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Dear Helena,
I asked this chick out to dinner the other night and she was like, “I’d love to! Just so you know, I can’t eat meat, wheat, dairy, or sugar, I’m allergic to alcohol, and I have an intolerance towards members of the nightshade family.” I’m not kidding. Anyway, I found a vegan restaurant and we had a nice dinner (and an even nicer good-night kiss). But I don’t know if I can see a future with a woman who can’t eat any of my favorite foods, or drink alcohol. Eating and drinking are a big part of my life, and I want to enjoy them with my SO. When can dietary differences destroy a relationship? Am I being shallow, and if so how can I work past this? —Craving Beer and Pizza
Dear Craving Beer and Pizza,
If your sweetie’s diet is restricted, whether it’s because she is vegan, an allergy sufferer, or just a very picky eater, it can seriously affect your relationship, particularly when cooking and dining out are a big part of your life. Chowhounds have tackled the problem at least once. Brad Lauster, a user experience designer in San Francisco, says diet was a contributing factor in his breakups with two women, one a celiac and the other a vegan, because both insisted on remaining well within their restaurant comfort zones. “Trying new foods is one of my favorite things to do, and going to new restaurants is a big part of how I get access to things I’ve never tried before,” says Lauster.
Different people have different so-called deal breakers (traits that disqualify someone as a mate) that might seem shallow to somebody else. (A musically elitist friend of mine used to say that if he saw the soundtrack to the movie The Big Chill in a girl’s CD collection, he’d never call her again.) Enjoying all kinds of foods and drink may be your religion, just as surely as Catholicism is for a Catholic. That’s for you to decide.
But should you decide to focus on the facts that you “had a nice dinner” and “an even nicer good-night kiss,” and continue to date this woman, here are some things to keep in mind.
It’s best to avoid being self-righteous and inflexible in a relationship, even when the issue at stake is of deep importance to you. If you’re a vegan, for instance, there are better ways of responding to a dining suggestion than, “I refuse to go to that restaurant because I can’t stand the smell of the grill.” And if you’re the meat eater, trying to trick or cajole your date isn’t polite either. Anna West, a professor of mass communications in Virginia and a vegan who worked for PETA for nine years, says, “One guy invited me to have dinner with his parents and then said, ‘My mother will be really hurt if you don’t eat her chicken casserole.’ That was too much.”
Instead of focusing on everything you can’t eat, think about what you can. Dietary limitations can inspire you to learn about new foods. If the person is a celiac, for instance, you could try out new grains and nonwheat flours. I’m an ardent vegetarian (OK, ba-curious when drunk), and when I met my husband, he disliked many vegetables, including tomatoes, unless they were puréed. Instead of getting frustrated that we could never enjoy eggplant or wild mushrooms together, I was inspired to go in pursuit of the perfect salsa.
Once you accept people as they are, you may find that they change a little of their own accord. West does not lecture a date if he orders a burger. But several of her boyfriends have either reduced their consumption of animal products or cut them out altogether. One guy learned how to make an excellent vegan lasagne.
But although picky eaters and carnivores may expand their culinary horizons, don’t expect allergy sufferers to be flexible about their diets. Sloane Miller, a food allergy coach, is allergic to fish, and a microscopic particle can trigger a reaction. On a second date with one guy, she went with him to a party where he ate salmon salad. “We had a major make-out session, at the end of which my lips were tingling. I thought, ‘What a great kiss,’ until I looked in the mirror and saw a trail of hives everywhere his lips had touched.”
I think its all about love, appreciation, acceptance, flexability and being open to new experiences. I've been vegetarian for over 16 years and dated many non-meat eaters. The ones who were always trying to get me to eat chicken and beef never worked out because all they saw me as was something they didn't go with their flow. But, the ones who just accepted me as I was, just like they accept me...+READ
I think its all about love, appreciation, acceptance, flexability and being open to new experiences. I've been vegetarian for over 16 years and dated many non-meat eaters. The ones who were always trying to get me to eat chicken and beef never worked out because all they saw me as was something they didn't go with their flow. But, the ones who just accepted me as I was, just like they accept me for my hair color, spiritual beliefs, etc., I had an awesome time with and my eating choices were never an issue.
