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Dear Helena,
When guests ask if they can help in the kitchen, I feel it’s more trouble to explain how I want something done than to do it myself. But sometimes someone follows me into the kitchen and tries to “entertain” me. This is annoying, as I don’t necessarily want my guests to know everything that goes into a dish—like how much butter goes in my stuffing! Last year my cousin distracted me so, prattling on about her latest bad date, that I accidentally poured my gravy down the sink. Is it uncool of me to be irritated? And what’s the most gracious way to banish a guest from the kitchen?
—Shy Cook
Dear Shy Cook,
There are two sorts of cooks: sociable and solitary. As this thread illustrates, people seem to fall about equally into the two camps. And when I asked readers of the Kitchn what they thought about this week’s topic, they were split down the middle too.
Sociable cooks think of the kitchen as the heart of the house, the place where everyone hangs out. They feel excluded if they are stirring risotto while their guests are laughing in the next room. Their ideal kitchen has an island with barstools.
But solitary cooks—like myself—like to concentrate when they cook. I need to enter a kind of flow state: I’m beating egg whites while remembering to check the pasta while plotting what will go into the salad. It disrupts my flow if I have to listen to a guest’s anecdote about what happened while he was at the DMV.
Some solitary cooks may feel uncomfortable about guests watching them cook because it spoils the surprise when they finally bring out the food. They don’t want people to see them double-dip the tasting spoon or eat the soggy bit of Parmesan rind they used to flavor the stock. It’s like having your date watch you pluck your eyebrows and powder your nose.
If you’re a solitary cook, it’s natural to be irritated when hovering guests cramp your style. But those guests most likely have good intentions. They’re worried that you’re lonely, or convinced that, even though you’ve refused their offer of help three times, you could still do with a second pair of hands. So be gentle when you banish them.
I recommend being straightforward: “I’m really enjoying your company, but if you go and sit down, I’ll get everything done faster; then I can relax and focus on our conversation.”
Commenters on the Kitchn have other suggestions. “I usually tell them to go make me a drink and often they get waylaid by a conversation at the bar,” says tasterspoon.
“We put a linoleum floor in our kitchen, and as a decorative accent, I added a black stripe around the island,” says sara jane. “When we have big crowds, everyone gathers in the kitchen, not even minding that there aren’t enough stools. When it’s time for me to get into ‘game mode’ and get dinner on the table, I shout ‘Behind the black line!’ and woe to anyone caught inside of it and in my workspace.”
But you have to know your guests well and be very charming to do this without causing offense. I used to have a tiny kitchen and would always bark “Invisible line!” at my husband whenever he tried to come in and chat to me while I cooked. Needless to say, this was not received well.
Here’s more CHOW advice on how to deal with kitchen invaders.
I guess I fall into the social cook category. But if I didn't, I'd prepare meals that don't require me to be in the kitchen very long after guests arrive. I try to time things so I can be out and about with them for the most part, but would never banish someone from the kitchen just because I wasn't done cooking. It's about being together, right?
CHOW is presenting our posts as advice on "how to deal with kitchen invaders,' and not necessarily how to shut down any guest who simply asks if they can help (just good manners.) But we strayed instead into how graceful we are under pressure, how preparing a meal for guests IS no pressure, and occasionally how rude we have been to our invited guests. Your questions on what matters to us most and...+READ
CHOW is presenting our posts as advice on "how to deal with kitchen invaders,' and not necessarily how to shut down any guest who simply asks if they can help (just good manners.) But we strayed instead into how graceful we are under pressure, how preparing a meal for guests IS no pressure, and occasionally how rude we have been to our invited guests. Your questions on what matters to us most and the advice on planning an easy menu are appreciated. Still, advice on POLITELY dealing with a particular guest who has velcroed themselves to your side seeking a private audience is PRICELESS and it seems the consensus is assigning another guest the job.-COLLAPSE
Clearly this subject hits home! It does with me, but what if you are neither a shy cook nor a sociable cook? I am sociable and a I'm a cook but, I don't want to turn my kitchen into a classroom at the eleventh hour!
Perhaps.... a more accurate classification would be to analyze and understand ones primary motivation asking, "What matters to you the most: Cooking to perfection or creating a...+READ
Clearly this subject hits home! It does with me, but what if you are neither a shy cook nor a sociable cook? I am sociable and a I'm a cook but, I don't want to turn my kitchen into a classroom at the eleventh hour!
Perhaps.... a more accurate classification would be to analyze and understand ones primary motivation asking, "What matters to you the most: Cooking to perfection or creating a comfortable environment for your guests?"
