How to Make a Healthy Snack
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How to Scrape a Vanilla Bean
Best Riffs on Hot Chocolate
There is no reader question this week. Instead, Helena has a topic she’d like to discuss.
Having to make separate meals for picky children is usually a drag. But then there are the exceptions, when you’d rather not waste gourmet food on kids. Like at dinner parties, where the majority of your guests are adults. Is it rude to make mac ’n’ cheese for your young guests and deny them access to the shrimp cocktail? A Chowhound thread on this topic was so controversial, I felt I had to weigh in.
Many hosts feel it’s well within their rights to discourage their friends’ kids from eating what the grown-ups eat. “I don’t want to see [kids] waste (expensive) food that their doting mom or dad piles on their plates. Parents should give the child a taste first, before plating -- and be realistic in the amount plated,” writes Chowhound alkapal. I agree. Times are tough, and that wild-caught Alaskan salmon cost half your paycheck. Though it’s important to broaden kids’ culinary horizons, that’s the parents’ job, not yours.
However, you shouldn’t assume your younger guests won’t appreciate your hard-spent dollars. For some parents, bringing up a kid with a sophisticated palate is as important as rearing one with good manners. “You could not pay my kid to eat a chicken finger, and he loves caviar,” writes Chowhound Kater. Books on how to produce adventurous eaters, such as Hungry Monkey and My Two-Year-Old Eats Octopus, are increasingly common. Kelly Q. Dietrich, director of the Kids Culinary Summer Camp of Vermont, says: “There are kids 10, 11, 12 who … show up with a firm grasp of the five mother sauces.” Many, says Dietrich, have a favorite celebrity chef. Some even post their own cooking shows on YouTube.
And with all the controversy surrounding factory farming, high-fructose corn syrup, and GMOs, your adult guests may view frozen chicken fingers or non-sustainably-raised hot dogs as unhealthy “junk food” that they don’t want their children to consume. And perhaps rightfully so!
The best approach is, prior to the gathering, to ask your guests who are parents what their children would prefer to eat for dinner, telling them what you’ll be serving the adults. Ask for a little direction if they expect you to prepare a separate meal. And don’t be put out if your guests think their children should eat the pricey stuff. You can always prevent the kids from guzzling caviar like peanut butter by saying, “This is very special, so we’re each just having a little.”
It's a very boring New Years Day when I spend it going through old columns and commenting but since this issue just happened last night I will...
I went to a dinner party where there was going to be a 2 year old I know. Now I really like this little one very much and it tickles me to see him devour things like pickled capers as his favorite food. However I think it is the parents responsibility...+READ
It's a very boring New Years Day when I spend it going through old columns and commenting but since this issue just happened last night I will...
I went to a dinner party where there was going to be a 2 year old I know. Now I really like this little one very much and it tickles me to see him devour things like pickled capers as his favorite food. However I think it is the parents responsibility to moderate their child's waste and/or consumption of food items brought by others to be shared by all the guests. Particularly if the item is small, expensive or labor intensively homemade.
Case in point I told the host I would bring some homemade duck rillettes for their appetizer platter. This was served in a small jar. We were all excited about eating these and appreciating something that can take as long as three days to prepare from scratch.
Of course I want the baby to have some but I really don't want him to be the only one eating it. I also don't think I should be expected to make a huge batch of this item just in case the kid wants to eat it for dinner!
