Making Chocolate from Wild Cacao
How to Make a Marshmallow Pop
Valentine Gifts for the Five Senses
McBites = Modern McNuggets?
Sausage Recipes of the Month
When Should Bars Cut You Off?
Dear Helena,
I recently saw someone at a dinner fund-raiser put black pepper on his dessert after one taste, so he wouldn’t be tempted to eat more. Is this acceptable? I also found out a friend had it happen at a dinner party she gave.
—Waste Not, Want Not
Dear Waste Not, Want Not,
Ideally, a dieter should avoid temptation in the first place by simply refusing the peach cobbler or tiramisu. If he finds an unwanted dessert in front of him, he should leave it untouched, or offer it to someone else.
Granted, spoiling your food is a popular dieting technique. According to Internet gossip, celebrity Kim Kardashian keeps her calorie intake down by spritzing hers with Windex. Dr. Stuart Fischer, author of The Park Avenue Diet, says that when he’s served an airline meal, “I always take the little dessert and squash it right away.”
But it’s wrong to waste good food. At an event, if none of the other guests wants a second helping, the dieter could have it boxed up and give it to a homeless person.
It’s also unpleasant for other people to watch someone render his food inedible. As kids, we learn that it’s wrong to make mashed-potato sculptures or otherwise play with our food. For the same reason, a diner should not shower a perfectly good dessert with pepper.
So what should someone do when confronted with unwanted cake? Dr. Melina B. Jampolis, author of The Busy Person’s Guide to Permanent Weight Loss, recommends: “[H]ave cinnamon breath strips in your purse and discreetly put one in your mouth after taking a bite or two. [O]ften getting rid of the taste helps get rid of the craving for more.”
Dieting gurus often recommend that dieters train themselves to meditate on the unpleasant consequences of ingesting forbidden foods. Fischer says, “When you put a chocolate gâteau in front of me, I think about the acne I’m going to be getting … the sugar rush will last for about five minutes … and I’ll have to do approximately 45 minutes of exercise to burn it off.”
The dieter shouldn’t explain his food choices. As Mireille Guiliano, author of The French Women Don’t Get Fat Cookbook, says, “Diets are boring and so are people talking about them.” Hearing about someone’s diet may make other guests feel guilty and depressed. Peppering one’s food also draws attention to the diet—another reason such behavior is wrong.
Even if someone should happen to question why a dieter hasn’t touched his cake, he should not launch into a lecture about rising rates of diabetes or the slimming power of cabbage soup. As Fischer says, “Don’t treat it like an essay question.” A short answer, “I’m afraid I can’t eat that because of my diet,” will suffice.
Finally, once in a while a dieter should eat dessert. At a dinner party, a guest should not decline a homemade mocha-walnut torte that the host has slaved over, for example. Yes, a host will understand if the dieter has just had triple bypass surgery or is suffering from gestational diabetes. Otherwise, etiquette—not to mention joie de vivre—should trump health concerns. As Guiliano says, “If you accept an invitation, you should eat (you don’t need to finish) what is offered, or stay home.” It’s fine to ask for “just a sliver.” If the person is really worried about calorie counts, he should just have a small salad for lunch.
p.s. and the concept of a "dieting guru" is one I find riseable. Only in America.
Are you kidding me? What kind of moron can't just say "no thanks" or "only a sliver", especially when they chose to diet? People are pathetic, unself-regulating tools. Whatever happened to little willpower and responsibility?
I agree with mpjmph - a no thank you should suffice. However, if a host presses you to eat something after you have politely declined, I would not be afraid to bust out the "I'm watching my figure" or "I really don't need those calories" or even "I don't have a sweet tooth" line. Chances are, if they're eating dessert and you're not, they're fatter than you anyway and will get the msg.
Helena how can you say wrap it up and give it to a homeless person, in other post you said offering the homeless your leftovers was rude. Now it's the thing to do, what the hell happened?
Are there two different people writing this column?
