the green beans are not swimming in butter or oil. Don't even pass me the gravy. Jello and ambrosia salad? YES! Hope the turkey isn't dried up. Next year, I'm staying home with my dogs. Blech.-COLLAPSE
The only thing worse than giblet gravy is giblet gravy with chopped hard-boiled eggs. I'm not a fan of chopped hard-boiled eggs in much of anything, but. Chopped eggs. In gravy.
Laughed at the Jello salad, because my dear sweet grandma makes a lime Jello salad filled with diced apples and walnuts, and I love it. Ever since I can remember it's been there in the apple-shaped mold that doesn't get...+READ
The only thing worse than giblet gravy is giblet gravy with chopped hard-boiled eggs. I'm not a fan of chopped hard-boiled eggs in much of anything, but. Chopped eggs. In gravy.
Laughed at the Jello salad, because my dear sweet grandma makes a lime Jello salad filled with diced apples and walnuts, and I love it. Ever since I can remember it's been there in the apple-shaped mold that doesn't get used any other time. At this point, I think my grandma and I are the only ones that eat it. I would never make it myself, being the chickpeas-and-kale cook that I am, but I'll miss it when my grandma is gone.-COLLAPSE
Hear Hear! And DO NOT put a delicious pie filling in a horrid store bought crust!! Immediate grounds for 'you can't be trusted to bring pies again'!
I always thought sweet potatoes looked like something I ALREADY ate, and I won't touch them. I wouldn't even smell them or bear them if I could help it. I'll take thirds and fourths of the ambrosia salad and green bean casserole though!
I’ve never heard of ambrosia made that way. We always made it with fresh fruit, shredded coconut, and pecans. It was always delicious. And giblet gravy, I love it. I wish my dad was still around to make it. Mine is pretty good, but his would be best. We never had mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving or Christmas. It was always candied yams. Yummy!!!(Not that marshmallow casserole stuff).
While I may not eat it I have no shame that my MIL brings those sweet potatoes to my house each year. SIL generally makes the green bean casserole but she won't be joining us this year. I may not eat that stuff but it is what they grew up with and I've learned Thanksgiving is all about comfort and tradition. People associate food with this holiday perhaps more than any other day of the year. Who...+READ
While I may not eat it I have no shame that my MIL brings those sweet potatoes to my house each year. SIL generally makes the green bean casserole but she won't be joining us this year. I may not eat that stuff but it is what they grew up with and I've learned Thanksgiving is all about comfort and tradition. People associate food with this holiday perhaps more than any other day of the year. Who am I to judge what brings you comfort? Not to mention all my in-laws think it is bizarre that my mom makes Chinese green beans and rice on Thanksgiving. We are not even Chinese but my brother and sister love them with turkey!-COLLAPSE
Mostly agree with this list, except for giblet gravy. LOVE IT. If you don't like it, don't eat it.
You're not going to offend anyone by refusing gravy.
One side dish I'd add to this list: that weird broccoli smothered in mayo dish. Ugh! Inedible.
Maybe because I grew up in a Mediterranean family, but mashed potatoes without garlic (or something)? Just a pile of semi-liquid starch. Blech.
Green bean casserole is the worst. Yuk.
Hmmm- I'm a gizzard fan, we cook that and the neck on the grill with the turkey. DH gets the neck, I get the gizzard. The rest of the innards get thrown out.
I agree that sweet potatoes don't need marshmallows, although I love toasted marshmallows more than most things. I could eat it either way.
The green bean casserole- well once i made it with fresh green beans, alfredo sauce and sauteed...+READ
Hmmm- I'm a gizzard fan, we cook that and the neck on the grill with the turkey. DH gets the neck, I get the gizzard. The rest of the innards get thrown out.
I agree that sweet potatoes don't need marshmallows, although I love toasted marshmallows more than most things. I could eat it either way.
The green bean casserole- well once i made it with fresh green beans, alfredo sauce and sauteed mushrooms, used the canned fried onions. It was really tasty to me, I'll definitely make it again.
Ambrosia rarely is.
Canned cranberry sauce? I'd rather have fresh but would eat it if I was jonesing and there was no other, fresher alternative. Any port in a storm.
Dry turkey- there is NO EXCUSE in this day and age. Unless you get a bogus heritage turkey or another specialty type and don't know about their 'special needs'.