C'mon parents don't make your guests uncomfortable by abdicating control over your little one. Very few find this cute except, possibly, the parents. When kids are that little they need help to understand that this is not all for them and they must share. It would probably help if they had been fed some dinner and not let loose on the appetizer plate starving.-COLLAPSE
Cool:)
If I'm having a dinner party, and children are invited, although I will attempt to have a couple of things most children like, I would NEVER say any food I serve is 'off limits' to children. If I can't afford to buy enough of everything, I won't have a dinner party. Although my kids are now grown, we never went to any party that had a separate' kids' menu. Not once did I see this. Maybe things...+READ
If I'm having a dinner party, and children are invited, although I will attempt to have a couple of things most children like, I would NEVER say any food I serve is 'off limits' to children. If I can't afford to buy enough of everything, I won't have a dinner party. Although my kids are now grown, we never went to any party that had a separate' kids' menu. Not once did I see this. Maybe things have changed, but if so, it's a sad thing. My children, and the children of most of my friends, ate almost anything. Always. Even when my children had friends over for 'overnights', I never planned a purely 'kid's' menu. Yes, I DID make homemade pizza sometimes, but with a variety of toppings, not just pepperoni. I would have mushrooms, anchovies, fennel, etc. available, and lots of the kids added these things to their pizzas. As far as I can figure out, if kids watch their parents enthusiastically eat a large variety of foods, the kids will follow suit. If the parents turn up their noses at lots of foods, so will the kids. It's that easy. So, while I agree that children should be taught good manners, that goes both ways. It's NOT good manners to forbid anything you're serving to a child. (And, no, it's not good manners for a parent to pile a child's plate full of more food than any child could eat. But, I never saw that happen, personally.)-COLLAPSE
And furthermore...
Several of these responses sound really preachy - like it's up to me to help you expand your children's culinary world.
I have no problem whatsoever with the concept of teaching children to have adventuresome palates. I've done so with my children. And that includes such expensive "gourmet" items as caviar, salmon, oysters, etc. You name it, they've tried it. All three of my...+READ
And furthermore...
Several of these responses sound really preachy - like it's up to me to help you expand your children's culinary world.
I have no problem whatsoever with the concept of teaching children to have adventuresome palates. I've done so with my children. And that includes such expensive "gourmet" items as caviar, salmon, oysters, etc. You name it, they've tried it. All three of my (now) adult children are adventuresome and competent cooks. In fact, two of them have even gone into cooking as a career.
But I don't think I'm under any obligation to expand the palates of anyone else's children. If you want your kids to "learn to like" a wide variety of foods, I applaud you.
Just do it on your own dime.-COLLAPSE
Lordy, am I the only one that thinks the obvious solution to this "non problem" is to have dinner parties to which children are not invited?
I've got three kids, and definitely think there's a difference between a party (either one that I'm having, or one to which I'm invited) for grownups and one that includes children.
If I'm serving caviar and wild salmon, what to serve the children won't be...+READ
Lordy, am I the only one that thinks the obvious solution to this "non problem" is to have dinner parties to which children are not invited?
I've got three kids, and definitely think there's a difference between a party (either one that I'm having, or one to which I'm invited) for grownups and one that includes children.
If I'm serving caviar and wild salmon, what to serve the children won't be an issue, because I haven't invited any. And I've hired a baby-sitter to stay up in my kids' room and keep them entertained and out of our way.
If, on the other hand, children are included, what I'm serving is something that every single guest at the party is welcome to eat.-COLLAPSE
I think manners would dictate that the guests eat what the hosts serves. If the host decides on a separate children's menu, then that is what the parents should encourage them to eat. Part of attending a dinner party is learning to be gracious. If you can't be gracious, you should stay home.
I don't have a problem with children tasting portions of a fancy diner party, but I would likely bbq a few chicken breasts and serve with salad at the kids table instead of serving caviar to them. If the kids are old enough to sit at the adults table then I would serve them exactly the same meal.
Empafia, I agree wholeheartedly. Children are human and historically, they eat what human beings eat. Back when more foods were homemade, children ate and enjoyed the same food as their folks. With the advent of the Food Industry as we know it, with more and more foods being made by companies, that's when this divide between "adult food" and "children's food" came into being. Like special...+READ
Empafia, I agree wholeheartedly. Children are human and historically, they eat what human beings eat. Back when more foods were homemade, children ate and enjoyed the same food as their folks. With the advent of the Food Industry as we know it, with more and more foods being made by companies, that's when this divide between "adult food" and "children's food" came into being. Like special yogurts, with sprinkles and wacky flavors, marketed as being "for kids" What's wrong with Mom adding fresh fruit and maybe a tiny sploosh of honey or maple syrup to plain Greek yogurt and tossing that into Junior or Juniorina's lunchbox? And "fruit" snacks marketed to kids, when the best fruit snack is -- actual fruit. Is it so terrible if little Ashlyn or little Bowen snacked on a sweet persimmon or a juicy mango or a delectable clementine mandarin.