Beyond that though, when I throw a party I always plan to have way to much food. That way everyone gets their fill of whatever they want. So I don't really...+READ
Helena how can you say wrap it up and give it to a homeless person, in other post you said offering the homeless your leftovers was rude. Now it's the thing to do, what the hell happened?
Are there two different people writing this column?
Beyond that though, when I throw a party I always plan to have way to much food. That way everyone gets their fill of whatever they want. So I don't really care if someone just eats a few bites then throws out the rest. They could be on a diet, full, or just not like the dish. I like to try new things but if I don't like the taste I'm not going to finish it. Now if there isn't much food and a lot of people yeah that's rude, but if quantity isn't an issue then just deal with it.
Your friend is trying to lose weight be supportive.-COLLAPSE
I just say that it looks lovely but my doctor has me on a strict diet and I already had more than I should have.
The problem with refusing politely is that some won't take no for an answer. They insist to the point of rudeness on their part. Alternatively, when one asks for a "sliver", many hosts will respond by cutting a huge slice and plopping it down with satisfaction.
If the guest refuses politely, the host should take the refusal with good grace. Likewise, a gracious host will honor a request for a...+READ
The problem with refusing politely is that some won't take no for an answer. They insist to the point of rudeness on their part. Alternatively, when one asks for a "sliver", many hosts will respond by cutting a huge slice and plopping it down with satisfaction.
If the guest refuses politely, the host should take the refusal with good grace. Likewise, a gracious host will honor a request for a small serving.-COLLAPSE
Somebody once brought in a banana cake for a coworker's birthday. I a) was watching my weight, and b) cannot STAND banana-flavored food. The girl that brought the cake in gave me a flat-out filthy look when I said no thank you. So I said to her, a good Italian Catholic, "If I'd told you I gave it up for Lent you wouldn't have batted an eye." She admitted I was right and dropped the subject,...+READ
Somebody once brought in a banana cake for a coworker's birthday. I a) was watching my weight, and b) cannot STAND banana-flavored food. The girl that brought the cake in gave me a flat-out filthy look when I said no thank you. So I said to her, a good Italian Catholic, "If I'd told you I gave it up for Lent you wouldn't have batted an eye." She admitted I was right and dropped the subject, fortunately, and I wasn't forced to tell her I thought the dessert she'd made was a horrible disgusting abomination, an insult to both cake and bananas.-COLLAPSE
Was the dessert ice cream? In my family we are known to pepper our ice cream.
Aside from that, who takes a desert they don't want?! I am with a.leistra on this:
"but ruining food someone's worked hard on is inexcusable."
- RIGHT ON!
Thanks for writing about this topic Helena. It is a warm drowsy evening and I was about ready to nod off. That kind of behavior makes me really angry so I'm wide awake now. If a person doesn't have the self-control to eat just a bite and ruins the food, putting everyone else off the dessert, he or she shouldn't be surprised if one of their dining companions doesn't have the self control to avoid...+READ
Thanks for writing about this topic Helena. It is a warm drowsy evening and I was about ready to nod off. That kind of behavior makes me really angry so I'm wide awake now. If a person doesn't have the self-control to eat just a bite and ruins the food, putting everyone else off the dessert, he or she shouldn't be surprised if one of their dining companions doesn't have the self control to avoid smacking them. Reminds me of olden times when smoking was considered sexy and suave. Some people would have a cigarette for dessert while others were eating and then put their cigarette out in their unfinished dessert. Shudder.-COLLAPSE
I have told hosts that I cannot eat a particular food before accepting an invitation. The hosts say not to worry. Then they are offended when you don't eat what you had told them in advance you couldn't or shouldn't eat. You can't win.
I agree with mpjmph. Nothing wrong with a polite no thank you.
I'm with MandalayVA - a simple "no, thank you" should suffice. I don't necessarily think it is rude to over-explain food decisions, it depends more on context and the details shared. Either way it is socially awkward. IMHO it is rude to press a person on their food decisions after they have politely declined an offer.
That trick would not work on me. Pepper makes everything better!
mountaincachers, best advice on the topic!