Once an individual understands themselves and the value they place upon the social and nurturing side of food preparation versus the creative culinary side they would be better prepared and able to plan the menu accordingly.
I want to know where I fit into the equation perhaps others do too?-COLLAPSE
I enjoy having my friends & family around when cooking, and still can be easily distracted....it's only human! I once sliced my thumb tip off! Dinner was all ready, and I was slicing lemons for the water, and too busy talking a mile a minute, and drinking my wine! Was I distracted by my guests? You bet, but it was really my fault for not paying attention to what I was doing with a SHARP knife!...+READ
I enjoy having my friends & family around when cooking, and still can be easily distracted....it's only human! I once sliced my thumb tip off! Dinner was all ready, and I was slicing lemons for the water, and too busy talking a mile a minute, and drinking my wine! Was I distracted by my guests? You bet, but it was really my fault for not paying attention to what I was doing with a SHARP knife! Luckily, one of my guests was a former ER Doc, and he superglued the tip back on! You'd never know it even happened!
Your guests want to feel a part of the meal, it's a social interaction, and many don't feel comfortable if they haven't asked to help. So you should keep that in mind, and not assume they are trying to bug you, etc. Give them small jobs or insist they can help on the flip side of the dinner - clean up time!-COLLAPSE
I prefer to bo on my own in the kitchen.
But I have helped out someone who isn't, and I feel the best way to get someone else to help, is get them chopping somewhere.
I mean, getting them to peel the potatoes - can anyone get that wrong?
And that way, even if they distract you, you've saved 5 minutes.
I will say though, that my sociable friend often gets quite stressed, and I never do.
I actually can be both solitary and sociable. It depends on what I am cooking, the number of guests, and if I have a fixed deadline by which I must finish, like the start time of a large party. If I have invited up to about six people over for dinner, I am fine with them watching me work in the kitchen while talking, or even helping a little (they need to be far away on another counter, and not...+READ
I actually can be both solitary and sociable. It depends on what I am cooking, the number of guests, and if I have a fixed deadline by which I must finish, like the start time of a large party. If I have invited up to about six people over for dinner, I am fine with them watching me work in the kitchen while talking, or even helping a little (they need to be far away on another counter, and not afraid of my knives). If, OTOH, I have to crank out five entrees in time for 50 guests to arrive, no one can work faster than I can in my own kitchen, and a guest who volunteers to prep, and who keeps asking me if the sizes of the veggies for the salad are right every five minutes, is not helping.
If it gets busy, the best thing for me to do with helpful guests is to give them a chore that is time consuming for me, but simple for them to do. I will ask guests to put out things to set up, slice bread and put it in baskets, etc.-COLLAPSE
Send them to the store for more liquor and ice, or on some other useful errand. If you put people to work when they show up in your kitchen, they eventually learn to entertain themselves in a different part of the house while your putting the meal together. If they truly want to help and can be trusted, give thhem some vegetables to chop or shrimp to clean. If that doesn't work, simply tell them...+READ
Send them to the store for more liquor and ice, or on some other useful errand. If you put people to work when they show up in your kitchen, they eventually learn to entertain themselves in a different part of the house while your putting the meal together. If they truly want to help and can be trusted, give thhem some vegetables to chop or shrimp to clean. If that doesn't work, simply tell them to GTFO of your kitchen. Or you could stop inviting people to the house altogether.-COLLAPSE
This whole conversation is very helpful to me. It is not rare, when I am a guest in someone's home, to suddenly have a jolt of guilt "I should've been helping!" during dinner, or as the hostess and other women are bringing things to the table. This is just one of the traditional gender roles that doesn't come naturally to me (I actually go to the bathroom alone too.) I'm often found hanging out...+READ
This whole conversation is very helpful to me. It is not rare, when I am a guest in someone's home, to suddenly have a jolt of guilt "I should've been helping!" during dinner, or as the hostess and other women are bringing things to the table. This is just one of the traditional gender roles that doesn't come naturally to me (I actually go to the bathroom alone too.) I'm often found hanging out with the guys while all the women are in the kitchen.-COLLAPSE
In our apartment in NY, the kitchen is just too small for more than one person, though anyone who wants to bring a chair near the door, out of the counter/stove/refrigerator/sink/pantry flight path, is welcome & can chat at will, bearing in mind that I can't look away from what I'm doing. Not a good time to show me cellphone pics.