Thanks for the awesome article! Great response to this guy's question!-COLLAPSE
I did have a girl friend with a certain diet...don't know if it was choice or necessity but she could make delicious meals with squash and I was quite satisfied. The food was not the reason we did not last. I went vegetarian for quite awhile with her and still eat meat only occasionally
I think it's silly to think that people can't have different food choices and still get along and be compatible. I'm vegan and I lived with my bf for a year and half before he became vegan, and we didn't encounter problems. I would cook vegan meals, and he could have them as is, or add meat/dairy to them if he wanted to. Or he could choose to make his own meal if what I was preparing wasn't...+READ
I think it's silly to think that people can't have different food choices and still get along and be compatible. I'm vegan and I lived with my bf for a year and half before he became vegan, and we didn't encounter problems. I would cook vegan meals, and he could have them as is, or add meat/dairy to them if he wanted to. Or he could choose to make his own meal if what I was preparing wasn't appealing to him. I'd be happy to date carnivores as long as they are respectful of my being vegan. I have plenty of meat-eating friends and I don't try to convert them. If I'm dining out with other vegans we'll go to vegan restaurants sometimes, but if I'm with omnivores I'll happily go just about anywhere as long as there's something on the menu I can eat. And sometimes, that is just a salad. But though I love gourmet and health-food fare I've been more than happy to have a Subway sandwich with just veggies or a plain baked potato and side salad at Wendy's. I do choose to eat vegan, but I would hope that no one would make judgments about me due to my dietary choices. I would hope that there would be more important factors in the success of a relationship that what I ate.-COLLAPSE
@ im_nomad, how do I know this is about me? I read this, knew I was the only Celiac Brad dated, talked to him about it, and confirmed it was about me.
It seems as though people with food allergies are getting lumped into the same pool as people who *choose* to avoid certain foods for whatever reason. Let's be clear here, food allergies are NOT a choice.
My life would be easier if I was a...+READ
@ im_nomad, how do I know this is about me? I read this, knew I was the only Celiac Brad dated, talked to him about it, and confirmed it was about me.
It seems as though people with food allergies are getting lumped into the same pool as people who *choose* to avoid certain foods for whatever reason. Let's be clear here, food allergies are NOT a choice.
My life would be easier if I was a picky eater, then I wouldn't be missing out on foods I'd love to eat again. Unfortunately, because of my allergy to gluten, I miss out on food I'd love to eat all the time. This isn't a choice I made.
Trust me , I wish I could eat like a normal person again. I have dreams of eating French bread and donuts. Seriously, I wake up from these dreams. I have NEVER said, "We can't eat at this restaurant because..." I can always find something to eat.
The only time I said "no" to going out to eat was because I didn't want to have lunch with Brad's important friend and give him the impression this was more serious than it was. There, I said it! :)-COLLAPSE
@RI Swampyankee... i just want to point out, you answered your own question with your question! "Cripes, who would choose that?" : exactly! i really think when choosing a mate you tend to inherit their health issues in an indirect way. it would be a big commitment, and an especially tough one for a chowhound.
i'm a lifelong vegetarian (er, pescatarian i suppose to be technically correct) and my...+READ
@RI Swampyankee... i just want to point out, you answered your own question with your question! "Cripes, who would choose that?" : exactly! i really think when choosing a mate you tend to inherit their health issues in an indirect way. it would be a big commitment, and an especially tough one for a chowhound.
i'm a lifelong vegetarian (er, pescatarian i suppose to be technically correct) and my partner of 10 years eats everything and anything. but it's a WHOOOOOOOLE different ballpark and it has never caused a problem. there's plenty a vegetarian can eat. i have never, ever inconvenienced friends who might want to indulge in a steakhouse now and then; i can always find something.
when one of our friends turned vegan, that actually did pose a problem. all of a sudden all foods, including our most favorite indian buffet, were off-limits when dining as a group. he always wanted to scan menus first. pooh poohed so much it really put a damper on things. for other reasons (but who knows, this may have been a contributing factor) we don't talk anymore, and i'm pretty sure going forward i can't get down with people that picky ever again. i love food too much.-COLLAPSE
I have dealt with many a picky eater in my day. my university roommate was one of the worst and his picky eating was a control issue. If he had a good day he would eat almost anything, but if he had a rotten day he would not touch a meal he had enjoyed just last week. Avoid these people in relationships. You are at the whim of their day or mood.