Khh,
Chocolate alone? No, but there is a link between refined sugar and acne. White flour, also. Your body secretes hormones in response to certain foods.
What kind of a doctor thinks chocolate causes acne?
I would hurt me personally if someone spoiled their portion of a dessert I crafted special. It's much nicer to simply refuse due to a diet so that I many offer it to someone else or keep it for later. I don't think I'd make them anything like that again.
If someone pulled this trick at my house, with a dessert I'd made, they would not be invited back. A polite refusal or asking for "just a taste" is always acceptable, but ruining food someone's worked hard on is inexcusable.
Sorry, you lost me when you mentioned Kim Kardashian. Really? Can't do any better than that? For all I know the rest of your prose was the equivalent of Dickens or Hemingway or Fitzgerald, but I'll never know. Credibility, my friend. Kim Kardashian? That's just wrong in so many ways.
To eat something that you don't want or don't like is wasting food just as much as throwing it away. I first became acquainted with the technique of ruining food to keep from eating it many years ago, when my (them) roommate poured salt all over the remains of her breakfast at a coffee shop to keep from eating all the hash browns. This was much less conspicuous than pepper would have been. I do...+READ
To eat something that you don't want or don't like is wasting food just as much as throwing it away. I first became acquainted with the technique of ruining food to keep from eating it many years ago, when my (them) roommate poured salt all over the remains of her breakfast at a coffee shop to keep from eating all the hash browns. This was much less conspicuous than pepper would have been. I do agree that this would not be polite at someone's home or in a nicer restaurant. I can usually talk my husband into sharing a dessert with me, and that's a good way to limit how much dessert consumed. (I agree that at most fund-raisers, I conclude that the dessert is not worth the calories, and I am able to resist after the first bite. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.)-COLLAPSE
Here, let's practice a very helpful phrase:
"No, thank you."
It's worked very well for me at restaurants, fundraisers, etc.
That being said, as far as dinner parties go, if someone's cooking for me I'm damn well eating it. Because of health issues I avoid grains and sugar, but these days I eat them so infrequently I can afford to have a couple stuffed shells or a small slice of cake. I'll deal...+READ
Here, let's practice a very helpful phrase:
"No, thank you."
It's worked very well for me at restaurants, fundraisers, etc.
That being said, as far as dinner parties go, if someone's cooking for me I'm damn well eating it. Because of health issues I avoid grains and sugar, but these days I eat them so infrequently I can afford to have a couple stuffed shells or a small slice of cake. I'll deal with the water retention and bloating the next day. Choose your battles.-COLLAPSE
I think the easiest way to pass on dessert at a fundraising dinner is simply to decline dessert when the waiter comes by, much as you might decline coffee after dinner. Otherwise, I think after a bite or two, you can decide if the dessert is "worth it" in terms of calories. Most of the time at fundraisers, I would say the desserts fall in the "not worth it" category. Intentionally ruining the...+READ
I think the easiest way to pass on dessert at a fundraising dinner is simply to decline dessert when the waiter comes by, much as you might decline coffee after dinner. Otherwise, I think after a bite or two, you can decide if the dessert is "worth it" in terms of calories. Most of the time at fundraisers, I would say the desserts fall in the "not worth it" category. Intentionally ruining the dessert makes too big a deal about your choice. The short answer I would give is "I'm full" rather than "I'm afraid I can't eat that because of my diet" which tends to invite further discussion of the "you don't need to be on a diet" variety. No one can argue with "I'm full"
On the subject of dinner parties, I think the host should be told ahead of time if you are on a diet, particularly if it's a very small gathering. One time we had another family over for dinner (kids included), so I had made family friendly lasagna. Only after they arrived, did the couple tell me they were on the Adkins diet and would only pick through the lasagna I had made. Likewise, if I have a couple coming over that's dieting, I might choose a fresh fruit dessert or sorbet rather than a very elaborate, rich dessert. Obviously, as a large cocktail type party, no one will be paying attention to what you are eating, and I don't think it's necessary to inform the host.-COLLAPSE