Each year, we visit a friend in Louisiana who has a great big...+READ
In our apartment in NY, the kitchen is just too small for more than one person, though anyone who wants to bring a chair near the door, out of the counter/stove/refrigerator/sink/pantry flight path, is welcome & can chat at will, bearing in mind that I can't look away from what I'm doing. Not a good time to show me cellphone pics.
Each year, we visit a friend in Louisiana who has a great big kitchen & prefers eating to cooking, so I usually do all of it while we are there (oh, the bliss of a large refrigerator & all that counter space). Generally while I cook, he & my husband lounge around the table, have coffee or a beer, taste test anything meaty (I don't eat meat but do cook it), make conversation & keep the dogs out from underfoot -- & that's just fine too.
On the other hand, my mother in California also has a large kitchen. She hates to cook & is delighted to have me do it, but insists on standing right over my shoulder, asking "What are you doing that for? What are you doing now? Why do you swear so much? Why don't you do something different with your hair?" After five minutes of this I am contemplating homicide and/or suicide, & have usually burned myself, broken a glass & dropped something vital down the drain. This is when I say to my husband as sweetly as I can with my teeth clenched, "Why don't you let my mother show you the garden NOW & could you possibly pour me a drink first?" That is the kitchen equivalent of a tsunami warning & he hauls her off, generally with one last wail of "But I want to seeeeeee ... ."
(No, she's not senile, frail or lonely -- she just gets a kick out of getting into my personal space. Yes, she's been asked nicely -- she thinks she's being cute. Can't work when someone keeps poking at me.)
So it depends on the layout & the company.-COLLAPSE
Shago, I see you've posted since x-mas, but you've got to tell us how it went. Did your poor mother survive? And the rest of the family as well?
As for my kitchen scene--I love to have the party be where I am, so def want people in the kitchen, either helping or hanging out. Most of the 'entertaining' I've done in recent years has involved friends of my son anyway, so simple foods and the...+READ
Shago, I see you've posted since x-mas, but you've got to tell us how it went. Did your poor mother survive? And the rest of the family as well?
As for my kitchen scene--I love to have the party be where I am, so def want people in the kitchen, either helping or hanging out. Most of the 'entertaining' I've done in recent years has involved friends of my son anyway, so simple foods and the 5-second rule reign.
New challenge in my life: I've just started dating a former restaurant manager, and am curious to see how this will unfold with the two of us! First thing we have to figure out though, is what to eat together. I'm a vegetarian, he can't eat lentils. His favorite veg is celery, which I'm allergic to. Pasta works, but not every. single. day.-COLLAPSE
I love it when people come and entertain me in the kitchen, if things get too involved I usually end up semi-ignoring them and they usually wander off. Depends on the guest though.
Ruth,
You're one of the posters that I most deeply respect here.
Indeed my tone was judgmental. I apologize to those I've offended.
shaogo, I think where you're wrong is insisting that what's right for you is right for everyone else, and if it isn't right for them, then there's something wrong with them and they need to change. Everyone has the right to manage their own kitchen and their own entertaining the way it works best for them without people getting judgmental about it.
Shaogo, I think that is why there's all this controversy about cell phones and driving, because people are texting or distracted by the call and having accidents. I was smacked into TWICE by a woman in a giant SUV once, driving along the feeder road next to 290. She just swerved into my lane and tapped me... I immediately started to slow down to let her get ahead of me.. and she swerved again and...+READ
Shaogo, I think that is why there's all this controversy about cell phones and driving, because people are texting or distracted by the call and having accidents. I was smacked into TWICE by a woman in a giant SUV once, driving along the feeder road next to 290. She just swerved into my lane and tapped me... I immediately started to slow down to let her get ahead of me.. and she swerved again and tapped me again. Luckily I was able to keep control of my car. To be fair, I don't actually know if she was distracted by a cell phone, or playing with her radio, or what... but I know she had a phone on her, because she had her phone number advertising her business stuck to the back of her vehicle. I called her while I was still driving behind her and asked if she had even noticed hitting me. Her response "I thought I heard something..."
o_O-COLLAPSE
Perfect shaogo here.
Perhaps the tone of my first post was a little strong. I admit that cooking a holiday meal for a dozen people is extremely stressful and that for most home cooks it can be overwhelming at times.
Cooking is one of the two most dangerous things we do in our daily lives. The other is driving a car.
I guess my question is: if another person can *force* you to do...+READ
Perfect shaogo here.
Perhaps the tone of my first post was a little strong. I admit that cooking a holiday meal for a dozen people is extremely stressful and that for most home cooks it can be overwhelming at times.
Cooking is one of the two most dangerous things we do in our daily lives. The other is driving a car.