When I was a little girl, a tween, and a teen, "junk" foods, fast fods and processed snacks were "treat" items, and nutritious "real" foods were the mainstay. I learned to love broccoli, spinach, and asparagus at age 4 (no lie, no joke!), artichokes at 10, and lobster at 14 (until I became a vegetarian at 20)
That said, while it does warm my heart to hear of children and teens thinking good "real" foods are tasty and parents should encourage this in their kids, deportment is also important, and Mom or Dad should also teach their child to be good guests and partygoers. It's okay for a 6 year old or a 16 year old to think that the goat-cheese and artichoke puffs at an event are divine, but it's NOT okay for them to pop more than their share into their mouths like M&Ms. It's not okay for ANYONE, kid or grownup, to hog ANY food or dish -- be it caviar or bologna sandwiches, crab legs or chicken fingers -- at a social affair and not leave any for the rest of the partygoers. It's rude.-COLLAPSE
When kids come over my place, it's usually a family occasion, the kids have to be there. I can't say that there is a single kid in my family who isn't a picky eater. They usually find *something* they can eat, or else their parents will bring along something for them that I can just pop in the microwave. I generally try to cook something that will please all types.
I do remember a few years...+READ
When kids come over my place, it's usually a family occasion, the kids have to be there. I can't say that there is a single kid in my family who isn't a picky eater. They usually find *something* they can eat, or else their parents will bring along something for them that I can just pop in the microwave. I generally try to cook something that will please all types.
I do remember a few years ago I was entertaining my BIL and his family for the first time. BIL is already a picky eater, so he has no reason to teach his kid not to be picky. I remember asking the kid's mother if I should have anything special for him like order a pizza. She said no, especially since I was serving chicken and he's okay with chicken. I watched him eat nothing but bread along with 3 bites of chicken. His father also ate 2 bites of risotto along with his 3 bites of chicken. Instead of eating all of hte bread, he just drank wine. I was heartbroken. I would rather have ordered a pizza than watched this kid eat so little of my food.
Another time a friend came over with his kids and I was happy to have them all there. I was told the kids didn't eat anything but pizza and chicken fingers. I considered doing something they like, but decided to make whatever I wanted and just get a pizza for the kids. It was no trouble and everyone was happy.-COLLAPSE
Our neighbors have an 6- an 4- year old who eat nothing but dino shaped chicken nuggets and eat at a separate table at everyday meals. Two years ago they had us over for Thanksgiving and seemed surprised when I expected my then 6-year old to sit with the family at the table and eat the same food everyone else was served. Part of it was practical - she's very tall and simply couldn't stuff her...+READ
Our neighbors have an 6- an 4- year old who eat nothing but dino shaped chicken nuggets and eat at a separate table at everyday meals. Two years ago they had us over for Thanksgiving and seemed surprised when I expected my then 6-year old to sit with the family at the table and eat the same food everyone else was served. Part of it was practical - she's very tall and simply couldn't stuff her legs under the little table. Most of it, though, was my expectation that she would absolutely eat the same food everyone else was served and not subsist on a diet of one or two frozen processed bland food-like substances. The neighbor's kids have incipient weight and cholesterol problems. Big surprise.
That being said, you cannot generalize about a person's food preferences based on their age. My kid would do backflips at the prospect of wild salmon for dinner and clean her plate to boot. Me? I'd wonder how many slices of bread it would take for my stomach not to rumble until I got a chance to eat something I liked.
As a hostess I'll cater to food allergies and religious restrictions but I will, under no circumstances, serve a separate an distinct kids' menu. Besides, half the time it's the adults who really want the hot dogs and chicken nuggets.-COLLAPSE
Sorry, I don't get it. Is there such a thing as "kid's food"? Are you talking about children or dogs?
