Spicy Roasted Chickpeas
Picnic Recipes Galore
Corner-Store Party Food on the Fly
9 Chili Recipes, Bison to Vegan
How to Choose the Best Strawberries
Sausage Recipes of the Month
Dear Helena,
The other night, I had dinner with a friend. He was frustrated because we weren't getting any service—no water, no menus, and our waiter was nowhere in sight. The only restaurant employee available was a Hispanic guy bussing tables. To get his attention, my friend yelled out, "Hey, amigo!" I was totally embarrassed, because to me, this seemed racist and demeaning. But my friend was like, "No, that's how they greet each other in their culture." Is calling out "Amigo!" a rude way to get a Hispanic restaurant employee's attention, or am I being oversensitive?
—Could Not Look Busser in the Eye
Dear Could Not Look Busser in the Eye,
"Amigo" is not necessarily offensive. After all, it means "friend." It's not like your companion was summoning the waiter by calling him "boy" or "son." I mentioned your dilemma to a friend when I was dining out the other night, and he immediately called over the Hispanic busser and asked what he thought. The man said the phrase wasn't racist. But I took what he said with a pinch of salt. After all, as an employee talking to a paying customer, he might have just been saying what he thought we wanted to hear. Plus, my friend asked him in fluent Spanish, which may have biased his answer.
According to Angela Galvis, legal counsel for the Mexican Restaurant Association, "Amigo!" is a normal colloquial way to get someone's attention in Latin cultures. "It's the equivalent of calling out, 'Hey, buddy!'" she says.
But, Galvis admits, if you use the wrong tone of voice, "amigo" can seem like a slur. "If your tone is friendly, and you're saying, 'Hey, amigo, what do you recommend on the menu?,' that's fine. But if you're trying to make fun of somebody, maybe because the waiter doesn't completely understand English, that's not fine."
Since tone of voice is so easy to misinterpret, I would therefore caution against calling any waiter "amigo" (however colloquial this form of address may be in his culture). In any case, you can't always be sure that the person you're addressing actually is Hispanic.
Finally, and interestingly, if you're female, says Galvis, you definitely shouldn't use the term. It's strictly for man-to-man interactions. If a female customer addresses a male employee thus, "it might seem too friendly, especially if she's had two or three margaritas."
I think ksprmx said "NEVER SEÑORA" in caps because señora can be more than impolite if it is a younger female. It is impolite not only because you're saying she's old, but *more importantly* because it is a comment on her sexuality. It can easily be taken as if you're saying, "hey, lady who's probably not a virgin" - that is not hyperbole. The assumption that she is married goes along with...+READ
I think ksprmx said "NEVER SEÑORA" in caps because señora can be more than impolite if it is a younger female. It is impolite not only because you're saying she's old, but *more importantly* because it is a comment on her sexuality. It can easily be taken as if you're saying, "hey, lady who's probably not a virgin" - that is not hyperbole. The assumption that she is married goes along with virginity.
-a professional Spanish-English interpreter-COLLAPSE
It's more racist and demeaning to assume just because someone is Latino or Hispanic in the US that they automatically speak Spanish and subscribe to Latino or Hispanic cultural customs (eg, responding to 'Amigo'). It's like automatically not giving eating utensils to an Indian American person.
I think TacoJoe just made a typo, he probably meant "It's sad"
TacoJoe: "It's said" by whom? There's another saying about walking a mile in another man's moccasins.
I prefer yelling out "Hey, you son of a bitch!" like a boozed-up Texan oil prospector at the boomtown salon.
It's said that this discussion has to be made. Remember when sticks and stones would break your bones but names would never hurt you. Get over it, amigos.
I find the term "my friend" to be charming, but only coming from people who say that as part of their culture. And when in their culture, I would say it if it was expected. But why would you say "my friend," in the US, as a US native, when you don't usually say that to someone in business? If you did, the other person wouldn't trust you or think you are condescending. Why not just smile genuinely...+READ
I find the term "my friend" to be charming, but only coming from people who say that as part of their culture. And when in their culture, I would say it if it was expected. But why would you say "my friend," in the US, as a US native, when you don't usually say that to someone in business? If you did, the other person wouldn't trust you or think you are condescending. Why not just smile genuinely and say "excuse me"?-COLLAPSE
The proper thing to say is "Oyez, amigo!". Hay is for horses. Oyez is pronounced "oy-yay".
People from other countries always call me "my friend" when I am working... so I really dont see what the problem is here.
Pia "why is "señora" bad?"
I think its because it is the form used for an older woman (or a married one). By using it you are either assuming that the woman is married or that she is old. It's a bit like in our country you are supposed to adress a woman whose marital status you do not know as "Miss" not "Missus". (Tecnically if she is older and you know she's not married the correct adress...+READ
Pia "why is "señora" bad?"
