Celebrate Festivus

Published on Wednesday, December 3, 2008, by CHOW Food Team / Edit Post

Celebrate Festivus

The holiday for the rest of us

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Yes, you can roast your Christmas pig and deck your halls. Bake your cookies and wrap your gifts. But if that tinsel is just a little too sparkly, that tree a little too

Festivus traditions aren’t quite like any other traditions. If this holiday is new to you, we’ve laid out a few of the basics. But the first rule of Festivus is that there are no rules to Festivus. Just have fun.

pine-scented, there’s Festivus. It’s a modern holiday, celebrated on December 23 (or whenever you’d like) and introduced to the world via Seinfeld, that propagator of pop-culture cynicism. Here’s your Festivus primer and a menu inspired by all the disillusioned revelers who’ve contributed to the holiday’s brief but lively history. Raise your Festivus Pole and gather your grievances, there are muffin tops to eat.

Bacon-Thyme Corn Muffin Tops Cognac Shrimp Bisque Elaine’s Big Garden Salad Honey-Mustard Glazed Ham German Chocolate Cake

« Bacon-Thyme Corn Muffin Tops
Elaine insisted on throwing away the muffin stumps and eating only the tops. These corn muffin tops, flecked with herbs and bacon, are for you, Elaine.

» Cognac Shrimp Bisque
Our muffin tops reach the heights of muffinness when dipped in this bisque.

« Elaine’s Big Garden Salad
Again, we look to Elaine, who really embodies the spirit of this spiritless holiday. What’s in her salad? “Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs,” according to Jerry. This is our interpretation of that salad, downsized to human proportions.

» Honey-Mustard Glazed Ham
Allen Salkin, who wrote a book on Festivus, decreed that there should be a ham coated in Junior Mints–and-Snapple glaze. Our ham is just better.

« German Chocolate Cake
One Festivus tradition has families devouring Pepperidge Farm cakes studded with M&M’s for dessert. We riffed on the idea and came up with this cake.

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POST A COMMENT |11 Comments

COMMENT

  • There may be no Ghost of Festivus Past to judge your pole (heh), but Chow readers are at the ready.

  • Your picture of the Festivus pole is just WRONG! You show a galvanized iron pipe, which as we all should know, doesn't have the strength to weight ratio of aluminum

  • Wow! this is good. cincinnati chiropractic

  • The main course has me stuck, too, but dessert would have to include a chocolate babka.
    (For some reason I keep trying to picture how a turkey cooked by Kramer would come out. The stuffing would have to be a big strange, or maybe that's where the junior mints should come into play.)

  • Estelles Paella?

  • Oh i know Hampton tomatoes and fresh caught lobsters

  • Macanaw oeaches for dessert

  • Perhaps, the duck a l'orange from Poppies

  • Definitely need calzones and hot dogs (as close to Papaya king as you can make them. Would also suggest a nice marble rye.

  • Great idea, but the proper soup is clearly the Soup Nazi's mulligatawny, dessert is either Junior mints or a candy bar eaten with fork an knife a la George, or you could "look to the cookie". You could have the main course be Chinese delivery if Ping is your delivery boy, but not sure what the classic Seinfeld Festivus main course really should be. Need help,

  • Ha! My 4th Annual Festivus for the Restivus was this past weekend! Don't remember much about the end, but the day after phone calls of appreciation made it worthwhile!