Bad News for Bad Booze

Zima, the original malternative beverage, is kaput. After 15 years, MillerCoors has decided to pull the brew because of “declining consumer interest” in the flavored malt beverage segment, the
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel informs us.

Like wine coolers, the clear, lemon-lime-flavored booze primarily appealed to women and drinkers in their 20s because it is sweet. On the website Culture Freak, the drink is described as “diet sprite you can get drunk on.”

As the Culture Freak site demonstrates, the Zima deathwatch has been ticking for some time now. The product just never fit in with the ethos of the aughts: It’s not caffeinated, doesn’t include vitamins or any product from the rain forest, has no taurine, and doesn’t have a celebrity sponsor. In fact, Zima had been so closely identified with the ’90s and had fallen so far from grace that it had become the butt of jokes, appearing as a punch line in sitcoms and Late
Night with David Letterman
Top Ten lists
. Then there’s the British slang term _Zima
Queen_
, used to refer to cheesy girls who look like they stepped out of a Friends episode.

Not everyone thinks that Zima’s ready to die, however. Fans have started a “Save Our Zima” website calling on MillerCoors to keep manufacturing the drink. If the beverage behemoth doesn’t listen, the last cans of Zima will hit the shelves in December.