I guess my question is: if another person can *force* you to do something as drastic as pouring hours' worth of work down the sink (without touching you), can the same thing happen to you when you're driving a car? If you're distracted by someone in the car do you drive through red lights and cross lanes without signalling? Of course not. It's part of the stress of driving -- the single most dangerous thing we do each day.
Perhaps the same attention should be paid to cooking -- the second most dangerous thing we do each day.-COLLAPSE
Dear Shy Cook, I think it's only rude if you SHOW your irritation with an inconsiderate guest, but who among us (except perfect Shaogo, of course) hasn't had an occasion when you wanted to shout, "MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! I'm tripping over you!"
I have a (new!!) large open kitchen, a big island with bar stools on two sides and a pretty clearly defined smallish workspace on the other side. Fridge,...+READ
Dear Shy Cook, I think it's only rude if you SHOW your irritation with an inconsiderate guest, but who among us (except perfect Shaogo, of course) hasn't had an occasion when you wanted to shout, "MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! I'm tripping over you!"
I have a (new!!) large open kitchen, a big island with bar stools on two sides and a pretty clearly defined smallish workspace on the other side. Fridge, stove, dishwasher, sink all in easy reach. In the larger space, there's additional counterspace, another sink, a bar, etc which I love and all my guests seem to like. There's a favorite group that we have over often, five couples. In this group, the woman I know least well who seems very sweet and somewhat shy, invariably comes around into the little workspace with me and sticks to me like glue. When I say, "Excuse me, I just need to preheat that oven" she moves in front of the refrigerator, or the sink, or the dishwasher, or the microwave - you get the picture of our tight little dance. All the while, she's chatting intimately with me so that we're both completely out of the larger party. I've given her projects but she just gets in a corner alone with it and lowers her head like she's a scolded child. My latest solution: I've put one of the other guests (my best friend) on notice for the next time and she's promised to finesse a guilt-free reprieve for me and a nice time for the woman. No wonder she's my best friend!-COLLAPSE
When I have people over - it's actually for them to watch me cook. I have an island kitchen and happen to be the "best" cook of my friends. They all come over and sit around the island watching me prepare the apps, main and desert asking questions all the way along - it's very Molto Mario and we all have a blast. My mixed company friends call it "Cooking With Dave", but occasionally I have four...+READ
When I have people over - it's actually for them to watch me cook. I have an island kitchen and happen to be the "best" cook of my friends. They all come over and sit around the island watching me prepare the apps, main and desert asking questions all the way along - it's very Molto Mario and we all have a blast. My mixed company friends call it "Cooking With Dave", but occasionally I have four or five female friends over.... they call it "Ladies Night At Dave's"
I DO get all the prep done ahead so the counter is filled with ramekins of ingredients all ready to go - the cooking shows sure have it right on that count. We go through wine, chat, and even laugh together when I make a mistake. Fun times!
AzDave-COLLAPSE
I really enjoy steamed veggies.
And pasta.
:)
But your cookie sounds fantastic!
The best way to prevent soggy mush grossness in food that's been prepared ahead of time is to plan a menu full of things that won't turn to soggy mush grossness! After all, there are plenty of foods that can be made ahead to choose from!
Another option is to prepare foods that are cooked at the last minute but which don't require plating; taking the food from the cooking vessel, cutting,...+READ
The best way to prevent soggy mush grossness in food that's been prepared ahead of time is to plan a menu full of things that won't turn to soggy mush grossness! After all, there are plenty of foods that can be made ahead to choose from!
Another option is to prepare foods that are cooked at the last minute but which don't require plating; taking the food from the cooking vessel, cutting, carving, plating, saucing, etc. is where most of the mess and chaos occurs, in my experience). For example, I have recipe for meyer lemon pot de creme that I prefer to serve warm. But since it is cooked in individual serving vessels, I prepare it, pour into the individual containers, put it in the oven when we sit down for our first course, and when it's done, the bowls go on a service plate with a pre-made garnish (a bit of candied citrus, perhaps) and a nice homemade cookie, no muss, no fuss.-COLLAPSE
Having everything ready beforehand works too, except for when it doesn't. Some recipes are difficult to keep warm for an extended period of time without congealing, loss of texture, drying out, etc. which is prevented when served immediately upon completion.
2 things I can think of off the top of my head that don't keep well under extended warming: steamed veggies or boiled pasta - they turn to...+READ
Having everything ready beforehand works too, except for when it doesn't. Some recipes are difficult to keep warm for an extended period of time without congealing, loss of texture, drying out, etc. which is prevented when served immediately upon completion.