My brother in law is a vegetarian who does not like...+READ
I have dealt with many a picky eater in my day. my university roommate was one of the worst and his picky eating was a control issue. If he had a good day he would eat almost anything, but if he had a rotten day he would not touch a meal he had enjoyed just last week. Avoid these people in relationships. You are at the whim of their day or mood.
My brother in law is a vegetarian who does not like berries of any kind. His first visit (after me only being told the Vegetarian part) was a disaster. We tucked into a 4 corse vegetarian meal and he ate a cheese sandwich with no butter or mayo. He has since become a good friend. I just better understand his likes and dislikes.
My partner does not like fish, bacon, olives, chinese food (MSG). I can not eat any dairy (Including cheese and sheep or goat's milk) any thing with red dye in it, and a few other things. It is tough sometimes to find things we can both eat, but it is worth it.-COLLAPSE
This article could be about me (except I haven't been on a date in ages!). I "I [don't] eat meat, wheat, dairy, or sugar, I [avoid] alcohol, and I [often avoid] members of the nightshade family." However, I don't spring that on someone right away! I know tons of restaurants that can accomodate my diet and always recommend those places when I'm going out. The only thing about my diet that is...+READ
This article could be about me (except I haven't been on a date in ages!). I "I [don't] eat meat, wheat, dairy, or sugar, I [avoid] alcohol, and I [often avoid] members of the nightshade family." However, I don't spring that on someone right away! I know tons of restaurants that can accomodate my diet and always recommend those places when I'm going out. The only thing about my diet that is totally, completely non-negotiable is no red meat. All the other stuff I can eat, but I'll just feel sick afterwards. I can put up with a tummyache if it means a nice night out. After "the honeymoon phase" I do return to my strict diet so that I'm not bloated and nauseous. You'd be surprised by the things I can eat though. I had a fruit smoothie for breakfast today (soy milk), homemade black bean soup with corn tortilla chips for lunch, and for dinner a stir-fry of buckwheat soba noodles with vegetables, tofu and homemade peanut sauce. I'm guessing that's a lot nicer than what a lot of non-picky eaters ate!-COLLAPSE
If CBP ends up in a long term relationship with this "chick," CBP will almost certainly have to conform to her diet for practical reasons: are they going to make separate meals each and every day for the rest of their lives?
I was in a relationship with a very fussy eater, and it just became easier for me to give up the foods that the fussy eater wouldn't touch. I found it annoying, but not a...+READ
If CBP ends up in a long term relationship with this "chick," CBP will almost certainly have to conform to her diet for practical reasons: are they going to make separate meals each and every day for the rest of their lives?
I was in a relationship with a very fussy eater, and it just became easier for me to give up the foods that the fussy eater wouldn't touch. I found it annoying, but not a dealbreaker. However, CBP seems so dietarily (is that a word?) incompatible with the "chick" that he should just move on now.-COLLAPSE
wait....how does girlina know this post is about her ?
Anyway...back on topic. I'm a lacto-ovo (and extremely rarely these days, more of a treat, pesca) vegetarian. I come from a family of omnivores, a couple of veggies, and we all get along. I've had lots of friends as well as SO's who are / were omnivores. Only once or twice have I ever brought this up on a first date, unless food...+READ
wait....how does girlina know this post is about her ?
Anyway...back on topic. I'm a lacto-ovo (and extremely rarely these days, more of a treat, pesca) vegetarian. I come from a family of omnivores, a couple of veggies, and we all get along. I've had lots of friends as well as SO's who are / were omnivores. Only once or twice have I ever brought this up on a first date, unless food preferences/diets etc naturally came up in conversation....hey, i'll make do with a potato. It's often not the lightest of topics, as first dates should sort of be about, and I don't like to launch into a diatribe as to why, when , where and how. I'd probably find a way to have it come up in conversation if said date were to initiate cooking for me for the first time.