I simply don't invite people to dinner parties if I feel I have to actively limit how much/what they're eating if it's being served. No fun to monitor or portion out to my guests. If I **could** afford to serve caviar, I would hope my invitees would indulge. This would include children, who I would only invite if I felt their presence would be appropriate. Now, I do agree that anyone (adult or...+READ
I simply don't invite people to dinner parties if I feel I have to actively limit how much/what they're eating if it's being served. No fun to monitor or portion out to my guests. If I **could** afford to serve caviar, I would hope my invitees would indulge. This would include children, who I would only invite if I felt their presence would be appropriate. Now, I do agree that anyone (adult or child) who hogs 3/4 of the brie or shovels in mouthfulls of caviar is rude. But they probably won't be invited back.-COLLAPSE
I am of the apparently old-fashioned belief that when you are a guest, you allow your host/ess the opportunity to lead your experience.
I would be as appalled at a guest who gave me their children's dinner preferences as if my own child made a fuss while dining in the home of another.
Simply put, if I was invited to your home and did not care for your preparation or menu, you would never in a...+READ
I am of the apparently old-fashioned belief that when you are a guest, you allow your host/ess the opportunity to lead your experience.
I would be as appalled at a guest who gave me their children's dinner preferences as if my own child made a fuss while dining in the home of another.
Simply put, if I was invited to your home and did not care for your preparation or menu, you would never in a million years know it. It is the least that I can do in return for your hospitality.-COLLAPSE
This makes me really appreciative the my Father always served us "adult" food growing up. "You don't want to eat the octopus? Okay! More for me!" was always his response. He made for dinner what HE wanted to eat, usually Spanish stews, and it's what we were served. As a result, I have to say, my horizons were expanded at a young age and I'm a very adventurous eater today. I'm appreciative that...+READ
This makes me really appreciative the my Father always served us "adult" food growing up. "You don't want to eat the octopus? Okay! More for me!" was always his response. He made for dinner what HE wanted to eat, usually Spanish stews, and it's what we were served. As a result, I have to say, my horizons were expanded at a young age and I'm a very adventurous eater today. I'm appreciative that whenever I went to a friends house to eat dinner, I was never shocked by what was being served.
The only accommodations he made were to serve dishes in an order that our little bellies wouldn't get too full before the really nutritious stuff came along.
I remember being a kid. And I remember what it felt like to be treated like I couldn't "appreciate" certain things. I think it's baloney. Let kids try small amounts of expensive foods. If they like it, allow them to eat as much as you would allow an adult to eat.-COLLAPSE
Do you have children, Julie?
When you bake up a pan of Kid Food you actively teach your children that they don't eat real food. When you don't do that, your children eat a full variety of foods which is much healthier and teaches them far better manners. Remember that this is a peculiarly American thing to do and comes across as completely deranged in most cultures. There is no reason for...+READ
Do you have children, Julie?
When you bake up a pan of Kid Food you actively teach your children that they don't eat real food. When you don't do that, your children eat a full variety of foods which is much healthier and teaches them far better manners. Remember that this is a peculiarly American thing to do and comes across as completely deranged in most cultures. There is no reason for children to ever consume Kid Food apart from uninformed parental expectations.-COLLAPSE
Seriously, what is so hard about baking a pan of Dr. Praeger's fish sticks, potato bites, or broccoli pancakes? They are healthy, easy, and kid-friendly.
I'm at the age where most of my friends have babies and toddlers, and not enough money to get a sitter. Like it or no, there will be babies in tow. Why not take ten minutes to make something for everyone? If I had vegans at my party, I would...+READ
Seriously, what is so hard about baking a pan of Dr. Praeger's fish sticks, potato bites, or broccoli pancakes? They are healthy, easy, and kid-friendly.
I'm at the age where most of my friends have babies and toddlers, and not enough money to get a sitter. Like it or no, there will be babies in tow. Why not take ten minutes to make something for everyone? If I had vegans at my party, I would make sure they could have a substantial meal.-COLLAPSE
Oops, I meant to write "sweet" not "sweat". Sorry for the typo.
I agree with the no special plates for children, which is something that turns everyone into a short order cook and fosters entitlement (that said, making sure that there foods a picky child is likely to eat is nice).