2 things I can think of off the top of my head that don't keep well under extended warming: steamed veggies or boiled pasta - they turn to mush if you try to keep them warm for too long; I prefer them to be more crisp. Also, fried foods, especially shrimp or veggie tempura are best served as quickly as possible after cooking and blotting the oil off of them with paper towels.
P.S. if anyone has warming techniques for these things that prevent the soggy mushy grossness, please share!-COLLAPSE
When I don't want guests in the kitchen, I make sure everything's ready before they arrive.
I should add that the sister-in-law and her husband are insisting on hosting Thanksgiving at their house next year. My family is dying to see how she manages it! I suspect it's going to be a long couple of days for her mother and husband!
I've done the same, Toodie Jane! I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist control freak when I'm feeding people, but I try to remind myself that the "perfection" of the occasion lies in the overall enjoyment of the guests, and not in the food, table setting, etc. This year Thanksgiving ended up at my house on short notice, and I had to remind myself that people meant well, and that if I had things...+READ
I've done the same, Toodie Jane! I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist control freak when I'm feeding people, but I try to remind myself that the "perfection" of the occasion lies in the overall enjoyment of the guests, and not in the food, table setting, etc. This year Thanksgiving ended up at my house on short notice, and I had to remind myself that people meant well, and that if I had things they could do I should let them, or if they were in my way I should find ways for them to be useful outside the kitchen.
That didn't keep me from wanting to strangle my sister's sister-in-law when at the very moment when everything was ready to go on the table she planted herself smack in the middle of the path from the kitchen to the dining room and started a conversation with my sister on children's birthday parties. I could barely restrain myself from snapping that if she wasn't going to help (in the last three Thanksgivings we've spent together she's barely lifted a finger -- this year I watched because I thought maybe I was somehow being unfair, and she managed to stir herself to clear a couple of plates after dinner and then stand around the kitchen pretending she was helping) she could at least GET OUT OF THE WAY.-COLLAPSE
I'm a distracted cook whe nothers try to soclaize while I'm preparing a meal. I found it helpful to enlist the help of a firend to clear my work area.
At one dinner party, one of my friends--a good cook in her own right-- asked what she could do to help; I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Bless you! Could you please get all these people out of the kitchen?!" She smiled, and did just...+READ
I'm a distracted cook whe nothers try to soclaize while I'm preparing a meal. I found it helpful to enlist the help of a firend to clear my work area.
At one dinner party, one of my friends--a good cook in her own right-- asked what she could do to help; I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Bless you! Could you please get all these people out of the kitchen?!" She smiled, and did just that, keeping the converstation going in the living room, and playing hostess while I brought everything together in the last big push. Then I called everyone into the kitchen to help carry things out to the table and we all sat down to a happy and enjoyable dinner.-COLLAPSE
I'd have to self-identify as a demi-social cook - I love having people over to cook, love having them earn their meal, and welcome having sous chefs (even though I prefer dish washers) -- my main caveat is this: you can help if you take a cutting board to the dinner table and work there (I have a cramped apartment and you cant be in the area bordered by fridge/stove/food cabinets/pot and pan...+READ
I'd have to self-identify as a demi-social cook - I love having people over to cook, love having them earn their meal, and welcome having sous chefs (even though I prefer dish washers) -- my main caveat is this: you can help if you take a cutting board to the dinner table and work there (I have a cramped apartment and you cant be in the area bordered by fridge/stove/food cabinets/pot and pan storage). I think it works best if I can hand you a bunch of onions to chop OVER THERE. Like bblonde, I also need to be JEFE in my kitchen - but my nearest and dearest know and understand that. On a similar note, I avoid the kitchen like the plague when my partner is cooking - he LOVES having a sous chef and if I walk in for a glass of water, I'll be mincing garlic in no time-COLLAPSE
I am a very social person in all other aspects, but I tend to like to cook in solitude. As the poster stated, I too find that it is often easier for me to do a last minute step than to describe it to a guest. More often than not, guests just end up crowding into the kitchen where I must dodge them to try to get to my appropriate work station and it's tiresome. I much prefer party guests and my...+READ
I am a very social person in all other aspects, but I tend to like to cook in solitude. As the poster stated, I too find that it is often easier for me to do a last minute step than to describe it to a guest. More often than not, guests just end up crowding into the kitchen where I must dodge them to try to get to my appropriate work station and it's tiresome. I much prefer party guests and my only family entertain them and refresh their drinks while I finish up the meal, and then I'm feeling myself.