Then again , i'm also someone who a couple of times during a holiday, have cooked a turkey or ham for a loved one.-COLLAPSE
I can't eat meat, fish, dairy, or sugar and I don't drink alcohol. It's not my fault, I have health issues.
I'm still single. :-(
“I’d love to! Just so you know, I can’t eat meat, wheat, dairy, or sugar, I’m allergic to alcohol, and I have an intolerance towards members of the nightshade family.”
Wow - all that, and you only asked her to dinner? All diet restrictions/choices aside, I'd run like hell from that giant red flag. No thanks. High maintenance and TMI.
I've been a vegetarian (lacto-ovo) since I was 20 (1988!) but have had relatively satisfying relationships with omnivorous gentlemen (Partings have occurred for reasons other than food)
What's shallow is breaking up with someone because of celiac disease. Cripes, who would choose that?
DH and I are both longterm lacto-ovo veggies. We're both big into food, and couldn't fathom being with omnivores. It's a perfect fit.
I'm not a cannibal, but the idea that vegetarians taste better has been debunked. There's funk everywhere.
Personally I could not ever be serious with a carnivore...thats just me though. I've been veg 10 yrs and my GF 17.
For us it is a compassion issue. We choose not to contribute to pain and suffering when we eat.
Also, us Vegetarians taste better :)
I think you can be with someone whose food habits are very opposite your own if food is not very important to (at least one of) you. If you're both VERY into food, you have to be food-compatible.
I had the incredible good fortune of meeting my DH 20 years ago, when he was mature enough to have standards but young enough to be open-minded... not as open-minded as me, but we've evolved together...+READ
I think you can be with someone whose food habits are very opposite your own if food is not very important to (at least one of) you. If you're both VERY into food, you have to be food-compatible.
I had the incredible good fortune of meeting my DH 20 years ago, when he was mature enough to have standards but young enough to be open-minded... not as open-minded as me, but we've evolved together and food is a great enthusiasm of ours. We've learned about wine, eating new cuisines, cooking, gardening, and organic/sustainable sourcing of foods. It's honestly been a great ride. With another partner, he could have gone another way (less food-obsessed), but I don't think I could have.
Were single, I don't think I could handle a picky eater in a potential date, or a pizza/burger/meat-n-potatoes. That's a huge turnoff, frankly - I'd have to be attracted beyond all logic to ignore that. Food restrictions because of health or ethics are a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Health restrictions are certainly inconvenient, but I don't think I'd mind as much because it's not coming from narrow-mindedness.
One thing I think will be interesting is seeing how we manage aging and having to modify our diets. That will not be a welcome change, but hopefully we can handle it with grace. There's a big difference between meeting someone with serious food limits and having an existing partner develop them, and practically anyone in a committed relationship will have to deal with it someday.-COLLAPSE
My friends and I are either with or married to people with similar food interests. My husband might have been less interested in much more than sustenance in the past, but he now enjoys foods which were alien to him (and I now enjoy the great outdoors).
I can't imagine that my vegan friends would have ended up with steak people, but we're still friends. Food is so important to me that it would...+READ
My friends and I are either with or married to people with similar food interests. My husband might have been less interested in much more than sustenance in the past, but he now enjoys foods which were alien to him (and I now enjoy the great outdoors).
I can't imagine that my vegan friends would have ended up with steak people, but we're still friends. Food is so important to me that it would be hard to look past that with a partner as travel and local food and experimentation with both are things vitally important to me.-COLLAPSE
If eating meat and drinking is more important to CP&B than romantic love, then by all means he should find someone who shares his beliefs. Life's hard enough as it is without setting up needless obstacles.
You know, I really don't think Helena was doing anything other than paraphrasing a very common way of starting out a personal want-to-meet-some-dates ad. Good grief. Read a few.
If we're not over the race thing by now it makes me heartsick thinking that we never will be. On the other hand, if you can't take a light joke (very light) or play on words that has SO little to do with race, maybe...+READ
You know, I really don't think Helena was doing anything other than paraphrasing a very common way of starting out a personal want-to-meet-some-dates ad. Good grief. Read a few.
