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Dear Helena,
What is the proper etiquette surrounding “restaurant food gawking,” i.e., people looking at your food as they sit at the table next to you, loudly discussing whether it looks good or not, should they order it, and then when the server comes over, pointing at your dish and asking what it is.
My husband smartly points out that the problem with this is that it breaks down the shared “theater of public space” where you pretend no one is in the room with you and you and your eating companion are the only two people there. At the same time, that other dish does look really good, and is it so wrong to want to know what it is? —I’ll Have What He’s Having
Dear I’ll Have What He’s Having,
You don’t have to pretend your fellow diners—or their meals—are invisible. After all, part of the reason people go to restaurants is to see and be seen. And when a dish is particularly eye-catching, like a Caesar salad that’s assembled tableside, you can hardly help looking over.
Wanting to identify the dish is perfectly understandable too. Now that times are hard and people are going out to eat less, diners are more concerned than ever with ordering just the right thing. If a menu is overlong or confusing, sometimes the only way to find that dish is to ogle what your neighbor’s having.
But though it’s OK to look, staring at people while they’re eating makes them uncomfortable. If you need help identifying a dish, ask the server (avoid pointing if you can). Don’t ask the person eating it. Paul Einbund, a beverage consultant in San Francisco with 20 years of experience in the restaurant business, says: “I would never cross that imaginary wall in between tables, because I respect diners’ privacy. Maybe this comes from living in LA, where celebrities go out to eat and people come up to them and talk to them throughout the meal.” Regular folks deserve to enjoy their dinner in peace just as much as Tom Cruise.
A well-trained server, Einbund says, should notice a conversation between tables and actually cut it off if he feels one group is bothering another. “As a server, I would watch and say, ‘Do I think they’re enjoying that interaction or should I try to minimize it by stepping in between them?’”
There is one occasion when it’s fine to question the diner himself: If the tables are jammed in side by side, and your neighbors can hear every word you’re saying, it’s a little ridiculous to summon the server. Then simply ask the person eating the coveted dish what it is. If he turns out to be a like-minded Chowhound and offers you a considered evaluation, that’s great. If he just says, “I’m having the pig trotters,” don’t demand a full review. Just say thank you and turn back to your companion.
Finally, while you may look through the “imaginary wall” between tables, and even speak through it on occasion, never reach across it. I once heard a couple commenting loudly on how good another table’s cheese plate looked. When the people at the table got up to leave, the couple pointed at the cheese and said, “Do you mind if we have that?” Then they calmly reached over and helped themselves.
i admired the food of a guy next to me at a tapas bar & he offered me a taste. (my date gave him some of our potatos in exchange.) it turned out to be incredible, & i order whatever variation on that (braised goat) is available nearly every time i eat there. if i hadn't asked, i would be missing out. plus people generally like to be helpful & impress you with their ordering savvy.
If sum1 asked me what I was eating, I'd say what it was and if i knew they'd like it, tell them they should order it next time. I don't mind when they look at my food for a few seconds, or even glance at it every now and then, but I draw the line when they stare and stare and ask for a bite. (unless, it was Mom or something) And yes, I am still a kid so I eat with my mom.
As a former food critic, one of the best ways of getting a broad sense of a restaurant is to look at the how others are enjoying their meals and to see what they're ordering. I'm not talking about gawking, staring, pointing or the like, but a quick glance: do they seem to like what they're eating? How does it look (to them and to me)? How, in a superficial way, is the service seem to be...+READ
As a former food critic, one of the best ways of getting a broad sense of a restaurant is to look at the how others are enjoying their meals and to see what they're ordering. I'm not talking about gawking, staring, pointing or the like, but a quick glance: do they seem to like what they're eating? How does it look (to them and to me)? How, in a superficial way, is the service seem to be going/flowing? Reviewers will often dine with others (and on multiple occasions) to get this broad sense of a place. Looking at what others are doing/having is a good supplement to those meals. I don't think there really is much of a point to asking others what they're having unless you get a feeling they want to engage in conversation: any waiter should be able to tell you what others are having without any unnessary interference on your part.-COLLAPSE
I like looking at the food when entering a restaurant. It gives mea an idea of what the foods like. No better way than to glance around as you are being seated. I've had people sitting next to my table look over and ask me what I ordered. I draw the line at the request for a taste but am not offended at all if someone asks me a question or is looking at what I ordered
We're still trying to figure out how to do this politely in our favourite Indian restaurant, as there are so many good things served on other's plates which may or may not be on the menu.
I would, however, expect the server to know what it is without having them ask the patrons at the other table.
ahahaha...Tom Cruise. Right.