Also, when I'm in the kitchen, I feel like a commander in the trenches. I mean business. This can sometimes come off a snooty and bossy to someone in the kitchen with me so I prefer they be awed by the meal at the table and then I can talk as the real me.-COLLAPSE
I'm a social cook who is used to working in both an open restaurant kitchen and my clients' large luxurious kitchens. I have no problem with people crowding in in either of those situations, as long as they don't get directly in my personal space.
My home kitchen, on the other hand, is minuscule and built for one. I'm lucky to have an opening to the living room so that I can visit with my...+READ
I'm a social cook who is used to working in both an open restaurant kitchen and my clients' large luxurious kitchens. I have no problem with people crowding in in either of those situations, as long as they don't get directly in my personal space.
My home kitchen, on the other hand, is minuscule and built for one. I'm lucky to have an opening to the living room so that I can visit with my guests. However, in any of the above situations there have been guests who get a bit too much in the way. I always give at least two polite "excuse me's" before taking more drastic action, at which point there is nothing more direct to get the point across than the well-placed "accidental" hip check (followed by a sincere apology, an offer to replace their drink and pulling up a barstool for them in an area that is a little safer for them.)-COLLAPSE
No worries, shaogo! I only wanted to share my perspective. I'm both a social person and a solitary cook; I can relate to both sides of the subject. Like the author said, some people need to get into a flow with it, just like others can whip everything together instinctively, while also doing their taxes and practicing a dance routine with 12 of their closest friends in the kitchen! Both are...+READ
No worries, shaogo! I only wanted to share my perspective. I'm both a social person and a solitary cook; I can relate to both sides of the subject. Like the author said, some people need to get into a flow with it, just like others can whip everything together instinctively, while also doing their taxes and practicing a dance routine with 12 of their closest friends in the kitchen! Both are equally rad. Actually I admit, the latter is way more rad. :P-COLLAPSE
Please forgive me, rikasings. I was not trying to be rude -- but it came out that way. I'm a restaurant professional and overlooked the fact that a home cook may find chatter in the kitchen extremely distracting to the point of being dangerous.
Perhaps my underlying motive was to try to impel non-social cooks into being more sociable.
I love to be social, especially cooking for large parties, but I'm way too accident prone to handle multiple distractions and still get dinner to turn out okay. I tend to drop/break/burn things due to antsy people breathing down my neck, or standing in the way, or trying to pull me away from the kitchen altogether, or wormholes, or the earth shifting on it's axis.
I don't consider this a lack of...+READ
I love to be social, especially cooking for large parties, but I'm way too accident prone to handle multiple distractions and still get dinner to turn out okay. I tend to drop/break/burn things due to antsy people breathing down my neck, or standing in the way, or trying to pull me away from the kitchen altogether, or wormholes, or the earth shifting on it's axis.
I don't consider this a lack of self-control or focus. I do think it's rude to imply there is a flaw or lack of intelligence or ability just because someone's style of cooking or thinking differs from yours. We are not all chatty octopussies!
Usually if it gets too crowded, I am not afraid to say "OKAY, I need to concentrate here, why don't y'all go check out my etchings?" My friends don't mind, since they love my etchings. And I always suggest that those that really want to pitch in can do the dishes afterward. I really hate doing the dishes.
P.S. "etchings" is not a code or anything.
Or Is It?
*eyebrow waggle*-COLLAPSE
danna:
My mother is the "aunt."
After fifty years of mom yacking endlessly (sadly we've only in the last few years discovered that mom's got a disorder or two which are tough to treat - loquaciousness is the result of mania in her case) my aunt, the one who suffers my mom, finally asked my brother last year (within hearing distance of my mom) "does your mother ever shut up?" My aunt's...+READ
danna:
My mother is the "aunt."