If we're not over the race thing by now it makes me heartsick thinking that we never will be. On the other hand, if you can't take a light joke (very light) or play on words that has SO little to do with race, maybe you're part of the problem. 'Just put your dukes down and respect one another.-COLLAPSE
To address the racial thing, there's a lot of social pressure against mixed-race dating, especially black/white. It's a damn shame that as a nation we haven't gotten over it, but that's the fact. Ditto for ethnic preferences. Or even Croatian girl introduces her Serbian boyfriend to the family.
But that's not about food.
Vegan-ism is a choice, emotional and political. Moral, if you will. If...+READ
To address the racial thing, there's a lot of social pressure against mixed-race dating, especially black/white. It's a damn shame that as a nation we haven't gotten over it, but that's the fact. Ditto for ethnic preferences. Or even Croatian girl introduces her Serbian boyfriend to the family.
But that's not about food.
Vegan-ism is a choice, emotional and political. Moral, if you will. If the thought of a potential life partner tearing into a Porterhouse causes a vegan distress, it's best for both parties to think twice about starting a serious relationship.
"Chick"? So the guy's a bit immature.-COLLAPSE
Simple. Lot's of restrictions with this person. If you care, don't continue to date them. If your comfortable with that, or have the similar restrictions yourself, and you find them physically attractive, continue to develop the relationship. There is little value in my mind of entering a relationship with uncomfortable restrictions. A relationship should be expanding vice confining.
Unless, of...+READ
Simple. Lot's of restrictions with this person. If you care, don't continue to date them. If your comfortable with that, or have the similar restrictions yourself, and you find them physically attractive, continue to develop the relationship. There is little value in my mind of entering a relationship with uncomfortable restrictions. A relationship should be expanding vice confining.
Unless, of course, you enjoy being confined but that would be grist for another post.-COLLAPSE
As the Celiac being referenced in this article, my dietary restrictions were not the reason we broke up. It makes for a better read though, so great for Helen and Brad for overstating the truth for the sake of this article. (As soon as I read this, I got in touch with him and called him out.)
Just so there's no question here, an incurable food allergy isn't something I chose based on political...+READ
As the Celiac being referenced in this article, my dietary restrictions were not the reason we broke up. It makes for a better read though, so great for Helen and Brad for overstating the truth for the sake of this article. (As soon as I read this, I got in touch with him and called him out.)
Just so there's no question here, an incurable food allergy isn't something I chose based on political beliefs. If it was such a hassle for him to deal with it, imagine what it's like for the person with an allergy to something as prevalent as gluten .-COLLAPSE
I am usually the first one to hurl stones at Helena, but obviously (even to my narrow mind) the opening was a take off from personal ads and the only part relevant to this website is the word "VEGAN".
And I think it is like a lot of other characteristics, for me it would be a yellow flag but not a red flag, there would just have to be a lot of other characteristics that made up for that one -...+READ
I am usually the first one to hurl stones at Helena, but obviously (even to my narrow mind) the opening was a take off from personal ads and the only part relevant to this website is the word "VEGAN".
And I think it is like a lot of other characteristics, for me it would be a yellow flag but not a red flag, there would just have to be a lot of other characteristics that made up for that one - rather significant - incompatibility. If it is a really great person, and you really love to spend time with them, you can probably find a way to work around much of it, depending on how flexible you both are and what the boundaries are. I think Helena pretty much hit the nail on the head this time.-COLLAPSE
Cheflambo is being very diplomatic and wise when saying
'First date is a tricky thing. For the OP's girlfriend to throw out so many rigid preferences right up front does make one pause. Food allergies are one thing that MUST be observed, but too many restrictions can really set a negative tone at the outset. It can also reflect control issues in other areas, but that's a topic for another...+READ
Cheflambo is being very diplomatic and wise when saying
'First date is a tricky thing. For the OP's girlfriend to throw out so many rigid preferences right up front does make one pause. Food allergies are one thing that MUST be observed, but too many restrictions can really set a negative tone at the outset. It can also reflect control issues in other areas, but that's a topic for another place and time. '
Especially as regards the control issues, I've witnessed that a lot, and being a hot-button issue to me I try not to go on and on. BUT- you can decide for yourself whether you're willing to go along with a really, really, controlling picky eater (whether or not the reasons are valid) until you decide on basic compatability in general.
