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Mommessin Beaujolais Grande Reserve Red 2006
I Paid: $10.99 for a 750-milliliter bottle (prices may vary by region)
Some advice, based on the experience of buying and sampling a bottle of Mommessin's Beaujolais Grande Reserve Red 2006: Don't buy any wine that comes packaged in an aluminum bottle sporting a trendy-looking twentysomething woman in high heels. Moreover: Head for the hills (or another wine shop) when the wine's packaging lets you know that it's "ready to drink when our cooldot turns blue."
Chill-activated graphics were first popularized by Coors Light: Mountains on the beer's label turn blue when the brew is cold. In this case, the wine's bottle has a little white dot reading "chill me" that turns blue when it reaches a temperature that's sufficiently cold to render the stuff drinkable.
I was expecting the wine, which is from France, to be fruity, overly sweet, but basically harmless. Picnic wine. In fact, it suggests picnics by virtue of the fact that it comes in a shatterproof aluminum bottle, which protects the wine from UV rays and "chills it approximately 20 percent faster than glass." Plus, the stuff is priced around $10—and you can certainly expect drinkable wine once you stride into the world of double digits.
But no. The instructions should read: "Chill in refrigerator until cooldot turns blue, then pour directly into kitchen sink."
After an initial sweet odor of berry fruits, a bottle of Mommessin Beaujolais Grande Reserve 2006 tastes tannic, hollow, bitter, metallic, like chewing an aspirin, like Hi-C that they forgot to add the sugar to. There's no depth, just pain. I wouldn't serve it to Bernie Madoff as I was kicking him off a plane without a parachute. "Bernie," I'd say, "even you don't deserve to drink this stuff. Have a nice trip!" [Robust kicking sound effect, followed by "AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa" trailing-off scream.]
Those who buy a wine because it emulates the Coors Light Cold Activated Bottle truly get what they deserve with this one.
Now, if you'll excuse me, my wine has a date with the kitchen sink.
This was a thoroughly entertaining article. @Caprese, I really liked reading your thoughts, didn't think it was a rant. Very insightful into a woman's wine consuming mind. I would buy "Bitch" wine for a GNO too...
@zin1953: you're conflating beaujolais with beaujolais nouveau. nouveau should be avoided at all costs. beaujolais (e.g. beaujolais villages, morgon), while not fantastic wines (IMO), can take a couple of years in the bottle and can be acceptable light red table wines.
if they don't have a temperature-indicating graphic, that is. :)
Why is someone writing about a 2006 Beaujolais in 2010? Isn't that a waste of bandwidth?
I mean, I guess I understand that. I just think people overreacted to the Bernie Madoff thing a little bit. And why is he in jail? He should be out working and having his wages garnished and given back to his victims. He can live in a modest one bedroom apartment and be contributing to society.
Me translate review.
Wine bad.
Madoff bad.
Wine worse than Madoff.
Me done translating.
Is Mr. Norton in favor of the death penalty? Did he invest money with Bernie Madoff? This review has me so very confused.
"Chill in refrigerator until cooldot turns blue, then pour directly into kitchen sink." is the best part.
^_^
I really enjoy reading these reviews, and this only showcases the sardonic wit located within. Keep up the great work!
I don't understand the Bernie Madoff reference. Did Mr. Norton lose money by investing with Bernie Madoff? What does it have to do with wine? Is Mr. Norton saying that Bernie Madoff should get the death penalty? It seems off topic for a food site.
As someone who works in marketing, I tend to be a sucker for this type of thing, strictly because I think someone was REALLY trying to get people to put this bottle into their basket. Not sure this one would have worked on me, though, because of the "beer-y" factor you mention, and the cutesy illustration. As a wine lover (with a palate still in development), I've come to accept that gimmicky...+READ
As someone who works in marketing, I tend to be a sucker for this type of thing, strictly because I think someone was REALLY trying to get people to put this bottle into their basket. Not sure this one would have worked on me, though, because of the "beer-y" factor you mention, and the cutesy illustration. As a wine lover (with a palate still in development), I've come to accept that gimmicky wine only occasionally delivers on the more important elements that you're seeking in a bottle. I've tried Little Black Dress (girlfriend wine), Bitch (more girlfriend wine), Mad Housewife (need I say it?), and a few others with kitschy names/labels, and they were less than amazing.
I acknowledge that my limited budget usually has me shopping in the price range that a lot of these gimicky wines fall into, and that may be the larger part of the problem. I will probably never know if My Cousin Vino or Goats Do Roam are palatable wines because they're just too campy for me to plunk down the $12-ish. I must admit, though, that some wines I've tried strictly because of the gimmick factor weren't swill (caveat again -- novice palate). I enjoyed the "fish wine" a.k.a. Pescevino, which I bought just because the bottle was shaped like a fish. I also enjoyed Poizin... again, cool bottle design. Oh, and the Delle Venezie blue triangle-shaped bottles have hooked me multiple times because they make really pretty oil lamps when you're done with the wine. Plus, I like almost any pinot grigio or sauv blanc. And I made a special stop at the Rochambo tasting room in Sonoma because I really liked the marketing around that winery (now closed) and its products.
Okay, I apologize for ramble here. I guess what I wanted to express is that I'm prone to falling victim to attempts at clever marketing/packaging, but I've learned to never have high expectations for what's inside. Thanks for the forum to talk about this!-COLLAPSE
I can't figure out who was the easier target -- this wine or Bernie Madoff. James?
Great writing! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Too funny.