After fifty years of mom yacking endlessly (sadly we've only in the last few years discovered that mom's got a disorder or two which are tough to treat - loquaciousness is the result of mania in her case) my aunt, the one who suffers my mom, finally asked my brother last year (within hearing distance of my mom) "does your mother ever shut up?" My aunt's already announced her intentions to *ask* my mother to shut up, this year.-COLLAPSE
My Mom is finally allowing me to make the turkey for this year's xmas eve family dinner. Why? Because she's too old? no. too sick? no. Too busy ? Too broke? No. no. it's 'cause she can't deal with the stress of my aunt (who arrives early) talking to her non-stop while she's handling the critical steps of deciding when the turkey is cooked and then doing the slicing. I think it's kinda weird, but...+READ
My Mom is finally allowing me to make the turkey for this year's xmas eve family dinner. Why? Because she's too old? no. too sick? no. Too busy ? Too broke? No. no. it's 'cause she can't deal with the stress of my aunt (who arrives early) talking to her non-stop while she's handling the critical steps of deciding when the turkey is cooked and then doing the slicing. I think it's kinda weird, but then, I'm not high strung.-COLLAPSE
mrbigshot, the key is "as long as they stay out of the way." When I remodeled my kitchen, I made the "outside" area on the other side of the island big and inviting with comfy barstools. I don't mind guests hanging out there at all (I usually try to have most of the harder parts of the recipe done ahead so that it doesn't matter so much if I get a little distracted.) What makes me crazy is when...+READ
mrbigshot, the key is "as long as they stay out of the way." When I remodeled my kitchen, I made the "outside" area on the other side of the island big and inviting with comfy barstools. I don't mind guests hanging out there at all (I usually try to have most of the harder parts of the recipe done ahead so that it doesn't matter so much if I get a little distracted.) What makes me crazy is when people enter my workspace. Usually it's people who don't cook who do this. Someone will wander in and stand in front of the sink, or garbage can, ovens, etc. In that case, I don't feel bad booting them back to the other side of the island.-COLLAPSE
"conversation is fine as long as it's not "My Mom never made it like that" "
Anybody who says that to me in the kitchen while I'm cooking isn't going to be in the kitchen for long because I will throw them out the window.
As long as they can stay out of the way, conversation is fine as long as it's not "My Mom never made it like that" and keep the cook's drink fresh. Otherwise go in the other room and play video games with the kids and don't mess with the stereo.
I love hosting dinner parties but always, ALWAYS make a point of doing my prep ahead of time, AND trying my best not to pick foods that I'm cooking for the 1st time that night. As you entertain more you will build up your repetiore of "Go To" recipes that will cover parties from casual to formal. I have also hired a restaurant server for larger parties since they already have a knowledge on how...+READ
I love hosting dinner parties but always, ALWAYS make a point of doing my prep ahead of time, AND trying my best not to pick foods that I'm cooking for the 1st time that night. As you entertain more you will build up your repetiore of "Go To" recipes that will cover parties from casual to formal. I have also hired a restaurant server for larger parties since they already have a knowledge on how to plate, serve, and clear. Plus they will make sure that drinks and appetizers are always flowing and will help with clean up as well. You can place an ad on Craig's list for servers or even culinary students looking for side gigs for an hourly rate.-COLLAPSE
"Shy Cook" the letter writer is more like "anti-social cook." Is it that big a deal to spend a little time to perhaps *teach* someone to do something in the kitchen?
I also pity the person with such a lack of self-control or focus that they can't have a conversation and strain gravy at the same time.
I guess I'm with the "social" cook crowd. I can't imagine not having a gang of guests,...+READ
"Shy Cook" the letter writer is more like "anti-social cook." Is it that big a deal to spend a little time to perhaps *teach* someone to do something in the kitchen?
I also pity the person with such a lack of self-control or focus that they can't have a conversation and strain gravy at the same time.
I guess I'm with the "social" cook crowd. I can't imagine not having a gang of guests, wineglasses in hand, around the kitchen when a meal's being prepared.-COLLAPSE
I can't imagine not having a crowd in the kitchen when I'm trying to get food on the table. I like having help, especially for getting drinks for people, and anything that takes me away from getting the food out. Even my least skilled friends know to find someone to help them if they can't get a bottle of wine opened.
I like being sociable in the kitchen, however do not feel offended if i get distracted and stop listening to you for a moment. Like with most things, I feel you can strike a balance!
I like the IDEA of the kitchen being the social center of the house, but truly, I prefer the dining table to be the center... I don't like assistance (maybe with plating and cleaning). Just like gloriousfood, I set up appetizers before people arrive on the dining table in hopes that they congregate there... inevitably, they start crowding my kitchen!
I once screamed at a friend to get the $%^& out of the kitchen when he caused me to burn my hand while trying manuever a hot plate around him. He was quiet for the rest of the meal and now knows not to hover.
I'm sociable by nature but solitary in the kitchen. I don't even want another cook in the kitchen helping me out, let alone family and friends hovering around. Let me cook, damn it! There's a reason for all those apps in the living room. I'm all yours once we start eating. Thank you.