A frend with issues on everything decided with her husband that they would make reservations at Chez Panisse because they were going to be in the area. She called ahead to see what the menu would be, and between the two of them there was nothing on the menu that would make a whole meal for both of them Sucks to be them, I say.
Everybody has issues, but if your hail-fellow-well-met approach to food and drink clashes that wildly with hers, it may be a challenge finding compatability in the future. Good luck with that.
And yeah, probably shouldn't refer to her as a chick.-COLLAPSE
I'm with beevod--this advice seeker lost me at "chick".
vorpal - I agree more or less entirely with your sentiments, but you should try to understand exactly why people might react negatively to that particular way of expressing things. For example, you say that you are primarily attracted to whites and Asians. It is therefore a safe assumption that usually you would not be attracted to someone who is black. But it’s not their blackness that you find...+READ
vorpal - I agree more or less entirely with your sentiments, but you should try to understand exactly why people might react negatively to that particular way of expressing things. For example, you say that you are primarily attracted to whites and Asians. It is therefore a safe assumption that usually you would not be attracted to someone who is black. But it’s not their blackness that you find unattractive. It’s a certain set of physical characteristics that you find unattractive. That certain set of physical characteristics might be common in some races and uncommon in others, but that doesn’t make race the proximal cause for your lack of attraction to a person. Similarly, it’s not the fact that someone is a vegetarian that makes them hard for you to date. It’s the fact that when you’re eating Thai food with that person, they limit your choices. So, you’re not at all being prejudiced by being attracted mostly to whites and Asians, but phrasing it that way belies the true complexity of the situation. Oversimplification of ideas in communication can often get the wrong idea across to people. This might seem like it’s just semantics to some people, but isn’t the whole goal of communication the accurate conveyance of one’s exact thoughts?-COLLAPSE
Give me a break, people. The majority of my friends are young liberal 20 somethings, but they have no shame in denying that they strongly find some races more attractive than others. I'm not ashamed to admit that my attractions are predominantly towards white people and Asians. That wouldn't preclude me from dating someone of another ethnicity, but I certainly have my preferences and that kind of...+READ
Give me a break, people. The majority of my friends are young liberal 20 somethings, but they have no shame in denying that they strongly find some races more attractive than others. I'm not ashamed to admit that my attractions are predominantly towards white people and Asians. That wouldn't preclude me from dating someone of another ethnicity, but I certainly have my preferences and that kind of information is important in a personal ad, IMO.
I also think it would be very difficult for me to date a vegetarian. I have lots of friends that are vegetarian and as I like to cook for my loved ones and go out to eat shared meals with them (e.g. Thai food, where you order as a group instead of individually), I've found that my enjoyment of the meal is limited by their choice to not eat meat. I can overlook many things in a life partner, but not being omnivorous would be one of them that would be a huge challenge, especially given that for health reasons my diet consists predominantly of simple carbs and meats, and I can only eat vegetables in small amounts.
I actually did date someone once who had an extremely limited diet by choice: he was very sheltered in his culinary experiences and eating out, for him, consisted of burgers and pizza, essentially. Even Italian was a little too exotic. He agreed to try Thai food once, so I planned on getting us delivery so that he wouldn't be embarrassed at a restaurant should the experience go badly. I asked him if he wanted to okay / veto my choices prior to placing the order. He took one look at the menu, bit his lip, and asked promptly if we could just get pizza. That relationship, unfortunately, didn't progress much further after that. He was a great guy - a real romantic sweetheart - but my love of Thai food surpasses my love of anything else. Fortunately, I now do have someone who shares that joy.-COLLAPSE
Helena - Your music elitist friend has terrible taste in music. The only reason people dislike the soundtrack to The Big Chill is because they hate anything that non-elitists can agree is pretty groovy.
More to the point of the question. There is absolutely nothing shallow about nearly any preference when it comes to relationships. No one should have to justify or defend their preferences, or...+READ
Helena - Your music elitist friend has terrible taste in music. The only reason people dislike the soundtrack to The Big Chill is because they hate anything that non-elitists can agree is pretty groovy.