I think its because it is the form used for an older woman (or a married one). By using it you are either assuming that the woman is married or that she is old. It's a bit like in our country you are supposed to adress a woman whose marital status you do not know as "Miss" not "Missus". (Tecnically if she is older and you know she's not married the correct adress woud be "Mistress", but as that has some negative connotations, that's now considered bad form. (or why "Missus" for Mrs. even though it actually stands for "Mistress")
Similarly is you are actually speaking Spanish to the person in question, it is important to always conjugate to the "usted" form (impersonal,formal) rather than the "tu" form (personal,casual for use with those cosidered you social equals or inferiors) Using the other can imply a familiarty you don't have or possibly be construed as demeaning (When I took Spanish back in school, our teacher never taught us how to conjugate to the "vosotros" form (familiar plural) on the grounds that it was unlikey that we would ever be in a situation of talking to a group of people ALL of whom were our equals/inferiors.)-COLLAPSE
tatamagouche: "Where were you during the discussion about Oriental food two weeks ago?" Keeping my mouth shut. :)
ksprmx, thanks for the comment, but I'm curious -- why is "señora" bad?
samalicious: "I don't understand why so many people judge each other solely on semantics and not by our humanity." I agree with you. At the same time, while it's easy to brush off one comment, when you get them...+READ
tatamagouche: "Where were you during the discussion about Oriental food two weeks ago?" Keeping my mouth shut. :)
ksprmx, thanks for the comment, but I'm curious -- why is "señora" bad?
samalicious: "I don't understand why so many people judge each other solely on semantics and not by our humanity." I agree with you. At the same time, while it's easy to brush off one comment, when you get them all the time it sends a clear message that people see you as being different, a foreigner, maybe (depending on the context) not as intelligent or worthy of respect. I don't take offense when people yell at me in Spanish, but it is a constant reminder that the first thing people see about me is the color of my skin and they treat me accordingly.
Okay, I'll go back to shutting up about this stuff and sticking to food talk.-COLLAPSE
Samalicious, I was the one who suggested "excuse me, sir" and I'm curious how that could ever be considered "vile"? It seems the ultimate in politeness but I'm an old lady from the South so maybe I just don't know anymore :)
Samalicious: that's just it, though—"not meaning anything by it" doesn't make it right. I think it's better for all involved not to make assumptions when it comes to overfamiliarity—and again, that applies in *any* case; I wouldn't call a server "hey dude" or "hey honey" either.
That said, I don't disagree with you that not taking these things personally when they do happen, when it's clear...+READ
Samalicious: that's just it, though—"not meaning anything by it" doesn't make it right. I think it's better for all involved not to make assumptions when it comes to overfamiliarity—and again, that applies in *any* case; I wouldn't call a server "hey dude" or "hey honey" either.
That said, I don't disagree with you that not taking these things personally when they do happen, when it's clear intentions are good, is also better for all involved. Re: judging on humanity and not on semantics—nicely put.-COLLAPSE
Better than saying "Hey pendejo"
Trusake, why would you be offended by someone else who has taken the time and effort to learn your language? I'm Korean and I get bombarded all the time by non-Koreans who have picked up a few words here and there, and I think it's great that people know and learn my language and care enough to try to share what they learned.
it is offensive if it's coming from someone who's not hispanic. I'm hispanic and I understand english perfectly, I even had a doctor, who by the way was not white but from the middle east, and he asked me "Where does it hurt.... el dolor". I mean, yes I know what hurt means, there's no need to tell it to me in spanish as if I'm not understanding, I was speaking to him in clear english the whole...+READ
it is offensive if it's coming from someone who's not hispanic. I'm hispanic and I understand english perfectly, I even had a doctor, who by the way was not white but from the middle east, and he asked me "Where does it hurt.... el dolor". I mean, yes I know what hurt means, there's no need to tell it to me in spanish as if I'm not understanding, I was speaking to him in clear english the whole time. Just think about if the roles were reversed, you can trust me you wouldn't like it either.-COLLAPSE
Tatamagouche: The words "excuse me sir" can sound just as vile as any other phrase. As Pia correctly notes, "we need people to BOTH think about how their words affect other people AND not take offense so easily."
I don't understand why so many people judge each other solely on semantics and not by our humanity. My take on the original scenario was the guy may have been a bit gauche but...+READ
Tatamagouche: The words "excuse me sir" can sound just as vile as any other phrase. As Pia correctly notes, "we need people to BOTH think about how their words affect other people AND not take offense so easily."