When it's just hubby and me in the kitchen, no problem. If anybody else wants to get in on the act, I either give them a simple task to help with (or distract them with, as the case may be), or I make sure I prepare as much food in advance as I can, so it's just a matter of taking it out of the oven or pot, and bon appetit! :-)
As Thai food is my predominant style of cooking, and requires a near frenetic pace of stir frying, adding ingredients, tasting, and concentration to get the flavours just right (I'm a huge Thai snob and perfectionist), I can't afford for people to be in my kitchen and distracting me, as the food will certainly pay the price. Hence, I have a rule that people are to be banished from the kitchen...+READ
As Thai food is my predominant style of cooking, and requires a near frenetic pace of stir frying, adding ingredients, tasting, and concentration to get the flavours just right (I'm a huge Thai snob and perfectionist), I can't afford for people to be in my kitchen and distracting me, as the food will certainly pay the price. Hence, I have a rule that people are to be banished from the kitchen while cooking is going on. It is extremely difficult to enforce, as people always invariably sneak in and have to be asked to leave, but I am diligent in it.
Now, if I were making, say, Italian food instead, then I might welcome the company, but that's because the pace is much slower and the food preparation and cooking time much longer, so I can handle the company.-COLLAPSE
My kitchen table is set a ways away from my main cooking area so I don't mind people sitting at it and chatting with me while I cook. I generally don't make very complicated stuff for groups so it's not distracting to me.
there are times when im sociable, and times when i want them to all go away and enjoy each other's company. as a guest, i ask if i can help, if the cook says no thanks... i take them at their word. i also assume no thanks also means i don't need to be talking to them from the kitchen door.
When people come over for a dinner party, they have a tendency to hang out in the kitchen while I'm running around preparing stuff. They enjoy watching. Of all of our friends, one is particularly good and has great aptitude and enjoys helping me do things. By the time that everybody arrives, it 's a matter of plating and putting finishing touches on stuff. That being said, plating appetizers,...+READ
When people come over for a dinner party, they have a tendency to hang out in the kitchen while I'm running around preparing stuff. They enjoy watching. Of all of our friends, one is particularly good and has great aptitude and enjoys helping me do things. By the time that everybody arrives, it 's a matter of plating and putting finishing touches on stuff. That being said, plating appetizers, salad, and main course for 8 people is difficult alone. I greatly appreciate his help as he plates and garnishes along with me as I trust that he will do it as well as me.
If additional prep is needed, he is really one of the only people that I'll allow to help due to his skills. It's the same when I go to his house for a party. He and I usually work the kitchen. We both enjoy and it works.-COLLAPSE
then there's the social cook faced with totally inept kitchen helpers who persevere with offers to help beyond bearing. if they are not small children who can be distracted with balls of dough and food coloring my go-to has been to put them on the shrimp-peeling station. i've only done it once, honest!
I like it when people are in my kitchen and I'm cooking. I'm social like that. If you really want them out of your kitchen, just tell them to make like a tree...
I am also a social cook (love that term) and can't imagine entertaining any other way. I believe I have enough moderate control over the party and welcome hands to bring dishes to table, set up chairs, fix drinks, grab ice, turn on music, light candles and CLEAN UP :)
Somewhere along the line, I felt that welcoming people into my home included the kitchen. No one hovers, if you have a...+READ
I am also a social cook (love that term) and can't imagine entertaining any other way. I believe I have enough moderate control over the party and welcome hands to bring dishes to table, set up chairs, fix drinks, grab ice, turn on music, light candles and CLEAN UP :)
Somewhere along the line, I felt that welcoming people into my home included the kitchen. No one hovers, if you have a welcoming 'tude.-COLLAPSE
I guess I am a Sociable Cook, since I do like company in the kitchen (which is funny since I kind of prefer to work alone on other things) - my only problem is that our NYC kitchen is so tiny and poorly designed that sometimes I feel like kicking myself out. It almost doesn't matter what I think since everybody always hangs out in the tiny kitchen anyway.
Oh Shy Cook, I winced when I read about your gravy. Once I accidentally strained my stock into the sink. So frustrating. Sounds to me like your cousin wanted you to give her sympathy and attention while you cooked her dinner. But yeah, distracting the cook is a bad idea. People can get burnt or cut. Haven't had a party at home in awhile but I love the internet for getting rid of family members...+READ
Oh Shy Cook, I winced when I read about your gravy. Once I accidentally strained my stock into the sink. So frustrating. Sounds to me like your cousin wanted you to give her sympathy and attention while you cooked her dinner. But yeah, distracting the cook is a bad idea. People can get burnt or cut. Haven't had a party at home in awhile but I love the internet for getting rid of family members for five or ten minutes. Chowhound is perfect for five minute bites of time. Video games and television, not so much. People get too engrossed. Next time I give a party I'm going to ask my best friend to play border collie and herd everyone out of the way. It could work.-COLLAPSE