Ogling, if done correctly is A-ok in my book. Gawking hungrily at someone as their fork goes from plate to mouth, plate to mouth...etc...is not.
this, and other similar situations, could all be filed under one: people (this includes restaurant owners themselves at times), who don't know how to read others social clues and leave them alone when needed. I'm friendly,...+READ
ahahaha...Tom Cruise. Right.
Ogling, if done correctly is A-ok in my book. Gawking hungrily at someone as their fork goes from plate to mouth, plate to mouth...etc...is not.
this, and other similar situations, could all be filed under one: people (this includes restaurant owners themselves at times), who don't know how to read others social clues and leave them alone when needed. I'm friendly, but after a while, let me eat.
People just need to learn how to read when their questions, idle chit-chat, whines about the state of your restaurant, or their pick-up lines....are no longer welcome.-COLLAPSE
I go in to look at the food, not the menu. I take a walk around the restaurant, pretending to be a maitre'd and look at the plates and it is then that I decide to buy; not just try the joint. Menus mislead; food on a plate does not...or nearly doesn't....if you decide to try another's plate whilst they are still eating; then you are a foraging lout and should pay their bill.
I once asked a guy next to me (yes a jammed table place) what he was eating, and she smiled and gave me some. It was great, and he and I chatted throughout the meal. The only problem was my husband got a little upset.
Failing to get a good, discreet look at the other person's dish, what's wrong with asking a waiter what the dish is? In the first place, they can probably tell what it is from across a crowded room, plus they have the advantage of height (already standing up rather than craning their neck looking over other diners), and if they can't tell from a distance they can walk by and take a look OR ask...+READ
Failing to get a good, discreet look at the other person's dish, what's wrong with asking a waiter what the dish is? In the first place, they can probably tell what it is from across a crowded room, plus they have the advantage of height (already standing up rather than craning their neck looking over other diners), and if they can't tell from a distance they can walk by and take a look OR ask that table's waiter.
Nothing wrong with starting up a conversation with another table as long as BOTH tables are equally willing to converse and the atmosphere is fairly casual. But it can be considered unwelcome, too, so one has to be willing to take one's cues from the person you're trying to engage. If they shoot you a frosty look, no amount of wheedling on your part is going to change their mind.-COLLAPSE
Am I absurdly old-fashioned? I was raised that talking loudly and /or pointing, in any situation, is uncouth.
(Of course, if there's an emergency and you're trying to get help, "couth" goes right out the window.)
I'm a huge Thai fanatic, having studied the cuisine and cooked it myself for many years, and when I do go out for Thai food, I'm always pleased when people from neighbouring tables ask me about what I'm eating. I enjoy helping and sharing my passion, and in the five or six times it's happened, we usually end up talking for a good 15 minutes or so and having a lovely conversation! At another...+READ
I'm a huge Thai fanatic, having studied the cuisine and cooked it myself for many years, and when I do go out for Thai food, I'm always pleased when people from neighbouring tables ask me about what I'm eating. I enjoy helping and sharing my passion, and in the five or six times it's happened, we usually end up talking for a good 15 minutes or so and having a lovely conversation! At another restaurant where I was less familiar with the style of cuisine, I would probably be less interested in being engaged in conversation, but I would happily take a moment to offer my opinion on my dinner and any previous experiences with the restaurant.
If I saw something I liked at a restaurant where I was unfamiliar with the dishes or style of cooking, I don't think I'd hesitate to ask the diner or server what had caught my eye. I like to think, though, that I have a good sense of whether or not people feel inclined towards a chat, being quite introverted and not particularly social myself, so I would back off immediately if they gave any sign that my question was unappreciated.-COLLAPSE
I go to this restaurant regularly to have dessert and a glass of wine, sitting at the bar. It is a known fact that someone WILL eventually ask what I am having. I seem to be enjoying my dessert soooo much that people can't help but ask me, or at least the waiter, what I am having. Makes me blush everytime... seems that I am in my dessert bubble!!
Hey, a novelty: a real manners topic. Like many politeness matters there is a right and a wrong way. Discussing someone else's meal is OK, but discussing it LOUDLY is not. You need to be able to judge whether is would be OK to ask the diner about his/her meal. Done wrong, the query "What's that you're having?" could be answered with "A conversation: butt out." if the diner likes his privacy.
I draw the line when they start working their fork over to my plate.
I think this is more a matter of good judgment rather than a rigid rule. It is often okay to ask what an item is and rarely okay to enter into a long conversation. If it is okay to start an involved chat it is probably obvious.
I don't generally mind being asked what I'm eating, and I'll happily tell people, and even give them a bit of a sense of whether it's good or not, but unless I'm in a particular frame of mind, I'm not usually up for full blown conversation with neighbouring tables. So if you are going to ask, it is important to notice when it's time to back off and go back to your own conversation.
I'm so bad about this—ogling &, occasionally, asking, at least if they give off an open vibe. I feel silly but I can't help myself!