Really, though, such issues are really about the parents. For instance, I have known kids who go crazy for the shrimp cocktail. Great (as much as taste can be a matter of praise...+READ
I agree with the no special plates for children, which is something that turns everyone into a short order cook and fosters entitlement (that said, making sure that there foods a picky child is likely to eat is nice).
Really, though, such issues are really about the parents. For instance, I have known kids who go crazy for the shrimp cocktail. Great (as much as taste can be a matter of praise or condemnation) but the important thing was that the parents reminded the children not to sit above the plate and take one after the other. Some parents, I imagine might crow in delight at the sight of such hoovering, and even giggle at how upset it made the other guests (I am a frequenter of STFU Parents, if you hadn't guessed).
Similarly, one would hope that the parents actually do limit the caviar that goes into the child-- if only because this is a special item. The good taste is something one wants to share, but the purchase and sharing is also something that tells guests about the hosts desire to give good things to his/her friends. It's a gesture that cannot be read by young children (and apparently not by some parents). On the rare occasion I've been able to get caviar, I've invited some good friends who are touched by my willingness to share because we all love it so much, that I think we have all entertained fantasies of just sitting and scooping to our pleasure (short work, that). I'm not bigging myself up, but calling them to share in my treat was more than just a moment of sharing good food, it was saying something to my friends about how I valued them and all they had given me throughout the years.
That said, if you can just lay it out at a table for masses of guests.... But yes, let's remember that certain high end items may be shared in a way that not only allows for taste to be satisfied, but as a gesture of how much the host wants to provide for their friends, or how appreciative the host is of such friends. Offering a taste to a child is not necessarily a problem, but it is worth considering what the gesture is behind the food offering.
It's also worth considering whether this is a battle one really wants to fight: your child's entitlement to everything that gives him/her pleasure versus the feelings of an adult friend in a single instance.-COLLAPSE
We have always let our two boys eat grown up foods. They have to try it at least once before they can proclaim that they do not like it or it is "yuckie". My oldest (6 years old) love eat all kinds of foods, but when it comes down to it he also loves pizza and chicken fingers. Children are just little adults whose palates will adjust as they get older just like us adults, but in the mean time...+READ
We have always let our two boys eat grown up foods. They have to try it at least once before they can proclaim that they do not like it or it is "yuckie". My oldest (6 years old) love eat all kinds of foods, but when it comes down to it he also loves pizza and chicken fingers. Children are just little adults whose palates will adjust as they get older just like us adults, but in the mean time they should be exposed to all types of food. There is nothing wrong in my humble opinion to serve my son a piece of frois gras or caviar or chicken fingers. They like the rest of us grown ups eat what we feel like eating.
What is the difference of a 40 year old man wasting a nice piece of fish or meat or a 6 year old doing the same? I would much rather have a child who know what he/she likes to eat then have to say oh you can't eat this and that to them.
Just one parents' opinion. BTW my child loves caviar, frois gras, lobster etc....and hates brussel sprouts ...just like daddy.-COLLAPSE
Cutipie, in that situation, I think you did the right thing. It's the parents' problem, and not yours, if the kids just ate chips.
Bad nono, good bit of research you did there. I am another cook that doesn't cook with HFCS and makes plenty of tasty food. Starting with high quality ingredients is the key. On the other hand, sadly most Americans have fairly wimpy palates, and would be easily swayed...+READ
Cutipie, in that situation, I think you did the right thing. It's the parents' problem, and not yours, if the kids just ate chips.
Bad nono, good bit of research you did there. I am another cook that doesn't cook with HFCS and makes plenty of tasty food. Starting with high quality ingredients is the key. On the other hand, sadly most Americans have fairly wimpy palates, and would be easily swayed by eating sweat crap.-COLLAPSE
I invited a family over once with kids. I'm well aware that kids may not eat the same food as adults do, so I specifically asked the parents what the kids liked to eat. Maybe the parents didn't want to burden me with extra work and cooking and they said "they'll eat everything"
It turned out that they did not like anything I made. They only reached out for chips.
pikawicca: i don't have kids and neither do most of my friends, so I was really wondering if it had become common practice to have children at the type of dinner party where caviar or other luxe ingredients are served.
