Low Expectations Work in Hot Pockets’ Favor

Published on Wednesday, July 14, 2010, by James Norton / Edit Post

Hot Pockets Sideshots

Hot Pockets Sideshots

I Paid: $2.99 for a box of four (prices may vary by region)

Taste: 4 stars

Marketing: 1 stars

After acquiring three different flavors of the recently released Hot Pockets Sideshots (Sloppy Joes, Buffalo Style Chicken, and Cheeseburgers), I stored the snacks in a basement chest freezer. After that, I waited. And waited. And waited, hoping that somehow they would disappear of their own accord so that I could be spared the need to eat yet another profoundly depressing Hot Pockets item.

But they did not disappear, and so I was forced to face a product that is essentially a mass-market, frozen, microwavable stuffed dinner roll.

Each Sideshot is a hot little bomb of conventional flavor. Surprisingly—no, truly, shockingly—that flavor is well balanced and earnest. The roll that’s wrapped around each Sideshot is soft and tender but holds its shape and packs a bit of actual wheat flavor—these Hot Pockets are neither fall-apart squishy nor Wonder Bread flavorless.

The Buffalo Style Chicken Sideshots had a decent spice level and a detectable real chicken taste; the Sloppy Joes had beefy little chunks of meat, a tomato kick, and the taste of onion; and the Cheeseburgers were a well-balanced mix of beef, onion, and American cheese. Not overly sweet, or chemical-laden, or salty, Sideshots surprise with their simplicity and relatively comprehensible list of ingredients.

If you’re feeding your family these things for dinner, something has gone terribly wrong. But as a late-night post-alcohol snack, they’re a frozen, consumer-friendly version of what White Castle used to be before deteriorating to its current sad state. High cuisine? No. Expectation-defying? Most definitely.

James Norton edits the Upper Midwestern food journal Heavy Table. He's also the coauthor of a book on Wisconsin's master cheesemakers. For his Supertaster column, he samples offerings from supermarket aisles and fast-food menus. You can follow him on Twitter and fan him on Facebook. His wife, Becca Dilley, takes the photographs for Supertaster. She specializes in weddings and food photography, and is the coauthor of and photographer for the book on Wisconsin's master cheesemakers.

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POST A COMMENT |9 Comments

COMMENT

  • @freshwhippedcreammichael, if Hot Pockets were made like that, they would cost three times as much and taste just as bad.

  • Come on! They're Hot Pockets! I'm a fan, personally. Especially of the Philly Cheesesteak and the Meatball. I doubt I'll ever bother to buy these since my bar days are over but they live up to their claim of "When you want a quick meal but not a big deal what're you gonna pick? Hot Pockets'.

  • I think hotpockets should make these with whole wheat flour, grass raised beef, and organic vegetables.

  • But seriously what is it with mega food adding soy protein to their meat products? Amy doesn't add beef proteins to their vegetable products.

  • @barryg The ingredient list.......Unbleached enriched flour (wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, riboflavin, folic acid), water, cooked meatballs (pork, beef, water, texture vegetable protein [soy protein concentrate a soy flour caramel color], seasoning [spices, dehydrated garlic, soybean oil], salt, sodium tripolyphosphate, caramel color, may contain: Soy protein concentrate, beef base...+READ

    @barryg The ingredient list.......Unbleached enriched flour (wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, riboflavin, folic acid), water, cooked meatballs (pork, beef, water, texture vegetable protein [soy protein concentrate a soy flour caramel color], seasoning [spices, dehydrated garlic, soybean oil], salt, sodium tripolyphosphate, caramel color, may contain: Soy protein concentrate, beef base [roasted beef and concentrated beef stock, salt, hydrolyzed corn gluten, soy, corn and wheat protein, corn oil, sugar, natural flavoring, dried whey, caramel color, autolyzed yeast extract], beef flavor [contains salt], low-fat mozzarella cheese ([pasteurized part skim milk, cultures, salt, enzymes], non-fat milk, modified food starch *, * ingredient not in regular mozzarella cheese), tomato paste, contains less than 2% of: Partially hydrogenated soybean oil, sugar, seasoning (salt, sugar, spices, dehydrated Romano cheese [Romano cheese (made from cow's part skim milk, cheese culture, salt, enzymes), sodium phosphates], dehydrated garlic, parsley flakes), modified food starch, wheat gluten, dried whey, salt, yeast, dough conditioner (calcium sulfate, salt, soy flour, dextrose, sodium stearoyl lactylate, wheat flour, contains 2% or less of garlic powder, tricalcium phosphate, enzymes, ascorbic acid, L-cysteine monohydrochloride), methylcellulose, Romano cheese (made from part-skim cow's milk, cheese culture, salt, enzymes) dried egg yolks, yeast food (monocalcium phosphate, corn starch, salt, ammonium sulfate, ascorbic acid, wheat starch, azodicar-bonamide and tricalcium phosphate).-COLLAPSE

  • @freshwhippedcreammichael: Are you kidding? These are hot pockets! If you want sustainable/non-factory farm, try Amy's brand products, although I don't think they offer any meats in their frozen pockets.

  • I'd like to know if the meats in these hot pocket products are sustainibly raised on non-factory farms.

  • Would be great if you could suggest a few ways to jazz them up

  • Post the ingredients and a bigger picture!