I don't understand why so many people judge each other solely on semantics and not by our humanity. My take on the original scenario was the guy may have been a bit gauche but probably didn't mean anything by it. If that means that I think that being overly politically correct sucks, then I'm guilty.-COLLAPSE
Samalicious: Whether or not you take offense depends on whether you'd take offense to a waitress in a diner calling you "hon." That's a more accurate comparison. The difference between you, as "a middle-aged white" customer, getting called amigo by the "Latino, presumably mostly Mexican" staff is that the latter, in so doing, is not implying anything about class or ethnicity. If you were to call...+READ
Samalicious: Whether or not you take offense depends on whether you'd take offense to a waitress in a diner calling you "hon." That's a more accurate comparison. The difference between you, as "a middle-aged white" customer, getting called amigo by the "Latino, presumably mostly Mexican" staff is that the latter, in so doing, is not implying anything about class or ethnicity. If you were to call them "amigo," that would not be the case. As I noted below, friendly tones aren't the issue—I'm sure plenty of white customers in the segregated South used the term "boy" perfectly jovially.
Actually, in your specific case, since they've set a precedent of using the word, it's probably just fine to refer to the staff as "amigo" as well. What one shouldn't do is infer from that one experience that the same applies everywhere.
As Pia pointed out, just labeling everything "PC" and therefore dismissing it doesn't fly. Did you actually consider the content of the comments here? How do you respond to them logically, as opposed to dismissively?-COLLAPSE
All of the young, latino, presumably mostly Mexican staff at the Tex-Mex place we go to call me "amigo." So according to the hyper-political correctness in many of the comments here I should be offended because I am a middle aged white guy? I think most people can recognize a friendly tone.
Hello
This is quite interesting seeing how the usage of "Hey, amigo" has turned into something deeper. As mexican as I am and with the experience working abroad I can tell you a couple of things about it.
Actually "amigo" in mexican culture its commonly used by those who are atteding you in a non formal place like a flea market (tianguis) or a grocery store; because they're trying to be friendly...+READ
Hello
This is quite interesting seeing how the usage of "Hey, amigo" has turned into something deeper. As mexican as I am and with the experience working abroad I can tell you a couple of things about it.
Actually "amigo" in mexican culture its commonly used by those who are atteding you in a non formal place like a flea market (tianguis) or a grocery store; because they're trying to be friendly with a closer word in order to sell you something. But this doesn't necessarily means it sounds friendly, actually it has become overused that most of the times its annoying (imagine being at the flea market listening over 100 people calling you ¡¡amigo, amigo, amigo!!!)
In the other hand being said by somenone not spanish speaker turns it into a cliché. First of all because we have seen and listened many tourists trying to look funny or familiar (becoming familiar takes time people).
In second place take a look at movies where there are supposed to be mexicans, Amigo it's overused as a mexican word. And as it has been said before depends a lot of the tone, the context and in the case of non spanish speakers depends a lot of pronunciation.
By example if i´m going out to dinner to a formal restuarant i would never say "amigo" to any employeé what i would say is "Disculpe" (the literal translation its excuse me, but it is not taken like that) actually I highly recommend you to use it everywhere, and every time; with different suffix like "disculpe señor" "disculpe, joven" "disculpe señorita" NEVER SEÑORA.
It will make sound respectful and I assure you you will be treated well and better than if you use "amigo".
And just to finish, depending on what country you're at it's different. I've been in Chile,where they call the waiter as "Caballero" (gentleman), in Argentina it's "Garcon" (like french).
Greetings-COLLAPSE
I agree with those who suggest it's a matter of manners period. Overfamiliarity is always jarring in contexts like these, even when it's between two people of the same ethnocultural background. I wouldn't call someone amigo any more than I'd call him dude, pal, guy, or anything else that suggests his status (in context) allows for that sort of false camaraderie while my status as paying customer...+READ
I agree with those who suggest it's a matter of manners period. Overfamiliarity is always jarring in contexts like these, even when it's between two people of the same ethnocultural background. I wouldn't call someone amigo any more than I'd call him dude, pal, guy, or anything else that suggests his status (in context) allows for that sort of false camaraderie while my status as paying customer demands respect and distance.
I know people who are jocular like this mean well—but that doesn't make their meaning any less shallow.
"In reality complaining about being politically correct means you resent having to think about what comes out of your mouth." Kudos, Pia. Where were you during the discussion about Oriental food two weeks ago? :)-COLLAPSE
how about simply using his name take time to learn Hector or Samuel as you do Laquana Lawrence or jim. then you wont have to sound as though you dont care enough to even wanna learn my name. Political correctness + covering for my patronizing ignorance
Why not "Excuse me, sir"?
On being "politically correct"... yes, it's popular to criticize people who want you to be "politically correct," but this is just a buzzword. In reality complaining about being politically correct means you resent having to think about what comes out of your mouth. We need people to BOTH think about how their words affect other people AND not take offense so easily.