on the other hand, helena's example of shrimp and salmon don't seem all that extravagant to me. I didn't eat hot dogs when I was a kid (because they sucked, not to be PC) and I...+READ
pikawicca: i don't have kids and neither do most of my friends, so I was really wondering if it had become common practice to have children at the type of dinner party where caviar or other luxe ingredients are served.
on the other hand, helena's example of shrimp and salmon don't seem all that extravagant to me. I didn't eat hot dogs when I was a kid (because they sucked, not to be PC) and I would have been a sad kiddie to get a hotdog (effectively go hungry) while mom ate shrimp !-COLLAPSE
Why are people bringing their children to an adult dinner party?
I do not believe in serving separate meals to kids. How are they supposed to understand the world around them if they're segregated from it, after all? That said, when we invite friends over with their children, I do call to identify whether, for example, spicy foods need to be toned down. Being a good host means exciting, but not overwhelming, my guests. I've been amused more than once when I...+READ
I do not believe in serving separate meals to kids. How are they supposed to understand the world around them if they're segregated from it, after all? That said, when we invite friends over with their children, I do call to identify whether, for example, spicy foods need to be toned down. Being a good host means exciting, but not overwhelming, my guests. I've been amused more than once when I heard that "(kid) is actually way more open to (spice, vegetables, exotic flavors) than I am."-COLLAPSE
If I'm hosting a dinner party where I'm serving caviar, kids would not be on the invite list.
OK I agree that there are valid and well documented articles and studies that demonstrate that fructose affects the body differently than refined white sugar.
I was trying to avoid going down that rat hole because, at the end of the day, the studies preach moderation as the best approach to all processed sweeteners. You shouldn't overdo it on maple or honey either for that matter. So I really...+READ
OK I agree that there are valid and well documented articles and studies that demonstrate that fructose affects the body differently than refined white sugar.
I was trying to avoid going down that rat hole because, at the end of the day, the studies preach moderation as the best approach to all processed sweeteners. You shouldn't overdo it on maple or honey either for that matter. So I really feel that the near ubiquitous inclusion of HFCS in places where consumers might least expect it is the greater issue - I think we're in clear agreement on that one!-COLLAPSE
Kater, my understanding is that HFCS is not processed by our bodies in the same way as white sugar. I'm not a scientist or a dietician, however from what I know, HFCS is so chemically processed that it doesn't clear from the bloodstream like normal sugar, but instead the liver has to process it like a toxin.
I agree with you about its prevalence, which I consider frightening, and the dopey...+READ
Kater, my understanding is that HFCS is not processed by our bodies in the same way as white sugar. I'm not a scientist or a dietician, however from what I know, HFCS is so chemically processed that it doesn't clear from the bloodstream like normal sugar, but instead the liver has to process it like a toxin.
I agree with you about its prevalence, which I consider frightening, and the dopey commercial. When the industry's best defense for consuming HFCS is by stating, "it's fine in moderation," what kind of an endorsement is that?! And how much of it constitutes moderation - a single popsicle? Not to mention that moderation is well-neigh impossible for the unsuspecting when they add it to most all processed foods. Add to that the addition of all the gums, BHA and BHT, EDTA, aspertame, hydrogenated oils, etc etc. Our bodies are not built to process all this chemical garbage.
But as for the topic of this article, I agree with mountaincachers and others that if you'll have small guests, skip the expensive stuff if it's an issue for you and reserve it for adult-only events. There are certainly enough foods out there that you can create a menu to make everyone happy.-COLLAPSE
Neva, I want to add that I expect that most Chowhounds are aware that the HFCS problem is not because the product itself is worse for our bodies than other processed sweeteners. The problem is that, as a result of corn subsidies, HFCS has worked it's way into a vast array of packaged food products raising the caloric value of many very common foods and conditioning American palates to an...+READ
Neva, I want to add that I expect that most Chowhounds are aware that the HFCS problem is not because the product itself is worse for our bodies than other processed sweeteners. The problem is that, as a result of corn subsidies, HFCS has worked it's way into a vast array of packaged food products raising the caloric value of many very common foods and conditioning American palates to an unusually high level of sweetness in crackers, rolls, soups and so on.