More to the point of the question. There is absolutely nothing shallow about nearly any preference when it comes to relationships. No one should have to justify or defend their preferences, or everyone should. It's a simple logical either/or: either any preferences for activities are acceptable to discriminate based upon, or none are; either any preferences for physical appearance are acceptable, or none are; et cetera. As it is clear that everyone has preferences in a partner, for anyone to label someone else's preferences as unacceptable is inherently illogical (shallowness is typically a very difficult concept to prove logically anyway).
Those preferences in a partner which can be rationally demonstrated to be reprehensible are reprehensible as general principles, not as specific in this application. For example, it is reprehensible to have the attitude, "I hate vegetarians," and it is therefore reprehensible to exclude someone as a romantic possibility because they are a vegetarian. It is not, however, reprehensible to prefer the company of people who do not limit your ability to enjoy your preferred foods, and, therefore, it is not reprehensible to limit relationship options on this basis. Or, if this is being shallow, then it is shallow for anyone to have any preferences for a partner based on limitation of activity.
Now, whether these preferences are close minded is a totally different thing. But, everyone is close minded in some way, most people in a plethora of ways.-COLLAPSE
Perhaps it's better to date a woman instead of a chick.
Lagatta -- for some people. choosing a mate from within their cultural/racial group is VERY important. I won't go into specifics, but Im sure everyone here knows someone whose spouse comes from a similar culture/nationality/religion for that very reason.
That said, choosing a spouse whose preferences in something as important as food are along the same lines as yours can also be an important...+READ
Lagatta -- for some people. choosing a mate from within their cultural/racial group is VERY important. I won't go into specifics, but Im sure everyone here knows someone whose spouse comes from a similar culture/nationality/religion for that very reason.
That said, choosing a spouse whose preferences in something as important as food are along the same lines as yours can also be an important aspect of courtship. Compatability on that level is VERY important, since you'll (potentially) be eating with and cooking for that person almost every day for the rest of your life. Some people can overcome this, some can't. But the most important thing to remember is that you're not going to convert that person to "your" way of eating any more than you are going to conform to theirs (unless you want to). For example. Its not unheard of for a carnivore to fall in love with a vegan, and eventually choose that food/lifestyle for themself. Rare that it goes the other way, however.
First date is a tricky thing. For the OP's girlfriend to throw out so many rigid preferences right up front does make one pause. Food allergies are one thing that MUST be observed, but too many restrictions can really set a negative tone at the outset. It can also reflect control issues in other areas, but that's a topic for another place and time.-COLLAPSE
Yeah, I got the joke, but picking a mate on the basis of the colour of his or her skin would be shallow indeed.
But food issues can really point to incompatibility.
Regarding the actual topic of the post, how about having the writer simply have a discussion with the woman he's interested in, and ask her about the situation? Ask her about her restrictions and if she's OK with your eating habits. She'll answer, and then you'll know if a relationship is worth pursuing. Also, it sounds as if her food restrictions are more medically oriented than personal choices...+READ
Regarding the actual topic of the post, how about having the writer simply have a discussion with the woman he's interested in, and ask her about the situation? Ask her about her restrictions and if she's OK with your eating habits. She'll answer, and then you'll know if a relationship is worth pursuing. Also, it sounds as if her food restrictions are more medically oriented than personal choices - so that's something to consider too.-COLLAPSE
There's an even more extensive discussion on the subject here: http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/559260
yeah, clearly there has been a history of looking for folks by racial category in the personals, but I would hope we're moving past that...There are plenty of other ways to invoke those ads.
I think it was just referencing the typical personal ad headline, which is usually along the lines of "Single / Married fill-in-race Male / Female seeking..."
I didn't think it was particularly controversial, though, or necessarily even to be applied specifically to the letter writer's date.
I think Helena is referencing the movie Single White Female... I doubt there was a desire to stir up controversy (at least not controversy about the heading).
What does race have to do with this? Why the reference to "single WHITE person"? It has nothing to do with the article. If the editor thinks this is a fun way to stir up a bit of controversy, s/he is sadly mistaken.
Controversy, maybe. Fun, no.