As an Indian person who...+READ
On being "politically correct"... yes, it's popular to criticize people who want you to be "politically correct," but this is just a buzzword. In reality complaining about being politically correct means you resent having to think about what comes out of your mouth. We need people to BOTH think about how their words affect other people AND not take offense so easily.
As an Indian person who regularly gets yelled at in Spanish, I would say that "Excuse me, sir," is always appropriate.-COLLAPSE
Most questions about using Spanish words can be answered by thinking about the English equivalent. Would you yell "Hey, buddy!" to a blond, blue-eyed (or whatever makes you assume "American") busboy? Sounds pretty patronizing, right? Add to that the extra-patronizing assumption that he'll respond better to your mangled Spanish, and this is a "hell, no".
I would never do this. He should be treated like any other busboy. What if he was born and raised in an English speaking only household? Then it would be entirely offensive.
im_nomad and ITry are spot-on.
I see this more as a general manners issue than an issue of race or language. As ITry states, it's equal to yelling "hey you" which of itself is rude, and is right up there with snapping your fingers to get someone's attention IMHO.
Is yelling what amounts to "hey you!" in a restaurant ever recommended? Maybe a quiet "Ola, Amigo" would be best.
ah the pitfalls of being "politically Correct" is always feeling guilt, shame or outrage (real or imagined) and Always having to say you are sorry for nothing at all
feh
--Rick
I don't think the man was trying to be racist in anyway,just wanted to get the man's attention.In San Antonio it's much like maxxpowerr says, lots of people are fluent in both languages,and some just speak english.
Many hispanics work in the restaurant business in various capacities including illegals.What he could have said was Hola,Senor.
Besides these people are idiots.What fool would...+READ
I don't think the man was trying to be racist in anyway,just wanted to get the man's attention.In San Antonio it's much like maxxpowerr says, lots of people are fluent in both languages,and some just speak english.
Many hispanics work in the restaurant business in various capacities including illegals.What he could have said was Hola,Senor.
Besides these people are idiots.What fool would continue to sit in such a restaurant? Don't know what kind of a place it was, but i would not tolerate that. I'm no bitch, but if that happend to me, I would leave and not set foot in the place again.I've been to restaurants where they are very busy ,all the tables are full and the staff are hustling,.It may take a little bit of a wait to get water and the menu, but i don't get upset with staff,cause they are busy .I bet this place wasn't even full of customers ,probably half empty,and no wonder,with that kind of staff attitude,they are loosing business whether they know it or not.-COLLAPSE
It's not racist, exactly, but it is treating someone differently because of their (perceived) race/ethnicity. He should have called out to him however he would have called out to an "American" busser and not based on assumptions about his language skills, cultural background, etc.
chipmoose, perhaps it could be racist because you're assuming their native tongue is not english based solely on their appearance. I grew up in a predominantly hispanic city and while many locals are fluent in spanish, many others speak english only, and i think it's terribly rude to assume that someone speaks spanish or doesn't speak english just because they appear to be hispanic.
And why would an attempt, no matter how weak, at speaking to a latino in their native tongue be construed as racist?
I'd bet money that the resto employee's English is more proficient than that customer's Spanish, and that excuse me, sir would be intelligible by context alone if not from the words.
yes "excuse me sir" is a great way to get help from a guy who probably doesn't speak English.
Using 'amigo' in this way racializes the server. All the non-Latino diner sees when he looks at the worker is a Brown Latino man, so he says 'hey amigo,' because of the racial difference. This is very patronizing. "Excuse me, sir!" would have been more appropriate unless the diner speaks fluent Spanish...in which case he wouldn't have said "Hey amigo" in such a clumsy way the first place.
Sorry, misread the article. Ignore my previous comment.
Well of course you wouldn't use "amigo" for anyone else but a man - it's the masculine form. For a woman, you would use "amiga," the feminine form.
Having taken Spanish for seven years and worked with various people of Hispanic origin (mostly Mexican and Ecuadorian) for around four years, I would advise against "muchacho/a," given that it means "boy" or "girl," which can be demeaning. Seeing as I can usually communicate all I want to say in Spanish, I'm not sure what the best way to go about getting someone's attention in Spanish would be if...+READ
Having taken Spanish for seven years and worked with various people of Hispanic origin (mostly Mexican and Ecuadorian) for around four years, I would advise against "muchacho/a," given that it means "boy" or "girl," which can be demeaning. Seeing as I can usually communicate all I want to say in Spanish, I'm not sure what the best way to go about getting someone's attention in Spanish would be if you're only going to call out an address. "Perdón" (pronounced "pare-doan") or "permiso" (pronounced "pare-me-so") could work; they each translate to "excuse me."-COLLAPSE
Huh - interesting to learn that "amigo" is "strictly for man-to-man interactions."
Exactly how does a cool gal address a male counterpart if not using "amigo" ?
And where does "muchacho/muchaha" fit into the equation?