The controversy surrounding corn syrup is not that the popsicle in that dopey commercial is worse than the refined white sugar in some other popsicle. The controversy is that corn syrup is so cheap that they put it in your minestrone bumping up the calories of what really ought to be a pretty good dietary choice, if you're going to choose a canned soup!-COLLAPSE
Our Aspie daughter has severe allergies to peanuts, tree nuts, and sesame, plus she's particularly finicky about food textures. This may be at least partly because she has ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome (or so experts have claimed), though we're trying to get her to try at least one new food a month. Of course, the textures of pizza, chicken nuggets, and sweets don't bother her a bit! :-)
well done article and thoughtful responses. if the kids want some "fish berry jam", let them try it. if they want some more, explain that it's a treat and everyone only gets a little at a time.
Our six year old has always preferred "adult food" since she has been eating solids although she loves chicken nuggets, hot dogs and macaroni and cheese these days as well. In those times where she's shown a preference for what's on our plate, as opposed to what's being served to her, rather than asking for her own portion, one of us will split our plate with her and then if we find we're still...+READ
Our six year old has always preferred "adult food" since she has been eating solids although she loves chicken nuggets, hot dogs and macaroni and cheese these days as well. In those times where she's shown a preference for what's on our plate, as opposed to what's being served to her, rather than asking for her own portion, one of us will split our plate with her and then if we find we're still hungry, eat what she's been served with her as well. In really big events (such as weddings) we often find that if relatively untouched, many of the adults at the table will ask if they can eat her plate of chicken fingers/french fries etc. for her!-COLLAPSE
Well, Kater, that's part of the point—you're the hostess, you shouldn't be compelled to do anything you don't want to do. It's not a matter of anything being "too good" for kids per se; it's a matter of some people understandably not wanting to shell out for expensive ingredients only to have them wasted on kids who won't appreciate them (kids such as those you've apparently encountered).
...+READ
Well, Kater, that's part of the point—you're the hostess, you shouldn't be compelled to do anything you don't want to do. It's not a matter of anything being "too good" for kids per se; it's a matter of some people understandably not wanting to shell out for expensive ingredients only to have them wasted on kids who won't appreciate them (kids such as those you've apparently encountered).
Meanwhile, just as some people would prefer to prepare separate menus, there are others, like you, who feel kids should darn well be prepared to eat what's served them, even if it's unfamiliar "adult" food. I think both POVs are legit. In short, my feeling is that the onus is on the guests to conform to the host/hostess's expectations on this one. If they don't like it, they can decline the invite.-COLLAPSE
Entertaining seems to have changed a great deal since I was a child. As children, the mere suggestion that you would turn up your nose the 'adult' food and expect something different was not just unmannerly, it was unthinkable. I begin to think that everyone my age did not share this experience, but whether they did or not many take a very different approach when they entertain today.
I would...+READ
Entertaining seems to have changed a great deal since I was a child. As children, the mere suggestion that you would turn up your nose the 'adult' food and expect something different was not just unmannerly, it was unthinkable. I begin to think that everyone my age did not share this experience, but whether they did or not many take a very different approach when they entertain today.
I would never have guessed, until I witnessed it a few times, that some hosts now actively expect children to eat a wholly different meal and can become disturbed or offended when they do not. This doesn't sit right with me for several reasons, but at the end of the day I have to accept that it is the truth. So one adjusts.
In addition to training my child to eat 'Kid Food' when it's offered I have also had to accept that I am expected to offer children a separate and additional menu when they visit. In fact, I am further obligated to launch an investigation and find out whether the child consumes chicken nuggets, hot dogs or macaroni and cheese. I will report back if I find a 'Kid Food' eater who consumes all three without caveats.
When I entertain, I prepare enough of every dish for each guest to enjoy it. I don't find it difficult and just can't imagine feeling anything but joy in seeing a child eating what I've prepared. The notion that steak or caviar or asparagus or stuffed figs etc... are somehow too good for children to consume is baffling. If it's on the menu, everyone who joins the party is encouraged to help himself - Even if he is two and half of it winds up on his sweater!