Kind of a purist about mashed potatoes, but they can either be waxy or starchy. Definitely prefer the russet type on Thanksgiving, though!-COLLAPSE
How 'bout green bean casserole? I love me some canned Campbells cream of mushroom soup mixed with canned green beans and some canned fried onions on top!!!!! Gimme the whole bowl!!!
Agreed on the cranberry sauce. Actually I don't care if it's canned or homemade; it just doesn't do anything for me.
The annual fruitcake jokes annoy me, though, cause I dig a well-made fruitcake.
Hey, I like a lot of the above - though I must admit, they can be gross if made by the wrong hands.
I might rather die than to not have onions, garlic etc. but creamed onions ruin the holiday table in my book, disgusting!
One year I asked all my co-workers what dish they hated to see at Thanksgiving and the landslide winner was Tomato Aspic, which was weird because up until that point I didn't think anyone I knew had ever had tomato aspic.
Green bean casserole with: are those really onions? Out of a can. No way are those welcome at our dinner. I'm always amazed when people say they like this dish.
For me it is crappy store bought pies of any flavor.
I don't mind mashed potatoes with stuff in them, the chili peppers sound interesting.
It isn't a side, but a dry turkey is a big letdown.
I always add giblets to the pan sauce when making gravy, then just strain it out. It adds more flavour and there's nothing gross about offal meat.
I'll second (third?) the sweet potatoes with marshmallows. And I'll add cranberry sauce that comes out of a can. Yech. I (sheepishly) admit to liking some versions of Ambrosia however. My bad...
That horrible green bean/mushroom soup/canned fried onions casserole from the 60s should be included!
wow a rare list I agree with. Although I'd say I don't really see any reason you can't use the giblets to make stock or gravy or something, but pan drippings works the best.
I love the ambrosia-ish salad (fluff) with the pistachio pudding, crushed pineapple and cool-whip, but I'm well aware thatI'm quite alone in this, so I keep it to myself. Every year since semmingly forever, though, my mother makes a cranberry jello salad. Sorry, mom, but pecans and celery do not belong in jello. Still love you, though. Consider this an intervention.
I disagree on the mashed potatoes - within reason, of course.
Acceptable add-ins: garlic, onions, greens (à la colcannon), sweet potatoes, cauliflower, celeriac, pesto, any herb that goes well with potatoes.
Not acceptable: blue cheese (delicious but way overpowering), chili peppers, nuts, coconut milk, anything resembling mayo, etc. Basically anything that will drown out the rest of the meal.
those marshmallow sweet potatoes always turned my stomach. i'm convinced people only eat that dish for nostalgic reasons if they grew up with it, though i can't figure out how someone thought it was a good idea to begin the tradition by putting those ingredients together in the first place! i've also never understood the green bean casserole with condensed soup and fried onions. the first time i...+READ
those marshmallow sweet potatoes always turned my stomach. i'm convinced people only eat that dish for nostalgic reasons if they grew up with it, though i can't figure out how someone thought it was a good idea to begin the tradition by putting those ingredients together in the first place! i've also never understood the green bean casserole with condensed soup and fried onions. the first time i ever saw that was at a friend's parents' house in college - i managed to politely choke down one bite. never again.
but hey, to each his own. i'm sure my family has some traditions that other people would think are pretty gnarly as well.-COLLAPSE
I've never heard of adding beets to mashed potatoes, but it sounds intriguing. Mashed potatoes that look like cranberry sauce! Sweet potatoes + marshmallows that look like pumpkin pie! Ambrosia salad that looks like mashed potatoes! Jello salad that looks like . . . something the dog threw up! Or is that the giblet gravy? Anyway, it sounds like an exciting Thanksgiving to me.
I make a truly delicious ambrosia salad, and I'm not embarrassed to say it -- and it will totally be on my T-giving table! Forget sour cream and marshmallows. Vanilla Icelandic yogurt, small-curd cottage cheese, just a kiss of grated coconut, mandarin oranges, pineapple, dried tart cherries, fresh ginger (Like so.)
P.S. She made Ambrosia salad for at least ten years, too.
The mashed potato comment was my favorite. My mom is forever trying to get me to add roasted garlic (that she conveniently brings every year) and nutmeg to our mashed potatoes. No thanks!