Pimp My Dive

Pimp My Dive

CHOW’s ultimate product guide for furnishing your dive bar

By Lessley Anderson and Roxanne Webber

You’ve got your old building next to a vacant lot and the scoop on how to subvert your city’s antismoking laws. Now it’s time to get the place ready for business. Here’s where to find some of the stuff you’re going to want to furnish the joint with.

Vintage Taxidermy

Prices vary

Your customers can take a safari adventure from their barstools.

Neon Bar Signs

Prices vary

If you have a Budweiser sign and you kill the B-U and the I-S-E-R, leaving the D-W-E, it looks just like the word dive. We think that’s genius.

Bud Light Dartboard

$48.50

Darts can be fun, unless you get hit in the head.

Shotgun Shell Christmas Lights

$17.50

Leave these lights up year-round.

Cheater Pints

$70.75 for a case of 36

Maximize your profit by shorting your customers two ounces on every pour.

Hot Dog Roller Grill

$73.99

Recommended by the owner of the venerable Hell’s Kitchen dive Rudy’s Bar & Grill as the best way to cook free dogs.

16-Foot Shuffleboard Table

$1,699

Keep your customers entertained and they will stay longer.

Big Buck Hunter Arcade Game

$4,999

Most bars don’t allow loaded weapons. Let customers blow off some steam directed at the joystick.

Woven Wood Snack Bowls

$1.35 each

Every stale pretzel needs a home.

Black Velvet Paintings

Prices vary

From cockfighting to Condoleezza Rice, everything is better on black velvet.

Toilet-Hovering Handles

$2.99 each

Your patrons will appreciate that you’ve installed handles to make toilet-hovering easier.

Li’l Blast-A-Scent

$410

Cover up the stale beer and cigarette smell with a li’l blast of Opium for women.

Knobby Lowboys

$30.75 each

Candlelight flatters the most haggard of faces.

Wood Paneling Wallpaper

$27.71 per roll

Create a cozy atmosphere on the cheap.