When compelled to provide a children's menu, I am stuck with additional (unwelcome) work and often a separate shopping trip to find the junk. I'm sorry, but while I do it in order to enjoy friends' company, the expectation is just plain rude. I've heard lots of logic from people who have no idea how offended I am by this charade explaining this expectation or custom but none of it has ever made a lick of sense.
It sort of makes me wonder what would happen if I called someone up before a party, learned that they were serving chicken and explain that my child only eats butter poached lobster... I think we would find that people who so readily assert that food demands from children are necessary and innate would feel quite differently about that one!-COLLAPSE
I totally agree with tatamagouche--it's great to see adventurous eaters. But when you're at a dinner party, you and your kids should eat what the host offers you.....graciously.
I do think the matter gets a bit more complicated when kids get to that "inbetween" age around 3rd, 4th or 5th grade as some still like the chicken fingers and others want the ahi tuna. But as a parent, it's your job to...+READ
I totally agree with tatamagouche--it's great to see adventurous eaters. But when you're at a dinner party, you and your kids should eat what the host offers you.....graciously.
I do think the matter gets a bit more complicated when kids get to that "inbetween" age around 3rd, 4th or 5th grade as some still like the chicken fingers and others want the ahi tuna. But as a parent, it's your job to teach your child manners and politeness--and while they can order the ahi tuna when they are out to dinner with you, on your dime, they should never demand that kind of food in someone else's home unless it is offered.
Personally speaking, as a hostess I'd probably never serve food to one group that was totally off-limits to another (unless we're talking 5 year-olds) but I do think it is a little weird to have stuff like crab cakes and lobster for the "adults" and then ask the 13 year-olds to eat bologna sandwiches. I'd rather make grilled pizzas (that everyone can enjoy...together) or like another poster said, have a more formal adults-only party if I wanted to serve caviar and truffles.-COLLAPSE
We have always fed our now 10 year old the same food that we eat, and, as a result, he is an adventurous eater. Having said that, if we were at a party, I wouldn't worry about whether he is eating the same thing that I am. The occasional junk food isn't going to hurt him. If the food that they were feeding the kids were something he wouldn't touch (chicken nuggets) I might supplement from the...+READ
We have always fed our now 10 year old the same food that we eat, and, as a result, he is an adventurous eater. Having said that, if we were at a party, I wouldn't worry about whether he is eating the same thing that I am. The occasional junk food isn't going to hurt him. If the food that they were feeding the kids were something he wouldn't touch (chicken nuggets) I might supplement from the grown up food, with respect for portion sizes. I wouldn't let him stand there downing all of the shrimp cocktail. (Though I have certainly seen adults standing next to the shrimp, hoovering away, completely unconcerned about whether or not anyone else has had any. Another example where kids get held to a different standard apparently).
Maybe it's just my group of friends, but generally if high end food was going to be served, it would probably be an adult only event. Parties that include children tend to be less formal and wouldn't likely feature caviar anyway. In any case, whether children are invited or not, no one should serve food that "costs half their paycheck." There are plenty of delicious, company worthy foods that won't break the bank. If cost is the big problem, skip the salmon and caviar and serve something else.-COLLAPSE
That thread seems to be locked, but it involves two different issues: 1) how parents teach children to develop a palate in general and 2) what may occur at a dinner party. I applaud parents who want to teach their kids about good food right off the bat, but the fact of the matter is, *nobody* is ensured that they get what they want at a dinner party, and since kids' palates aren't commonly...+READ
That thread seems to be locked, but it involves two different issues: 1) how parents teach children to develop a palate in general and 2) what may occur at a dinner party. I applaud parents who want to teach their kids about good food right off the bat, but the fact of the matter is, *nobody* is ensured that they get what they want at a dinner party, and since kids' palates aren't commonly developed enough to love adult food, it's understandable that the host/ess should not want to waste expensive ingredients on kids that won't appreciate them.
I agree with Helena's (and alkapal's) approach, and I think parents have to be flexible in either direction as well. In short, as usual, it comes down to being considerate of everyone, big or small.-COLLAPSE